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27-Year-Old Woman Feeling Pressured to Get Married in Arranged Marriage

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |142 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Aug 19, 2024

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Asked by Anonymous - Aug 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi I am a 27f. My parents are looking for arrange marriage alliances. I am not looking to get married right now. However, my parents feel pressured and because of that I’m feeling pressured. I kept on saying no to all the rishtas that have come by taking out one or the other problem in family or guy. But now this rishta has come where the family is nice and the guy is super nice too. I’m not able to find any reason to say no to this guy and he seems really interested in me yet I don’t want to get married, not at least this year I feel. I need this year for myself. Moreover I am in love with someone whom I know I won’t be able to get married too. I want this year with him. I feel I cannot betray my bf and be selfish and say yes to this man just because he feels fine to me to get married to. Next year I have decided to give in to my parents demands. Also the man I am dating is wonderful. It’s just we cannot get married because of our age gap. He is 10 years older to me and he never wants to get married. He knows what he wants. I am in such a dilemma what should I do? I feel trapped.

Ans: if you really are looking for suggestions here they are 1) shut all doors with the man who you are dating but you know you have no future with him. 2) get to know the man you have been introduced to and like him and tell him that you wish to know him for a year before you marry him. And let him know your plans on how you wish to know him through the year - all the best.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi
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Hi there, I have many things going in my life right now and I’m confused what to do, first thing I’m in a relationship with a man who’s 7 years older than me and is also not earning much, we are from different religions. Now as I’m 25 my parents are asking me to get married but some how I’m avoiding it, I’m currently living with them and I’m constant with growth in my career so they also want me to look for better opportunities. The thing is my boyfriend is also in the same city and I’m sad about going far away. He’s very supportive and motivates me to look further opportunities. But again my parents want an answer from me about marriage. And I discussed with my boyfriend as well and he understands that too but he doesn’t want to marry me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When he does not want to marry you, then what makes you waste so much time on him?
Move on with your life; it's not about getting married like the way your parents intend BUT more a signal to yourself to stop in your tracks and focus on what's important to you; your life...

He can be a good friend still supporting you (If the two of you can find that maturity) and you will both be able to walk on your own paths which isn't happening now. When he is clear that he is not going to commit to it, it should be enough data for you to look into yourself and know that you are trying hard to make something happen that does not want to happen. Making sense here?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |505 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, i am in a relationship with a guy since last 14 years but due to some ups-downs in his life he denied to marry me two years ago so i remain single in that period and searching for suitable guy in a arrange marriage setup. Now, in this year he came back and said he want to marry me, since i did not able to find any match till then so i said yes, i tried to convince my parents for him but they did not got convinced and started forcing me for arrange marriage for the sake of community and their pride, i dont know what should i do, because whatever they are bringing are good matches and i would have consider or marry them if i am not committed to him.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you have really decided that you will only marry him, then you should continue trying to convince your parents. Both of you are consenting adults and I am sure you both love each other since you have been together for so many years. Highlight these and any other positive points in your partner to your parents; let them know he is a nice person and he has been committed to you for so long.

I am not sure whether you two broke up for a while or just weren't sure about marriage, but either way, it looks like there was a break in the relationship. So this time around, if you want to rethink the relationship, there is no harm. And if you are not sure what you want, you should take some time to think about it. Don't rush.

Moreover, consider your parent's point of view. Why are they not convinced? Are they seeing something in your partner that you are overlooking because of love? You can ask them for the reason directly and evaluate how reasonable they are.
Hope these suggestions help

Best Wishes.

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