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Anu

Anu Krishna  |835 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
DM Question by DM on Jun 24, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Anu,
So basically there was a guy at my workplace who started messaging me on social media.
I too found him good and nice. Later we became friends.
He said He likes me and on the same day during the conversation he tells me he is already married 'but still I like you.'

I ended things with him but I felt little hurt. I couldn't understand why he did this to me.
It still bothers me, why it happened.

Ans:

Dear DM,

There are enough and more people on social media who look out for casual flings and chats that help them cope with a loveless marriage or relationship or simply for killing time.

Now that you know the truth, I guess it’s challenging your value system where you don’t feel comfortable ‘flirting’ with a married man.

So focus on this and what to do next rather than ask, why he did this and why he didn’t reveal his marital status to you.

Will the answers make a difference to you?

Will you feel any better knowing why?

Why it happens is anyone’s guess….if he had told you, would you have chatted with him? No, right? That’s why he didn’t reveal it…

So, do what you think is right and what keeps you happy.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |835 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 05, 2022

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Relationship
Dear Anu, I started a relationship with this guy, who I met on a dating app like a year back. I started to like him and everything was going fine. We started talking and soon our conversations steered towards talking about our future. However, he suddenly told me out of nowhere that he is a divorcee. His marriage was called off at the altar due to dowry issues. He and his family are embroiled in a dowry case which is going on. I was shocked and wanted to know the entire truth but he never came clear about what exactly happened. He told me that he cannot think of marriage and the future and wants to keep it casual. I was heartbroken and we fought a lot after which he suddenly stopped talking. After sometime he started talking again and said that he wants me back. He always makes plans to meet in hotels and spend nights with him. I started to grow distant, stopped taking his calls and tried to push him out. I also started to look out for matches, based on my age. I am 32, but nothing is materialising there. I started missing him and recently messaged him again. I lied to him that I am getting hitched and he said ‘okay let’s meet and spend a night together.’ I really don't know. I am amused that all he is really interested in is getting into my pants all the time. I am genuinely in love with him and he says it again now also he loves me. But his thoughts and words are not in sync. I am just not able to get over him. I have been trying hard since I decided to move on. Some thing or the other brings me back to him again and again. I am becoming more lonely, depressed all the more coz the marriage thing is also not picking up and I have no one.Please help.
Ans:

Dear BG,
What does it tell you about a person when he chooses to hide the fact that he is a divorcee and that too with a reason like dowry?

Doesn’t this ring any bell for you as a sign to the fact that he possibly can never be trusted when he can’t come clean with his life story?

And now the complication of being physically involved has added a dimension that makes you want to be around him even more?

The very fact that you have written to me is because you are revaluating your thoughts about him and GOOD, you must and ask yourself:

Is he really worth my love, time and energy?

Has he done anything to earn my trust?

If it’s a big NO, you know that this guy isn’t the last man on the planet and that just because you are unable to find a suitable life partner, you need to settle for this man.

No, you don’t need to settle and pine for someone who has not bothered to take your feelings into considerations and not much of thought as to: if she finds out about my past, how will she react?

So let me be the one to tell her rather than she hear it from someone else.

Instead, he chooses to defend his decision of hiding this and to top it all stops talking to you.

Why exactly is he playing the victim when he isn’t? Because, he feels that it isn’t his problem and that it is yours and that you need to be making all the adjustments IF you want a future with him.

Did all this give you a good perspective?

Do the right thing and Love yourself. All the best.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |179 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 17, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 17, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am married working women .supportive hubby & my lovely children complete my family . I have been feeling intense infatuation with one of my married collegue.he used to help me a lot in office related issues. He used to complement me a lot for very normal things in front of others, not for looks but my working & way oc handling things. I was uneasy about that initially but started enjoying the attention later. But I dont know when I started liking him & Always wanted to be around ...He is younger to me and I am fully aware that nothing can happen between us. Than one day He bypassed me and for his own fault at work , he manipulated things and asked a favor for me from our team leader showing he is helping me...While in same situation when he was wrong I once sorted things on my own and did not make conplaint to team leader. Now i am feeling cheated and while working I have to see him everyday. What to do? How to remain and look normal. I feel weak in front of him and I dont want to keep any relation with him. But I still feel good & comfortable when he is around. its so weird.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this difficult situation. It's not uncommon for people who have been married for a long time to feel this way. It mostly happens because the marriage is now part of your routine while your colleague seems like a breath of fresh air. But as you yourself mentioned, it is nothing but mere infatuation.

