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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1162 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 28, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
TP Question by TP on Sep 28, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

My wife abandoned me after 14 years of marriage.
That's OK to me as she was a torture to my parents and me all the time.
The problem is she poisoned my 12 year old son and also emotionally blackmails my son because of which now my son hates me to make his mom happy, he very rarely answers my calls and never reverts to my messages.
They contact me only when school and classes fees are to be paid otherwise I have no whereabouts of my son and what's going on in his life.
Pls advise. I don't wish to get my wife back.

Ans:

Dear TP,

Have you considered legal separation?

The reason I ask this is, you can have visitation rights to your son through legal recourse.

It is unfortunate that your wife has not allowed your son to form his relationship with you. But emotions running high can either cerate or ruin things depending on what the perceptions are.

A 12-year-old needs his mother, and he is impressionable and the emotional blackmail along with your wife leaving home has left him scarred.

As a child, he needs to be loved and provided a loving home.

So obviously, he is going to lean into the parent with who je is currently living with.

If you do have a choice of someone being able to talk to your wife and help patch things up, kindly do that else legal separation seems the only way to be able to maintain some contact with your son.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1162 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 14, 2022

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Relationship
My wife abandoned me after 14 years of marriage. That's ok to me as she was a torture to my parents and me all the time. The problem is she poisoned my 12 year old son and also emotionally blackmails my son because of which now my son hates me to make his mom happy. He very rarely answers my calls and never reverts to my messages. They contact me only when school and class fee are to be paid. Otherwise, I have no whereabouts of my son or what's going on in his life.Pls advise. I don't wish to get my wife back.
Ans:

Dear TP,

It is unfortunate that the child is caught in this crossfire which never should be the case in the first place.

It is a difficult task to rework the relationship between you and your son as he is more inclined to believe his primary caregiver; which is his mother.

But of course, nothing is impossible. I might want to suggest that you approach a family member who can play a neutral role in bringing your wife to a place where she realises that the role of a father is necessary for the child other than just the financial support.

Also, what made you feel that your son hates you? What gives you an indication to that? But since there is no information on that, I will go by what you have shared.

He must be doing this not just to keep his Mom happy but also he must know that she is his only source of emotional support and that he might lose that if he aligns with you.

You can only try and keep trying that someday he will respond to your calls or texts. Also, a legal separation might assure you visitation rights if you go down that path.

But that’s always the last option as it takes a moment to break a relationship and a lifetime to build one.

So salvage what you have and appeal to someone close to the family to step in and save the day.

All the best!

..Read more

Pooja

Pooja Khera  | Answer  |Ask -

Life, Relationship Coach - Answered on Apr 05, 2023

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Relationship
I’m married for 14 years and have a 12 yr old son, both working. It was love marriage but before marriage explained me that leaving her ex from her college as it was not true love. After these 14 years, I came to know that they were having physical relation as well and the same hurt me very hard and couldn’t focus on anything and difficult to believe that with whom I spent 14 yr and still there is something can be hidden. Thats not all, on domestic issues whenever we have argument on household work/ expenses/ guiding son on studying etc, if she is not able to answer or didn’t like my response couldn’t control her anger, she tried to stangle me, beat me up, slapping, pour water/ hot tea on me, also not to mention abusing me in front of my son. Also many times she threatened to end her life by taking a knife in hand or by closing door to attempt hanging. That’s why bedroom & washroom door locks are broken in my house. Due to all these I left house twice in these years but due to her repeated apology and affection to my son I returned. Now I think all these are unbearable and need to take some step for resolution. Also as my son is old enough to understand all happenings don’t want ruin his life with all these nuisance. Humble request to advice as I’m under tremendous pain.
Ans: Violence in any form is unacceptable and alone th reason to walk out of the relationship. No one should ensure violence , disrespect or manipulation in any relationship and in your case there are all three of them. In my opinion, you should walk out of this marriage given your partner has proven there's no change at her end.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1162 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 12, 2023

