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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 15, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

I have been dating a guy since last year and we are serious about each other. Our families know about us and are quite accepting towards our relationship. But there is a problem idk what to do. I'm single child and my father passed 10 years ago so its just me and my mom. I cant just leave her after marriage. I want all of us ( me my bf his parents and my mother ) to stay together after our marriage but he says that his parents will have a problem with it. Idk what to do i just cant leave my mother but i also love this guy.

Ans: It's understandable that you're facing a challenging situation with conflicting priorities. Balancing your commitment to your mother and your love for your boyfriend can be difficult, but open communication and compromise are essential in such casesTalk about your expectations for family life after marriage. Understand what he envisions and what compromises can be made to accommodate both your wishes. This may involve discussing living arrangements, responsibilities, and boundariesIf possible, involve both families in the discussion. Sometimes, concerns can be addressed more effectively when everyone is aware of each other's perspectives. This can also help in finding common ground and building mutual understanding. finding a solution that respects both families and allows for a harmonious marriage may take time and effort. Patience, understanding, and compromise are key. It's important to create an environment where both you and your boyfriend feel heard and valued.
Ultimately, the decision should be based on what feels right for both of you as a couple. Consider what compromises are reasonable and whether there are creative solutions that can satisfy both your desire to care for your mother and your commitment to your relationship.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |868 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Mam i am in relationship for 9 years now..he became my boyfriend when i shifted in my new house he was my neighbour..i was in 10th when i got caught and since then my parents hate my boyfriend , i apologized to my parents then and said to have no contact with my boyfriend but 9 years down the lane ..we are totally connected and living a peaceful healthy relationship..my parents hate my boyfriend and his family to the core..my relationship with ny parents are.mixed someday they will be super nice to me , another day they will abuse me for evn small things..we have ups and down in our relationship but i love them a lott , i want to care of them in their old age..but at this point i want to talk to them about my boyfriend but seeinng that they hate him so much i am literally very very afraid that my parents will hate me to their core knowing about someone i want to marry whoom they hate soo much ..... i don't know how will they react .. i am been through physcial and verbal abuse earlier too but i don't know how much worse it can get this time..for them the girl who marry their parents choice is the best in the world..my boyfriend and i have no caste issue its just the ego issues with my parents they think karrying into that house they will never able to have good enough respect though my mother and his mother talk..but that too my mother bitch a lott about her mother for even nonsensical things..i am 24 now and preparing for government exam ...i am soo much stress knowing i have to choose between my love or my parents.....i think so even if i marry him with their superficail consent they will never be happy woth me..and can even cut contacts with me...i don't know what to do i have no elder in my house to make parents explain...mam plss show me some path
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No where have you mentioned what your boyfriend does for a living? Could this be the reason that your parents refuse to acknowledge your relationship?
Parents want the best for their children but at times their own beliefs on love marriages etc can come in the way. Since you are an adult, it is time to actually start acting like one. My suggestion is to have a conversation with them and understand the reason for their refusal to accept your boyfriend. If it is one of society and family objection, then you know how to handle it BUT if their concern is more about his character or his job, you both need to make an effort to take away that concern so that they accept all this wholeheartedly.
Find the reason and things will become clearer as to how you must handle the situation.

