Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 24, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 21, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Good Morning, We are married for almost 27 years and at various stages of my wife like, beginning days when Girls had dream of her happy married life beginning, honeymoon, pregnancy, fostering the child, mid-age crisis and now Menopause I have been very unfair & sometime very cruel to my wife. I am tryint to please her in my possible ways but whenever I am planning something exciting & pleasurable for her it turn out to be flop show & nightmare. I want her to be happy but don't know why it gets spoiled due to one or other reason. Despite of all this she is always giving me chance and prepare herself for new beginning. But now I fear & feel gradually I will become a big liability on her, health wise as I am diabetic and even after taking high dose of medicines it doesn't get controlled. I am worried that though the beginning was not good our end should be Peaceful & graceful. Need your guidance

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No point revisiting what has already happened. It seems like your wife wants a new beginning; then why not actually plan on how you want your life together to be from now on? What are the things that you have missed out on earlier, bring it all back and slowly start experiencing what life could be living in that harmony...
As for diabetes, getting the right medicine and taking it in the right dosage is important to see a change. Also, exercise, attempt to keep stress levels low and eat right...these help in keeping your blood sugar levels low...
Don't talk about the END when there is a NEW beginning in sight...

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu, how are you? I don’t have a good married life. My wife and I always think differently. She hates me and living with me. We don't have a good intimate relationship. A few years back, she wanted divorce me but stopped due to children and family pressure. She also tried to stay with another person in the past. She is not satisfied with me. We’ve completed 13 years and, since the last seven years, life is bad with her. She is staying with me and the children but not with a happy mind. She is a good devotee but she is not happy. She thinks I spoiled her life. Need your kind advice. S
Ans:

Dear S,

She is a good devotee? I can’t quite understand this statement. And she hates you? How?

If what you have mentioned are facts, then isn’t it time for the two of you to evaluate if it’s worth living together?

If you are continuing with the marriage for the sake of the children, then do understand that there are certain ways in which you should behave so that the children do not absorb the stress that the two of you are facing.

If you keep arguing or fighting in front of them, it will affect them emotionally.

It is time that the two of you have a conversation as mature adults and sort this out quickly before it consumes the children. Else, make the sane decision of going your separate ways.

If you can’t do this by yourselves, seek professional help as soon as possible.

Do remember, it takes two people to make a marriage work, so look within yourself as well to see what you can change to smooth things over and work on that.

All the best and a Happy 2022.

 

(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 19, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Dear MamI am a 33 year old male working in a PSU at middle management level. Six years ago I was married happily as per my wish to a girl of my choice.Everything was just perfect. My wife is 4.5 years younger to me. I had to go against my parents wish as they were not comfortable with a non working wife. Mine was not a love story but yes I met girl through a common friend and went ahead for the alliance. Our sex life was also great in the start and we welcomed a baby girl just 2 months short of our first wedding anniversary. However now when I compare I do understand that because of household chores she could not give proper time to me, but still I feel a strong urge to have sex with her. She somehow does not reciprocate well and is dull in having sex. Apart from this we still fight over silly things and tolerance level of both of us have gone very down. Sometimes I feel to this extent that I should walk out from the marriage because I really don't want hot talks in our relationship. I agree I have a 5 year old baby girl. I do control my feelings and anger too to some extent. My wife also does the same but really small things trigger me on. Also I always have a huge sex drive and I feel that if I don't get it from my wife I should look out for other options. I have not cheated with her but I feel that given the option I can because of sex urge. May be this is due to higher libido and I do masturbate occasionally fantasizing my neighbour or other female friends and sometimes my wife too. I don't know what goes through me but seeing your column I felt I should tell you these small details so you could give me an honest answer. I don't want to leave her, I do love her a lot but these fights really make me lose my cool and feel depressed.What should be done according to you ? Should I see a psychiatrist?
Ans:

Dear AY,

I will ask you to introspect and ask yourself: When did things start going downhill?

What event led to this? Surely, things don’t happen all of sudden, so something or some thought must have led to this.

Also, it’s important to understand that managing home and a child is a full time job and it tires the woman a lot.

To be in a mood for sex, the woman needs to be relaxed and calm…if the work at home is tiring, try and hire a domestic helper or any extra help that will ease her.

That way she will have more time to care for herself and her needs as well. Offer to pitch in and this will also bring the two of you closer.

Your theory of your high libido which is not being matched by your wife may or may not be true as sometimes that solution is simpler than you think.

Sadly, we are used to complicating things and look at what’s obvious in front of us.

Sex outside of marriage seems to be an option that has crossed your mind, but I do understand from your letter that you care and love your wife a lot.

Let not a moment of weakness make you shake the foundation of a beautiful relationship that the two of you share.

Have an open chat with her. Express how you feel and speak of your sexual needs.