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Relationship
Mam , I am married since 2000. I have a male child.My wife is a working lady doing Govt. service . Since 2017 I found her behavior towards me & my child has completely changed . She always used to tell lie .She has affair with one of her colleague . She is being completely supported by her family specifically her mother.Without my knowledge she borrowed around 10 lakhs from neighbors of my rented premise at high rate of interest. When the matter come to my knowledge I cleared 7 Lakhs taking loan from Bank . After that she took more loan & left me. Since then , I never inquired about her, never lodge FIR or apply for divorce.I tried to forget her. I have no affair or any mood for remarriage . Rather ,I took care of my child & after rigorous follow up & support , my son cleared NEET & continuing MBBS in Govt. college.My son is aware of everything.He also has no interest towards her mother. In the mean time she has cleared my bank loan & trying to come to me.For this she is pressurizing me.She has no changes.Please suggest what to do.I have no interest towards her.
Ans: Dear Chandra,
It is unfortunate that you have had to go through this. I am sure that you son also has been affected by all of this.
If I understand this correctly, is your wife attempting a reconciliation and wants to have her family back?
If you and your son have a clear decision on not wanting this, I suggest that the three of you meet and hear what she has to say.
Maybe she feels sorry for all that has happened. Hearing her will offer her some respite and also you can convey your decision on not getting back clearly in a respectful way.
Also, your son may or may not want to have a connection with his mother...but give that a chance as well and let them decide that...

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1162 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 15, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
My wife aged 40 years left me after 20 years of marriage. We had one son aged 19 years also. She is citing mental torture by me as the main reason for her decision. She is never allowing to negotiate on the separation issue and is refusing to attend meetings with parents, elders, relationship counceller etc. She only tells that she had suffered a lot till now and will never stay with me in future. She insists for settlement of a house or equivalent money in cash and divorce. I insisted that the past disputes were minor in nature and not sufficient ground for divorce/separation and assured that I will be more careful in future and will never make her sad. Still she is reluctant and avoids any thing that brings reunion possible. She is not having any crush on another person but intends to live a solitude life. She found a job and is living independently without my son. Pl guide me what to do TSR
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It seems clear that your wife does not want a reconciliation. If that is the case, it's better to engage a lawyer that can clearly state the terms of divorce settlement. If mutual consent does not work, this might not be very amicable...hence the lawyer drawing up the terms is a wise option.
I understand that you might want to give the marriage another chance, but if she is unwilling, what can you do? Try and request her for one conversation and express your desire to reconcile...but if she is firm...don't push the agony anymore...find a capable lawyer who knows how to draft a clear agreement of what you want to retain and what is fair for her. Also, if she isn't taking care of the child, then it becomes evident that you are responsible solely for him.
Think quickly and wisely and do the right thing...

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am married for 23 years .Both me & my wife are doing job.I have one son staying with me. After 17 years of marriage I inquired that my wife has sexual relationship with another man . This has hurt me a lot as she betrayed me . As a result she gave no attention to me , my son and my parents . When I got this information , my wife left my house taking hand loan from neighbors . I never lodged any complain with police or file divorce case , rather I took it challenging. I took proper care of my son .Due to hard work & logistic support from me , my son qualified in NEET & continuing MBBS in Govt. college.As my son has grown up & knows the actual fact ,he dislikes his mother & has no contact with her since long.Gradually we have started forgetting her. After 6 years of staying outside , now my wife is trying to come back again forcefully which we do not want. Therefore I request that please advice me what to do.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenging situation you've been through. It's understandable that trust has been broken, and emotions must be complex. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and that of your son during this time. If you feel comfortable, have an open and honest conversation with your wife about the reasons for her return. It's crucial to express your feelings and concerns. It might be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, to facilitate the conversation. If she continues to pursue a return against your wishes, you may want to consult with a legal professional to understand your options and rights. Given the complexity of your situation, it might be beneficial to seek legal advice to understand your rights and responsibilities. A lawyer can help you explore options and provide guidance on how to proceed. Take into account the well-being and feelings of your son in any decision-making process. His opinion and comfort level should be considered, especially if he has chosen not to maintain contact with his mother. Decisions made under emotional stress might not be the best ones. Give yourself time to reflect, assess the situation, and decide what is in the best interest of you and your son Ultimately, the decision of whether to allow your wife back into your lives is a personal one. Consider what is in the best interests of you and your son, taking into account your own well-being and the well-being of your family.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 18, 2024Hindi
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Money
Sir my son in 2009 invested in Mutual fund rs.5000/- and again rs.5000/- another in 2011 total rs.10,000/- with Reliance mutuval funds later this company changed in the name of Nippon India private limite. My son at the of investments he had Old PAN no. Later on job purpose gone abroad and settled. He came in 2019 and submitted redeem his units say 2250 units currenly valued rs. 50,000 above . His application was rejected at first Old PAN Card not surrendered so he surrendered same with original attached with NRE status PAN and submitted agiain who they says You have to link his Aadhar card. He is not in a position to obtain this because he may get citizenship. I referred to SEBI and RBI to intervene but no response from them Please guide me how to redeem and get my son’s investments which I require for my ailing age of 78. Thanks in advance If you require his PAN no surrendered and obtained new NRE status PAN no.
Ans: Since your son cannot link his Aadhaar due to his NRI status, the best approach would be to reach out directly to Nippon India Mutual Fund and explain the situation. You can request the redemption process based on his NRI PAN and KYC status without Aadhaar linking.