All the best!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |191 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi. I am a muslim girl. I am in a relationship from 5 years. Me and my boyfriend loves each other a lot and we are very close as well. His family also likes me and accepted me. One more thing is that he is my relative. So my family also knows their family well and other relatives too know them. The problem is my family is not agreeing for the marriage as his family once upon a time asked financial help from my other relatives as for some reason they were not in good condition. However, they are now financially stable and ready for the marriage. But my family mix with one evil relative and she said very bad things about my bfs family which are not true. My family will never agree for the marriage. I tried many times to make them understand but they have too much ego. They want me to marry a rich guy so that they can show off to other people whether I am happy or not. Since childhood I have no good bonding with my parents due to their selfish nature. Moreover, other relatives never talked bad about my bf and his family. My family told me to not talk to him ever but I still talk to him as I truly feel he is my soulmate. What should I do at this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear that you are going through a rough patch. Sometimes parents make decisions on our behalf without understanding what it is that we want; that doesn't necessarily mean that our parents are selfish. More often than not, they do it with our best intentions in mind. You might be misunderstanding your parents wanting to show off a rich son-in-law. It is possible that they want you to have an easy life. Having said that, it is also important that your feelings be taken into consideration. You have been with your partner for five years and that is a significant amount of time. I suggest you try to reason with your parents. You can try bringing them all together and ask both your parents and your boyfriend's parents to talk it out. If there is clear communication, nothing will be left to assumptions. Next, keep on mentioning all the positive things about your partner. Try to etch that in your parents' mind. Third, if you are not working, I suggest you start looking for a job. Regardless of your parents', husband's, and his family's financial conditions, you should have financial freedom. You can also contribute to building a better life for yourself and your family.
I am sure your boyfriend and his family are amazing; you have spent five years with him and that should give you a fair idea. But just a gentle reminder, no one can be sure of someone's true nature till they start living together. I am not insinuating that your relatives are right about badmouthing your partner's family; all I am suggesting is that you look into it a bit more thoroughly. Marriage is indeed a big decision and rushing into it would be foolish.
And one more thing, it's just a phase. Tough times don't last forever.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |868 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello mam, glad to find you here. Mam, I'm a female, 27 yrs, I have been in a relationship with my partner since 9yrs, but he is from different caste. We both were immature when we started our relationship but our relationship grew stronger as time passed.We have gone through ups and downs of our relationship and are still intact. When I was into 3yrs of our relationship he was doing some odd job, at that time I told my mom about us and she said 'NO' because of caste issue irrespective of his job. Another reason is that my father is an impulsive person who thinks to harm himself whenever something happens, so mom said my father might harm himself if I go forward. At the same time there were some issues in boys family and my brother met them and he said no to it.But I couldn't get away from him, so I stayed. Later I talked to my partner about his family environment and I said that I couldn't stay with them because of the negative impact. He talked to his family and confirmed that after marriage we will lead our life under different roof but maintain the sufficient relationship with his family. We both are now settled in jobs but he earns a bit less than me but we earn a handsome salary combining our both salaries. Now, it's time for my marriage and I want to marry him and he have changed alot for me without leaving his family and he understands me very well. I feel safe with him. Now the problem is my parents wants to get me married and I also want to get married to the whom I loved but my mom and brother are not yet all giving me the chance to convince them. They are trying to convince me for marriage with others but I couldn't do that, that will kill me all my life. They are saying that if I go for intercaste then they have to suffer all their life and my father might do something to himself if he finds out. I love my family dearly and that's why I have been waiting all these years for their approval. I do not want anyone to lose their life because of me. My partner have left the decision to me because of my situation at home and he is supportive of me. My transfer is nearing where I have two options, one is to opt for my home town(not Village), where I can bring my parents to town with me to stay( now my posting is in another city). Second is to opt for different city( where I have to stay with my brother who doesn't approve of my love and blames me for his career). In order for me to convince them for my marriage should stay with my family or away from them and how can I convince them? Sorry' for the long story and I hope I hear from you.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Be clear about what you want and in this process/journey, there will be a lot of highs and lows...
Also, you may not be able to have the cake and eat it too which is why you are struggling at making a decision. You want to marry the man of your dreams that your parents and brother disapprove of BUT you don't want to disappoint them by going against them...You can't have one foot in two different paths...it will tear you apart; literally...
So, decide what you want, the pros and cons of going against the family...of course there are situations where over time, parents have accepted the boy/girl but there's a lot of patient waiting.
If you are in haste, they are not going to relent and you will be left feeling disappointed...
Decide and then do whatever it takes to make that decision right...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |868 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 13, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Anu, Me and my brother always wanted to buy a 2bhk. I got married a couple of years back & my younger brother is unmarried. We both have been looking for properties for years now but nothing would fit our budget. This is something my wife knew before marriage as well. Now she wants me to abandon the plans of buying a house with my brother and to plan with her. I am of the view we all can come together to buy the house but she is not ok with my brother contributing. As she believes it will create issues later on and during inheritance. I am in a dilemma about how to navigate this. As we all live in rented flat along with my parents?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are taking an emotional stance on this and your wife is on a fear-ridden path...both of you are not wrong BUT is it possible to agree to what your wife is saying and yet not lose your brother's favor. Then you will have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Separate finances keeps relationships healthy and we have enough evidence where mixing financial matters and personal stuff can get messy...
There is nothing emotional about it, so think of the future...it's better to be safe and he's your brother...I am sure that he will understand...I have a question for you though: Why is it so important for you to have your brother's presence in buying the house? What will happen if you go ahead by yourself just like he can go ahead himself?
There are other things that you can share like going on holidays together, family gatherings, doing some charitable work together...
Prioritize relationships over finding what ties them...and your brother is not married...his future bride may not like the arrangement as well and then it will be one big mess to separate things...
Better keep things separate now than later...mending scars is more difficult than making a sane decision now...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |868 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 15, 2024

