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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1304 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 18, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 07, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

I am a married man from last 20 years. I am unable to understand the psychology of my wife. she always complains me that she doesn't feel any belongingness from my end and keep her on last priority. further, I always take care of my mother, sisters and friends. I always talk to her in a very rude and loud voice. whenever i approach her she starts blaming me and after sometime, I became irritated by her repetitive statements. whenever she approach me to patch up after few moments she said that I am talking loud and non sense. please guide me how to tackle this problem to rejuvenate the relation?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You yourself have identified that you talk rudely to your wife; so how do you expect her to relate to you.
If you have chosen to 'rejuvenate' the relation, then the way the two of you communicate with each other must be changed.
This is a suggestion for both of you to improve your communication:
1. Listen to the other patiently when they are talking
2. Ask: 'What can I do to make you feel better?'
3. Make sure that there are no accusations/complaints made during the communication
4. Practice compassion when the other person is talking
5. Don't interrupt them in between when they are talking

This is just the beginning and basic guidelines to begin communicating better. As the two of you see the benefits, you can then start to work on the challenges that you face from family. As much as you take care of your side of the family, make sure that you give enough attention to your wife as well and the same goes for her.
The two of you are simply crying out for each other's time and attention. Start with the basic suggestions and slowly take it on from there.

All the best!

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I am 45 and my wife 40. We are married since 10 years and have a child. We are middle class. I really care my wife and love her. I believe in women empowerment and want my wife to be good in computer knowledge, spoken english and be a smart lady . Smart not in terms of look but from mind. I am an event manager. I want my wife to take take care of house hold responsibilities and help me at work to certain extent in balanced manner. But she is unable to take care of any of my wishes, desires, ambitions. I have tried to talk several several time but every time it becomes one sided. If i speak 100 then she doesn't speak even 1. I want to keep her happy. I want to give her an identity. But i fail in all because she doesn't understand me. This nature of her is just crushing all my ambitions, desires and wishes. By nature she seems to be very simple but as we know too much of anything is bad. Several times i have told her to talk and let me know her point of view, but she doesn't. She is not mature enough to handle those responsibilities that come in our life at different times. FEEL JUST HELPLESS HOW TO TUNE MY HOUSE AND HOUSE HOLD AFFAIRS WITHOUT THE SUPPORT OF WIFE. PLEASE GUIDE.
Ans: You have made very clear what you want, but we have no clue what your wife wants. And communication — or rather the lack of it — is the problem. You obviously can’t facilitate it because she’s simply not responding and I find that highly unusual. It seems like she is unable to express herself at all, and that is certainly an issue. Please consult a professional therapist and explain yourself; I would suggest you attend the first session alone so you are able to articulate the exact nature of the problem.

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Anu Krishna  |1304 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am 45 year old and married from last 16 years and having 15 year old daughter . My Wife and I didn't have a good relation, We fight a lot, not sure what ever I speak she didn't like it and some how converted into argument , My wife is 10 year younger to me , I used to have good sex life at-least few year back, but relation was not good that time too, some how she is either having feeling of superiority or not sure what , She always blames me or my daughter if any things happen, she didn't ready to accept that she can be wrong . Previously even we used to have fight but overall things was fine , she used to generally fight but some how we do makeup after fight , now situation is out of control, she didn't accept her mistake and try to blame me for all the problem , she do over spend and if I try to control she start fighting, I think she just fight for what ever things she need for her selves , but always criticized / blame other , She pick up fight very easily with any one , She even fight a lot with our daughter . Even daughter some time suggest to go separate road than only she will understand , I try to go for concealing but no help , there also when used to discuss problem she hardly listen , even Councilor told her she must develop habit to listen others but nothing improve, I am not sure how to tackle this , She always sleep alone and if any disturbance she create ruckus , she want the things her own way if not than she can't tolerate . I am not sure but I need help here and problem after covid is more now , I try to manage these things previously but looks I don't have patience to handle this any more, I didn't like people blaming for no reason, it looks some time after doing so much for family I am nothing for my family and it is hurting me more. I will not say that I didn't fight , I do and mainly when I feel broken I shout on her and some time asked her to live the house , This may be as she always says she is looking for some one once she find she will leave the house , She always give threat and always say she didn't love me , She didn't find me attractive enough . She try to create environment where I should feel that I am not important person as well as social , I can write 10 more page around this but wanted to have some solution , not sure what could be best here . I wrote previously too but have not got any response yet.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I suggest that the two of you go and see a marriage therapist. This is not simply the job of a counselor; there is clearly a breakdown in the way your marriage is functioning...it needs both of you to build the marriage back again and the therapist will be able to see and review both sides and suggest/guide you two correctly.

