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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1155 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2021

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
MV Question by MV on Aug 12, 2021Hindi
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Relationship

I am married for last 23 years. I discovered that my wife has an extra marital affair for more than 10 years now.

She confessed and said she'll move away, but she hasn't.

In addition, I discovered that outside our marriage, she is in relationship with more than three persons at the same time, and always looking for sex.

At times even with those who are the same age as our 20-year -ld daughter.

There is no fun in being with her or continuing the marriage.

Recently she left home after fighting with me and started living in a separate rented home. Kids are with me mostly but they keep visiting her.

While I'm not interested in bringing her back, and that all my faith in the institution of marriage is now lost, what should be my approach in the remaining part of life?

I'm not looking for a life companion now.

Ans: Dear MV, I can only imagine what you must have been through. But it's also nice to hear that you know exactly what you want to do.

This is possibly another phase of your life and it's imperative that you start to look at your life with a fresh pair of eyes.

What I mean to say is: If you could go back in time much before you married, what are the things that still excite you?

Any hobbies, any professional pursuits?

This is the time to focus very strongly on building a good NOW and a fine future which means you need to pay attention to what is it that fires and fuels you as an individual.

Also reconnect with old friends and build new connections solely from the point of view of a social circle.

This will engage you with fresh idea, thoughts and this energy also helps you parent your children better.

All in all, when you are happy, your children also send back the same vibes to you.

The past cannot be changed and there is no point going back especially because you have decided to move on.

Then move on with a giant powerful stride by focusing on creating, building something new as it you can fill it like a new canvas and share it with your children as well.

Do what it takes to have a positive outlook in life; friends, work, hobbies, thoughts...let each of these be a choice that you make so that you always be in a positive frame of mind.

When, you do feel down and out, allow it BUT remind yourself that you have chosen this path and that you will come out strong no matter what.

Wishing you a wonderful life filled with strength and joy!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 03, 2023

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Relationship
Hi, I have been married since 2011 and have a son aged 9 yrs. My wife managed her professional career as well as home. I trusted her to the fullest and allowed her to go out of town alone for work purpose. However in 2017, my wife had an affair with her senior working in bank and it was physical relationship too. It lasted for almost 1.5 yr untill I caught her in August 2018. When confronted she did not had proper justification for doing such gross thing and tried too blame me. Since than she has no contact with that person and even she filed a complain in the office against that person for stalking. She is remorseful and shameful for her act, but i dont feel any attachment towards her. I am still continuing in marriage with mental trauma of affair. What should i do with marriage now?
Ans: Dear Saurav

Discovering that your wife has been unfaithful can be a traumatic experience, and it's understandable that you may be feeling hurt, angry, and betrayed. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and emotional health during this time.

Here are some steps that you can take to help you navigate this situation:

Seek support: Consider talking to a therapist, a trusted friend or family member, or a support group for individuals who have experienced infidelity. It's important to have someone to talk to who can provide a listening ear and a safe space for you to express your emotions.

Communicate: If you want to work on your relationship with your wife, it's important to communicate openly and honestly about your feelings. Let your wife know how her actions have affected you and what you need in order to move forward.

Set boundaries: It's important to set clear boundaries with your wife regarding what is and isn't acceptable behavior. If you choose to work on your relationship, make sure that your wife is willing to take responsibility for her actions and work towards rebuilding trust.

Consider counseling: If you and your wife want to work on your relationship, consider couples counseling. A trained therapist can help you and your wife communicate effectively and work through any underlying issues that may have contributed to the infidelity.

Take time to reflect: Consider what you want for your future and whether or not you are willing to work on your relationship. It's important to make a decision that feels right for you and your well-being.

Don't blame yourself: It's important to remember that your wife's infidelity is not your fault. While it's natural to feel responsible or to question what you could have done differently, ultimately the decision to cheat was your wife's alone.

