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Unhappy in Marriage: Seeking Advice at 50

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |431 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
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Asked by Anonymous - Sep 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

Best Wishes

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1327 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2021

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Relationship
Dear Anu, I am a 44-year-old married man. My wife and I had a love marriage. But just after the birth of our second child we started developing some smaller differences and issues. Nothing really major. However my wife started staying away from me physically. The intimacy and love in the relationship reduced and eventually stopped. Along the way I tried to go close to her but she wasn't interested. I tried a lot but it didn't help. We even tried to go to the counselor but she wasn't quite interested so we stopped midway. Now eight years have passed since we have had any physical closeness. We live like roommates just looking after the kids. However now my wife is making attempts to come close to me but somehow I don't feel anything for her and I am not co-operating. I feel like I just want to go away from everyone and start living independently. What is your advice? We have two daughters.
Ans: Dear N, What went through your wife’s mind at the time of the birth of your second child is something that needs to be addressed.

Maybe the work of bringing up two children exhausted her or there was a hormonal disturbance that made her lose interest. But let bygones be bygones.

Now that she is trying to get closer, maybe you can also try to see what the two of you can do to rebuild the closeness.

Rather than jump straight to sex, create closeness step by step.

Spend quality time together, watch movies, engage in a hobby together, cook together…the fondness and affection outside the bedroom might help breaking the ice and you start to at least engage in an affectionate manner towards one another.

It is easy to walk out of a marriage but do remember what the reason to walk out will be?

After a few years, it might not been worth it at all…Why not at least give the above suggestions a try?

Engage as friends with no expectations from one another and let the purpose be a happy engagement just like the one we have with out friends.

You also have two daughters who definitely want to be in a loving family; so give this a chance and see if it works out. You have nothing to lose but everything to gain.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1327 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am married for the last 15 years with 2 kids. All though for entire period of this 15 years has been a roller coaster in the relationship, All of a sudden since the last 7 months the relationship has detoriated with my wife sleeping with the kids, not talking to me, cutting my social circles. Have tried talking to her directly and through some common links, but she does not talk & infact has cut all the channels. i have tried being home all the time and do all the house hold cores, take care of the children, but no impact on her. She is a deperession patient and refuses to consult the doctor. I feel i had enough and want to look options for seperation. Kindly advise
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's unfortunate that you have waited this long to take note of how your relationship has been deteriorating. Also, has your wife been clinically diagnosed as having depression? If not, please don't assume as it will pose an issue while working on your marriage.
Seek the help of a marriage therapist who can guide the two of you back into rebuilding the marriage. Sleeping separately is a huge signal that she has cut off physically and emotionally from you and there could be numerous reasons along the way for it./ Don't delay seeing a professional and take this step not to get into a blame game situation but to actually work on your marriage. Make this humble attempt as it takes one rash move to end things.

But if you feel strongly that nothing is working, consult with a lawyer who specializes in separation

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: https://www.facebook.com/anukrish07/ AND https://www.linkedin.com/in/anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |407 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 02, 2024Hindi
Relationship
i am 50 and my wife is 43. We are living two different countries to help our children to pursue their interests. We are pretty good in financially and i go to my home (where my wife and younger son live) at least 2 to 3 times a year and spend 2 to 3 weeks per trip. We married for the last 22 years and we both of us seen ups and lows of our relationship. Most of the time, we are happy and we did the right things not only for us but also for our children and both are willing to take sacrifices for the sake of children and we wholeheartedly agree on this. However, i see few concerns especially after living separately. 1. really don't see my wife shows much interest about me. She also mentioned that if i come to my home where she lives, she doesn't feel really excited and just normal for her. However, i will be happy to see her and spend time with her. Inspite I come to our home, she really didn't care much about my interests like what food makes me happy. In-fact, she doesn't need to cook and we have cook who does most of the stuff. 2. In-terms of intimacy, she doesn't show much interest and i stopped asking her unless if she initiates and I didn't want to initiate as I start getting rejection from her for the last few years. Overall, if I ask to fulfill my interest (showing love and affection), she says that she cannot do as she is too busy. However, she does other works like taking care of children, spending time with her friends or her own interests she does take care. however, any thing specific to me, she thinks it is not a high priority. I askied clearly to her that why my needs of lower prioirty. Her answer is very vague and she does say that she loves me and she needs me. I am getting a picture that I am there to take care of them financially like building assets, taking care of the children and wife but I am not getting any return from her, I vent my frustration to my wife and asker her to open up and share any concerns. She really don't share any point that could really help me to understand her mind. At this point, I am kind of confused. I am just 50 and she is 43 and i see that there is really not much love. i was thinking when i turn 60 , it would be far worse than today in terms of love and affection. I really don't want to divorce at least for the next 10 years as my kids are growing and i really don't have a compelling reason to do now as I still love my wife and if she is feel bad on any reason , I don't care of these problems and i still be with her to address any problem she has. I support even today for her wants and desires and I do wholeheartedly. Also, She is not a person who cheats me My concern is that I cannot change her much. I would like your advice on How should I change so that i still live happily (regardless of whether i get love from my wife or not) without getting frustations on relathinship issues. Should I accept that this what I would expet from wife and be content.
Ans: Navigating the dynamics of a long-term marriage, especially one complicated by physical distance, is indeed challenging. Your situation is layered with decades of shared history, responsibilities, and deep commitments.
First and foremost, it’s crucial to try to understand your wife's perspective. Living apart can create emotional and physical distance that’s hard to bridge during occasional visits. When she says she’s not particularly excited about your visits, it may not necessarily reflect a lack of love or care. Instead, she might be grappling with the routine and demands of her daily life, which can often dull the excitement of reunions. The responsibilities of managing a household, even with help, combined with the constant care for your children, can be incredibly taxing. This often leaves little room for nurturing the romantic and intimate aspects of a relationship.

