Dear Anu, I am a 44-year-old married man.
My wife and I had a love marriage. But just after the birth of our second child we started developing some smaller differences and issues.
Nothing really major. However my wife started staying away from me physically.
The intimacy and love in the relationship reduced and eventually stopped. Along the way I tried to go close to her but she wasn't interested.
I tried a lot but it didn't help. We even tried to go to the counselor but she wasn't quite interested so we stopped midway.
Now eight years have passed since we have had any physical closeness.
We live like roommates just looking after the kids. However now my wife is making attempts to come close to me but somehow I don't feel anything for her and I am not co-operating.
I feel like I just want to go away from everyone and start living independently. What is your advice? We have two daughters.
Ans: Dear N, What went through your wife’s mind at the time of the birth of your second child is something that needs to be addressed.
Maybe the work of bringing up two children exhausted her or there was a hormonal disturbance that made her lose interest. But let bygones be bygones.
Now that she is trying to get closer, maybe you can also try to see what the two of you can do to rebuild the closeness.
Rather than jump straight to sex, create closeness step by step.
Spend quality time together, watch movies, engage in a hobby together, cook together…the fondness and affection outside the bedroom might help breaking the ice and you start to at least engage in an affectionate manner towards one another.
It is easy to walk out of a marriage but do remember what the reason to walk out will be?
After a few years, it might not been worth it at all…Why not at least give the above suggestions a try?
Engage as friends with no expectations from one another and let the purpose be a happy engagement just like the one we have with out friends.
You also have two daughters who definitely want to be in a loving family; so give this a chance and see if it works out. You have nothing to lose but everything to gain.