Here's what you can do:

Contact Nippon India: Explain that your son is an NRI and cannot obtain an Aadhaar card. Request guidance for an NRI-specific redemption process.

Submit an NRI KYC Update: Ensure that your son's new PAN and NRI status are updated in the KYC records with the fund house. This can be done via the KYC Registration Agency (KRA) or CAMS for mutual funds.

Alternative Contact: If there is no response from the fund house, consider contacting AMFI or SEBI again, providing all necessary documents.

These steps should help you resolve the issue and redeem the units without requiring Aadhaar linkage.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 19, 2024

Money
Hello sir, With your earlier suggestion to achieve 5Cr for retirement and my 3yr old son's education, I'm planning the following monthly investment ( apart from current Parag, Nippon and Mirae investment of 10L+ 10L in PPF): Son's Parag: 8 My Parag:10 Mirae nifty ev & new age:30 Quant Infra:15 Nifty500 Manufacturing:10 Small cap:10 Mid cap:10 NPS vatsalaya:5(giving 25L) Term plan of 3Cr:8K Monthly in-hand savings:15k Plz suggest if I'm over diversifying & suggestion for small and mid cap fund
Ans: You have a good balance between long-term goals, such as retirement and your son's education, with monthly investments across multiple funds.

Investing Rs 15,000 of monthly savings alongside current investments and having Rs 10 lakh each in Parag and PPF is commendable. This shows discipline in securing your financial future.

Portfolio Overview
Let’s assess the diversification of your portfolio:

Son's Parag: Rs 8,000/month
This could be a good long-term investment for your child's future.

Your Parag: Rs 10,000/month
This adds value to your retirement goal.

Mirae Nifty EV & New Age: Rs 30,000/month
Investing Rs 30,000 in a thematic fund is a bold move. However, ensure this is for the long-term, as sector-specific funds can be volatile.

Quant Infra: Rs 15,000/month
Infrastructure is a good bet for growth in India. However, similar to thematic funds, it can be cyclical.

Nifty500 Manufacturing: Rs 10,000/month
Manufacturing is an essential part of India’s growth story. Still, its performance can depend on broader economic factors.

Small Cap: Rs 10,000/month
Small caps provide high growth potential but come with higher volatility. Keep a horizon of at least 7-10 years.

Mid Cap: Rs 10,000/month
Mid-cap investments are good for growth, but they too require a longer horizon.

NPS Vatsalaya: Rs 5,000/month
A good addition for retirement, as it provides long-term benefits and pension security.

Term Plan of Rs 3 crore: Rs 8,000 premium
This is a necessary expense to ensure your family’s financial security in your absence.

Assessing Over-Diversification
While diversification reduces risk, too much of it can dilute returns. Your portfolio seems slightly over-diversified.

Consider reducing thematic exposure (Mirae Nifty EV & Quant Infra) as they make up a large portion of your investments.

It might be more beneficial to concentrate on core funds like small caps, mid caps, large caps, and a flexi-cap fund for diversification across market caps without the risks of being overly thematic.

Small Cap and Mid Cap Suggestions
For small cap funds, consider selecting ones with a consistent performance history and a good track record in handling market volatility.

For mid cap funds, those that have shown steady growth across different market conditions will be a safer bet for building long-term wealth.

Instead of focusing on individual scheme names, select funds with a solid investment team, strong processes, and consistent performance.

Direct vs Regular Funds
Switching to Direct Funds might seem like a good idea due to the lower expense ratio. However, this shift means losing the valuable guidance of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) who can help you optimize your investments over time.

By sticking with Regular Funds through a professional MFD (Mutual Fund Distributor), you get personalized advice, monitoring of your investments, and support with tax-saving strategies. Regular funds also provide better handholding, which is crucial in volatile times.

Disadvantages of DIY Platforms
Platforms like MF Central or Zerodha may look attractive for their lower fees, but they have their drawbacks:

Complexity: Managing your portfolio without professional help can be complicated, especially when it comes to tracking performance, rebalancing, or adjusting investments based on changing goals.