It's important to acknowledge your own feelings and to take care of yourself during this time. With time and support, it's possible to heal and move forward from the trauma of infidelity. Ultimately, the decision about what to do with your marriage is up to you and your wife, and it's important to make a decision that feels right for both of you.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1155 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 12, 2023

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Relationship
First of all, thanks for your answering my previous question. I am still unable to accept that a woman who has relatively happy marriage and children is getting involve with other men despite warning and claiming that he is only friend and jeopardizing her marriage. Let this kind of situation happens with me . How will I proceed when I come to know that my wife is talking and meeting to another man even after my warning for (let say) more than 5 years and saying that she has not committed adultery ? Your answer will be appreciated
Ans: Dear Samrat,
I apologize if I am incorrect. But I seem to notice that you keep asking the same question in different ways. It will help if you actually state what is bothering you.
You not willing ;to accept a woman who has relatively happy marriage and children is getting involve with other men despite warning and claiming that he is only friend and jeopardizing her marriage'? Is this about someone that you know? Or is it something that you want to know out of curiosity? If it is only a healthy debate that you seek, I suggest that there are other platforms that encourage answers and responses as a debate. You may want to ask these questions there.
If it is indeed about you having this problem with your wife, then ask so...also as Gurus, it becomes easy for us to address a person's challenge if they come straight to the point. I hope I am making sense.

Ifs and Buts in life are many...are you suspecting that your wife is in a relationship outside of marriage?
I ask because you have mentioned: How will I proceed when I come to know...does this mean that you know or you are expecting this or you have your doubts?
If you know, simply ask her...she does have the responsibility within the marriage to let you know of this.

If you don't know or are playing on your doubts due to your beliefs of: I am unable to accept that a woman getting involved despite warning...Then know that your lack of trust will kill your marriage...

So, my suggestion...do come to the point and ask your question directly. You will be able to leverage this platform better and find a path to your challenges.

All the best!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |295 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 19, 2023

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Anu Krishna  |1155 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am a guy 45, married and with 2 lovely children. My wife and I have great relationship from the time of love marriage. I love her a lot and as a family all is great financially, emotionally. It does seem to be like a perfect family anyone can ask for. During dating she was she was flirting with others but after all our love and commitment we moved ahead. She has this nature of seeking attention from others and I was ok as long as it was harmless. After our first child, I know it must be difficult for her as a new mother etc but I caught her with her colleague, they were having affair for 1.5 years. she regretted her decision and I forgive her. I gave her more attention and we continued, she shows all the love and affection and I know in my heart she loved me a lot as I do the same. All was good, we had a second child and the pregnancy and post pregnancy was happy. She has been very happy and giving her all to the family. Our relationship was very good from every angle. yet again she had a one night stand and also another affair. This time i was heard broken. She is independent, she earns well and better than me of which I am proud of. If she is unhappy with the relationship and marriage, i am happy if she is wants to move on for her good. But she repented again and says he cannot live without me and that she only loves me. If there is so much love I am unable to understand why she is looking elsewhere. I have asked her to make me understand but she has no answer. I have forgiven her as my love for her is a lot and I know she does love me too and we continue our marriage... but I am unable to figure out this nature and for her and myself I want to understand what can be done. I am lost.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I can see that it is very unsettling for you. It might have been a huge deal to know that your wife has been vying for attention outside of marriage and also indulging in the physical angle as well.
It's possible that she is getting used to your being okay with the entire thing and just adapting to it that there has been no thought on how she can change the way that she is. Since you have forgiven her, there is nothing that needs to change in her...that's the message that you are implying to her.

