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Should I Move Away from My Family After Class 12th?

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |6731 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Aug 03, 2024

Radheshyam Zanwar is the founder of Zanwar Classes which prepares aspirants for competitive exams such as MHT-CET, IIT-JEE and NEET-UG.
Based in Aurangabad, Maharashtra, it provides coaching for Class 10 and Class 12 students as well.
Since the last 25 years, Radheshyam has been teaching mathematics to Class 11 and Class 12 students and coaching them for engineering and medical entrance examinations.
Radheshyam completed his civil engineering from the Government Engineering College in Aurangabad.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2024Hindi
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Career

I HAD JUST COMPLETED MY CLASS 12TH WITH SCIENCE STREAM AND I AM ABOUT TO JOIN COLLEGE BUT TODAY I GOT A THOUGHT THAT SHOULD I MOVE OUT , AWAY FROM MY FAMILY ?..I BELONGED TO A GUJARATI FAMILY LIVING IN SURAT..I JUST WANT TO ASK IS IT IS GOOD TO MOVE AWAY FROM FAMILY TO LIVE ALONELY.. SOMETIMES I THOUGHT THAT WHY TO LEAVE HOMETOWN TO LIVE IN METRO CITIES..MY FATHER IS A BUSINESSMAN AND MY ENTIRE RELATIVES LIVES IN SURAT..I THINKS I SHOULD SETTLE IN MY HOMETOWN AS IT WILL BE GOOD FOR ME FINANCIALLY AND MENTALLY..BUT I WANT ADVICE THAT IS I AM THINKING RIGHT OR NOT ? PLEASE HELP ME I AM VERY TENSED ABD WORRIED ABOUT MY FUTURE

Ans: Hi. You are thinking wrong. Your thoughts are not practical. Along with you, your family members will come under huge tension from a single wrong step. First, you talk to a family person, whom you trust more. If you do not, then talk with a psychiatrist or a counselor.

Radheshyam Zanwar, Aurangabad (MS)
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Hello Guru g, I am a merchant Navy professional, I have just married, But things in my family were not good before my marriage and after marriage the things are same , like fights of my mother with my grandmother, my father and mother fights, there is a toxic environment in my house, my time I have tried to neutralise the things but I can't change them it's in there basic nature, I don't want to live anymore with my parents, because in Village people all-around fill their minds with different things and they bing it to our house , because some people here can't see us growing, so I have decided that I will not live here, Then I left with two options either I move to city or go abroad, of I choose the first one then how would I convince my parents to go to city with them, what should I tell them so that they also didn't get hurt and allow me to take this step and also how can I find a good society because we are newly married couple and security is my main concern because I am very afraid of cities because there criminal activities are more than villages , and If I choose the 2nd option then I have to spend a lot of money but I wanted to do business in India because there is a lot of scope here and expenses to live a life is less here, so kindly help me take decision, I will be very thankful to you .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You don't prefer the 'toxicity'!
You are afraid of big cities as criminal activities are more than the cities!
Your parents may not move in to the city but you also find the environment they are in toxic!
You feel some people can't see you growing!
You don't prefer going abroad as you want to business in India!

Can you see how you have restricted yourself? This is called having a dream BUT clipping one's own wings. How can you make a decision when there are so many self-imposed constraints?
I suggest:
- Drop down all the options possible
- List down the pros and cons of each
- Choose the one that is financially viable
- Let your parents choose where they want to live

You have just started your family life; focus on what's best from a growth perspective...take decisions that help your marriage and career grow...And oh, you can choose to see the crime in the city OR you can choose to see opportunities...where is your focus?

All the best!
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My married ex still texts me for comfort. Because of him, I am unable to move on. He makes me feel guilty by saying he got married out of family pressure. His dad is a cardiac patient and mom is being treated for cancer. He comforts me by saying he will get separated soon and we will get married because he only loves me. We have been in a relationship for 14 years and despite everything we tried, his parents refused to accept me, so he chose to get married to someone who understands our situation. I don't know when he will separate from his wife. She knows about us too but she comes from a traditional family. She also confirmed there is no physical intimacy between them. I trust him, but is it worth losing my youth for him? Honestly, I am worried and very confused.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand how difficult it is to let go of a relationship you have built from scratch, but is it really how you want to continue? It really seems to be going nowhere. His parents are already in bad health and he married someone else for their happiness. Does it seem like he will be able to leave her? So many people’s happiness and lives depend on this one decision. I think it’s about time you and your BF have a clear conversation about the same. If he can’t give a proper timeline, please try to understand his situation. But also make sure he understands yours and maybe rethink this equation. It really isn’t healthy. You deserve a love you can have wholly, and not just in pieces, and in the shadows.

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