Anu

Anu Krishna  |868 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 13, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am 38yr old working women .I have 3year old daughter. 2.5 years back my father in law expired . After which my MIL started staying with us as my husband is a single child. She started creating lot of trouble in our family because of which my husband left me and my child.since then my husband is not staying with us neither helping me or my child emotionally and financially even after speaking to him.We took couple therapy also. Nothing changed. Now as I to put my child for school, I am feeling burdened emotionally, physically and financially which I don't want to show at my kid. kindly guide me to come out of the situation and give the best safe environment for my daughter.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Why should you bear the responsibilities all by yourself?
Legal separation has not happened and he is still responsible towards your daughter who is his daughter as well. If nothing has come out of therapy, then the responsibility to change and work on the marriage has not been a strong need.
Have an honest conversation with your husband on this; leaving home with no clarity for anyone is not a very nice thing to do...
Let him state his side of the story as to what he intends to do in the future with the marriage and maintenance of the child. If he refuses to offer support, legal recourse might be your only option.
But before doing anything, a frank chat with him is necessary. Know what's on his mind and do understand that your daughter is eligible to support financially from her father. So, don't go through with all this alone.
Do make an attempt to put things back together and then opt for other choices...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Patrick

Patrick Dsouza  |242 Answers  |Ask -

CAT, XAT, CMAT, CET Expert - Answered on May 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 14, 2024Hindi
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Career
Which is beneficial out of 1.Certficate programes by MBA colleges . 2 Distance MBA 3. Executive MBA 4. Regular MBA in India? Context: I have 12 year of experience in total in the IT sector. I am a solution architect earning around 50LPA CTC. I am exploring the options of doing an MBA and not sure which one is more suitable. I am in middle management and want to get into the senior leadership role. Objective: This MBA/certificate for me is a ladder to scale up. So I am looking only for top 5 management schools in India. Mostly from IIM's or ISB only. Expectation: Looking for alumni status Looking for network connections for better outreach for a job switch. Impression on Resume/profile to get a job in a higher designation. I am more concerned with designation although in the IT sector only. (Is impression is enough to scale up the ladder , with comm and tech skills. Not sure ) Constraints: I need remote education, and can't relocate to different cities. cant go beyond 6-8lakh fees. Options: Certificate Program (IIM, ISB, XLRI) Executive MBA(1 year)(Too expensive though) General MBA(2 year remote) From these options, which is the best alternative? and what is the difference between these? Does it hold any value on paper?
Ans: It is always preferable to do an Executive MBA considering what you require from an MBA course. But you have other constraints in which case look at distance MBA Certificate course. There are foreign universities like Wharton, Kellogg, etc offering Distance Certificate course, but if you plan to continue working in India, course from top IIMs or ISB or XLRI could be better.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2273 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 15, 2024

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Money
I am 40 years old. I am having 23 Lakhs in PF, 15 lakhs in MF and 5 lakhs in PPF. Should I move funds from PF to my Mutual fund? Will that be a good option, taking into account of risk and return. What is the ratio of funds should I keep in FD, MF, Stocks and PPF?
Ans: At 40 years old, optimizing your asset allocation is crucial to align with your financial goals, risk tolerance, and investment horizon. As a Certified Financial Planner, let's evaluate the proposition of reallocating funds from your Provident Fund (PF) to mutual funds (MF) while considering risk and return dynamics.

Assessing the Move from PF to Mutual Funds

While PF offers stability and tax benefits, it may not always optimize returns, especially considering inflation and limited exposure to equities. Reallocating a portion of your PF corpus to mutual funds can potentially enhance your overall portfolio returns over the long term, provided you are comfortable with the associated market risks.

Determining Optimal Asset Allocation
Fixed Deposits (FD): FDs offer capital preservation and predictable returns, making them suitable for short-term liquidity needs and as a component of your emergency fund. Consider allocating a portion of your portfolio to FDs to meet immediate cash requirements and mitigate short-term volatility.

Mutual Funds (MF): With 15 lakhs already invested in MFs, you have a foundation in equity and debt instruments. Evaluate your risk tolerance and investment horizon to determine the optimal allocation between equity and debt funds. Equity funds offer growth potential but come with higher volatility, while debt funds provide stability and income generation.

Stocks: Direct stock investments can enhance portfolio diversification and potentially generate higher returns than mutual funds. However, they also entail higher risk and require active management and research. Allocate a portion of your portfolio to stocks based on your risk appetite and expertise in stock selection.

Public Provident Fund (PPF): PPF offers tax-free returns and long-term wealth accumulation, making it a valuable component of your retirement portfolio. Maintain your PPF investment to benefit from its tax advantages and stability in your overall asset allocation strategy.

Crafting a Balanced Portfolio
A balanced portfolio considers your risk tolerance, investment goals, and market conditions. A common rule of thumb suggests allocating a percentage of your portfolio to equities based on your age (e.g., 100 minus your age). However, this rule may vary based on individual circumstances and risk appetite.

