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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |407 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

We got married in 2011 our marriage was not love but also not arranged... it was our both second marriage... I was very much clear about my past marriage & my life with my wife. I hoped that she was clear about hers, we shifted to our own house after 3 years of marriage along with our son. But within 6 months of shifting her friend visited her & she went to other city for vacation with our son for 15 days. Till now everything was fine, but then everything changed she decided for further studies & build her career accordingly to which I welcomed her decision. But when she completed her further studies she started seeing or treating me lowly on various issues. I came to know that she had some past with her friend who came to visit her. First she started telling everyone as I am not highly educated we are having Financial Crisis & she has to leave home & stay in other city to earn. I work in a reputed firm & I am financially stable. After year or so she started accusing me that I am not a good father & irresponsible towards my duties towards my son. After some years she cam back to the city where we lived but shifted to other residence with the support her friend who was with her from the time she went to study. Now my son is 12 years old & I am supporting her with all financial needs, she has left me alone to stay & have cleared me that she will not come back to stay with me as everything is over. I feel cheated what can I do.

Ans: Your marriage, being both your second, likely carried with it hopes for stability and mutual support. It's commendable that you supported your wife in her decision to further her education and build her career. However, it seems that her behavior and treatment towards you changed significantly after she reconnected with her friend and pursued her studies.

The shift in her attitude, accusations, and decision to live separately must be incredibly hurtful and confusing. Feeling accused of being an inadequate father and being told you are financially unstable, despite your stable job, would naturally cause significant emotional distress. Additionally, her move to a different residence with the support of her friend and her declaration that everything is over must feel like a deep betrayal.

Given the current situation, it's important to focus on a few key areas: understanding your legal rights, seeking emotional support, and planning for the future.

First, it's crucial to understand your legal rights and responsibilities, particularly regarding your son and the financial support you're providing. Consulting with a family law attorney can help clarify your position and ensure that you're fulfilling your obligations while protecting your interests. An attorney can also provide guidance on potential steps if you choose to pursue a separation or divorce.

Emotionally, this is a very challenging time, and seeking support from a therapist or counselor can be incredibly beneficial. Professional support can help you process your feelings of betrayal, sadness, and confusion. Therapy can also provide a safe space to explore your emotions and develop strategies to cope with this difficult period.

Your son is another critical aspect of this situation. At 12 years old, he is at a sensitive age, and the changes in the family dynamic likely impact him as well. Ensuring that he feels supported and loved is crucial. Open, honest communication with him, tailored to his age and understanding, can help him navigate his feelings about the situation.

As you move forward, it's important to consider your own well-being and future. Reflect on what you need to feel supported and fulfilled. This might include setting boundaries with your wife, seeking more time with your son, or finding new ways to build your own happiness and stability.

Maintaining a focus on clear communication, legal clarity, and emotional support will help you navigate this difficult situation. It's understandable to feel cheated and hurt, but taking steps to understand your rights, seeking professional support, and planning for the future can provide a path forward. You deserve to find stability and happiness, even amidst these challenging circumstances.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1321 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 12, 2023

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Relationship
Mam , I am married since 2000. I have a male child.My wife is a working lady doing Govt. service . Since 2017 I found her behavior towards me & my child has completely changed . She always used to tell lie .She has affair with one of her colleague . She is being completely supported by her family specifically her mother.Without my knowledge she borrowed around 10 lakhs from neighbors of my rented premise at high rate of interest. When the matter come to my knowledge I cleared 7 Lakhs taking loan from Bank . After that she took more loan & left me. Since then , I never inquired about her, never lodge FIR or apply for divorce.I tried to forget her. I have no affair or any mood for remarriage . Rather ,I took care of my child & after rigorous follow up & support , my son cleared NEET & continuing MBBS in Govt. college.My son is aware of everything.He also has no interest towards her mother. In the mean time she has cleared my bank loan & trying to come to me.For this she is pressurizing me.She has no changes.Please suggest what to do.I have no interest towards her.
Ans: Dear Chandra,
It is unfortunate that you have had to go through this. I am sure that you son also has been affected by all of this.
If I understand this correctly, is your wife attempting a reconciliation and wants to have her family back?
If you and your son have a clear decision on not wanting this, I suggest that the three of you meet and hear what she has to say.
Maybe she feels sorry for all that has happened. Hearing her will offer her some respite and also you can convey your decision on not getting back clearly in a respectful way.
Also, your son may or may not want to have a connection with his mother...but give that a chance as well and let them decide that...