It’s also possible that she has grown used to the independence that comes with your living arrangement. Over time, people can adapt to new rhythms and find comfort in their routines, even if those routines don’t include their partner as prominently as before. This doesn’t necessarily mean a lack of love; rather, it’s a shift in how she’s accustomed to living day-to-day.

For your part, consider what you’re seeking from your relationship and what you’re currently receiving. You’ve mentioned feeling like a provider rather than a partner, which can be deeply unsatisfying. Reflect on whether your expectations align with the reality of your relationship. Are you hoping for expressions of affection and excitement that your wife may not be able to provide right now due to her own emotional or practical constraints?

Your frustration and sense of being undervalued are entirely valid. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and not dismiss them. However, the key is to approach this situation without letting these feelings drive a wedge between you and your wife. Instead of focusing on what’s missing, try to identify what’s still present in your relationship. Your shared commitment to your children and the mutual sacrifices you've made are significant bonds that can still be honored and celebrated.

In terms of intimacy, it’s understandable to feel hesitant about initiating when past attempts have led to rejection. This aspect of your relationship might require open, honest, and non-confrontational dialogue. Let your wife know that you miss the closeness and that it’s important to you, not just physically but emotionally. It’s possible she might not fully realize the impact her disinterest has had on you.

While it’s clear you’re committed to staying in the marriage for at least the next decade, it’s also important to focus on your own happiness. Invest in self-care and activities that bring you joy outside of the relationship. This could be pursuing hobbies, spending time with friends, or even exploring new interests that fulfill you personally. Building a satisfying life for yourself can alleviate some of the pressure on your marriage to meet all your emotional needs.

Acceptance can be a powerful tool in finding contentment. Accepting that your wife may not be able to give you what you once had or what you currently desire doesn’t mean giving up on the relationship. Instead, it’s about finding peace with the current reality while still cherishing and nurturing the aspects of your relationship that are strong and positive.

Remember, relationships are dynamic, and people change over time. What’s crucial is finding a balance that allows you to feel fulfilled and connected, even if it means adjusting your expectations and finding joy in different ways. Continue to express your love and support for your wife and children, but also give yourself permission to seek happiness and fulfillment in ways that are within your control.

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Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
I am 50 years old, how much proportion should I allocate in Debt and Equity mutual funds. I am investing in mutual funds only. My 43 L portfolio has 37 L equity and 6 Lak debt.
Ans: Balancing your portfolio between equity and debt is critical at this stage. A 50-year-old investor should aim for a safer portfolio while ensuring reasonable growth. Since you’re already investing in mutual funds, fine-tuning your allocation can optimise returns and reduce risk.

Let’s assess your portfolio in detail and identify actionable steps for an optimal balance.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
Your current allocation includes:

Rs 37 lakh in equity: Around 86% of your total portfolio.
Rs 6 lakh in debt: About 14% of your total portfolio.
This equity-heavy portfolio is suitable for younger investors. At 50, you may need to rebalance to reduce volatility while retaining growth.

Recommended Allocation Strategy
A general rule is the "100 minus age" approach. However, personal goals, risk tolerance, and financial stability should guide decisions. For a 50-year-old:

Equity: 50% to 60% of the portfolio. This ensures growth and combats inflation.
Debt: 40% to 50%. This ensures stability and predictable returns.
You can adjust within this range based on personal preferences and financial objectives.