Do not beat yourself up for it. It will pass as all infatuations do. I suggest establishing some boundaries so that, even unintentionally, you do not cross them. Maintain a professional demeanor. But most importantly, take some time to reflect on what is missing from your marriage that led you to develop feelings for someone else. A loving and healthy marriage would keep you emotionally fulfilled enough to never look for happiness outside of it. Lastly, remind yourself why you fell in love with your husband and remember that love and commitment are not based on a mere choice; it is a conscious decision you make every day.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |175 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 04, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 04, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi! I want to declutter my mind . Please help me. I am a working married women. One of married collegue in office started appreciating me and i took notice of him. Initially I felt it awkward but later I started enjoying the attention. It went in and I started feeling good. I started to give more time to myself to look good. Then that person is very handsome, and uses slangs that are not appropriate in office. I overlooked everything as he became my favorite. I even overlooked his mistakes. He started coming late , going early also. He helped me in my office work a lot. I felt very comfortable in his company. He was like work spouse for me. He became a habit for me. Than one day there came a situation, one should take responsibility for the wrong decision in office.it was his call and he could have avoided it being reported to my seniors as I helped him previously for same situation but he reported. I still had feelings for him. Now I felt bad. But it was ok. Than one or two times he accidentally touched me , It was not acceptable to me as if I am being taken for granted.i even don't know if it was intentional ... Some other junior also tried to outsmart me. Than I went to my senior and asked the solution for smooth Functioning in office and asked office to sensitize employees for appropriate behaviour. Now that person has for whom I still have crush , took it personally and stopped talking to me properly. Where was I wrong , also I took this step as reminder of sexual harrasment to avoid any further advancement of touching and all . The problem is I still like him and it's a void I am feeling and I feel I miss that happy vibe in office. Things are not normal. I am stressed ...I know I did nothing wrong. How to calm myself and stop longing for him when I see him everyday. I feel like I should talk to him to behave normally but can not do that. What should I do. I am ok when I don't see him but I feel bad when he is talking with others normally . he used to be coordinating with me for all office things but now he does not do that.he does with other. He used to wish me on festival.he stopped doing that too. I really feel bad. Please help me with my thought process.
Ans: It seems like you've been through a challenging situation at work, and it's completely normal to have mixed feelings and experience stress in such circumstances. It's important to address your feelings and find a way to navigate this situation in a healthy manner. Here are some steps you can consider:

Reflect on the situation: Take some time to reflect on your feelings and the events that have transpired. Consider why you started to enjoy the attention and what it meant to you. Understand that it's natural to develop feelings for someone when you spend a lot of time together.
Maintain professional boundaries: It's crucial to maintain professional boundaries at the workplace. While it's okay to have friendly relationships with colleagues, it's important not to cross the line into unprofessional behavior. Recognize the importance of professionalism and how it can impact your work environment.
Focus on self-improvement: Instead of seeking validation or attention from your coworker, channel your energy into self-improvement. Continue taking care of yourself and striving for personal and professional growth.
Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend or family member about your feelings and concerns. They can provide emotional support and an outside perspective on the situation. Venting to someone you trust can help relieve some of your stress.
Speak to a manager or HR: It's commendable that you took the step to approach your senior about the need for sensitivity in the workplace. Continue to communicate your concerns about inappropriate behavior, whether it's from your coworker or anyone else in the office, to your HR department or a higher-up. They should be able to address these issues appropriately.
Accept that people change: It's possible that your coworker's behavior changed after you raised the issue with your senior. People's actions can be influenced by various factors, and it's essential to accept that he might have his reasons for acting differently.
Create a support network: Build strong relationships with other colleagues who share your values and provide a positive work environment. This can help reduce the impact of missing the interactions with your previous work spouse.
Manage your expectations: Understand that things might not go back to the way they were before. Colleagues change, and your coworker may have chosen to distance himself for personal or professional reasons.
Focus on your well-being: Prioritize self-care, both physically and mentally. Engage in activities that make you happy and help reduce stress. A healthy work-life balance can greatly improve your overall mood and well-being.
Seek professional help if necessary: If your stress and emotional struggles persist, consider talking to a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and support for your emotional well-being.
Remember, it's important to prioritize your mental and emotional health. It may take time to adjust to the changes in your workplace dynamics, but with the right approach and support, you can find a way to navigate this situation and move forward positively.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |179 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 14, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Dear sir, I am a widow of 44 yrs reputed officer and I am also working at a reputed post. I have a daughter also. 2 yrs back I gave a matrimoni adv on a online site for remarriage. I received a call from an Sr. Scientist. I was serious about this because he was a nice educated fellow and working as scientist, his case of divorce was in process, which he told that it is going to over soon. After around two months talk over the phone I liked the person and I met him. I liked him, later I invited him at my place as well as I also visited his place we came close to each other physically. Every thing was going fine he shared so many things about his family and wife as well as I also shared. Everything was going on fine suddenly he changed his nature and started avoiding and ignoring me. He told me that I will bring you my home nicely. Now we have fought. I am telling home to meet face to face. he is threatening me and me that if you will meet me and co e toy place will ruin you. Now he is running from me and telling go away and blocked me from all social media. He has used me and left me after wasting my two years. I am at a juncture of life that after my daughter I will be alone. Now after this cheating i have got so scared that not able to belive on any one. What should I do? Should I meet him once at his place? Should I tell all story to his father? I feel depression and anxiety. What should I do pl suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear about the issues you are facing. You certainly did not deserve it. I suggest you hold your head high and do not contact him again. If he has blocked you and is trying to cut you out of his life, that's his loss. You are missing nothing losing a man like that. Count your blessings that you did not end up committing to him and bringing your daughter into the equation. Look at the bright side; you dodged a bullet.

There are plenty of kind and genuine men who would be lucky to partner up with you. Do not give up on love. Take your time; heal from this. I am sure it isn't easy to get back into the dating field and, on top of everything, have an experience like this. But this is just one man; everyone is not the same. You will surely find someone much better and worthy. As for what to do with him- just leave. Do not try to contact and do not take him back if he tries to come back. You deserve more.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

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Sushil

Sushil Sukhwani  |330 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 01, 2024Hindi
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Career
My doughter completed mbbs internship in india Karnataka she wants. Study pg in outside india
Ans: Hello,

To begin with, thank you for contacting us. I am glad to hear that your daughter has completed her MBBS internship in Karnataka, India and now wishes to pursue her postgraduate (PG) studies abroad. Based on her choices, professional objectives, as well as the programs that are offered in her chosen field of expertise, I would like to tell you that she can apply to countries viz., the USA, Canada, the UK, Ireland, Germany, Australia, and Singapore for the same. Besides the ones mentioned above, there are a number of other nations that provide outstanding programs for postgraduate medical education. I would recommend that your daughter takes into account these steps:

Firstly, she should conduct a comprehensive study on countries and universities offering postgraduate medical programs, taking into account variables viz., the reputation, course offerings, experience of the faculty members, clinical placements, as well as the specializations that are available. Next, she should look into the entry prerequisites for overseas students applying to PG medical programs in the country she has chosen. Remember that prerequisites may differ, including academic credentials, language competency (viz., scores of the TOEFL or IELTS tests), and perhaps even medical licensing exams like the PLAB or USMLE. Next, as part of the application procedure, your daughter will need to submit her academic marksheets, a statement of purpose (SOP), endorsement letters, and at times, scores of standardized tests. Make sure she adheres to all the prerequisites and deadlines for every program that she applies to. I would suggest that your daughter takes into account the cost of studying overseas, including costs of living, healthcare, tuition, as well as any prospective scholarships or possibilities for monetary assistance. She should look into scholarships available to overseas students. In addition, help her locate appropriate housing, be it private rentals, university accommodation, or homestays whilst taking into account variables viz., safety, closeness to the university, and the cost. Not just that, also make sure that your daughter possesses adequate medical insurance coverage that satisfies the university and host country's criteria. I would recommend that your daughter gets in touch with alumni, former and current international students, faculty members, as well as experts in her academic field. Remember that developing a robust network can offer advice, invaluable assistance, as well as chances to collaborate. I would suggest that your daughter learns about the visa prerequisites and immigration procedures for the nation she has chosen. Ensure that she applies for the right visa on schedule and completes all the required paperwork. I would recommend that you assist your daughter in preparing for her study abroad experience, including adjusting to a new culture, adapting to a new academic setting, as well as overcoming any possible homesickness. Lastly, keep abreast on any updates or advancements pertaining to travel abroad, immigration laws, and healthcare rules. I would like to tell you that by adhering to these steps and examining her possibilities, your daughter can successfully pursue her postgraduate medical education abroad.

