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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |175 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

I am married for 23 years .Both me & my wife are doing job.I have one son staying with me. After 17 years of marriage I inquired that my wife has sexual relationship with another man . This has hurt me a lot as she betrayed me . As a result she gave no attention to me , my son and my parents . When I got this information , my wife left my house taking hand loan from neighbors . I never lodged any complain with police or file divorce case , rather I took it challenging. I took proper care of my son .Due to hard work & logistic support from me , my son qualified in NEET & continuing MBBS in Govt. college.As my son has grown up & knows the actual fact ,he dislikes his mother & has no contact with her since long.Gradually we have started forgetting her. After 6 years of staying outside , now my wife is trying to come back again forcefully which we do not want. Therefore I request that please advice me what to do.

Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenging situation you've been through. It's understandable that trust has been broken, and emotions must be complex. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and that of your son during this time. If you feel comfortable, have an open and honest conversation with your wife about the reasons for her return. It's crucial to express your feelings and concerns. It might be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, to facilitate the conversation. If she continues to pursue a return against your wishes, you may want to consult with a legal professional to understand your options and rights. Given the complexity of your situation, it might be beneficial to seek legal advice to understand your rights and responsibilities. A lawyer can help you explore options and provide guidance on how to proceed. Take into account the well-being and feelings of your son in any decision-making process. His opinion and comfort level should be considered, especially if he has chosen not to maintain contact with his mother. Decisions made under emotional stress might not be the best ones. Give yourself time to reflect, assess the situation, and decide what is in the best interest of you and your son Ultimately, the decision of whether to allow your wife back into your lives is a personal one. Consider what is in the best interests of you and your son, taking into account your own well-being and the well-being of your family.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |835 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 12, 2023

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Relationship
Mam , I am married since 2000. I have a male child.My wife is a working lady doing Govt. service . Since 2017 I found her behavior towards me & my child has completely changed . She always used to tell lie .She has affair with one of her colleague . She is being completely supported by her family specifically her mother.Without my knowledge she borrowed around 10 lakhs from neighbors of my rented premise at high rate of interest. When the matter come to my knowledge I cleared 7 Lakhs taking loan from Bank . After that she took more loan & left me. Since then , I never inquired about her, never lodge FIR or apply for divorce.I tried to forget her. I have no affair or any mood for remarriage . Rather ,I took care of my child & after rigorous follow up & support , my son cleared NEET & continuing MBBS in Govt. college.My son is aware of everything.He also has no interest towards her mother. In the mean time she has cleared my bank loan & trying to come to me.For this she is pressurizing me.She has no changes.Please suggest what to do.I have no interest towards her.
Ans: Dear Chandra,
It is unfortunate that you have had to go through this. I am sure that you son also has been affected by all of this.
If I understand this correctly, is your wife attempting a reconciliation and wants to have her family back?
If you and your son have a clear decision on not wanting this, I suggest that the three of you meet and hear what she has to say.
Maybe she feels sorry for all that has happened. Hearing her will offer her some respite and also you can convey your decision on not getting back clearly in a respectful way.
Also, your son may or may not want to have a connection with his mother...but give that a chance as well and let them decide that...

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |175 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 31, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 29, 2023Hindi
Relationship
Hi Ma'am, I am 36 years old and got married in the year 2014. I wanted to be in a joint family but my wife does not like it from the starting days itself. My parents used to stay with me periodically but not continuously. We have 2 boy children now. During my 1st boy child naming ceremony, my wife's family created issues and threatened me and my mother with bad words and forced for a separate family which i never agreed. After that issue, my wife never returned to my matrimonial home. After lot of efforts from my relatives, we joined back again. But the personal vengeance of my wife on my parents still continued. She used to misbehave with them some times like not listening to my mother's words and she never used to help my mother on all the house hold activities. My mother used to take care of all the household works. In the mean time we are blessed with 2nd boy. She stayed in my house during her second pregnancy, her preganancy well assisted by my mother and me both financially and emotionally. But i used to tell my wife to do very small houshold activities to make her physically well fit for her normal delivery but she took that suggession in a wring way and considered it as a torcher. During her ninth month of her pregnancy she went to her parents house to write a competitive exam but never returned back instead she continued to stay there and returning back to my home. So it has been more than two years now that she left me. During this time, i visited for her birthday, her father died, me and my parents visited his funeral, i visited my sons birthday. So i almost did all my efforts to bring back her to my home but she refused all my chances. So I filed a divorce case since i dont have any hope in my marriage life anymore. But i wanted to live with her since we have two children. Any suggestions/advices please.
Ans: I understand the complex and challenging situation you're facing in your marriage. It's clear that there have been significant conflicts and misunderstandings between you and your wife, and you've made attempts to resolve them. Here are some thoughts and advice from a counseling perspective:

Open Communication: Effective and empathetic communication is crucial. Encourage both you and your wife to express your feelings and concerns in a safe and non-confrontational manner. A counselor can help facilitate these discussions and ensure that both parties have a chance to be heard.
Professional Counseling: Seeking the help of a qualified marriage counselor or therapist is highly recommended. A counselor can provide a neutral perspective, offer strategies for conflict resolution, and help you both explore the underlying issues in your relationship.
Child-Centered Approach: As you have children, it's vital to prioritize their well-being. Regardless of the outcome, work together on a co-parenting plan that focuses on their emotional and psychological needs. A counselor can assist in creating a plan that ensures your children's stability and happiness.
Understanding and Empathy: Try to understand each other's perspectives, feelings, and needs. There seems to be a lack of understanding between you and your wife, and it's important to build empathy and find common ground.
Legal Matters: Consult with a family lawyer to fully understand your rights, responsibilities, and potential outcomes regarding divorce, child custody, and financial matters. It's crucial to be well-informed about the legal implications of your decisions.
Reconciliation Efforts: If both you and your wife are open to the possibility of reconciliation, be prepared for a long and challenging process. It will require time, patience, and a willingness to address the root causes of your issues.
Understanding: Try to understand your wife's perspective and feelings, and encourage her to understand yours. Misunderstandings can often lead to conflicts, and gaining insight into each other's point of view can be a first step toward resolution.
Co-parenting: Regardless of the outcome of your marriage, your focus should be on the well-being of your children. It's essential to develop a co-parenting plan that prioritizes their needs and stability. Self-Care: Take care of your own well-being. Navigating these difficult circumstances can be emotionally and mentally taxing, so ensure you maintain your own emotional and mental health.
Reflect on Your Expectations: Take time to reflect on your expectations regarding family arrangements and what you're willing to compromise on. It may be necessary to find a middle ground between your desire for a joint family and your wife's preference for a separate one.

Remember that the decision to reconcile or proceed with the divorce should be made with the well-being of both you and your wife, as well as your children, in mind. Professional counseling and mediation can provide the support and tools you need to navigate this challenging situation. Whether the ultimate goal is reconciliation or an amicable separation, the involvement of a qualified therapist can be instrumental in moving forward in a healthy and constructive way.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |835 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 12, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 02, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I have second marriage and staying 9 years. Now my age is 50 years, and my wife age is 40. We have a 6-year-old son. Me working in a managerial position in an industry, and she is a houses wife. During our married life I have been noticed that no interest in married life. She has no expectation from married life, no responsibility and duty performed towards married life. Always avoid from responsibility and duty. Through the married life she has been found liar in nature and dirty woman very much. Now our son also tells lie and his mother provoke it. I and very much upset for this liar nature. At the time of she tells false about her educational qualification. Though we are staying in a home but staying separate room. My wife nature and behaviour are completely different from her sibling. Now I suspect that she may be illegal issue of her mother. I have maintained the married life only because of considering son future and not find any matching partner. Please advise me how to grow up my son and how to take care him. If I go for divorce what problem, son may face and how to take care him.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are upset with your wife and that is evident. Leave it at that...there is no need to justify this thought by imagining that she might be an illegal child of her mother etc...it does not help you or your case!
Stick to what is bothering you...Ask yourself if you want to continue in the marriage or not...if you are holding back because of your son, then be prepared to accept your wife as she is OR tell her what it is that you do not like about her as qualities. You say that she lies; state clearly what she is lying about...State that you are upset that she lied about her educational qualifications...
State clearly what responsibilities towards married life she hasn't yet fulfilled.
Without this communication, your dislike for her will only increase and you will find more reasons to justify this dislike. Instead, find a way to make things better...I am sure that she will also want this for the sake of your 6-year old son...