Steps to Rebalance Your Portfolio
To align your portfolio, consider these steps:

Gradually reduce equity exposure: Shift some equity investments to debt. Do this systematically over months to avoid timing risks.
Increase debt mutual funds allocation: Consider short-duration or dynamic bond funds for liquidity and moderate returns.
Use hybrid mutual funds: Balanced advantage funds can offer a mix of equity and debt with automatic rebalancing.
Why a Balanced Allocation Is Crucial
Equity: This provides growth potential to counter inflation. It supports long-term financial goals like retirement planning.
Debt: This offers stability and acts as a buffer against market downturns. It ensures liquidity for unexpected expenses.
Avoid Over-Exposure to Equity
While equity delivers higher returns, excessive exposure can increase portfolio risk. A balanced allocation shields you during market corrections.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform the market due to professional expertise. They adjust portfolios based on market trends and opportunities.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

They lack active monitoring during volatile periods.
They mimic the index, limiting scope for higher returns.
Their fixed composition may underperform in certain market cycles.
For long-term growth, actively managed funds offer better risk-adjusted returns.

Benefits of Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
Guidance: Regular funds come with expert advice from an MFD with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential.
Portfolio Monitoring: They help align your investments with changing market conditions.
Support: MFDs can guide in tax planning and rebalancing.
Direct funds, while cheaper, may lead to uninformed decisions and missed opportunities.

Tax Efficiency in Your Portfolio
Understanding new mutual fund taxation rules is essential:

Equity funds: LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt funds: Gains are taxed as per your income slab.
Consider tax implications before rebalancing to avoid unnecessary liabilities.

Maintaining Liquidity
At this stage, maintaining a portion of your portfolio in liquid funds is prudent. It helps meet short-term goals or emergencies without disturbing long-term investments.

Aligning with Retirement Goals
Your portfolio should focus on generating a steady post-retirement income. Here’s how:

Allocate more to debt as you approach retirement.
Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) for regular income during retirement.
Retain a small equity portion to combat inflation even post-retirement.
Creating a Contingency Fund
Set aside a separate fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. Use liquid or ultra-short-term debt funds for this.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Portfolio
Review your portfolio every 6 months.
Rebalance based on market conditions and life changes.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for adjustments aligned with your goals.
Avoid Common Investment Pitfalls
Chasing high returns: Avoid concentrating on high-risk funds at this stage.
Over-diversification: Stick to a manageable number of funds to track performance easily.
Ignoring inflation: Ensure your portfolio grows faster than inflation rates.
Building a Long-Term Perspective
Focus on wealth preservation alongside growth.
Maintain discipline in investing. Avoid reacting impulsively to market fluctuations.
Stay informed about economic and market trends affecting mutual fund performance.
Final Insights
Balancing equity and debt is essential for stability and growth in your portfolio. A 50%-60% equity and 40%-50% debt allocation aligns with your age and goals. Active management and regular reviews will help optimise returns and minimise risks.

Transitioning gradually ensures minimal disruption to your portfolio’s growth. Focus on creating a robust strategy to secure your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
One time investment in mutual fund in which fund
Ans: To decide on a one-time investment, understanding your financial goals is vital. Knowing the purpose of your investment ensures better alignment with your expectations. Your goals could be wealth creation, retirement planning, or funding a specific future expense like a child's education or marriage.

Assessing Risk Tolerance
Before choosing any investment, assess your risk tolerance. High-risk options offer better returns but can fluctuate more. If you are a conservative investor, you might prefer stability over high returns. Moderately aggressive investors balance growth and risk well.

Benefits of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
Actively managed mutual funds are an excellent choice for one-time investments. Professional fund managers make critical investment decisions based on market conditions. These funds can outperform market indices over the long term due to their strategic asset allocation.

They adapt well to market dynamics, offering higher growth potential than passive funds. Investors benefit from expertise and insights that help mitigate risks during market downturns.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds simply track market indices and lack active management. They offer no scope for market-beating returns. While their fees are lower, this comes at the cost of performance. In actively managed funds, expert decision-making can lead to better results.

Investors relying solely on index funds may miss opportunities to earn superior returns. Active funds also better suit those aiming for long-term wealth accumulation with reduced volatility.

The Issue with Direct Funds
Direct funds may have lower costs but require greater knowledge and time. Without professional advice, managing such investments can be overwhelming. Regular funds, managed through Certified Financial Planners, ensure guidance tailored to your needs.

A Certified Financial Planner monitors your portfolio’s performance, suggesting timely corrections. This professional approach ensures that your investment aligns with your financial goals efficiently.

