My bf checks my phone without permission. I am in a two-year relationship with my boyfriend, and initially everything felt perfect, but now he constantly criticises what I wear, who I talk to, and even checks my phone's notifications. Last week, he created a scene at my friend’s birthday party because I was talking to a male colleague. He even blamed me for “disrespecting” the relationship and did not speak to me for two days. I feel mentally exhausted trying to explain but he says he is too committed and wants to know if I am genuinely interested in a life ahead with him. Part of me is also scared of losing him because he was there for me during a difficult phase in my life. When I explain something and he apologises, I see a side to him which makes it harder to leave. My friends who have not met him feel this is a toxic red flag behaviour . Do you think they could be right or is this something that can improve with time? How do I understand if this relationship is turning emotionally abusive?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand how exhausting it can be to be constantly doubted when you are not doing anything wrong. Well, your friends’ opinion, while a bit harsh, is not completely wrong. It is a toxic pattern and it needs to be checked if you want to have a healthy relationship. You need to have an open discussion about this with him; tell him how it makes you feel whenever he suspects you of some wrongdoing. Also ask him why does he feel this way so often when every time it is proven that you are loyal to the relationship and him. It is important to understand what is the root cause of this mistrust. This is the only way to move ahead with this relationship and not lose your sanity. If, even after the talk, he continues to exhibit the same behavioural pattern, I would recommend you rethink the relationship because it won’t be an easy life, where you have to constantly prove your innocence. Relationships aren’t based just on love; it needs mutual trust and respect to grow.

Hope this helps.