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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |508 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 15, 2025
Relationship

my mom and dad knows about me and my boyfriend .. me and my bf have never had anything sexual or something ever . but my mom the other day saw a pic of him and me in which he had his hand on my waist ans she had it up all against me she started saying all those mean thing and comparing me with the other girls who become physical in relationship . what do i do

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are in a tricky situation. First, let's acknowledge that couples who decide to get intimate are not "bad." Their choice is just different from yours. You can try to explain the same to your mother- though it will be tough, everyone needs to understand this. Secondly, in this situation, all you can do is let her know that her upbringing will never allow you to lie to your mom or cross boundaries that will hurt her and your dad. This way, you might be able to regain her trust.
Best Wishes.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |499 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 15, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I have been dating a guy since last year and we are serious about each other. Our families know about us and are quite accepting towards our relationship. But there is a problem idk what to do. I'm single child and my father passed 10 years ago so its just me and my mom. I cant just leave her after marriage. I want all of us ( me my bf his parents and my mother ) to stay together after our marriage but he says that his parents will have a problem with it. Idk what to do i just cant leave my mother but i also love this guy.
Ans: It's understandable that you're facing a challenging situation with conflicting priorities. Balancing your commitment to your mother and your love for your boyfriend can be difficult, but open communication and compromise are essential in such casesTalk about your expectations for family life after marriage. Understand what he envisions and what compromises can be made to accommodate both your wishes. This may involve discussing living arrangements, responsibilities, and boundariesIf possible, involve both families in the discussion. Sometimes, concerns can be addressed more effectively when everyone is aware of each other's perspectives. This can also help in finding common ground and building mutual understanding. finding a solution that respects both families and allows for a harmonious marriage may take time and effort. Patience, understanding, and compromise are key. It's important to create an environment where both you and your boyfriend feel heard and valued.
Ultimately, the decision should be based on what feels right for both of you as a couple. Consider what compromises are reasonable and whether there are creative solutions that can satisfy both your desire to care for your mother and your commitment to your relationship.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |508 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
i’m 18 and live in the states and basically my parents have known i have a boyfriend for a while now thru their own snooping and my mom has even told me once or twice that she knows about him but today I was trying to go out this morning to a outting with two friends and him and they asked who is coming and if he is coming and then my dad got really angry and started saying things like “you want me to get you married now” and that we were acting like husband and wife because he saw that i have a picture of us in my wallet also for some context he is chinese but he’s the topper of my grade of 500+ students incredibly smart and just perfect guy all around. i don’t want to break up with him, what should i do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that maintaining a relationship when parents disapprove can be very tricky. But you must also understand that their worries come from love for you; you might be an adult but you are still their child. Having said that, let's see some practical ways to deal with this-
- Understanding what's worrying them can help you give them a solution that might work in your favor. Their concerns can stem from cultural expectations. They might be concerned about your safety. Figuring out their concern will help you better navigate the situation.
- Communicate your feelings. Don't get mad when they express their opinions. It won't help your case. Find the right time to discuss this with your parents. And make them feel heard. Their concerns can give you a new perspective too.
- Highlight your partner's positive traits like his academic achievements. And focus on your studies too. If your parents see that he is a positive influence on you, they might reconsider their stand.
- When the time is right, introduce him to your parents. Seeing him in person will humanize him.
- Strike a balance. Your relationship should not interfere with your relationship with your parents or hamper your studies.