Choosing the Right Mutual Fund Category
Select funds based on your investment horizon and risk appetite. Equity mutual funds work well for long-term goals as they provide higher growth potential. However, they carry higher volatility and are suitable only for investors with a longer time horizon.

For medium-term goals, balanced or hybrid funds are better suited. These combine equity and debt to balance risk and returns. Short-term goals are better addressed with debt funds, offering lower returns with minimal risk.

Importance of Diversification
Diversifying your investment reduces the risk of losses. It spreads your money across various sectors, ensuring market fluctuations impact your investment less. Avoid investing all funds in a single category, ensuring a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds.

Taxation Rules for Mutual Funds
Understand the tax implications before investing. For equity funds, long-term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains are taxed at 20%. For debt funds, all gains are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Consider tax-saving options if your goal aligns with reducing tax liabilities. While tax efficiency matters, it should not override your primary objective of wealth creation.

Importance of Lump Sum Timing
Market timing matters for one-time investments. Investing during a market correction or when valuations are reasonable ensures better growth. A Certified Financial Planner can guide you to enter the market at the right time for better results.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Investment
A one-time investment is not set and forget. Regular reviews ensure the investment aligns with your goals. Markets evolve, and so should your portfolio. Make changes as required with the guidance of a professional.

The Role of Emergency Funds
Ensure you have an adequate emergency fund before making a one-time investment. This fund covers unforeseen expenses, preventing you from withdrawing long-term investments prematurely. Keep at least 6-12 months' expenses aside for emergencies.

Setting Realistic Expectations
Investments are subject to market risks, and returns are not guaranteed. Patience and a long-term approach yield better results. Understand the product before investing, ensuring it meets your expectations and financial objectives.

Final Insights
A one-time mutual fund investment can help achieve your financial goals effectively. However, aligning this investment with your risk tolerance and objectives is key. Actively managed funds, combined with professional advice, offer the best value for your money.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1327 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I 25M) have been in a Long Distance Emotional Relationship with a College Friend (25F) whom I'd known since more than 3 years. Although, neither of us has explicitly confessed to each other, but we both seemed to have strong Feelings for each other. We both have shared a lot of personal matters about ourselves, with each other (which are unknown to even some of our Closest Friends). We both share similar Values & Outlook towards various aspects of Life (including our Long Term Career Goals). We both used to chat on WhatsApp almost everyday, sharing our experiences, opinions, knowledge etc. I used to Flirt with her by writing Romantic Poetry for her, once she'd also confessed that she's falling for me. But what has stopped us both from proposing Love to one another is the difference in our Family Background (I'm from a Telugu Speaking Hindu Brahmin Family & she's from a Malayali Catholic Christian Family, but we both studied together from a College in Gujarat). As of now, we both are in different States Studying/Working in different fields. But both of us have been preparing for UPSC, which is our ultimate Career Goal & we also used to discuss the Subject matter & Preparation Plans, helping out each other. Presently, the Problem is that She seems to have Ghosted me (since a Month) citing a silly reason that her Phone got Damaged (she'd said something like this even in 2021), but I see her active on various Social Media Platforms, regularly. I have tried reaching out to her through all the Social Media Platforms & have even called her up, but there's no Response at all, from her side. I am not able to understand why she has Ghosted me like this, atleast she could have honestly told me the actual Reason. Sometimes, I feel guilty that I must have been a distraction to her Studies. But I have very strong Feelings for her, which I'd never felt for any other Girl & I believe that we can have a Future together. We both could continue complementing each other in the course of UPSC Preparation & acting as each other's motivation & emotional support (as seen in the Movie "12th Fail"). And if we both successfully clear UPSC together, we could try to convince our Parents for Marriage (these are not just my Fantasies, even she had indirectly expressed her interest in sharing her Future Life with me). Now, I don't understand what to do? How to reach out to her & sort out things between us? If not reconciliation, I believe that I deserve atleast a definite closure with Honest communication. Though, I am going along with my UPSC Preparation, every now & then, I can't Help thinking of her, I'm feeling Lonely, her Emotional & Intellectual Company would be a great Help in the course of my Preparation. She's always been a Positive Motivation not a Distraction in my Career Path. Please advise me, how do I get back at her, presently, she's working in a different State, so reaching out to meet her in person is not feasible & I have unsuccessfully tried out all other means of Communication. What should I do now? I want to hear from her again, I'd feel satisfied even if she breaks it up with me, honestly stating the Reason. I am feeling restless due to this Uncertainty. Should I persistently keep trying to reach out to her, through different means, without giving up on her, until she Responds, Hoping that she'd appreciate my consistent efforts & reconsider the Relationship with me? Or would you advise any other approach, which is better, according to you?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You really need to STOP putting yourself through this.
The reason for your restless state is the dependency that you have been having on her, chats with her, the emotional base with her knowing well enough that there has been no prior agreement on commitment in this relationship. But that's the way the heart is, no?
So, there has been freedom with both of you to go away when you please, to see other people etc...

