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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1449 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 06, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024
Relationship

Im 41 and Wife is 42, we are happily married with 2 kids. In recent months my wife is not interested/inclined to have intimacy and she says that she is not interested anymore. However she take care of the family , kids , and shows the same love towards the family and me. I dont have any doubts of cheating either. I had spoken with her but I feel she is helpless. Please advice.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's highly possible that hormonal fluctuations can cause these challenges. Or it could just be sheer boredom in the bedroom routine.
Get a check-up done with the doctor who can rule out any deficiencies or hormonal dips which can be set right easily. Of course, do talk to your wife and spice things up a bit...every marriage goes through a phase where intimacy seems dull and boring; it's up to the couple to recognize it, accept it and then see what to do about it.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1449 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 21, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 20, 2023Hindi
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I am 42 year old and married for 12 years. I have a 10 year old kid. We didnt have sex for past 2 years now as my wife has lost all interest in sex and never initiates it. Whenever I try she calls out to our kid and kills the mood. I spoke to her but she is not interested. It is frustrating me. I have option to look outside but dont want to complicate the matters . She does allow me to massage her but nothing more. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There could be various reasons for your wife not wanting or initiating sex:
- She must be undergoing some hormonal changes
- She is tired caring for the home and child (work too if she is a working woman)
- She is bored of the routine sex that has been happening so far
- She resists because she feels you are eager to end the act and hurry
- She refuses as you are focused on sex as a destination whereas she likes foreplay
- She at times would like only cuddling and hugging which she fears will lead to sex

Open the channel of communication outside of the bedroom.
- Laugh a lot together
- Watch movies
- Cook together
- Set aside date nights (have a family member baby sit the child)
- Indulge in non-sexual touches which are intimate

These can spice up your sex life and if things are still the same, it will be good to check with her gynaecologist to rule out any hormonal imbalances that can lead to a disinterest in sex. Also, if she is tired all the time, get a blood work done to rule out any deficiencies that can again make her body not indulge in anything intimate. Stepping out of the marriage is an option as long as the focus is you. If you focus on her, you can be a great sense of support to her now and as always. It will help a great deal.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |499 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 31, 2023

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Relationship
Mam, i am 46 years old, with two lovely daughters age 20 and 18 , for the last 2 years my wife has lost interest in sex, and she avoids it, we have no other issues , i am not able to understand what in her mind, tried to ask but to no avail, rest everything is fine at home, kindly advise
Ans: I understand that this can be a sensitive and challenging situation for you. Loss of interest in sex can be influenced by a variety of factors, and it's important to approach the issue with empathy and open communication. Here are some steps you can consider:

Open Communication: Try to have an open and non-confrontational conversation with your wife. Choose a time when you both can talk calmly and privately. Express your concerns and let her know that you want to understand what she's going through.
Listen Actively: Encourage her to share her feelings and thoughts. Listen without judgment and be empathetic to her perspective. Sometimes, there may be underlying emotional or psychological issues that need to be addressed.
Rule Out Medical Issues: Loss of interest in sex can be caused by medical factors such as hormonal changes, medication side effects, or health issues. Encourage her to see a healthcare professional to rule out any physical causes.
Consider Counseling: If the issue is more complex and related to emotional or psychological factors, you might want to suggest couples counseling or therapy. A trained therapist can help both of you explore the underlying issues and work on solutions.
Respect Boundaries: It's important to respect her boundaries and not pressure her into anything she's not comfortable with. Pressure can often exacerbate the issue.
Maintain Intimacy: While addressing the issue, it's important to maintain emotional intimacy and closeness in your relationship. This can involve non-sexual affection and activities that promote bonding.
Self-Care: Ensure that both you and your wife are taking care of your physical and emotional well-being. Reducing stress, eating healthily, and exercising can have a positive impact on overall well-being and can indirectly affect the sexual aspect of your relationship.
Seek Professional Help: If your wife is unwilling to discuss the issue or if it persists without a clear resolution, it may be helpful for both of you to seek the guidance of a qualified therapist or counselor individually.
Patience and Understanding: Understand that issues related to sexual desire and intimacy can be complex and may take time to resolve. Be patient with the process and with each other.
It's important to remember that every individual's desires and feelings can change over time, and open communication and understanding are key to addressing these changes in a relationship. Seek professional help if necessary, as a therapist can provide guidance and strategies tailored to your specific situation.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |499 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 08, 2024