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |407 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am married for 23 years .Both me & my wife are doing job.I have one son staying with me. After 17 years of marriage I inquired that my wife has sexual relationship with another man . This has hurt me a lot as she betrayed me . As a result she gave no attention to me , my son and my parents . When I got this information , my wife left my house taking hand loan from neighbors . I never lodged any complain with police or file divorce case , rather I took it challenging. I took proper care of my son .Due to hard work & logistic support from me , my son qualified in NEET & continuing MBBS in Govt. college.As my son has grown up & knows the actual fact ,he dislikes his mother & has no contact with her since long.Gradually we have started forgetting her. After 6 years of staying outside , now my wife is trying to come back again forcefully which we do not want. Therefore I request that please advice me what to do.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenging situation you've been through. It's understandable that trust has been broken, and emotions must be complex. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and that of your son during this time. If you feel comfortable, have an open and honest conversation with your wife about the reasons for her return. It's crucial to express your feelings and concerns. It might be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, to facilitate the conversation. If she continues to pursue a return against your wishes, you may want to consult with a legal professional to understand your options and rights. Given the complexity of your situation, it might be beneficial to seek legal advice to understand your rights and responsibilities. A lawyer can help you explore options and provide guidance on how to proceed. Take into account the well-being and feelings of your son in any decision-making process. His opinion and comfort level should be considered, especially if he has chosen not to maintain contact with his mother. Decisions made under emotional stress might not be the best ones. Give yourself time to reflect, assess the situation, and decide what is in the best interest of you and your son Ultimately, the decision of whether to allow your wife back into your lives is a personal one. Consider what is in the best interests of you and your son, taking into account your own well-being and the well-being of your family.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1321 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 15, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I have been married from 15 yrs. I have a 9 yrs old son with me. In oct 21 my wife (age 38) started making REELS on insta of the facial acting. She got involved and told me that she is just doing for followers and like. People used to comment good and bad which i didnt like. She was trying to make young guy friends. In april 2022 she had an affair with a 22-year-old boy who was not even financial stable. I could she changes in her every day. In June 2022 I caught her and she confess that she did affair and also done physical relationship. I had unconditionally loved her all these years and didn’t wanted to let her go. Also, didn’t wanted to hurt my son by taking a divorce. That guy refused to keep my son and their relation broke, but my wife still loved him and missed him. Few months she was in depression and I took her upmost care and swallowed what she did. I just told her that please come back to our life as you were before but she was not getting back. There used to be few quarrels, she was just staying alone within herself and I never felt that love which she used to give me. Later in feb23 there was a marriage at her family and I agree to go with her so she may get that feel during our times and she promised me to enjoy the marriage and make love with me. But she was happy with her relative and didn’t even bother to make that love and affection with me. from that time, I used to get angry and fight with her. I went into depression. In May 2023 she was getting worst and one day fight increased and I asked her to leave my house which I wasn’t intentionally wanted to. She left and went missing 24 yrs and then called from her mom mobile who was in her village, since she didn’t come back home and from last two month, she has been asking me money for herself and says it’s her rights. She doesn’t bother for my son and just show that she loves him. She works and stay with woman from 6 months and I’m looking after my son all alone. I told her u can work but just come home and make things better for my son. Her conditions is to give money security (money) then only she will return. All my family says she is just behind money and doesn’t care what I and my son is going through. She is not guilt for what she did. 15 yrs of marriage has been ruin and now she has no shame at all. She talks rudely if i dont send her money and now I refused sending her. Please advice what do I do now.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You seem to have done a lot to try and get her back. What can you do if she doesn't want to acknowledge your efforts or appreciate what family life is! One would imagine that a child in the equation may bring about a change in heart but that doesn't seem to be the case here at this moment.
Your family members are right in their mind about the way that see your wife as they have been observing how this has impacted you and your son.
Either you wait for her to come to her senses OR simply learn to live life without her. If the outside world of social media is what seems to satisfy her, no matter what you do, she will be dissatisfied and unhappy. This only means that she has to learn and appreciate what she has with you and your son.
It is also possible that she has been disinterested in the marriage for a while now and has been seeking approval and validation from people on social media. Even if this is the case, being angry with you is understandable BUT what about her own child? What makes her not want to deal with that reality? If you need an answer to this, simply WAIT and WATCH without begging her to come back...That will give you an idea as to where her mind is and then decide on the future course...

