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Forced into Engagement at 20: How to Pursue Studies and Break Free?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |545 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 23, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 20, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam.I am 20 yrs old. I got engaged by the forcing of parents. But I don't want to marry i want to continue my studies. Then what I do

Ans: The first thing you need to acknowledge is that your feelings are valid. It’s your life, and while your parents may have had good intentions in arranging this engagement, it’s crucial that you stand up for what’s right for you. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and entering into it when you’re not ready or when it conflicts with your goals can lead to long-term unhappiness, not only for you but also for the other person involved.

It’s important to have an open and honest conversation with your parents. I understand this can be intimidating, especially when they are the ones pressuring you, but they need to understand where you’re coming from. Explain that you deeply respect their wishes but that your heart and mind are focused on continuing your education. Share with them your aspirations and how marriage right now would prevent you from fulfilling those dreams.

When you approach this conversation, try to be calm and clear about your intentions. Sometimes parents need to hear more about why something is important to you in order to better understand your perspective. They may be acting out of concern or societal pressure, but once they see how determined and committed you are to your studies and your future, they may begin to see things differently.

If the conversation doesn’t go well the first time, don’t give up. You might need to have multiple discussions, and if you feel comfortable, involving a trusted family member who supports your goals could help make your case more compelling.

At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that your life’s direction should be in your hands. You deserve to pursue your education and dreams without being rushed into something you’re not ready for. If your parents truly want the best for you, they will eventually understand that supporting your education and your happiness is the most important thing.

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