Most importantly, be patient. These things take time. You are too young to be so bothered.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |508 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 11, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am a 20 years old guy and in my past romantic relationships, have shown signs of emotional instability, too much dependency and lack of awareness of boundaries which affected my relationships badly...I hadn’t interacted with people in a long while since 2020 (precisely when lockdown had started) and feel that some aspects of my personality are not developed fully as they should be at this age. How to work on this? Also, i have noticed that I am able to create a good first impression but it soon pales and I feel like I am subtly disrespected or talked down to, and this has been happening in all interactions...i am always respectful (often to a fault!) and even have people pleasing tendencies...i sometimes ask immature weird questions and that might probably be the reason (but they’re never inappropriate)...but i do want to gain insights into why i am experiencing what i am and how to navigate this situation well so that I can maintain healthy relationships in future. Thanks you!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, I want you to understand that it is no small feat to realize the quirks and imperfections in ourselves- you have done it. Your effort to understand and rectify them deserves to be acknowledged and appreciated.
Now, coming to your question, I can only give you some general advice on each-
Emotional instability and dependency- these behavioral patterns can stem from various factors; it can be a lack of confidence or some past issues that are left unresolved. It is difficult for me to tell you exactly why it is happening. It can also arise from a lack of validation. To manage it, you can focus on self-regulation- like meditation or journaling whenever you feel these emotions rising. This way you are expressing them but not damaging your relationships. Take up new hobbies or goals. Achieving milestones can build confidence.
Navigating Boundaries- You can speak to your partner in the early stage of the relationship to understand their boundaries. This way there will be clarity and you won't overstep. You can set up some boundaries too.
For better interpersonal skills, you can proactively follow some rules- like active listening, avoiding overthinking, asking open-ended questions, and resisting the urge to seek your partner's approval.
About the awkward questions- it is important to understand that you might perceive them as awkward, but the person opposite to you might think of it as a genuine curiosity. As long as it isn't intrusive or inappropriate, there are no awkward questions.
Like these, I can only offer you some general advice. But the best advice of them all would be to seek counseling. It has done wonders for people. And the first step, which is identifying the issues is already done. Bravo! What's wrong with taking a little professional help in navigating the next steps? They can guide you in a more structured manner.
Hope this helps.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |499 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I’ve been in a relationship with a girl for the past 4 years, but due to various issues, things have become extremely complicated. Her father doesn’t approve of me, and my mother doesn’t like her either. Despite this, we’ve managed to stay together all these years. The problem is now escalating. My family is pressuring me to marry someone else, but I’m unable to leave her. At the same time, I feel I can’t marry her either because of her behavior and the ongoing issues with my family. I’ve tried to ask her to change certain things, but she hasn’t made any efforts in that direction. To make matters worse, her mother supports our relationship and trusts me, which makes it even harder for me to walk away. I don’t want her to marry someone else, but I also feel stuck because of my family’s expectations and the challenges in our relationship. Even If I leave her I don't know what she is going to do. What should I do in this situation to make the best decision for everyone involved?
Ans: it's crucial to reflect on what you truly want and need from a relationship. Ask yourself if this relationship brings you the happiness and fulfillment you seek, or if the challenges you face are too significant to overcome. It's important to differentiate between staying out of love and staying out of fear or obligation.

Talking to your partner openly is essential. Share your concerns honestly and listen to her perspective. If there are changes you've hoped for, express why they matter to you. At the same time, recognize that change is a two-way street—it requires effort and willingness from both sides. If she hasn't made efforts in the areas you've discussed, it may be worth considering whether this is a pattern that can be changed or a fundamental mismatch in expectations.

Your family's disapproval complicates things further, but it's important to remember that this is your life and relationship. While their opinions are significant, they shouldn't be the sole deciding factor in your happiness. Balancing respect for their wishes with your own needs is a delicate task, but ultimately, you need to make a decision that feels right for you.

If the relationship feels unsustainable despite your efforts, it may be time to consider a different path. It's understandable that you’re concerned about her well-being, especially given her mother's trust in you, but staying out of guilt or obligation can lead to further unhappiness for both of you. If you decide to part ways, doing so with kindness and honesty can help mitigate some of the hurt.

Ultimately, this decision is deeply personal. Weighing your feelings, the relationship dynamics, and your family's expectations will guide you toward a resolution that prioritizes your well-being and future happiness.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |499 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My age is 41 years. I have two kids. Nurturing n looking after them n whole home single handedly. I am a visiting faculty in a institute . Earns very nominal earning. My husband hits me, taunts me and use very arrogant words to me like tumhe belt se maarunga n similar many worst words. His family has been always unsupportive to me . Now after 16 years of marriage, he still wants me to please his mother n other family. Which I completely avoid as they have never supported me and always boycotted me. His real brother is in politics and all family members including his cousins do follow him and boycotted me n husband. Now for everything my husband blames me and says if you gave pleased them, all might have good. But inspite of pleasing them a lot , they are like treating me like I am a stranger. I handle n manage everything still by the end of the day.... everything is in vain. Husband says...What you did for home? I will never ever give my money to you and so on. I am literally in trouble thoughts, what to do ? I even many times thought to end my life but my kids are the reason I continuously bears everything. Please suggest what shall I do.
Ans: it's important to acknowledge that no one deserves to be treated with such disrespect and abuse. Your feelings of isolation and frustration are valid. It can feel overwhelming when the people who should support you instead make you feel like an outsider.

In situations like this, it’s crucial to find support outside the immediate family. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups who can offer you emotional strength and practical advice. Consider speaking with a counselor or therapist who can help you navigate these complex emotions and provide strategies for dealing with the abuse and stress.

You’ve shown immense resilience, especially for your children. They need you to be strong, and seeking help is a vital step in preserving your mental and emotional well-being. Remember, prioritizing your health is not selfish; it’s necessary for you and your children’s future.

Also, explore any legal avenues or resources available for individuals in abusive relationships. Local support organizations, legal aid, or women’s shelters can provide advice and assistance if you decide that leaving the relationship is the best option for your safety and well-being.

You have already shown great courage by managing so much on your own. Continue to seek out support and know that you are not alone in this journey. There are people and resources willing to help you find a path to a healthier and more secure life.

...Read more

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