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |835 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 15, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I have been married from 15 yrs. I have a 9 yrs old son with me. In oct 21 my wife (age 38) started making REELS on insta of the facial acting. She got involved and told me that she is just doing for followers and like. People used to comment good and bad which i didnt like. She was trying to make young guy friends. In april 2022 she had an affair with a 22-year-old boy who was not even financial stable. I could she changes in her every day. In June 2022 I caught her and she confess that she did affair and also done physical relationship. I had unconditionally loved her all these years and didn’t wanted to let her go. Also, didn’t wanted to hurt my son by taking a divorce. That guy refused to keep my son and their relation broke, but my wife still loved him and missed him. Few months she was in depression and I took her upmost care and swallowed what she did. I just told her that please come back to our life as you were before but she was not getting back. There used to be few quarrels, she was just staying alone within herself and I never felt that love which she used to give me. Later in feb23 there was a marriage at her family and I agree to go with her so she may get that feel during our times and she promised me to enjoy the marriage and make love with me. But she was happy with her relative and didn’t even bother to make that love and affection with me. from that time, I used to get angry and fight with her. I went into depression. In May 2023 she was getting worst and one day fight increased and I asked her to leave my house which I wasn’t intentionally wanted to. She left and went missing 24 yrs and then called from her mom mobile who was in her village, since she didn’t come back home and from last two month, she has been asking me money for herself and says it’s her rights. She doesn’t bother for my son and just show that she loves him. She works and stay with woman from 6 months and I’m looking after my son all alone. I told her u can work but just come home and make things better for my son. Her conditions is to give money security (money) then only she will return. All my family says she is just behind money and doesn’t care what I and my son is going through. She is not guilt for what she did. 15 yrs of marriage has been ruin and now she has no shame at all. She talks rudely if i dont send her money and now I refused sending her. Please advice what do I do now.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You seem to have done a lot to try and get her back. What can you do if she doesn't want to acknowledge your efforts or appreciate what family life is! One would imagine that a child in the equation may bring about a change in heart but that doesn't seem to be the case here at this moment.
Your family members are right in their mind about the way that see your wife as they have been observing how this has impacted you and your son.
Either you wait for her to come to her senses OR simply learn to live life without her. If the outside world of social media is what seems to satisfy her, no matter what you do, she will be dissatisfied and unhappy. This only means that she has to learn and appreciate what she has with you and your son.
It is also possible that she has been disinterested in the marriage for a while now and has been seeking approval and validation from people on social media. Even if this is the case, being angry with you is understandable BUT what about her own child? What makes her not want to deal with that reality? If you need an answer to this, simply WAIT and WATCH without begging her to come back...That will give you an idea as to where her mind is and then decide on the future course...

All the best!

..Read more

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Sushil

Sushil Sukhwani  |330 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 01, 2024Hindi
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Career
My doughter completed mbbs internship in india Karnataka she wants. Study pg in outside india
Ans: Hello,

To begin with, thank you for contacting us. I am glad to hear that your daughter has completed her MBBS internship in Karnataka, India and now wishes to pursue her postgraduate (PG) studies abroad. Based on her choices, professional objectives, as well as the programs that are offered in her chosen field of expertise, I would like to tell you that she can apply to countries viz., the USA, Canada, the UK, Ireland, Germany, Australia, and Singapore for the same. Besides the ones mentioned above, there are a number of other nations that provide outstanding programs for postgraduate medical education. I would recommend that your daughter takes into account these steps:

Firstly, she should conduct a comprehensive study on countries and universities offering postgraduate medical programs, taking into account variables viz., the reputation, course offerings, experience of the faculty members, clinical placements, as well as the specializations that are available. Next, she should look into the entry prerequisites for overseas students applying to PG medical programs in the country she has chosen. Remember that prerequisites may differ, including academic credentials, language competency (viz., scores of the TOEFL or IELTS tests), and perhaps even medical licensing exams like the PLAB or USMLE. Next, as part of the application procedure, your daughter will need to submit her academic marksheets, a statement of purpose (SOP), endorsement letters, and at times, scores of standardized tests. Make sure she adheres to all the prerequisites and deadlines for every program that she applies to. I would suggest that your daughter takes into account the cost of studying overseas, including costs of living, healthcare, tuition, as well as any prospective scholarships or possibilities for monetary assistance. She should look into scholarships available to overseas students. In addition, help her locate appropriate housing, be it private rentals, university accommodation, or homestays whilst taking into account variables viz., safety, closeness to the university, and the cost. Not just that, also make sure that your daughter possesses adequate medical insurance coverage that satisfies the university and host country's criteria. I would recommend that your daughter gets in touch with alumni, former and current international students, faculty members, as well as experts in her academic field. Remember that developing a robust network can offer advice, invaluable assistance, as well as chances to collaborate. I would suggest that your daughter learns about the visa prerequisites and immigration procedures for the nation she has chosen. Ensure that she applies for the right visa on schedule and completes all the required paperwork. I would recommend that you assist your daughter in preparing for her study abroad experience, including adjusting to a new culture, adapting to a new academic setting, as well as overcoming any possible homesickness. Lastly, keep abreast on any updates or advancements pertaining to travel abroad, immigration laws, and healthcare rules. I would like to tell you that by adhering to these steps and examining her possibilities, your daughter can successfully pursue her postgraduate medical education abroad.

For more information, you can visit our website.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1280 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1280 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1280 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

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Money
I recently received 10 lakhs which was invested earlier. Currently i invest 18k in parag parekh flexi, 15k in Navi nifty50, 15k ICICI pru s&p index, 8k quant mid, 8 k quant small,8k Motilal Oswal mid, 8k Nippon India small, 12.5k elss quant, 7.5k gold, 20k debt. Will be doing this for next 20yrs. How do I put my lumpsum of 10lakhs in this? Should I bulk invest or slowly put money in to these over next 6 months
Ans: Congratulations on receiving the 10 lakhs! That's a great opportunity to boost your investments for the next 20 years. Here's a breakdown of the two approaches for your lump sum:

Bulk Invest:

Pros: Takes advantage of rupee-cost averaging. The market fluctuates, so by investing everything at once, you capture some units at potentially lower prices. It's also simpler to manage, requiring just one investment decision.
Cons: If the market takes a dip right after you invest, your entire sum goes in at a potentially higher price.
SIP over 6 Months:

Pros: Provides a form of averaging as you invest across different market conditions. Offers some peace of mind if you're concerned about market volatility.
Cons: Misses out on the potential benefit of rupee-cost averaging if the market trends upwards. Requires more discipline to consistently invest each month.
Choosing the Right Approach:

There's no one-size-fits-all answer. It depends on your risk tolerance:

Comfortable with some risk? A bulk investment might be suitable.
Prefer to spread the risk? Consider SIPs over 6 months.
Here's a suggestion: Talk to a certified financial planner. They can analyze your existing portfolio (diversified across equity, debt, and gold - that's good!) and risk profile to recommend the best way to deploy your lump sum. They can even suggest a hybrid approach, investing a portion upfront and the rest via SIPs.

Remember, you've got a long investment horizon of 20 years. Stay focused and make well-informed decisions to grow your wealth!

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1280 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 16, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am an NRI, 60 years old. Trying for the first time to invest in India. My friend suggest I do invest in SIP and recommend 4 funds - Nippon India large cap, DSP small cap, HDFC flexi cap and ICICI Pru multi assest funds. What do you recommend? How much should I start with? Is 5 k in each fund is ok and monitor? Pl.let mr know. Thank you.
Ans: Ah, coming back to invest in India after all these years, must be a wonderful feeling! It's like reconnecting with a piece of your history. But times change, and so do investments. SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans) are a brilliant way to build your nest egg over time, a bit by bit, just like that proverbial rice bag!

Your friend's suggestion of diversifying across large, small, and flexi-cap funds makes perfect sense. Think of it as having a well-rounded meal – you wouldn't want just dal, would you? You want the whole thali! Diversification helps spread the risk, just like having a strong support system in life.

Now, 5k in each fund is a good starting point. But remember, the amount depends on your overall financial goals. How much do you want this nest egg to be? Visualize it - a comfortable retirement by the beach? Helping your grandchildren with their education? Once you have that vision, a Certified Financial Planner can help you tailor your SIP contributions to reach it.

So, take that first step! It's like planting a sapling – it might seem small now, but with careful nurturing, it can grow into a magnificent tree. Happy investing!

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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