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Nitin

Nitin Narkhede  |53 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jan 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Money
Hi sir/mam, I'm 32 years old working in a private firm as Manager. I own 9 lacs in FDs, accumulated 17 lacs in Mutual funds through SIP of around 23k pm (currently XIRR at 15-16% in with 75% in equity). I also have 2.5 lacs in PPF and 1.2 lacs in NPS. For tax savings I do yearly investments in PPF and NPS of about 1 lacs and rest I cover with ELSS (part of my SIPs). I want to retire at the age of 50, my current salary is 1.2 lac per month in hand, and receive few incentives of 1.5 lac a yr. I live in Mumbai with my wife and plan to buy a house of 60 lacs (out of which 20 L I'm borrowing from family, and rest of it will be loan with about 35k EMI). I also have a flat in NCR worth 80 L (purchased at 35 lacs), for which I have an EMI of 11k per month which is covered by rent I receive from there. I don't have kids yet, but I plan to have two of them. What should be my plan of investing that I can retire by max between 50 and 55 yrs of age with an upper middle class lifestyle in either Mumbai or NCR. How much should my corpus be? My current expenses are around 60k including rent in Mumbai, and my parents are independent. I have both health and life insurance of 1 cr+ cover.
Ans: Dear Friend,
To retire comfortably at 50-55 with an upper-middle-class lifestyle, you’ll need a retirement corpus of ?5 crore. Currently, your mutual funds, PPF, and NPS are projected to grow to ~?1.82 crore by 50. To bridge the gap of ?2.18 crore, increase your SIPs by ?30,000/month in equity funds, which can grow to ~?2.25 crore at 12% CAGR in 18 years. Prioritize repaying the ?20 lakh family loan after buying the Mumbai house, ensuring the ?35,000 EMI doesn’t hinder your additional investments. Post-retirement, rely on rental income from your NCR property and a 4% systematic withdrawal strategy from your corpus to cover inflation-adjusted expenses. Maintain ?5-6 lakhs in an emergency fund and continue tax-saving investments like ELSS, PPF, and NPS. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to stay aligned with your goals. With disciplined savings and investments, you’re on track for a secure retirement.
Regards, Nitin Narkhede
-Founder Prosperity Lifestyle Hub,
Free webinar https://bit.ly/PLH-Webinar

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7593 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 20, 2025Hindi
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Money
Hello sir, I am 35yo with 2 (4yo, 1yo) children. Can I retire now, with following corpus: mutual fund and stocks : 3.5 crore, lands: 50 lakh, PF&PPF: 80 lakh, FD: 25 lakh, SGB &Gold:50 lakh. Currently doesn't own any house. Monthly expense is around 1 lakh.
Ans: Your corpus and monthly expenses show a solid foundation. Retirement at 35, however, requires careful assessment. Let’s analyse your situation step by step.

Current Financial Assets and Allocations

Mutual Funds and Stocks: Rs 3.5 crore

This is a significant part of your corpus. Equity investments offer high growth potential.

Lands: Rs 50 lakh

Real estate investments are illiquid. Consider them only for long-term growth or inheritance.

PF and PPF: Rs 80 lakh

These provide stability and assured returns. These are good for meeting long-term goals.

Fixed Deposit: Rs 25 lakh

FDs are low-risk and ensure liquidity. This is beneficial for emergencies.

SGB and Gold: Rs 50 lakh

Gold is a strong hedge against inflation. It also offers diversification.

Monthly Expense Analysis

Your monthly expense of Rs 1 lakh equates to Rs 12 lakh annually.

Accounting for inflation, this expense will grow over time. Planning for this is crucial.

Core Observations

Your total corpus is Rs 5.55 crore. This is substantial for your age.

Inflation and rising expenses over time will impact your corpus.

Without a house, rent becomes a recurring expense. Factor this into your calculations.

You have no guaranteed income sources post-retirement.

Key Areas of Improvement

Housing

Consider buying a house if feasible. Owning a house ensures stability and reduces rent.

Do not invest excessively in real estate as it is illiquid.

Corpus Utilisation

Avoid over-reliance on equity investments for withdrawals. Equity is volatile in the short term.