You have possibly been more into this connection that she has been into it and this has led to expectations from your end.
Go silent and maybe this will give her an idea of missing you if she truly has feelings for you. When you do this, you give yourself some breathing space as well on things that need your focus and also will also reveal if she really wants you as a part of her life. This space is difficult but really important.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |691 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1327 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My age is 30 gf is also of same age ..we have caste issue and she is being hindu..but we love each other deeply ..we are in strong seriously relationship since 5 years ..but suddenly now she has cheated with me with a guy of same caste and too rich..now i am devasted ..i have done everything for her she asked for and i have given my blood sweat and tears to work it this relation into marrige...since i found out my gf had cheated on me i am not in myself..my left chest always has mild to severe pain when i think about her .it is just sudden change of emotions..when i am doing my work i forgets about her but not able to focus and it is reflecting on my performance...please confirm what should i do now .she has said sorry multiple times ..but i cannot trust her the same way and not able to love her same way as it is use to be...though my feelinga for her never gonna die but this feeling only killing me please confirm what should do please
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Heartbreaks can show up in the body as aches and pains; but do visit the doctor to rule out any issue causing the pain in your chest.
I would suggest 'taking a break' from your relationship to process what has gone on...being cheated upon is not easy to digest and you need the time to understand what has happened.
Yes, loss of trust can be very difficult to repair but whether you want to forgive her or not, trust her again or not are things to be dealt with as you go into this 'break mode' as it will allow the anger to heighten, simmer and then dull down while the importance of this person in your life will arise where you can then ask yourself if you wish to continue this relationship or you actually can do away with it.
I do feel that you will benefit from working with a professional on this as your mind state can interfere in the process of reflection and healing. So, do consider that as well...
I will not say that Time Heals, but Time gives you an opportunity to reflect and learn...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1327 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (30M) am looking for suitable match through Arranged Marriage Platforms. Recently, I had connected with a Lady (25F) who seemed to tick all the Boxes, which I preferred in a Life Partner & she seemed to like me too, we both were getting along quite well through chatting & phone calls. When we met, in person for the first time, I POLITELY asked her what's her BODY COUNT (while mentioning that my Body Count is Zero, as I am VIRGIN). Immediately, she lost her Temper, started abusing me & splashed her Drink all over my Face & Clothes, she was physically assaulting me, when the waiters intervened & calmed her down. I was feeling Humiliated in Public. She threatened that she would Report me to the Police for 'SEXUAL HARASSMENT'. Realising that she could ruin my Life, I apologised to her earnestly & made Peace. Needless to say, she ended all contact with me. But, this incident has left me emotionally bruised. Did I do anything Wrong by asking my prospective Life Partner about her Sexual History? Don't I have the Right to know about this aspect of the Woman, I'd be Marrying? Was she right in taking offence at my Question? Can her Reaction be Justified? Does my Question warrant a Criminal Case against me (something as Heinous as 'Sexual Harassment')? How do I handle such situations in the Future? Should I avoid asking, any other prospects, in the future m, such sensitive personal Questions? What do I do, in case, any other Lady, behaves aggressively with me? Would it be better, if I Record our entire conversation, secretly, using a Bodycam, as a Pro-Active measure, to prove my Innocence & defend myself against Criminal Proceedings? Would it be Legal, to Record our Conversation, without her Knowledge or Consent? Or shall I seek her Consent & Proceed cautiously? Please Advise me, how to handle such sensitive situations, in the Future.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Things have definitely changed in the dating and marriage scene from what it was even 20 or 10 years back...
But hey, I still have my reservations on whether women are comfortable answering very intimate questions...do you not think that a question on body count can be reserved to a future meeting maybe when the two of you show interest in each other and when transparency is vital to further the connection?
Right on Day 1, what is the necessity to jump about and get curious about it? Maybe if someone asked you, you would be okay with it but not everyone or every woman is going to be comfortable with it.
When you pay attention to what the other person wants and likes, there are minimal chances of you slipping up and irking them; where is the question then to take care of legal stuff, recording etc...
Genuinely be there with the other person in a conversation and when the rapport is built, the conversation flows effortlessly and you will start to enjoy it. Start to get curious about who they are as people rather than how many people they have slept with...This should help you!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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