Hi Anu, how are you?
I don’t have a good married life. My wife and I always think differently.
She hates me and living with me.
We don't have a good intimate relationship.
A few years back, she wanted divorce me but stopped due to children and family pressure. She also tried to stay with another person in the past.
She is not satisfied with me.
We’ve completed 13 years and, since the last seven years, life is bad with her.
She is staying with me and the children but not with a happy mind. She is a good devotee but she is not happy. She thinks I spoiled her life.
Need your kind advice.
S

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well no two people in a marriage are the same, are they?
You just have different ideals stemming from different value systems. this can be bridged by actually talking about it, so that either of you might not be on a extreme. If she likes to save, you can moderate her by actually setting a budget for spending on necessities and luxuries.
And she will in turn moderate you, if she finds you spending on things that are unnecessary.
It's about seeing things on the same page but with different glasses and acknowledging that you are both different.
As far as physical intimacy goes, I guess many couples face a slump after children occupying a huge part of their lives and with full-time jobs, it can make one tired more than excited. Set aside time to be alone with one another and practice the art of non-sexual intimacy like holding hands, cuddling, hugging...
Sometimes to jump out of the mechanical life, you need to do something different and exciting to get a different and exciting result. So do what you haven't done before! Get the drift here?

All the best!

Ans: Dear Prasanna,
For the time being, it appears that the separation is helping the two of you reconnect at a better level than when you stayed together.
It is a good thing as it will patch up wedges and also teach you both to appreciate one another and respect your differences.
I suggest that you let this be for a while now till it reaches a place where the two of you are cordial with one another and set aside the animosity and quell the ego. Then you can put your proposal forth to her of moving back together. She may want it or may prefer the status quo (like she has mentioned to you that she wants to stay alone). Either case, once a connection is filled with love that it is meant to, there not be a definite label or construct to that connection. So, wait for that suitable time to know where her mind is...till then enjoy the time together as a 'dating phase' and relish the moments.

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sure there is an issue that you are facing BUT to generalize it as: because of this our marital relationship have not seen even a single day of happiness.
Are you sure that has not been a single day or a single moment of feeling some joy? DO NOT indulge in this kind of belief as it only makes the issue look bigger than what it maybe.
If you feel alone, talk to her and tell her exactly how you feel. It's your marriage as well; do something to stay in it.
If there is a reason for her to be the way that she is, that needs to be addressed. Also, by complaining rather than facing the issue together, you are alienating yourself from the marriage. Give this a fair chance and deal with it in a mature way. Talking about it helps more than complaining; as she will bring her list of complaints and then it just gets into a loop.
- have an honest conversation
- make space for a back and forth conversation
If she refuses to talk, then possibly there is a need for a professional to intervene. She will also need to understand what hurts you and work on it, so that the marriage moves on smoothly. Marriage is a two-way dance.

All the best!

Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the struggles you're facing in your marriage. It sounds like despite your wife’s efforts in taking care of the household and the children, her behavior is causing significant stress for you.

Your wife's actions might be influenced by feeling overwhelmed or unappreciated. Managing the home and caring for the kids can be exhausting, and she might feel like her efforts go unnoticed. This can lead to frustration and the impression that she's doing everything as a favor, resulting in her becoming distant or irritable.

Try to talk with her during a calm moment, expressing your concerns without placing blame. You might say, "I've noticed you seem stressed lately. I want to understand how you're feeling and see how I can help." Listening to her and showing appreciation for her work can help alleviate some of her stress and improve your connection.

If these conversations don't lead to improvement, consider seeking help from a professional counselor. They can facilitate better communication and help both of you address deeper issues.

Your goal is a happy and supportive family environment. Working together with empathy and understanding can help you both move towards a more fulfilling relationship. If you continue to struggle, don't hesitate to reach out for support from professionals or loved ones. Your effort and commitment are crucial steps toward finding a solution.