Most often, communication solves most marriage issues. If this doesn’t work, kindly seek professional help with a marriage therapist.

Ultimately, you know why the two of you are married and why you chose her to be your wife.

Bear that in mind and a lot of yours mind struggles will ease and you will be able to think more usefully and also move into a better marriage space.

Happy 2022 and here’s wishing you the best in life!

(more)
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |172 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 22, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 22, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am 81 yrs old, married for the last 52 yrs. living in a joint family. Have had good working life in Indian and foreign companies for almost 45/50 yrs. Facing health problems for the last 18 yrs. Had angioplasty three times and open heart surgery once. Son and his wife looked after me so well and gave me another lease of life. Wife did not bother much because she is mostly either talking to her mother, who is 93 yrs old, and is not taken care of by her daughter in law because of their lack of understanding for the last many years. Both of them always live in their past and are in the habit of ruining their present My wife is always inclined towards her sisters and mother and never had good relations with her daughter in law and would always find fault with her. My daughter in law is a working professional and is very much sincere and devoted and took care of me always during my post many surgical operations. Kindly suggest what to do and change thinking of my wife at this late period of my life and live peacefully for the remaining period of my life.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing in your family life. It's understandable that you would like to live peacefully during the remaining period of your life. While changing someone's thinking and behavior can be difficult, there are a few steps you can consider taking to address the situation:

Open and honest communication: Arrange a calm and private conversation with your wife where you express your feelings and concerns. Let her know that you value her and your daughter-in-law, and that you wish for a peaceful and harmonious family life.
Seek professional help: If the communication between your wife and daughter-in-law has been strained for many years, it might be beneficial to involve a professional mediator or family therapist. A neutral third party can help facilitate discussions and provide guidance on resolving conflicts.
Encourage empathy and understanding: Try to foster understanding and empathy between your wife and daughter-in-law by encouraging them to see things from each other's perspectives. Emphasize the importance of family unity and the positive aspects of their relationship.
Focus on positive experiences: Remind your wife of the care and support she has received from your daughter-in-law over the years. Highlight the positive moments and express gratitude for the love and attention you've all received.
Encourage shared activities: Suggest engaging in shared activities or hobbies that can help strengthen the bond between your wife and daughter-in-law. This could be something as simple as going for walks together or participating in a hobby that they both enjoy.
Promote family harmony: Reinforce the importance of family unity and encourage everyone to work towards a peaceful and harmonious living environment. This may require compromises and understanding from all parties involved.
It's important to remember that change takes time and effort, and not all situations can be completely resolved. However, by fostering open communication, seeking professional guidance, and encouraging empathy, there is a possibility of improving the relationships within your family.
(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 07, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am a married man from last 20 years. I am unable to understand the psychology of my wife. she always complains me that she doesn't feel any belongingness from my end and keep her on last priority. further, I always take care of my mother, sisters and friends. I always talk to her in a very rude and loud voice. whenever i approach her she starts blaming me and after sometime, I became irritated by her repetitive statements. whenever she approach me to patch up after few moments she said that I am talking loud and non sense. please guide me how to tackle this problem to rejuvenate the relation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You yourself have identified that you talk rudely to your wife; so how do you expect her to relate to you.
If you have chosen to 'rejuvenate' the relation, then the way the two of you communicate with each other must be changed.
This is a suggestion for both of you to improve your communication:
1. Listen to the other patiently when they are talking
2. Ask: 'What can I do to make you feel better?'
3. Make sure that there are no accusations/complaints made during the communication
4. Practice compassion when the other person is talking
5. Don't interrupt them in between when they are talking

This is just the beginning and basic guidelines to begin communicating better. As the two of you see the benefits, you can then start to work on the challenges that you face from family. As much as you take care of your side of the family, make sure that you give enough attention to your wife as well and the same goes for her.
The two of you are simply crying out for each other's time and attention. Start with the basic suggestions and slowly take it on from there.

