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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1293 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 18, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Mam i am in relationship for 9 years now..he became my boyfriend when i shifted in my new house he was my neighbour..i was in 10th when i got caught and since then my parents hate my boyfriend , i apologized to my parents then and said to have no contact with my boyfriend but 9 years down the lane ..we are totally connected and living a peaceful healthy relationship..my parents hate my boyfriend and his family to the core..my relationship with ny parents are.mixed someday they will be super nice to me , another day they will abuse me for evn small things..we have ups and down in our relationship but i love them a lott , i want to care of them in their old age..but at this point i want to talk to them about my boyfriend but seeinng that they hate him so much i am literally very very afraid that my parents will hate me to their core knowing about someone i want to marry whoom they hate soo much ..... i don't know how will they react .. i am been through physcial and verbal abuse earlier too but i don't know how much worse it can get this time..for them the girl who marry their parents choice is the best in the world..my boyfriend and i have no caste issue its just the ego issues with my parents they think karrying into that house they will never able to have good enough respect though my mother and his mother talk..but that too my mother bitch a lott about her mother for even nonsensical things..i am 24 now and preparing for government exam ...i am soo much stress knowing i have to choose between my love or my parents.....i think so even if i marry him with their superficail consent they will never be happy woth me..and can even cut contacts with me...i don't know what to do i have no elder in my house to make parents explain...mam plss show me some path

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No where have you mentioned what your boyfriend does for a living? Could this be the reason that your parents refuse to acknowledge your relationship?
Parents want the best for their children but at times their own beliefs on love marriages etc can come in the way. Since you are an adult, it is time to actually start acting like one. My suggestion is to have a conversation with them and understand the reason for their refusal to accept your boyfriend. If it is one of society and family objection, then you know how to handle it BUT if their concern is more about his character or his job, you both need to make an effort to take away that concern so that they accept all this wholeheartedly.
Find the reason and things will become clearer as to how you must handle the situation.

All the best!
Asked on - Apr 27, 2024 | Answered on Apr 29, 2024
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Mam he is software enginneer getting handsome salary...the prblm is the ego issue....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
As mentioned in my previous response:
My suggestion is to have a conversation with them (your parents) and understand the reason for their refusal to accept your boyfriend. If it is one of society and family objection, then you know how to handle it.
What is EGO?
It's nothing but each one defending their thoughts against the other person/s. In fact, you are also doing the same when you defend your boyfriend and perhaps find your parents unfair. Ego on both sides will only add to stress and the best way out of this is to actually TALK it out. And if that does not happen, well tough call then...

Find the reason for your parents' non-acceptance and things will become clearer as to how you must handle the situation.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1293 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 19, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 02, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Ma’am, My parents are not agreeing for my marriage with an intercaste marriage and this is not the first intercaste marriage one of cousin tried convincing their parents for 5 yrs but eventually gave up and opted for court marriage today they are very happy even their parents has also accepted the marriage. In my case , my parents are mocking me for my feelings and emotionally abusing me and have crossed all their limits. They know my boyfriend from class 10th and their family too but the only issue is with then what others will say . My mother called my boyfriend and kept on saying leave me alone and in return my boyfriend said aunty I know this is the big thing we will not take any drastic step and without your approval we will not get married and I’m willing to wait for your daughter even if it is waiting for for 5-6 yrs . We both are doing pretty good in our career we both have been so focused with out life. But after this call she kept on saying he’s very manipulative as he did not disrespect my mother and as a result of this my mother and father kept on harassing me by saying ill and foul words to me. They are so lost in their ego that I am suffering from 104 degree fever and they are ignoring this fact kept on saying foul words to me. My mother day and night she’s entering my room is saying Every second I’m giving you baddua ( wishing something bad happen to me) . I put forth my point but they are not in state of listening and somewhere very unhappy that I’m not financially dependent on them so they are keep bashing my job. I have stopped talking to them regarding this topic and just having very minimal conversation with them and I’m not misbehaving with them for this also they are scolding me they want to act normally and come sit with them.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Inter-faith marriages are still unaccepted in many societies and the challenges that come with it are not just with family acceptance but adapting and adjusting to different cultures, tastes etc...
Yes, on the one hand, love does not have any boundaries BUT massive changes in society have still not taken place to accept inter-faith marriages and your parents also belong to that very same society that hinders more than supports.
It has come down to a choice for you now!
Family or your Love?
If you choose Family, all will be well except you and your boyfriend. It will be giving up what you dreamed of together.
If you choose Love, you can of course live life on your terms but your family may vow to never see you again (it seems evident from all the vibes at your home).
Since, you are financially independent, you are in a better position to decide BUT it is going to be a decision that will leave someone unhappy. Who that is going to be and whether you can harden yourself with it is the question!
Now, Family and Love can go hand in hand only when both integrate which means an uphill task for both sides to negotiate, navigate and live in harmony. If this can be achieved by some neutral person bringing both sides together, please attempt this first before making a final decision. But make the choice soon, so there is a resolution either way.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1293 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam, My parents are very strict ones I tried to talk to them from last aug to November or December my father stoped talking to me and abused me with abusive words and my mother did not say anything she was in support to my parents, then I stopped some while , now parents are behaving normally like nothing happened and mother was asking is I forget about him i said no again and now I want to talk again about this issue but I don't how to start again I feel hesitation and i started panicking I feel so sad all the time I don't know what to do please help me . I love my parents and my partner very much , my partners parents were ready for us but now they are saying tell her to do talk to her parents fastly and ask if they are ready or not we will not wait for her , they are forcing him to marry someone else I'm so stressed all the time.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you are an adult and my that I mean at an age where you can legally be married, then what is the confusion?
Also, is your partner is someone who values you and is also in a good financial position? (I say this only because many girls become blind in love without realizing that his income is the one that will support the family when you are ready to have a baby wherein there will be a small break in your career or you will have the flexibility to take a break).