For more information, you can visit our website.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1280 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1280 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1280 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

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Money
I recently received 10 lakhs which was invested earlier. Currently i invest 18k in parag parekh flexi, 15k in Navi nifty50, 15k ICICI pru s&p index, 8k quant mid, 8 k quant small,8k Motilal Oswal mid, 8k Nippon India small, 12.5k elss quant, 7.5k gold, 20k debt. Will be doing this for next 20yrs. How do I put my lumpsum of 10lakhs in this? Should I bulk invest or slowly put money in to these over next 6 months
Ans: Congratulations on receiving the 10 lakhs! That's a great opportunity to boost your investments for the next 20 years. Here's a breakdown of the two approaches for your lump sum:

Bulk Invest:

Pros: Takes advantage of rupee-cost averaging. The market fluctuates, so by investing everything at once, you capture some units at potentially lower prices. It's also simpler to manage, requiring just one investment decision.
Cons: If the market takes a dip right after you invest, your entire sum goes in at a potentially higher price.
SIP over 6 Months:

Pros: Provides a form of averaging as you invest across different market conditions. Offers some peace of mind if you're concerned about market volatility.
Cons: Misses out on the potential benefit of rupee-cost averaging if the market trends upwards. Requires more discipline to consistently invest each month.
Choosing the Right Approach:

There's no one-size-fits-all answer. It depends on your risk tolerance:

Comfortable with some risk? A bulk investment might be suitable.
Prefer to spread the risk? Consider SIPs over 6 months.
Here's a suggestion: Talk to a certified financial planner. They can analyze your existing portfolio (diversified across equity, debt, and gold - that's good!) and risk profile to recommend the best way to deploy your lump sum. They can even suggest a hybrid approach, investing a portion upfront and the rest via SIPs.

Remember, you've got a long investment horizon of 20 years. Stay focused and make well-informed decisions to grow your wealth!

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1280 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 16, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am an NRI, 60 years old. Trying for the first time to invest in India. My friend suggest I do invest in SIP and recommend 4 funds - Nippon India large cap, DSP small cap, HDFC flexi cap and ICICI Pru multi assest funds. What do you recommend? How much should I start with? Is 5 k in each fund is ok and monitor? Pl.let mr know. Thank you.
Ans: Ah, coming back to invest in India after all these years, must be a wonderful feeling! It's like reconnecting with a piece of your history. But times change, and so do investments. SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans) are a brilliant way to build your nest egg over time, a bit by bit, just like that proverbial rice bag!

Your friend's suggestion of diversifying across large, small, and flexi-cap funds makes perfect sense. Think of it as having a well-rounded meal – you wouldn't want just dal, would you? You want the whole thali! Diversification helps spread the risk, just like having a strong support system in life.

Now, 5k in each fund is a good starting point. But remember, the amount depends on your overall financial goals. How much do you want this nest egg to be? Visualize it - a comfortable retirement by the beach? Helping your grandchildren with their education? Once you have that vision, a Certified Financial Planner can help you tailor your SIP contributions to reach it.

So, take that first step! It's like planting a sapling – it might seem small now, but with careful nurturing, it can grow into a magnificent tree. Happy investing!

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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