All the best!
(more)
Latest Questions
Sunil

Sunil Lala  |178 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Shekhar

Shekhar Kumar  |107 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 25, 2024Hindi
Listen
Career
Hi, i have completed my masters in food technology and want to work as freelancers as a auditor in food industry could you guide how to go about doing.
Ans: Transitioning to freelance work as a food industry auditor can offer you flexibility and autonomy in your career. Evaluate your qualifications, experience, and skills in food technology, quality assurance, and auditing. Identify areas where you have expertise and experience that are valuable to potential clients in the food industry. Familiarize yourself with the requirements and standards for food auditing, including regulatory requirements, industry standards (such as ISO 22000, HACCP), and customer specifications. Understand the auditing process, documentation requirements, and audit protocols. Consider obtaining relevant certifications or training in food safety auditing, such as Certified Food Safety Auditor (CFSA), Lead Auditor Training, or other accredited programs. These credentials can enhance your credibility and qualifications as a freelancer. Network with professionals in the food industry, including food manufacturers, suppliers, distributors, and regulatory agencies. Attend industry conferences, seminars, and networking events to connect with potential clients and collaborators. Determine the specific services you will offer as a food industry auditor, such as food safety audits, quality management system audits, regulatory compliance assessments, or supplier audits. Identify your target market, including food manufacturers, processors, retailers, or food service providers. Develop a professional brand identity for your freelance auditing services, including a business name, logo, website, and marketing materials. Highlight your expertise, qualifications, and unique value proposition to attract potential clients. Determine your pricing structure based on factors such as the complexity of audits, scope of services, and industry standards. Establish clear policies regarding payment terms, project timelines, and confidentiality agreements to protect both your interests and those of your clients. Promote your freelance auditing services through online channels, social media platforms, industry forums, and professional associations. Create content related to food safety, quality assurance, and auditing best practices to showcase your expertise and attract potential clients. Cultivate relationships with potential clients by offering value-added services, such as training, consulting, or ongoing support. Build trust and credibility through transparent communication, professional conduct, and delivering high-quality audit reports and recommendations. Establish systems and processes for managing your freelance business, including client communication, project management, invoicing, and record-keeping. Prioritize time management and organization to balance your freelance work effectively. 

Keep learning, networking, and refining your approach to meet the needs of your clients and achieve your professional goals as a freelancer.
(more)
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |959 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
I retired earlier now at 53. Invested 7L in ELSS and using 60L on short term equity trading (with monthly average gain 2L) and having own apartment home worth 40L. Having dependent widowed mother, wife with 13 yrs old daughter. Intended to raise daughter as doctor. Please suggest better investment options.
Ans: Congratulations on your early retirement! It sounds like you've made some good initial decisions, but there's definitely room for improvement to secure your family's future, especially considering your dependents. Here's how you can optimize your investments:

Reduce Risk in Short-Term Equity Trading:

While a ?2 lakh monthly gain from short-term trading sounds impressive, it's a very risky strategy. The market can be volatile, and these gains may not be sustainable. Consider allocating a much smaller portion (maybe 10-20%) to short-term trading and focus on more stable options for the majority of your investable assets (?60 lakh currently in trading).
Focus on Long-Term Growth and Stability:

Increase Investment in ELSS: ?7 lakh is a good start, but for your daughter's education and your retirement needs, you'll likely need a much larger corpus. Consider increasing your SIP amount in ELSS or similar diversified equity mutual funds with a long-term horizon (10+ years).
Explore Debt Options for Regular Income:

You mentioned having a dependent mother and daughter's education to plan for. Consider investing a portion (maybe 20-30%) of your investable amount in safer debt options like Public Provident Fund (PPF), Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS) for your mother (if she's above 60), or fixed deposits to generate a regular income stream.
Plan for Daughter's Education:

Doctorate studies can be expensive. Start an SIP in a dedicated child education plan or invest in aggressive equity funds specifically for this goal. Talk to a Certfied Financial Planner for personalized recommendations based on the estimated cost of medical education.
Utilize Your Apartment:

While your apartment fulfills your housing needs, consider if it could generate additional income. Explore options like renting a room if feasible.
Seek Professional Guidance:

Given your multiple financial goals and risk tolerance, consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can be highly beneficial. They can create a personalized investment plan considering your risk appetite, time horizon, and financial goals.
(more)
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |959 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Dear Sir My age is 34 yrs. I have working alredy 10 yrs and my average total income till date 40L minimum. Still I did not save 1rs till now. Request you please advice how to start savings also make future retirement plan. My expected retirement age is 55yrs.
Ans: It's never too late to start saving for retirement, and kudos to you for taking this important step at 34! Here's how to get on track:

1. Assess your situation:

Track your expenses: For a month, track where your money goes. This will help identify areas to cut back and free up savings.
Emergency fund: Aim for 3-6 months of living expenses in an easily accessible savings account for emergencies.
2. Start saving:

Automated savings: Set up a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in a mutual fund. Start small, even with ?1,000 per month, and gradually increase as you get comfortable.
3. Retirement plan:

Employer benefits: Check if your employer offers a retirement plan like a Provident Fund (PF). Contribute the maximum allowed for tax benefits and long-term savings.
Individual options: Explore options like National Pension System (NPS) or Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) for long-term growth. Talk to a Registered Investment Advisor (RIA) for personalized advice based on your risk tolerance and goals.
Here's a breakdown based on your income:

You mentioned an average annual income of ?40 lakhs. Aim to save at least 10-15% of your income, which translates to ?4,000-?6,000 per month.
Remember: Consistency is key! Starting early, even with a small amount, allows time for your savings to grow through the power of compounding. Don't be discouraged if you can't save a lot initially. Every little bit counts!
(more)
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x