Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 06, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024
Relationship

Im 41 and Wife is 42, we are happily married with 2 kids. In recent months my wife is not interested/inclined to have intimacy and she says that she is not interested anymore. However she take care of the family , kids , and shows the same love towards the family and me. I dont have any doubts of cheating either. I had spoken with her but I feel she is helpless. Please advice.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's highly possible that hormonal fluctuations can cause these challenges. Or it could just be sheer boredom in the bedroom routine.
Get a check-up done with the doctor who can rule out any deficiencies or hormonal dips which can be set right easily. Of course, do talk to your wife and spice things up a bit...every marriage goes through a phase where intimacy seems dull and boring; it's up to the couple to recognize it, accept it and then see what to do about it.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 21, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 20, 2023Hindi
Listen
I am 42 year old and married for 12 years. I have a 10 year old kid. We didnt have sex for past 2 years now as my wife has lost all interest in sex and never initiates it. Whenever I try she calls out to our kid and kills the mood. I spoke to her but she is not interested. It is frustrating me. I have option to look outside but dont want to complicate the matters . She does allow me to massage her but nothing more. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There could be various reasons for your wife not wanting or initiating sex:
- She must be undergoing some hormonal changes
- She is tired caring for the home and child (work too if she is a working woman)
- She is bored of the routine sex that has been happening so far
- She resists because she feels you are eager to end the act and hurry
- She refuses as you are focused on sex as a destination whereas she likes foreplay
- She at times would like only cuddling and hugging which she fears will lead to sex

Open the channel of communication outside of the bedroom.
- Laugh a lot together
- Watch movies
- Cook together
- Set aside date nights (have a family member baby sit the child)
- Indulge in non-sexual touches which are intimate

These can spice up your sex life and if things are still the same, it will be good to check with her gynaecologist to rule out any hormonal imbalances that can lead to a disinterest in sex. Also, if she is tired all the time, get a blood work done to rule out any deficiencies that can again make her body not indulge in anything intimate. Stepping out of the marriage is an option as long as the focus is you. If you focus on her, you can be a great sense of support to her now and as always. It will help a great deal.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |583 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 31, 2023

Listen
Relationship
Mam, i am 46 years old, with two lovely daughters age 20 and 18 , for the last 2 years my wife has lost interest in sex, and she avoids it, we have no other issues , i am not able to understand what in her mind, tried to ask but to no avail, rest everything is fine at home, kindly advise
Ans: I understand that this can be a sensitive and challenging situation for you. Loss of interest in sex can be influenced by a variety of factors, and it's important to approach the issue with empathy and open communication. Here are some steps you can consider:

Open Communication: Try to have an open and non-confrontational conversation with your wife. Choose a time when you both can talk calmly and privately. Express your concerns and let her know that you want to understand what she's going through.
Listen Actively: Encourage her to share her feelings and thoughts. Listen without judgment and be empathetic to her perspective. Sometimes, there may be underlying emotional or psychological issues that need to be addressed.
Rule Out Medical Issues: Loss of interest in sex can be caused by medical factors such as hormonal changes, medication side effects, or health issues. Encourage her to see a healthcare professional to rule out any physical causes.
Consider Counseling: If the issue is more complex and related to emotional or psychological factors, you might want to suggest couples counseling or therapy. A trained therapist can help both of you explore the underlying issues and work on solutions.
Respect Boundaries: It's important to respect her boundaries and not pressure her into anything she's not comfortable with. Pressure can often exacerbate the issue.
Maintain Intimacy: While addressing the issue, it's important to maintain emotional intimacy and closeness in your relationship. This can involve non-sexual affection and activities that promote bonding.
Self-Care: Ensure that both you and your wife are taking care of your physical and emotional well-being. Reducing stress, eating healthily, and exercising can have a positive impact on overall well-being and can indirectly affect the sexual aspect of your relationship.
Seek Professional Help: If your wife is unwilling to discuss the issue or if it persists without a clear resolution, it may be helpful for both of you to seek the guidance of a qualified therapist or counselor individually.
Patience and Understanding: Understand that issues related to sexual desire and intimacy can be complex and may take time to resolve. Be patient with the process and with each other.
It's important to remember that every individual's desires and feelings can change over time, and open communication and understanding are key to addressing these changes in a relationship. Seek professional help if necessary, as a therapist can provide guidance and strategies tailored to your specific situation.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |583 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 08, 2024

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8319 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 05, 2025

Money
Dear Sir, I am aged 40 years a aggressive investor I have recent corpus of 13 lac in mutual fund and doing SIP of Rs30500 monthly in following funds . Nippon small cap - 9000 , Tata small cap - 7500 , Quant Small cap - 6000 , kotak small cap - 5000 and Pgmi Flexi cap -3000 and a vision for next 22 years with step up of 10 %. I also invest in PPF of 12500 monthly and In EPF with 25000 basic salary and i will also get Rs 50 lac from various LIC policy at the age of 60 . I want to know that is my approach is right and what would be the future corpus at the age of 62 years .
Ans: You are doing a disciplined and smart job with your investments. You have a long-term horizon, a strong SIP commitment, and a clear goal in mind. That’s a big step many don’t take seriously. Let me now evaluate your approach from all angles. This will be a 360-degree review of your investment plan and future readiness.

Let us go step-by-step to understand if your approach is right and what the future looks like.

Your Current Financial Setup

You are 40 years old now.

You have a mutual fund corpus of Rs 13 lakh.

You invest Rs 30,500 monthly through SIP.

You invest in four small cap funds and one flexi cap fund.

You step up your SIP by 10% annually.

You have a PPF investment of Rs 12,500 monthly.