What is the reason for your parents to say NO to this boy? I suggest that you address that concern otherwise no amount of talking is going to convince them. Request your partner to speak with his family so that can give you sometime to talk to your parents and sort things first. You are stressed all the time because instead of finding ways to solve the problem, you have been sitting with the problem and worrying about it.

Talk to your parents first, understand why don't like your partner and what must happen for them to start liking him. See where this talk leads you to...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |3908 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Nov 15, 2024

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Career
I have completed my bsc nursing and have one year of experience in india. There's offer from my miles talent hub to do 1 year stem program in usa and then 3 year work visa will be granted. Should i do that or there's is better opportunities for me to do.
Ans: Miles Talent Hub's offer to go to the US for a year to do a STEM program and then stay for three years on a work visa could be a good chance, especially if you want to work and travel abroad and advance your career. Before you decide, here are some things to think about:

If you go to a STEM school in the US, especially in a field like healthcare, you might be able to find new job opportunities in advanced medical technologies, research, or management that you might not be able to find in India. It's possible that the 3-year work visa will help you learn about the global healthcare industry while also letting you make money.

Effects on your finances and your life: Studying abroad can be pricey, so make sure you look at all of the costs, such as tuition, living costs, and any scholarships or other financial help that might be available. Think about whether you can handle being away from home for a long time.

Opportunities in India: The United States has a lot of great opportunities, but India also has room to grow, especially since the need for healthcare workers is growing. In India, look for job openings, higher education programs, or specialized certifications that could help you move up in your business. Think about where you want to be in 5 to 10 years. This could be a good first step if you want to grow in a foreign setting or go to school abroad to study nursing or healthcare management. All the BEST for Your Prosperous Future.

To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs’, ask / follow Us here in RediffGURUS.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |402 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 15, 2024

Relationship
Hello I am a 40 year old married female. Off late I started feeling attracted to my married Male Friend of last 5 years. I love my husband a lot and can never think of betraying him. But I feel happy in the company of this friend of mine. He sort of has the qualities i always wanted from my husband and as we all know not everyone can possess every quality. I was aware about his liking towards me like he used to flirt with me someway or other also recently he admitted the same to me that he likes me since our first meeting. As we are family friends and stay in the same building, we keep meeting often with family and sometimes only two of us as we like spending time talking to each other. In our recent visit we hugged each other in the rush of emotions. We both got just blown away by the surreal feeling. We admitted the same to each other. After this meeting we kept messaging each other the whole day and so on for next few days and suddenly one day he said he fears this might ruin our family friendship and started ignoring and maintaining distance, he stopped messaging or calling me without discussing anything. But now I am attracted to him so much that I can not take his absence or apathy towards me and want to have cordial relations like we were before, when it was not vocal between us that we like each other. I am not able to adjust to the fact that the person who used to admire and respect me so much and wanted to have a lifelong friendship can become suddenly so distant. I want an advise whether I am wrong in expecting atleast a normal relation like friendship to continue between us. As we have never crossed our boundaries and hugging once will not count as betrayal. Please guide I want him back as before.
Ans: a close relationship with someone outside your marriage, especially when emotions are involved, introduces challenges. You’re aware of this already, and it seems your friend has also recognized the complexities, likely explaining his sudden need for distance. Often, when feelings come to the surface, they carry a weight that makes people reconsider their boundaries to protect the larger relationships at play—in this case, both of your marriages and family dynamics. This pullback doesn’t negate his admiration or the value he places on your friendship but rather reflects the reality of the situation and the need to guard against further complications.

You might find it helpful to explore what exactly you’re drawn to in your friend’s qualities. It could be that he reflects an aspect of yourself you wish to bring into your own relationship. Identifying these qualities is powerful, as it can help you shape a conversation with your husband, potentially bringing deeper fulfillment to your marriage. Many couples find new dimensions in their relationship when they openly discuss what they yearn for and ways to bring those qualities to life together. While it may feel challenging, these conversations can foster intimacy and growth.

