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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |260 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 22, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

i’m 18 and live in the states and basically my parents have known i have a boyfriend for a while now thru their own snooping and my mom has even told me once or twice that she knows about him but today I was trying to go out this morning to a outting with two friends and him and they asked who is coming and if he is coming and then my dad got really angry and started saying things like “you want me to get you married now” and that we were acting like husband and wife because he saw that i have a picture of us in my wallet also for some context he is chinese but he’s the topper of my grade of 500+ students incredibly smart and just perfect guy all around. i don’t want to break up with him, what should i do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that maintaining a relationship when parents disapprove can be very tricky. But you must also understand that their worries come from love for you; you might be an adult but you are still their child. Having said that, let's see some practical ways to deal with this-
- Understanding what's worrying them can help you give them a solution that might work in your favor. Their concerns can stem from cultural expectations. They might be concerned about your safety. Figuring out their concern will help you better navigate the situation.
- Communicate your feelings. Don't get mad when they express their opinions. It won't help your case. Find the right time to discuss this with your parents. And make them feel heard. Their concerns can give you a new perspective too.
- Highlight your partner's positive traits like his academic achievements. And focus on your studies too. If your parents see that he is a positive influence on you, they might reconsider their stand.
- When the time is right, introduce him to your parents. Seeing him in person will humanize him.
- Strike a balance. Your relationship should not interfere with your relationship with your parents or hamper your studies.

Most importantly, be patient. These things take time. You are too young to be so bothered.

Best Wishes.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |294 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 15, 2023Hindi
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I have been dating a guy since last year and we are serious about each other. Our families know about us and are quite accepting towards our relationship. But there is a problem idk what to do. I'm single child and my father passed 10 years ago so its just me and my mom. I cant just leave her after marriage. I want all of us ( me my bf his parents and my mother ) to stay together after our marriage but he says that his parents will have a problem with it. Idk what to do i just cant leave my mother but i also love this guy.
Ans: It's understandable that you're facing a challenging situation with conflicting priorities. Balancing your commitment to your mother and your love for your boyfriend can be difficult, but open communication and compromise are essential in such casesTalk about your expectations for family life after marriage. Understand what he envisions and what compromises can be made to accommodate both your wishes. This may involve discussing living arrangements, responsibilities, and boundariesIf possible, involve both families in the discussion. Sometimes, concerns can be addressed more effectively when everyone is aware of each other's perspectives. This can also help in finding common ground and building mutual understanding. finding a solution that respects both families and allows for a harmonious marriage may take time and effort. Patience, understanding, and compromise are key. It's important to create an environment where both you and your boyfriend feel heard and valued.
Ultimately, the decision should be based on what feels right for both of you as a couple. Consider what compromises are reasonable and whether there are creative solutions that can satisfy both your desire to care for your mother and your commitment to your relationship.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1054 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
hii im 18 yrs old ..my parents found out about my bf.. actually they have caught me 5 to 6 times and always told me to leave him.. and i used to leave him but after sometime we again get reunited .. my parents have snatched my phone and telling me whether to choose them or my bf.. they are telling me to live in their house according to them otherwise i should leave their house.. i love both of them so much i got my bf after lot of struggles and fights .. i dont know what should i do..my bf is also from another religion and now my parents are telling me that they will not let me study further and will take me to my hometown forever and will get me married their with someone else
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
At 18 when you are still emotionally immature and financially not yet stable, what else do you expect your parents to do?
They are doing what they think is the right thing for you to keep you safe. My suggestion would be to focus on what must matter to you most at this age; your studies...put down your goals and stick to them...
As cruel as it may seem to you that the whole world is against your association with the boy, remember that you have a life ahead of you that will give you the necessary space for such a relationship...so work towards yourself first, so that when you actually get into a relationship, you know that it is right for you!
Right now, you know that your parents may very well pull you out from studies and there goes your dreams of a better future...So, please stop being foolish and step up for yourself and do what's right for you!

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |294 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam i am dating my bf from 10 years. He have good job. His family also very good and well settled.i told my parents about him first they say no because of different cast. But i explain them then they are ready. So i told them to meet with bf family. But every week they give reasons and in the end they cancel to meet with my bf. And they say we will get you marry to ur bf but they doesnt want to meet him and talk to him even in once not even in call. Now i am confuse i dont know what to do. My parents are not giving me any clear answer. Everyone told me they are just buying time.
Ans: It sounds like you're in a difficult situation where your parents are expressing ambiguity despite initially agreeing to your relationship. This can be very frustrating, especially when you've invested so much time and emotion into your relationship and are ready to take the next step.
First, have a calm and honest conversation with your parents. Try to understand their concerns and reservations. Ask them directly why they are hesitant to meet your boyfriend and his family. Sometimes, parents may have unspoken worries or cultural considerations that they find difficult to articulate. By understanding their perspective, you can address specific concerns rather than general resistance.

Secondly, communicate your feelings clearly. Let your parents know how important this relationship is to you and how their lack of engagement affects you. Explain that meeting your boyfriend and his family is a crucial step in solidifying your future together. Emphasize that this meeting is not just a formality but a meaningful way to blend two families and cultures.

It might also be helpful to suggest a low-pressure, informal meeting. Sometimes the idea of a formal introduction can be intimidating for parents. Suggest meeting in a casual setting, such as a family dinner at a restaurant or a small gathering at home, which might make them more comfortable and less pressured.

If your parents continue to delay without a clear reason, you may need to make a decision based on your own values and priorities. Reflect on what you want for your future and consider if your parents' hesitation is something that can be worked through with time, or if it might require you to take a stand for your own happiness.

Lastly, seek support from trusted family members or friends who understand your situation. Sometimes, having someone else advocate for you can make a difference. They might be able to mediate the conversation and provide a perspective that resonates with your parents.

Ultimately, your happiness and the future of your relationship are paramount. While it's important to respect and consider your parents' opinions, you also need to ensure that you're making decisions that align with your own values and desires. Balance patience with assertiveness, and prioritize open, honest communication both with your parents and your boyfriend.

..Read more

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