You contribute to EPF. Your basic salary is Rs 25,000.

You will receive Rs 50 lakh from LIC policies at age 60.

Your investment horizon is 22 years from now.

This is a solid plan and shows discipline. Now, let us evaluate it carefully with insights and suggestions.

Assessment of Mutual Fund Investments

You are investing heavily in small cap mutual funds.

Four out of five funds are from the small cap category.

Small caps give high returns, but they also carry high risk.

Over 22 years, this risk may work in your favour.

But the ride will be bumpy. There will be sharp ups and downs.

At times, you may see short-term losses. That is normal.

However, putting over 85% of SIP in small caps may be risky.

You need better diversification for stability.

Adding large cap and mid cap funds may balance the risk.

Your Flexi cap fund does help a bit, but it is still not enough.

A blend of market caps will give smoother long-term growth.

It is better to slowly bring down small cap exposure to 50%.

Increase exposure to diversified and mid-cap funds gradually.

Don’t exit small cap funds suddenly. Take a phased approach.

This change will make your portfolio strong and well-balanced.

Step-Up SIP Strategy – Strong and Effective

Increasing SIP by 10% annually is a smart idea.

This fights inflation and grows your wealth faster.

It uses your rising income to build a big corpus.

Many investors ignore step-up. You are doing it correctly.

Keep increasing the SIP without fail every year.

Even a break in step-up can delay your target.

Review your SIPs yearly and adjust as income rises.

This strategy will help you reach your target corpus faster.

Investment in PPF – A Safe Long-Term Cushion

PPF offers guaranteed, tax-free interest.

You are investing Rs 12,500 monthly in PPF.

Over 22 years, this will become a strong safe corpus.

It adds stability to your overall financial plan.

PPF is good for retirement since it is risk-free.

Keep continuing till maturity. Do not withdraw early.

Interest rate may vary, but long-term returns are good.

You also get tax exemption under Section 80C.

This risk-free asset will protect you from equity market shocks.

EPF – A Reliable Retirement Contributor

Your EPF is linked to your Rs 25,000 basic salary.

The employer also contributes monthly.

Over 22 years, this will grow into a big amount.

EPF offers fixed, tax-free returns with no market risk.

It is an excellent tool for retirement planning.

Avoid premature withdrawals from EPF.

You can withdraw after retirement for use as income.

This will be a strong pillar of your retirement security.

LIC Maturity at Age 60 – A Special Boost

You will receive Rs 50 lakh from LIC policies at age 60.

This will come at a perfect time near retirement.

You must check if these are traditional or ULIP plans.

Traditional plans offer low returns, mostly below inflation.

ULIPs carry market risk and high charges.

If these are investment-cum-insurance plans, surrendering is wise.

You can reinvest that surrender amount in mutual funds.

Use proper asset allocation while reinvesting.

For insurance needs, use only term insurance.

Reinvesting in mutual funds can make this Rs 50 lakh grow further.

Future Corpus at Age 62 – What to Expect

With SIPs, EPF, PPF and LIC money, your total savings will be huge.

Your mutual fund corpus will grow rapidly with step-up.

Your PPF and EPF will grow safely, year after year.

LIC amount will give a big boost just before retirement.

With 10% SIP step-up, your corpus can cross Rs 9 to 10 crore.

Exact figure depends on market returns, SIP discipline, and inflation.

But you are definitely on the right path to reach financial freedom.

You are preparing for retirement very well.

This kind of planning gives peace of mind and confidence.

Things You Are Doing Right – A Quick Look

Strong SIP discipline and long-term vision.

Investing in equity for long-term wealth creation.

Following step-up SIP approach.

Investing in PPF and EPF for safe returns.

Keeping investment horizon of 22 years.

Maintaining separate LIC maturity plans.

You are showing smart behaviour as an aggressive investor.

Key Improvements You Should Consider

Reduce small cap exposure to 50% slowly.

Add more mid-cap and flexi cap funds.

Avoid overlapping funds from same category.

Review performance of all funds every 6 months.

Check expense ratios and consistency of returns.

Track goal progress once a year with clear targets.

Make sure your portfolio has good asset allocation.

Don’t hold funds only based on past returns.

Always go through a Certified Financial Planner for changes.

This will make your portfolio more stable and return-oriented.

Important Taxation Insight

Long-Term Capital Gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-Term Capital Gains are taxed at 20%.

Plan redemptions smartly to reduce tax.

Use staggered withdrawals near retirement.

Redeem equity funds over time, not all at once.

PPF and EPF are tax-free. LIC maturity is also tax-free.

But for mutual funds, plan redemptions with tax efficiency.

This will help you protect your wealth from tax erosion.

Important Notes on Fund Types and Investments

Do not use direct mutual funds if you are not an expert.

Direct funds need self-review and research, always.

There is no handholding or guidance with direct funds.

If you miss fund underperformance, losses may happen.

Regular funds through MFD with CFP advice are safer.

CFP will do goal review, fund analysis and rebalancing.

This adds value and protects your goals from derailment.

Always go through a trusted CFP for a 360-degree plan.

Your long-term wealth deserves the right expert attention.

Finally – Our Insights for You

You are on a great track with vision and discipline.

You are investing smartly across equity and debt.

With minor changes, your plan can become stronger.

Keep focus on diversification and risk management.

Review your goals and progress yearly with expert help.

Stick to your plan even during market falls.

Continue your SIP step-up and never skip contributions.

Use professional guidance to ensure smooth journey.

Your retirement will be financially independent and stress-free.

This approach will help you lead a proud, peaceful life post-60.

Stay committed and consistent. You are doing excellent already.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x