Use a mix of debt and equity for regular withdrawals.

Children’s Education and Marriage

Both are major financial goals. Plan dedicated investments for these.

Use long-term instruments for education and marriage funds.

Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund of at least 12 months of expenses.

Keep it in liquid funds or high-yield savings accounts.

Recommended Financial Strategies

Asset Allocation

Diversify your portfolio across equity, debt, and gold.

Maintain 60% equity, 30% debt, and 10% gold as a starting point. Adjust as needed.

Mutual Fund Investments

Continue with actively managed funds. These can outperform index funds in emerging markets like India.

Avoid direct funds if you lack time or expertise. Regular funds offer advisor support and insights.

Debt Investments

Increase debt allocation for stability. Consider high-quality debt mutual funds.

Ensure these align with your withdrawal needs.

Tax Planning

Monitor tax implications of mutual fund withdrawals.

LTCG from equity funds above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

Plan withdrawals to minimise tax liabilities.

Insurance Needs

Ensure adequate health insurance for your family. Cover at least Rs 25 lakh for each member.

Check if you have term insurance. Secure Rs 2-3 crore coverage for your family’s financial safety.

Inflation and Lifestyle Adjustments

Inflation can erode your purchasing power. Plan investments to counter inflation.

Avoid lifestyle inflation. Stick to essential expenses wherever possible.

Income Generation Options

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP)

Use SWP from mutual funds for regular income.

Choose hybrid funds for better stability and returns.

Rental Income

Invest part of your corpus in commercial properties.

Ensure this aligns with your liquidity needs and risk profile.

Freelance or Part-Time Work

Consider light work for additional income. It can extend your corpus.

Use your skills to generate flexible income streams.

Monitoring and Review

Review your portfolio annually. Adjust allocations as goals evolve.

Work with a Certified Financial Planner for periodic checks.

Final Insights

Retirement at 35 is ambitious but achievable with meticulous planning. Your current corpus is strong, but consider the following:

Plan for inflation, children’s needs, and healthcare costs.

Diversify investments and secure guaranteed income sources.

Avoid premature decisions. Evaluate thoroughly before retiring.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |508 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 11, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am a 20 years old guy and in my past romantic relationships, have shown signs of emotional instability, too much dependency and lack of awareness of boundaries which affected my relationships badly...I hadn’t interacted with people in a long while since 2020 (precisely when lockdown had started) and feel that some aspects of my personality are not developed fully as they should be at this age. How to work on this? Also, i have noticed that I am able to create a good first impression but it soon pales and I feel like I am subtly disrespected or talked down to, and this has been happening in all interactions...i am always respectful (often to a fault!) and even have people pleasing tendencies...i sometimes ask immature weird questions and that might probably be the reason (but they’re never inappropriate)...but i do want to gain insights into why i am experiencing what i am and how to navigate this situation well so that I can maintain healthy relationships in future. Thanks you!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, I want you to understand that it is no small feat to realize the quirks and imperfections in ourselves- you have done it. Your effort to understand and rectify them deserves to be acknowledged and appreciated.
Now, coming to your question, I can only give you some general advice on each-
Emotional instability and dependency- these behavioral patterns can stem from various factors; it can be a lack of confidence or some past issues that are left unresolved. It is difficult for me to tell you exactly why it is happening. It can also arise from a lack of validation. To manage it, you can focus on self-regulation- like meditation or journaling whenever you feel these emotions rising. This way you are expressing them but not damaging your relationships. Take up new hobbies or goals. Achieving milestones can build confidence.
Navigating Boundaries- You can speak to your partner in the early stage of the relationship to understand their boundaries. This way there will be clarity and you won't overstep. You can set up some boundaries too.
For better interpersonal skills, you can proactively follow some rules- like active listening, avoiding overthinking, asking open-ended questions, and resisting the urge to seek your partner's approval.
About the awkward questions- it is important to understand that you might perceive them as awkward, but the person opposite to you might think of it as a genuine curiosity. As long as it isn't intrusive or inappropriate, there are no awkward questions.
Like these, I can only offer you some general advice. But the best advice of them all would be to seek counseling. It has done wonders for people. And the first step, which is identifying the issues is already done. Bravo! What's wrong with taking a little professional help in navigating the next steps? They can guide you in a more structured manner.
Hope this helps.

...Read more

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