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1321 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2024Hindi
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Hi , I am a professor mech engineer , after death of my wife and due to having 5 year girl baby I planned for 2 nd marriage as I live alone away from home town because my of job with my little baby . I accepted a widow having 2 child ,she was working in a govt job 250 km away , after ensuring and agreeing her possibility of transfer and job vacancy @govt office near my house and ensuring she agreed that she will come to live with me along with her 2 kids and my little baby as her trasfer was due in comming few months . We lived apart during her job at 250 km away.,while meeting on weekly offs 6 /7 time in 6 months , then she take 360 degree u turn and said she will not get job transfer to my place and get her trasfer in other dept. in same previous office. And started telling many reasons like she will loose her children's inheritance in her in-laws property ,she will loose promotion , kids Don't want trasfer , and said we will live apart forever . This was contradictory to earlier agreed things .and my my purpose to live in family with my baby not fulfilled , so after long ruckus ,I mutually got divorce from her , Then After divorce I decided to marry non working women having no child and don't expect child as I am @48 year old and tired of living alone and managing job ,girl , house chores . I married to a divorcee girl from Pune ,she was BA first year college drop out girl of 44 yr age after 6 months of long dating on week ends . During 6 months I tried to know her indepth but was don't used to talk much as I was trying to know her true nature, we visited many places ,movies . She seemed perfect as per my requirement of girl wanting no child , and she is house wife . after marriage she behave well for 1 st week ,then she started trouble to hate my baby ( became kaikai )on pety things , she want my baby to house chores at the cost of her important year of 10th std study . She don't liked me taking tution of girl , she didn't like if I help my girl any way . She don't like if I spent some money on my girl . She used to fight all night and don't let me sleep . Now she stated demanding that she want baby , though I was against and b4 marriage agreed to not have any more child due to old age ,cost ,and no personal time for self , then I agreed to have child but b4 that I got her and my fertility tested ,she had weak eggs and syst on her reproductive organs and doc warned to not go for pregnancy due to risk and probability of unhealthy baby birth , but she kept repeating That she want child we consulted 4 Drs. She used to fight and go to her mother's home for 2/4 months after living with me for 2/3 days only . Now she wants divorce , and asks me to keep my girl in hostel if I want her in my life . This Ramayan has left me baffled , What should I do ??? .....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The reason to marry for you mainly has been companionship, a mother for your daughter...
And marriage is not a transaction BUT a meeting of minds...when there is no compatibility, there is no space for agreeing on the same things or wanting to make things work which is possibly what has happened with your 2nd and 3rd marriage.
If you want this marriage to work, there has to be an equal commitment by both of you, so, start by emotionally bonding first. Slowly build on this by making goals for the marriage and the future...your only goal can't be mother for your child...not all women are going to readily accept this and some may even falter along the way. Allow the lady and your daughter to bond together for sometime so they develop a unique relationship...
Understand that transactional relationships do not last; so, invest enough time in building trust in that companionship for it to become something meaningful

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |407 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 24, 2024Hindi
Relationship
How can an elder man attract young women
Ans: Attracting someone, regardless of age, begins with authenticity and mutual respect. If an older man is interested in forming a connection with a younger woman, it’s important to focus on qualities that foster meaningful relationships. Younger women are often drawn to the stability, confidence, and life experience that an older man can bring to the table, but the key lies in presenting these qualities without pretense or arrogance.

Confidence rooted in self-awareness and emotional maturity can be particularly appealing. This doesn’t mean showing off achievements or wealth, but rather displaying a genuine sense of self and clarity about what you want in life. Emotional maturity—expressed through kindness, patience, and good communication—creates a safe and engaging space for meaningful interactions.

Equally important is the ability to connect on a deeper level. Shared interests, respect for her individuality, and a willingness to engage with her worldview go a long way. Relationships thrive when both individuals feel valued and heard. An older man should approach a younger woman with curiosity about her experiences and aspirations, while also offering his perspective in a way that enriches the connection rather than dominating it.

It’s also crucial to approach such a dynamic with an understanding of potential societal perceptions. While age-gap relationships are increasingly accepted, they often come with assumptions or judgments. The foundation of a strong relationship in this context lies in ensuring that the connection feels equal, mutually respectful, and free of power imbalances.