She possibly is just exploring and trying new things for herself, she is looking for validation and attention outside...the reasons could be many...wandering is only an indication of something that we are not happy with within ourselves or in our lives...If you want your situation to change, I would strongly recommend Couples Therapy to unearth what exactly is happening. It might give both of you some perspective and since there's love still within the marriage, things might actually fall in place quickly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Hello Sir, my age is 37 and I am currently employed in the private sector with a monthly salary of 1.75 lakhs. I would like to provide a summary of my financial situation and seek advice on how much corpus I would require to comfortably retire at the age of 45. Current Financial Overview: Real Estate: 3.5 crores (includes 3 houses and a plot) Stocks: 7.5 lakhs Mutual Funds: 13.5 lakhs Corporate Bonds: 2 lakhs Employees' Provident Fund (EPF): 21.5 lakhs Public Provident Fund (PPF): 8.5 lakhs (investing since 2013) PPF (Wife’s Name): 1.5 lakhs (invested this year, continue to invest the same amount each year) Gold: 20 lakhs Home Loan: 23 lakhs (balance with LIC), Planning to close within 1 year time-frame. Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Investing 30,000 monthly (recently started, 3 months ago) Term Insurance: 1 crore (premium of approximately 35,000 annually) Health Insurance: Company-provided (7.5 lakhs limit) National Pension System (NPS): Investing 50,000 annually (started this year) Monthly Expenses: 50,000 (including child’s fees and other expenditures, excluding investments) & Investing 50K in Gold every month. Family Details: I have a 6-year-old son and am expecting a new baby in October 2024. My wife is a homemaker. Could you please provide guidance on how much corpus I would need to retire comfortably at 45, considering my current financial situation and future goals? Thank you for your assistance.
Ans: You've outlined a comprehensive overview of your financial landscape, which provides a solid foundation for planning your retirement. With a goal to retire at 45, you have eight years to build and secure a sufficient corpus to ensure a comfortable retirement for you and your family.

Key Financial Assets and Liabilities
Real Estate: Rs 3.5 crore
Stocks: Rs 7.5 lakhs
Mutual Funds: Rs 13.5 lakhs
Corporate Bonds: Rs 2 lakhs
EPF: Rs 21.5 lakhs
PPF: Rs 8.5 lakhs (self), Rs 1.5 lakhs (wife)
Gold: Rs 20 lakhs
Home Loan: Rs 23 lakhs (planning to close in 1 year)
SIP: Rs 30,000 per month (recently started)
NPS: Rs 50,000 annually (started this year)
Insurance: Term insurance of Rs 1 crore, company-provided health insurance of Rs 7.5 lakhs
Monthly Expenses: Rs 50,000 (excluding investments)
Evaluating Your Retirement Corpus Needs
To determine the corpus required for retirement at 45, we need to consider several factors, including your expected expenses during retirement, inflation, and the number of years you plan to be retired.

1. Estimate Post-Retirement Expenses:
Current Monthly Expenses: Rs 50,000 (excluding investments)

Inflation Adjustment: Assuming an average inflation rate of 6%, your current monthly expenses will likely increase by the time you retire.

Post-Retirement Monthly Expenses: Assuming you maintain a similar lifestyle, and considering inflation, your monthly expenses could rise to approximately Rs 80,000 by the time you retire.

Yearly Expenses: Rs 80,000 x 12 = Rs 9.6 lakhs annually at retirement age.

2. Determine the Number of Years in Retirement:
Retirement Age: 45 years
Life Expectancy: Assuming you plan up to 85 years, you'll need to plan for 40 years of retirement.
3. Estimate Required Corpus:
Corpus Required: The corpus needed to sustain your lifestyle for 40 years considering inflation, and safe withdrawal rates.
Assumptions:
Post-retirement, you could adopt a safe withdrawal rate of 4% annually.
Expected returns on the retirement corpus post-retirement could be around 7%.
Using these assumptions, the corpus required to sustain annual expenses of Rs 9.6 lakhs for 40 years with a 4% withdrawal rate can be calculated.

4. Corpus Calculation:
Given the complexities of long-term retirement planning, a simplified method to estimate the corpus is:

Corpus Calculation Formula:
Annual Expenses at Retirement Age (Rs 9.6 lakhs) x 25 = Rs 2.4 crores
This formula is based on the 4% rule, which suggests that if you withdraw 4% of your corpus annually, your savings should last for 30-40 years.

However, considering the uncertainties and potential changes in your lifestyle, a more conservative approach would be to plan for a corpus of around Rs 3-4 crores. This takes into account potential healthcare costs, lifestyle changes, and other unforeseen expenses.

Current Asset Evaluation and Future Planning
Now, let’s break down how your current assets can contribute towards building the required corpus and what additional steps are necessary.