10 or 20 pages are not going to help; what will help is that both of you sit down and think of why you are married and what you can do to rebuild it. Blaming her or yourself isn't anyway going to help...Rather than listing down each others' faults, try to work at this.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |403 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

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Maam - I am recently facing trouble in my 22 year old marriage. I am unable to understand my wife's behaviour which according to her is very normal. I am unable to judge when she requires me. I have not been a caring husband and can be attributed to this behaviour of mine. She had got very along very well with our son all these while and now that he is in college and travels his behaviour also irritates her. She says that he has also changed a lot and have no respect for females, he has lots of secret which he is avoiding tell us. She is very much worried about it and I feel that has spilled over into our relation as well. We compromise for a few days which is mostly from my side but again on the 4th day it is back to the same.. Can you suggest some actions from my side which can help improve my relation with my wife and understand her better..
Ans: Sudesh,

It sounds like you're in a challenging situation, but it's commendable that you're seeking ways to improve your relationship with your wife. Schedule regular times to talk openly and honestly with your wife about your feelings, concerns, and desires for the relationship. Encourage her to express herself as well. Active listening is crucial here.Try to see things from your wife's perspective and understand her concerns about your son's behavior. Validate her feelings and reassure her that you're there to support her.
Make an effort to spend quality time together as a couple. Plan activities that you both enjoy and that allow you to connect on a deeper level. This could be anything from going for walks, having dinner dates, or pursuing mutual hobbies.
Work together with your wife to address any concerns about your son's behavior. Approach him with empathy and understanding, and try to create an open and supportive environment where he feels comfortable sharing his thoughts and concerns. Consider couples therapy or counseling to work through any underlying issues in your relationship. A therapist can provide guidance and support in improving communication, understanding each other's needs, and resolving conflicts.Take time to reflect on your own behavior and actions within the relationship. Consider how you can be a more caring and attentive partner, and be willing to make changes where necessary.Improving a relationship takes time and effort from both parties. Be patient with yourself and your wife as you navigate through challenges and work towards a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.

Remember that it's okay to seek outside help and support when needed, and that small steps towards positive change can make a big difference in the long run.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |403 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 18, 2024Hindi
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Hello, i am 43 year male with 2kids....married from last 13yrs. My wife is very good in house work and take care of my kids...she loves me alot but mostly she show us like she is doing us a favour by doing all this and many times stop talking and behave like she doesnt care about anyone....if i ask something she reply rudely. I am fedup of all this behaviour...i do my maximum efforts to make her happy but cant understand what is the issue with her....if i talk about her behaviour then she blames me fot everything...i wants to be happy with my family...pls suggess.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the struggles you're facing in your marriage. It sounds like despite your wife’s efforts in taking care of the household and the children, her behavior is causing significant stress for you.

Your wife's actions might be influenced by feeling overwhelmed or unappreciated. Managing the home and caring for the kids can be exhausting, and she might feel like her efforts go unnoticed. This can lead to frustration and the impression that she's doing everything as a favor, resulting in her becoming distant or irritable.

Try to talk with her during a calm moment, expressing your concerns without placing blame. You might say, "I've noticed you seem stressed lately. I want to understand how you're feeling and see how I can help." Listening to her and showing appreciation for her work can help alleviate some of her stress and improve your connection.

If these conversations don't lead to improvement, consider seeking help from a professional counselor. They can facilitate better communication and help both of you address deeper issues.

Your goal is a happy and supportive family environment. Working together with empathy and understanding can help you both move towards a more fulfilling relationship. If you continue to struggle, don't hesitate to reach out for support from professionals or loved ones. Your effort and commitment are crucial steps toward finding a solution.

..Read more

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Archana

Archana Deshpande  |74 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Nov 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 16, 2024Hindi
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I am 21. I am a chronic overthinker. I am always thinking about what other people think about me or overanalysing situations and making things complicated. Is this a serious problem? What should I do?
Ans: Dear overthinker,

Thinking is a good trait to have, overthinking is not.

You literally have to STOP overthinking!!!

One way to overcome this is to stop thinking and become more action oriented. STOP analyzing everything in the head, put it on paper, there is something calming about putting thoughts on paper, writing them down with a pen and paper.
And then taking actions based on what you have written and no more thinking about it.

Indulge in physical activity, play a game which is more action oriented , this teaches you to be fully present in the moment, which helps you in being in the moment. Being fully present in the moment is what gets you out of overthinking.
Do meditate , I really can't enumerate all the benefits of meditation, what meditation does to people is beyond words.

There is a book called as, STOP OVERTHINKING by Nick Trenton, this book offers practical advice and exercises to help you break free from negative thoughts and worries. It provides evidence-based methods to combat overthinking and anxiety.

Another amazing book by Eckhart Tolle, "The Power of NOW", can help you.

There is no problem which can't be overcome, believe in yourself, you are more powerful than you think, the body and mind have to listen to you!!
What you think so you become, feed yourself the right thoughts and let the magic unfold.!!

All the best!!

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Archana

Archana Deshpande  |74 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Nov 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 16, 2024Hindi
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My manager is constantly manipulating his boss about me. Everyone in my team is aware that she is increasingly insecure about my success and feels threatened by me. She often gives incorrect and incomplete feedback due to which my manager feels that my manager is more efficient than I am. In the past, 4 people have quit or been foced to resign due to these politics. Should I also quit and move to another company or should I talk to the manager about this? Pls help
Ans: Hi!!

When I was working in the corporate world, the oft repeated quote was, "people don't leave the company ,they leave bad bosses".
Your manager's boss is your super boss, rt? Can't you go and speak to him directly and put your concerns across?
I am sure the HR must have noticed that people are quitting and might have explored the reasons why they are doing so too, do check with them.
I fail to understand why women should not cooperate with each other. You can also explore the option of talking directly to the manager and telling her if your actions in any way have caused some misunderstanding and if she says yes then you are willing to clear them. Also tell her that you are not eyeing her post and you are just trying to do your job well. I did the same with one of my bosses, it worked for me, we became the best of friends, we are still in touch. You need to think which is your best option and choose one from all the possible solutions I have mentioned. You can always quit, that's the last option I feel..

Hoping you choose wisely..All the very best!!

...Read more

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