Finally, maintaining physical and emotional health contributes to overall attractiveness. When a man prioritizes his wellbeing, it not only enhances his confidence but also signals that he values himself and his relationships. Attraction in any relationship is multifaceted, involving both external qualities and the inner richness of character.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |407 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 22, 2024
Relationship
I was in a relationship with a boy(he is 35 yrs old man, and a lawyer but not practising in a court, he had a lot of relationship during our relationship and after break up , He had changed 4, 5 women or used them physically) for 3 years. It has been three-four months. We are not in a relationship. We have broken up. I told him to delete our personal pics and videos. He is not deleting them and is not blackmailing me either. I told him that since we don't want to be together, we don't have a future together, then delete them. He is not deleting them and is not blackmailing me either and I want him to delete them. Who knows what will come to his mind in the future and what will happen. If we don't continue, he has no right to Keep the pics in your mobile, whatever video is personal to us, don't delete it and don't blackmail me either. I am not able to understand what should I tell him, although I have requested him a lot to delete it but he is not doing it either, He told me that I have kept ur pics and videos So that I cannot complain against him in future. so what should I do, please guide me. I know I had made a huge mistake to love him and gave him right to keep personal pics or videos..
Ans: At this point, it’s essential to protect your emotional and mental health while addressing this issue. You might consider seeking support from someone you trust, such as a close friend or family member, to share this burden. Talking to someone who knows you and your situation can provide comfort and practical guidance.

If he continues to refuse, you may need to explore your legal options. Many countries have laws that protect individuals from having private photos or videos kept or shared without their consent. Taking this step might feel daunting, but it could give you a sense of empowerment and security. It’s not about revenge or escalation; it’s about protecting yourself and asserting your right to move forward without this hanging over you.

On an emotional level, remind yourself that you are not defined by this relationship or the choices you made while in it. You trusted someone who didn’t honor that trust, but this doesn’t diminish your value or strength. It’s natural to feel regret, but you deserve compassion from yourself as you work through this.

You’re not alone in this, and it’s okay to seek help—whether that’s legal advice, emotional support from loved ones, or even professional counseling to navigate the stress and anxiety this situation might be causing. The most important thing now is to take steps that protect your peace of mind and ensure your future isn’t weighed down by his actions.

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |687 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 23, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello Team, Hi Dev Sir, I am 43 years old employed. Here are my financial stats: Loan - 35 lacs Saving- 27 lacs 1 house bought in 2009 at rent (14000/month) and valued at 60 lacs Another house which I live is valued at 90 lacs Monthly income after tax - 2.5 lac Monthly expenses- 1 lac PF/gratuity - 16 lacs MF - 2 lacs NPS - 4 lacs What are my options to retire after 5 yrs with good corpus?
Ans: Hello;

What is your monthly contribution to EPF, NPS and MFs?

Please clarify so as to advise you suitably.

Thanks;

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |3918 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Nov 24, 2024

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Career
Sir i am currently in class 11 th and i just want to prepare for jee mains and advanced 2026 exam so give me some roadmap to achieve and also guide me for computer science
Ans: Shreya, I trust that you have already enrolled in a coaching center, whether it be online or in person, and have finished your eleventh syllabus. (1) If you have not yet created your own short-notes for the 11th syllabus that has been completed, prepare it and continue to revise them every three days until 2026, even after you have commenced studying the 12th syllabus in December 2024. (2) Review the questions that you have incorrectly answered or skipped in mock tests conducted by your Coaching Center and/or practiced independently. (3) In order to increase your rank/percentile by targeting computer science at a reputable college/institute, prioritize mathematics (although all three subjects are equally important). (4) You should be thorough with NCERT books, particularly those pertaining to chemistry, in conjunction with the materials provided by your coaching institute. (5) Have 1-2 reference books for each subject. Not exceeding two. (6) Review the questions that were incorrectly answered or skipped in your mock and practice exams and retake the test. It is advisable to maintain a distinct note-book for these types of questions, which should include answers and elucidating notes, in order to review them repeatedly for all three subjects. (7) Download the SYLLABUS of JEE Main 2025 (available on Google by searching for "JEE Main Information Bulletin") and print it out, as there will be no significant changes to the syllabus in 2026. Maintain it on your study table and continue to update the 11th syllabus chapters and concepts that you have covered to date by marking them with a checkmark. This will boost your confidence if you continue to update the same till November 2025. (8) A slight difference in Syllabus might be visible when you acquire the 2026 JEE Main / JEE Advanced Syllabus. The same can be resolved within 15 days to one month in 2025-26. (9) Increase your productivity by studying for 45 minutes to 1 hour, taking a 10-minute break, and then continuing for 45 minutes. (10) Take a 2-3 minute break every 45 minutes while practicing questions, whether offline or online. This break should consist of closing your eyes and taking long breaths to enhance your concentration and mental capacity. (11) Additionally, it is recommended that you acquire the 20-40 PREVIOUS years question paper book of JEE (Main & Advanced) from Amazon. Arihant's, Disha's, or MTG's publications are recommended. Once you have finished reading a chapter, practice and complete it to determine the extent to which you have comprehended the concepts and to identify areas that require improvement. (12) By October 2025, ensure that you have reviewed significantly more than 90% of the previous years questions. Your confidence will be further bolstered by this. (13) After the mock test is completed at your coaching center, clarify all incorrectly answered or ignored questions and continue to revise and practice them, as these types of questions will significantly disrupt your performance in the actual JEE. (14) If you are a regular school student, inquire with your class teacher about the minimum attendance requirement as outlined in the Board's regulations (State, CBSE, ICSE, etc.). Utilize the remaining 15% by taking time off and preparing for your JEE, if only 85% attendance is required. (15) THE MOST IMPORTANT Value Added Suggestion: Rather than solely relying on JEE, please participate in 5-7 entrance exams/counseling process with a JEE score for getting admission into any one of the private engineering colleges to have a variety of options to select the most suitable one. All the BEST for Your Prosperous Future.