Conclusion
While reallocating funds from PF to mutual funds can potentially enhance returns, it's essential to evaluate your risk tolerance and investment objectives before making any changes. A well-diversified portfolio comprising FDs, mutual funds, stocks, and PPF can optimize returns while managing risk effectively. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice tailored to your financial situation.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2273 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 15, 2024

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Money
I am 32 year old and beginner to mutual fund which one I need to start 1st to invest for my son and daughter studies they are 7 year old.
Ans: Congratulations on taking the first step towards securing your children's future through mutual fund investments. As a Certified Financial Planner, I understand the significance of starting early to harness the power of compounding for long-term goals like education.

Understanding Your Investment Horizon

At 32 years old, you have a considerable investment horizon ahead, aligning well with your children's education goals. With a time horizon of approximately 10-15 years until your children enter higher education, you can adopt a growth-oriented investment approach to capitalize on market opportunities and mitigate short-term fluctuations.

Selecting Suitable Investment Avenues
For beginners in mutual fund investing, I recommend initiating investments through diversified equity mutual funds or balanced funds. These funds offer a blend of equity and debt instruments, providing a balance between growth potential and downside protection.

Investing with a Goal in Mind

Since your primary objective is to accumulate funds for your children's education, consider opting for thematic or sectoral funds that align with sectors poised for long-term growth. Additionally, you may explore tax-saving mutual funds (ELSS) to avail tax benefits under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act while building your children's education corpus.

Incorporating Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
SIPs offer a disciplined approach to investing, allowing you to invest fixed amounts regularly, typically on a monthly basis. By leveraging SIPs, you can benefit from rupee cost averaging and mitigate the impact of market volatility over time. Start with an affordable SIP amount that fits within your budget, gradually increasing it as your income grows.

Leveraging the Expertise of a Certified Financial Planner
As you embark on your mutual fund investment journey, seeking guidance from a Certified Financial Planner can provide invaluable insights and personalized recommendations tailored to your financial goals, risk tolerance, and investment horizon. A CFP can assist you in constructing a well-diversified portfolio and navigating market fluctuations effectively.

Conclusion
In summary, initiating mutual fund investments at an early age can significantly enhance your ability to accumulate wealth for your children's education. By selecting suitable investment avenues, incorporating SIPs, and leveraging professional guidance, you can lay a strong foundation for your children's future educational endeavors.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2273 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 15, 2024

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Money
Hello sir I want to invest rs.10,000 per month. Which index fund will be best for me ??
Ans: As a Certified Financial Planner, I commend your initiative to invest systematically for your future financial well-being. Let's explore various investment avenues to optimize your monthly investment of Rs. 10,000.

Assessing Active Funds Over Index Funds

Index funds, often touted for their simplicity and lower expenses, have their drawbacks. Unlike actively managed funds, which aim to outperform the market, index funds merely replicate a market index, limiting potential returns. Moreover, they lack flexibility in adjusting to market changes, potentially resulting in missed opportunities.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds, overseen by seasoned fund managers, offer several advantages. These funds capitalize on market inefficiencies and aim to deliver superior returns by carefully selecting investments. With the ability to adapt to changing market conditions, actively managed funds may better shield investors during downturns and seize lucrative opportunities for growth.

Navigating Direct vs. Regular Funds
Direct funds, while seemingly cost-effective due to their lower expense ratios, pose challenges for individual investors. They require active involvement in research and decision-making, demanding significant time and expertise. On the contrary, investing through a Certified Financial Planner offers access to regular funds via Mutual Fund Distributors (MFDs). This approach not only provides professional guidance but also streamlines the investment process, ensuring optimal portfolio allocation.

Exploring Alternative Investment Avenues
While real estate might seem lucrative, it entails substantial initial investment, illiquidity, and maintenance hassles. Thus, diversifying your investment portfolio beyond traditional avenues becomes imperative. Consider exploring options like equity mutual funds, balanced funds, or systematic investment plans (SIPs). These avenues offer potential for long-term wealth creation with relatively lower investment thresholds and professional management.

Crafting a Holistic Investment Strategy
Crafting a holistic investment strategy entails aligning your financial goals, risk tolerance, and investment horizon. As a Certified Financial Planner, I emphasize the importance of periodic portfolio review and rebalancing to ensure alignment with evolving financial objectives and market dynamics. Regular monitoring and adjustments are vital to optimize returns and mitigate risks effectively.

Conclusion
In conclusion, while index funds offer simplicity, actively managed funds present compelling advantages in pursuit of higher returns and risk management. By leveraging the expertise of a Certified Financial Planner and exploring diversified investment avenues, you can navigate the financial landscape with confidence and achieve your long-term financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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