Lack of Tax Optimization: Without professional guidance, you may not optimize for taxes, potentially losing out on gains.

No Personalized Advice: Unlike a Certified Financial Planner, DIY platforms will not provide you with tailored advice for your financial goals, leaving you to manage everything yourself.

Long-Term Return Expectations
Your current mutual funds are performing well, but you must be prepared for market volatility. While returns can be 20% in short-term spurts, a more realistic long-term average would be around 12-15%. This will help in planning more effectively for your goals like your son’s education and your retirement corpus of Rs 5 crore.

Final Insights
Your disciplined approach and allocation to mutual funds and NPS are excellent for long-term wealth building. However, fine-tuning your portfolio for better efficiency and consolidation will enhance your returns.

Review the Thematic Funds: Consider reducing your exposure to thematic funds like EV, infrastructure, and manufacturing. These sectors can be volatile and may require active monitoring.

Stick with Regular Funds through an MFD: While direct funds may seem appealing, sticking with regular funds and leveraging the expertise of a Certified Financial Planner ensures you won’t miss out on personalized advice and tax optimization.

Focus on Core Funds: Keep a balanced allocation towards small-cap, mid-cap, and large-cap funds to ensure you cover different market cycles and benefit from market growth.

Adjusting for Volatility: Remember that 20% returns might not be sustainable over the long term. It's safe to plan for 12-15% average returns for your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 19, 2024

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Money
I have ~40L in my portfolio and all my MF`s are Regular funds since I have been investing thru ICICIDirect. Now I want to start investing into Direct funds since I realize that Direct funds have lower Expense ratio. So I want to invest thru MFcentral or Zeroda. Now, my quesiton is: Is it a good idea to cancel my existing MF`s (not redeeming) in ICICIDirect and start new direct SIP`s ? Will I be loosing compounding effect of my existing regular MF`s? I dont want to redeem the SIP`s since it will incurr large LTCG taxes
Ans: It may seem tempting to switch to Direct Funds for the lower expense ratio, but there are key factors to consider before making the switch.

Here are a few points in favor of continuing with Regular Funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) or a professional Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD):

Value of Professional Advice
A professional MFD or CFP adds value by offering timely advice, portfolio reviews, and strategic changes based on market conditions and your financial goals. They help you stay focused on long-term plans and avoid emotional decisions.

Platforms like MF Central or Zerodha do not offer personalized advice. You’re left managing the complexities of your portfolio alone, which can be overwhelming and risky, especially during volatile markets.

Disadvantages of Direct Platforms
MF Central and Zerodha are DIY (Do-It-Yourself) platforms. While the lower expense ratio seems appealing, managing the portfolio on your own requires time, expertise, and market insight. Any wrong move could cost you more than you save in expense ratio.

MF Central is not user-friendly and does not offer real-time support for managing SIPs, rebalancing, or tracking your overall portfolio’s health.

Zerodha is a trading platform, but it doesn’t come with personalized advice. It lacks the long-term relationship benefits that an MFD or CFP provides, including goal-based planning and tax-efficient strategies.

Compounding Effect & Tax Implications
Cancelling your existing SIPs and switching to direct funds will not directly affect the compounding of your current investments. However, starting new SIPs in Direct Plans could lead to a disjointed investment strategy. You may also lose out on expert guidance that helps optimize the compounding effect through proper fund selection and market timing.

Switching to direct funds might seem cost-effective in the short run but could result in higher LTCG (Long Term Capital Gains) taxes if you later decide to rebalance your portfolio on your own without professional help.

Avoid Disruption
Switching platforms might disrupt your current portfolio management process like consolidated reports and capital gains tracking, which helps during tax filings. On DIY platforms, you will have to manage all of this yourself.

If you are not satisfied with ICICIDirect's services, you can always switch to another professional MFD or Certified Financial Planner (CFP). A good MFD will still provide the benefits of seamless portfolio management, including consolidated reports, capital gains tracking, and regular reviews, which are critical during tax filings and for keeping your investments aligned with your goals.

Final Thought
Instead of switching to direct plans, continue with Regular Plans through a professional MFD or CFP. The personalized advice you receive will often outweigh the slight difference in expense ratio. Regular reviews, goal setting, and rebalancing help ensure your portfolio remains aligned with your long-term objectives.

Making hasty decisions based on expense ratio alone can lead to missed opportunities and higher risks in the long run.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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