To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs’, ask / follow Us here in RediffGURUS.

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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1062 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Nov 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 23, 2024Hindi
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Career
My son graduated BE CSC with 8.9 CGP was offered a job as system engineer inTCS in April when he was in his 8th semister. Till November 23 he didn't get the on boarding letter, in the meantime whe appeared in two' exams under same offer. Advice what has been going on.
Ans: Hello.
Whatever you are saying is just shocking. The track record of TCS is not like that, as you described in your question. It would be better to contact TCS again and ask them when they will give on boarding letter. It is not clear from your query whether your son had done some correspondence with TCS or not related to the job offered. It is also not clear which two exams he appeared in. If not selected in a campus interview, searching for a job might be tedious but not so difficult. Ask your son to post a strong resume on the LinkedIn portal and remain in touch with his seniors. Please visit the websites of renowned companies daily to search for vacancies. There are many job-offering portals where he can register his name. Please ask the college placement division for any placement opportunities.
Wishing the best of luck for his bright future.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

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T S Khurana

T S Khurana   |197 Answers  |Ask -

Tax Expert - Answered on Nov 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 11, 2024Hindi
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Money
Can you please suggest on capital gains as per Indian taxation laws arising in the below two queries : 1) property purchased with joint ownership, me and my wife’s name in 2015 at a cost of 64,80,000, housing improvements done for the cost of 1000000 and brokerages of 200000 paid and sold the same property at 10000000 in Dec 2023? 2) 87% of the proceeds got from the deal i.e 8700000, have been reinvested to pay 25% amount in purchasing another joint ownership property in Dec 2023, 3) I have invested in another under construction property in Nov 2023 by taking housing loan, which is on me and my wife’s name worth 1.4 cr, here the primary applicant is me only while wife is just made a Co applicant in the builder buyer agreement and also on the housing loan . So what are the LTCG tax liabilities arising from the above 3 scenarios for FY 2023-2024 and FY 2024-2025. I intend to sale off the property acquired in (2) by Dec 2024 and use that proceeds to close the housing loan for the property acquired in (3), will this sale of property be inviting any tax liabilities if the complete proceeds received from the sale of the property in (2) would be utilised to close the housing loan taken in Nov 2023 for the property in (3) ? Since in FY 23-24, I would be claiming the LTCG from the sale proceeds of 1) invested in the purchase of property in 2), and I intend to sale off this property in Dec 2024, will the LTCG claim be forfeited on the property sale in (1), should I hold this property at least for further 1 year so that sale of this property in 2) will not invite STCG?
Ans: (A). Let's first talk about F/Y 2023-24 :
You jointly sold a Property during the year for Rs.76.80 lakhs (64.80+10.00+2.00), & sold the same for Rs.100.00 lakhs.
You have jointly also purchased Property No.3 (I suppose it is Residential only), for Rs.140.00 lakhs.
You should avail exemption u/s-54 & file your ITR accordingly. Please disclose all details about sale & purchase in your ITR.
02. Now coming to the F/Y 2024-25 :
You intend to Sell Property No.2, which was acquired in 2023-24. Any Gain on Sale of it would be Short Term capital Gains & taxed accordingly.
Alternatively, you may hold this sale of property no.2 (for 2 years from its purchase) & avoid STCG
You are free to utilize the sale proceeds in a way you like, including paying off your housing Loan.
Please note to avail exemption u/s 54 only from investment in property no.3 & not 2.
Most welcome for any further clarifications. Thanks.

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