1. Real Estate: Rs 3.5 Crores
Real estate is a significant part of your net worth. However, liquidity is an issue with real estate.
You might want to consider whether you plan to keep these properties for rental income, sell them closer to retirement, or downsize.
2. Stocks: Rs 7.5 Lakhs
Your current stock portfolio is modest. Over the next 8 years, aim to increase your investment in stocks through systematic investments (SIPs or direct stock purchases) to leverage market growth.
3. Mutual Funds: Rs 13.5 Lakhs
Continue your SIPs, and consider increasing the amount when feasible. Diversify into equity funds with a good track record, and consider a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and hybrid funds to balance risk and return.
4. Corporate Bonds: Rs 2 Lakhs
While bonds are safer, they offer lower returns. It’s good to have them for stability, but focus more on equity for growth at this stage.
5. EPF and PPF: Rs 31.5 Lakhs
Your EPF and PPF investments are doing well. Continue with these contributions as they provide tax-free returns and security. Consider increasing your contribution to PPF if possible, as it offers a secure, long-term return.
6. Gold: Rs 20 Lakhs
Your monthly investment of Rs 50,000 in gold is significant. While gold is a good hedge against inflation, it should not dominate your portfolio. Consider reducing the monthly investment in gold and reallocating some of these funds into equity SIPs or mutual funds to enhance growth.
7. Home Loan: Rs 23 Lakhs
Closing this loan within a year is a wise decision, as it will free up cash flow and reduce your financial liabilities, allowing you to invest more aggressively for your retirement.
8. NPS: Rs 50,000 Annually
Since you’ve just started investing in NPS, it’s a good tax-saving tool with the added benefit of a pension. Continue with this investment, as it will provide you with a regular income post-retirement.
9. Term Insurance and Health Insurance
Your term insurance cover of Rs 1 crore is adequate. Ensure it is kept active as it provides financial security for your family. Review your health insurance coverage to ensure it meets your future needs, especially as your family grows.
Future Investment Strategy
Given your current asset base and retirement goal, here’s a roadmap to help you reach your target:

1. Increase Equity Investments
With 8 years to retirement, your portfolio should have a higher equity exposure to maximize growth. Gradually increase your SIP amounts in equity mutual funds or direct stocks.
Consider reallocating some of your monthly gold investment into equity funds to enhance returns.
2. Diversify Mutual Fund Investments
While continuing with your current SIPs, consider adding diversified equity funds and index funds to your portfolio. A balanced mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds will provide the necessary growth potential.
3. Consider Additional Real Estate Monetization
Evaluate if selling one of your real estate holdings closer to retirement could provide liquidity and enhance your retirement corpus. Alternatively, rental income can supplement your retirement income, but be cautious about the management and upkeep costs.
4. Maximize Tax-Advantaged Accounts
Continue contributing to your PPF and NPS accounts, as PPF provides tax-free returns and NPS contributes to a secure retirement corpus. Maximize contributions to these accounts within the allowable limits.
5. Focus on Debt Repayment
Prioritize closing your home loan within the next year. Once this debt is cleared, redirect the EMI amount into your retirement savings.
6. Emergency Fund
Ensure you have a sufficient emergency fund, equivalent to at least 6 months of expenses, to cover any unforeseen events without dipping into your retirement savings.
7. Plan for Healthcare and Child’s Education
Given that your family is growing, it’s essential to plan for increased healthcare needs and your children’s education expenses. Consider setting up dedicated funds for these goals, separate from your retirement corpus.
Regular Monitoring and Review
Retirement planning is dynamic. It’s crucial to review your investments regularly, at least once a year, to ensure they are aligned with your retirement goals. Adjust your strategy as needed based on market conditions, changes in your financial situation, and progress towards your retirement target.

Final Insights
Based on your current financial situation and assuming disciplined investment and regular reviews, accumulating a corpus of Rs 3-4 crores by the time you retire at 45 is feasible. This corpus, combined with your real estate assets and other investments, should provide a comfortable retirement with a reasonable withdrawal strategy.

Focus on increasing your equity exposure, reducing unnecessary debt, and ensuring your portfolio is well-diversified to achieve higher growth. As you approach retirement, gradually shift your portfolio towards more stable, income-generating assets to preserve your capital.

Retirement planning requires careful consideration of both current and future needs. By staying committed to your investment strategy and making informed adjustments, you can secure a financially independent retirement at 45.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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