Hello Guru g, I am a merchant Navy professional, I have just married, But things in my family were not good before my marriage and after marriage the things are same , like fights of my mother with my grandmother, my father and mother fights, there is a toxic environment in my house, my time I have tried to neutralise the things but I can't change them it's in there basic nature, I don't want to live anymore with my parents, because in Village people all-around fill their minds with different things and they bing it to our house , because some people here can't see us growing, so I have decided that I will not live here, Then I left with two options either I move to city or go abroad, of I choose the first one then how would I convince my parents to go to city with them, what should I tell them so that they also didn't get hurt and allow me to take this step and also how can I find a good society because we are newly married couple and security is my main concern because I am very afraid of cities because there criminal activities are more than villages , and If I choose the 2nd option then I have to spend a lot of money but I wanted to do business in India because there is a lot of scope here and expenses to live a life is less here, so kindly help me take decision, I will be very thankful to you .

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are a grown-up...what makes you want to heed to your family's drama? Are you unsure of whether you will be able to make it without your family's support?
It's your life and if you know what you want of it and out of it, then do the things that make it happen. Take decisions and stick by them...
You clearly know what the issue is from your parents (from what you have shared here). When you are able to express it here to me, what stops you from actually telling your parents how you feel about the way they treat you? What will happen if you tell them that they are being obstacles in your happiness path?
Sometimes people; even if they are your parents must be told not to cross the line especially if it has begun to hamper your life's growth path. Be bold and firm...The biggest thing on your side is that your boyfriend and his family are in support of you. What more do you want?
Never heed to emotional blackmail from anyone even your own family. Your parents hold a great level of control over you and you have given them that power to do so...how much longer? Now when its' time for you to create your life, make sure what and how you include people in them.
Don't confront your parents, simply tell them that you are old enough to take decisions for yourself and that you would love if they supported you. If they don't and start their drama, you know what you must do...Build your life...

All the best!

Ans: The salary is not a problem, if he doesn’t have misplaced ego about his wife earning more than him; some men are broad-minded enough to even be proud of their wives earning more. Nor is caste; love has no fixed faith. But this nuclear family business is a red flag; I would strictly advice not living under the same roof with his mother and sister. There is bound to be friction. Then relations sour and your marriage gets strained. If he is willing to step out from under their shadow and live separately with you, and the money-making is not an issue for him, you’re making the right choice of partner. If either of the above is not realistic, I would suggest you stop trying to convince your parents and listen to what they have to say.

Ans: Hi. You are thinking wrong. Your thoughts are not practical. Along with you, your family members will come under huge tension from a single wrong step. First, you talk to a family person, whom you trust more. If you do not, then talk with a psychiatrist or a counselor.

Radheshyam Zanwar, Aurangabad (MS)

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Being lawyers and then behaving immaturely is something that shocks me. But well, emotions can have different shades, right?
I do not subscribe to emotional blackmail which is what your parents are subjecting you to.
Social status difference is something that parents do worry about for their children. It's an age-old conditioning and hard for them to change.
Now let me ask you:
Besides loving this person (soldier), what are those qualities in him that can actually put your parents' mind at ease?

This is what you must be thinking of as challenging their conditioning is going to be of no use. Instead, find out what can actually appeal to them about him. It's about addressing all their concerns so that they feel that their daughter will never face any difficulties in future. Parents do what they can for their children and stepping into marriage is a huge responsibility for them. So, shift their focus onto his good qualities etc. Let the boy also make his effort to bond with your family. It takes time and a lot of effort; do just that!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
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