It’s also worth noting that maintaining your friend’s respect and allowing him space is likely the best way to preserve your connection long-term, even if it feels painful right now. His distance might ultimately help both of you return to a place of friendship, but pushing for that too soon might complicate things further. In the meantime, remember that it’s natural to feel a loss or a longing for a friend’s company when circumstances shift. Practicing self-compassion and care can be grounding during times like this, as can seeking other outlets for support, such as close friends, hobbies, or moments of solitude that allow you to process your emotions.

Time and patience may help bring this friendship back to a more natural and comfortable place, but focusing on your marriage and yourself will allow you to stay true to your values and find a sense of peace, regardless of the ultimate outcome with your friend.

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 14, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi Sir, I'm 43+, My Monthly take home is around 3.40 Lacs, Currently i have invested in Shares (Current Portfolio is around 1.40 Crs). EMI is around 1.2 lacs P/m (Home loan 1 - 50K per month till 2037, 30K car loan till 2027 (Planning to close this year by paying 13 lacs, please suggest if this option of preclosure is good or EMI is good, will be paying this amount by selling some shares), 30k per month of home 2 till 2040., Last year i have started investing in SIP 1 lacs P/M, and balance 1.20 lacs goes in house, kids education expense. Have EPF balance of 40 lacs as on date. As mentioned above recently i have started investing in SIP (From Oct 2023 onwards), which is at the tune of 1 lacs per month. SIP are Franklin India Prima Fund regular Plan - Growth - 25K, ICICI Prudential Small cap fund retail plan G - 25K, Kotak Multicap fund regular plan growth - 15K, DSP Blackrock mid cap fund regular plan growth - 10 K, and Parag Parikh Flexi Cap fund - Regular plan growth - 25 K. Will increase the SIP investment by 10% every year going forward. Sir, My question is with current SIP and shares investment will i be able to generate 10~12 Cr corpus fund by retirement (Assuming that i will be in Job and working for next 15 years). Current Share portfolio is for long term investment only (assuming i get 12~15% of return every year). Please note : will be spending around 60~70 Lacs for my Son education in engineering from 2027 to 2031, 50% will be spend from savings and balance 50% from education loan. Current value of house 1 - 1.35 Cr (EMI is 50K), House 2 Current Value is 82 Lacs (EMI is 30K).
Ans: Hello;

Kudos for holding judicious blend of assets in equity(stocks and MFs), real estate, EPF.

Your thought process is absolutely spot on. You should prepay the car loan through shares corpus and close the EMI.

If you maintain monthly sip of 1 L with yearly top-up of 10% for 15 years then you may accumulate a corpus of around 8.68 Cr.

Stock holding of 1.27 Cr(13 L considered to be deducted for car loan prepayment) is expected to grow into a sum of 5.31 Cr in 15 years.

EPF balance of 40 L will grow into a corpus of 1.27 Cr over 15 years. Fresh contributions, if any, will be bonus.

So cumulatively your total corpus at the end of 15 years from now will be 8.68+5.31+1.27=15.26 Cr.

Due to your sound financial planning you may not need education loan for son's education.

Modest return of 12%, 10% and 8% are considered from mutual funds, direct stocks and EPF respectively.

Happy Investing;

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Dr Shyam

Dr Shyam Jamalabad  |79 Answers  |Ask -

Dentist - Answered on Nov 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 14, 2024Hindi
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Health
Doctor, could you kindly recommend specific brands of toothpaste suitable for children of different age groups? I’m particularly interested in knowing which brands would best support their dental health at various stages of development, considering factors like fluoride content, flavor, and overall safety. Could you provide guidance on which options are most effective for toddlers, young children, and older kids?
Ans: Hello
For toddlers and young children, it's essential to choose a toothpaste that is safe and effective for their developing teeth and gums. Here are some recommendations:

1. *Fluoride-free toothpaste* (0-2 years): For infants and toddlers, a fluoride-free toothpaste is recommended. Look for a toothpaste specifically designed for this age group, like "Baby Toothpaste" or "Training Toothpaste". Please note that Fluoride, although extremely beneficial when used locally can lead to fluorosis if accidentally ingested. This is the reason toddlers need to use fluoride-free toothpastes.

2. *Children's toothpaste with low fluoride* (2-6 years): For young children, a toothpaste with a low fluoride concentration (around 500-600 ppm) is suitable. This helps prevent fluorosis (white spots on teeth) while still providing cavity protection.

3. *Gentle ingredients*: Opt for a toothpaste with gentle ingredients, to minimize irritation.

5. *Flavor and texture*: Select a toothpaste with a child-friendly flavor and texture to make brushing teeth a fun experience!

Most popular toothpaste brands offer multiple options for toddlers and young children.
In addition to these there are a few brands specially formulated for children which are ethically promoted (not commercially advertised, but sold through chemists on dentists' prescriptions) You may speak to your child's dentist for specific recommendations.

Remember to always supervise your child while brushing teeth and teach them proper oral hygiene habits from an early age!

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