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Ravi Mittal |191 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 03, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more

Question by Ankit on Mar 29, 2024Hindi

I am in a secret relationship with a girl I met through an arranged marriage setup. Her parents have said yes but my parents aren’t Willing. My parents say that the horoscopes don’t match. They say they only match 17.5 points. I love my girlfriend and I want to marry her. How do I convince my parents to let me marry her?

Ans: Dear Ankit,

I am sorry you are in this situation. I understand how challenging familial expectations can be. Here are some things you can try to convince your wishes- First off, try to communicate your feelings; if horoscopes do not matter to you, you should be able to directly convey that to your parents. Yes, being respectful and fulfilling your parent's wishes are of utmost importance but so is standing your ground when you are not in the wrong. When you express your feelings for your girlfriend, highlight the positives. Let it get etched in their mind and every time they think of her, they associate her with the positives you mentioned earlier. Mention her values, qualities, compatibility with her, how happy she makes you, and everything that is far more important than matching horoscopes. Ask a close family member to mediate. A third party's perspective can change their mind.

Here's the most important thing- patience. Deep-rooted beliefs and customs aren't easy to change. It will take time and a considerable amount of effort from both of you. Sometimes, repeated conversations can gradually shift their perspective.

Best Wishes!

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Anu Krishna |872 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2022

Question by AS - Jan 04, 2022Hindi

Hi Ma’am. I’m having a problem with my parents about my marriage. I’ve been in a relationship for three years and I want to marry him. My parents are not agreeing as it is a society issue because it is an interstate and inter-caste marriage. I'm trying to convince my parents for that since long time but it's going nowhere and they are too stubborn to even meet him once. What can I do in this situation? How can I deal with their emotional drama as a parent-child relationship should not break because of these issues? Kindly advise me, Ma’am. AS

Ans:

Dear AS,

You need to focus on how you can marry the person you love and also have your parents support you.

Is this possible?

There is a chance only if you take them into complete confidence and appeal to their logic.

Many societies are still against inter-caste marriages and I am sure they have their reasons for it, just like your parents have strong reasons to oppose the marriage.

Have you tried to find out why they oppose it? Are they worried about how they will face your family members as this is a big thing across cultures in the world?

As their daughter, you have connections with them as well as the right to live your life your way. Bring in an elder member of the family and ask him/her to appeal on your behalf. If this doesn’t work, you might be forced to decide one way or the other.

Whatever you do, do it with conviction and maintain relationships along the way. It may be an uphill task but breathe, smile and live life.

All the best, Happy 2022!

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Love Guru |187 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 28, 2022

Question by B - Oct 28, 2022Hindi

Dear Love Guru,Gettting married in a few months to a girl I really love.But she comes from a very wealthy biz family.I am from a simple middle-class background but have worked hard and earn well.Even if our love is mutual and unites our hearts, her way of living is totally unlike mine.And her parents make me feel uncomfortable and that she is marrying beneath her and I am interested in her for her family’s money.How do I convey this problem to her?If I sit quiet it can fester later.What do I say to her parents when they are almost rude?B.

Ans:

Hi B,

No matter how wealthy your to-be in-laws are, money doesn't give them license to look down their noses at you. You say you're hard working and earn well, surely they know that too!

Sit them down and apprise them of the fact that their rude manner has not gone unnoticed. Be polite but firm. If they were born into money then they've hardly achieved anything, and if they started from scratch like you have, well, surely they should commend you for following in the same footsteps toward making a life for yourself and their daughter?

Tell them that it's best that they make peace with the marriage so that relations are not strained in the future.

If they have no consideration for your feelings, at the very least their daughter's should matter to them.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 19, 2023