Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Anu Krishna |1639 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Question by DM on Jun 24, 2022Hindi

Listen

Dear Anu,
So basically there was a guy at my workplace who started messaging me on social media.
I too found him good and nice. Later we became friends.
He said He likes me and on the same day during the conversation he tells me he is already married 'but still I like you.'
I ended things with him but I felt little hurt. I couldn't understand why he did this to me.
It still bothers me, why it happened.

Ans:

Dear DM,

There are enough and more people on social media who look out for casual flings and chats that help them cope with a loveless marriage or relationship or simply for killing time.

Now that you know the truth, I guess it’s challenging your value system where you don’t feel comfortable ‘flirting’ with a married man.

So focus on this and what to do next rather than ask, why he did this and why he didn’t reveal his marital status to you.

Will the answers make a difference to you?

Will you feel any better knowing why?

Why it happens is anyone’s guess….if he had told you, would you have chatted with him? No, right? That’s why he didn’t reveal it…

So, do what you think is right and what keeps you happy.

All the best!

RelationshipReply

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu Krishna |1639 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 05, 2022

Question by BG - May 05, 2022Hindi

Listen

Dear Anu, I started a relationship with this guy, who I met on a dating app like a year back. I started to like him and everything was going fine. We started talking and soon our conversations steered towards talking about our future. However, he suddenly told me out of nowhere that he is a divorcee. His marriage was called off at the altar due to dowry issues. He and his family are embroiled in a dowry case which is going on. I was shocked and wanted to know the entire truth but he never came clear about what exactly happened. He told me that he cannot think of marriage and the future and wants to keep it casual. I was heartbroken and we fought a lot after which he suddenly stopped talking. After sometime he started talking again and said that he wants me back. He always makes plans to meet in hotels and spend nights with him. I started to grow distant, stopped taking his calls and tried to push him out. I also started to look out for matches, based on my age. I am 32, but nothing is materialising there. I started missing him and recently messaged him again. I lied to him that I am getting hitched and he said ‘okay let’s meet and spend a night together.’ I really don't know. I am amused that all he is really interested in is getting into my pants all the time. I am genuinely in love with him and he says it again now also he loves me. But his thoughts and words are not in sync. I am just not able to get over him. I have been trying hard since I decided to move on. Some thing or the other brings me back to him again and again. I am becoming more lonely, depressed all the more coz the marriage thing is also not picking up and I have no one.Please help.

Ans:

Dear BG,
What does it tell you about a person when he chooses to hide the fact that he is a divorcee and that too with a reason like dowry?

Doesn’t this ring any bell for you as a sign to the fact that he possibly can never be trusted when he can’t come clean with his life story?

And now the complication of being physically involved has added a dimension that makes you want to be around him even more?

The very fact that you have written to me is because you are revaluating your thoughts about him and GOOD, you must and ask yourself:

Is he really worth my love, time and energy?

Has he done anything to earn my trust?

If it’s a big NO, you know that this guy isn’t the last man on the planet and that just because you are unable to find a suitable life partner, you need to settle for this man.

No, you don’t need to settle and pine for someone who has not bothered to take your feelings into considerations and not much of thought as to: if she finds out about my past, how will she react?

So let me be the one to tell her rather than she hear it from someone else.

Instead, he chooses to defend his decision of hiding this and to top it all stops talking to you.

Why exactly is he playing the victim when he isn’t? Because, he feels that it isn’t his problem and that it is yours and that you need to be making all the adjustments IF you want a future with him.

Did all this give you a good perspective?

Do the right thing and Love yourself. All the best.

Relationship