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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |153 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Apr 10, 2024

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Asked by Anonymous - Apr 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I have been married for 2 months now. before marriage, we met twice and only spoke on the phone mostly. During the talking phase, my now wife told me that she did not have any past and has hardly any male friends and has always been away from dating apps. However, after we got married I came to know she has been using dating apps like tinder,bumble,etc for years and was even involved with men in the past. One of such relationships continued till just few days before we started talking. She always seems to be lying and hiding when confronted about it. She always comes up with generic responses like she does not remember , she dont know or it was a normal thing , etc. this has led to arguments and I have found it extremely difficult to reason with her. This is going to an extent that sometimes it makes me think If i have made a correct decision about my marriage or not. Please let me know how do you see this situation.

Ans: I would start with the question - On why did you marry her? What was the reason for marrying her - I am sure it must be a fun/ nice reason - so focus on that. Now coming to her speaking to other men or being friends with them does not make her a woman of lesser values. Yes, she met them but things did not work out and anyways thats past and past is for a reason. Focus on now and on present - how is your relationship with her, how are you both to each other, do you encourage each other to follow your respective dreams, do you laff and joke a lot, do you both help in house chores, do you both allow each other to be as they are. Also know that it will take time to build trust - it can take anything from months to years....so be patient and work towards it. My take is focus on the now, the present and the future vs talking about the past....hope the response resonated well with you. Ps: I am building a matchmaking service to help people to meet each other for a long term relationship....some meet without them , many need them to help them find their special person.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |584 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 23, 2023

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Relationship
My name is Rajesh, I am 50 year old 4years back I got to know that my wife is in relationship with someone and after inqiuring in detail I found that, that was her second relationship. Earlier relationship was broken 1 year before. and she told me all herself when I ask on condition that if she didnt tell me I may take dicision of breaking. so sho told me everything without hiding. she is telling me that she still loves me. Arter that she stoped all contacts but after a year she strated developing contacts with facebook messenger and developed one more relationship with one FB friend. again when I got to know she stoped contacting him. this time ther was no physical relationship, but she admitted that he once kissed her. the boy tried to contact her in all ways but she somehow stopped this matter. I love my wife very much. I forgive her every time. three year passed now all this year she was not going outside alone without me. but in these days I also insisted her to go out, and she started going to yoga class where she used to go early and she is very happy now days. I dont know whether I am doing correct or not, some time I still have dought in my mind whether she will start again doing affairs. I am some times afread, dont know what to do. whether I should still continue trusting and loving my wife or what. we have one son age 16 now. I am confuesd sometimes but till date happiness is maintained in the family. But I am feeling lonely somtimes. what to do?
Ans: Dear Rajesh,

I can understand it is an impossible situation for you but this too shall pass. First things first, are you happy in a relationship that involves cheating, not once, but twice and who's to say there won't be a third? Ask yourself that. If the answer is no, it is quite understandable, but if it's yes, then why? Why would anyone be happy with a partner who cheats over and over again? Why do you think you deserve such a life? Granted, relationships are not all rainbows and butterflies all the time, but they should not look this grim either. You alone have kept it going for this long, and maintained harmony by accepting your partner's infidelity time and again; ask yourself what would happen if you allowed yourself to stop. You can stop tolerating it, you know?

The question isn't how you should deal with your partner who is evidently a repeat cheater. The question is how you should deal with the situation and why are you reacting in a way that almost makes me think that you believe you deserve such a relationship. As for your kid, divorce or separation has much less effect on a child than a broken marriage with two unhappy parents.

If you still want to continue, that is also okay. To each their own, but don't forget to ask yourself what are you staying in this marriage for; your kid, societal pressure, or is it unconditional love for your wife, who, by the way, does not reciprocate the same for you.

Best Wishes!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |584 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 17, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 15, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I been married for 15 years now. From last 4-5 years, my wife has been getting involved with Random men(Friend circle, internet friends etc). In few times I found out and she promised that she will stop. But In last couple of years, she been deeply involved with a man who is a friend of her. Her friends have been encouraging and helping her to meet him. She keeps giving vague excuses to go out , when i know she is going to meet her. We had multiple discussions and arguments regarding his involvement, but she keep saying she only talks to him as a friend. Her phone is locked, so i cant see the messages between them. But I secretly recorded a few of the conversations she is having with him when I am away at work. I was shocked by the brazen act of her to continue relationship with him inspite of my warnings. I am not thinking of divorce at the moment since the kids are involved. I am not able to figure out what to do, and since it is affecting my career and health and kids well being. Please advice
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that divorce is still seen as a negative thing in Indian society, and as you rightfully said, it can have an impact on your kids but at this point in time, some form of separation, if not legal, is very much required. You cannot stand by while your partner continues to cheat on you. If it is indeed your misconception, you might have to sit together with your wife and clear it out once and for all. But if you are absolutely sure about this affair, taking some form of strict action is important. Love can fade over the years, but cheating is never acceptable and you have to communicate this with your partner. Let her decide between you and the man she claims is her friend. And, coming to your kids- it is better to have two happily divorced parents than two unhappy parents who were forced to stick together.

Best Wishes!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi.. good evening.. i want your advise.. we are married for 6 months now and we had a arranged marriage. My mistake was not informing my wife about my past relationship which we had broken up badly and immediately after my marriage my ex girlfriend shared our pictures with my wife purposefully and she got upset with that and me and my family convinced my wife that i have broken up with her and i dont have any contact with her and it is true and i am loyal to my wife. Everthing was normal after that and 2 months passed and i observed that my wife is in regular contact with a guy on phone whom she calls friend and talks to him daily. I confronted this to her and she told that he is just her freind and he had helped her before during her difficult times. Again this continued and i asked her to stop contacting him daily and even though he is a friend what is the point in talking to him daily and she just cried telling that i am controlling her and she feels like she has no freedom and is in jail and i am not allowing her to talk to her friends. After this she limited her talks with him and seemed fine by me as it is just a friendly casual talks 2 to 3 times a week. One day she asked me reply to one of her emails and wanted to upload some file. While i went to upload i had access to her google photos and i was shell shocked to see lots of photos of her with this guy whom she calls friend and in close proximity. Also there are pictures of them dated 3 to 4 years back and also the most hurting part is the pictures of her with him after our marriage as well. She had told me that they have a college get together and reunion and she had went with him on that day and stayed overnight as well. I was literally shocked by this and confronted her immediately and then she told me that she was in relationship with him and her parents did not agree so couldnt marry him and even he also cancelled many marriage proposals because of her and she betrayed him and happily married now with me while he is still not married and she feels guilty as all this happened to him because of her and so she talks to him daily and she can only feel ok once he is married. I told her she has to stop talking to him if we want to keep this marriage.. she tells me if i leave her she is dead as even her parents wont accpet her and also he (her ex boyfriend) will not accept her and she says she has nowhere else to go.. she still cares for me though but i dont know what else to do.. she still talks to him 2 to 3 times a week... please advise how to go about this
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your wife was never into this marriage and it became convenient for her to pursue a link with her ex-boyfriend once she found out about your past.
Everything that she does now being justified. You are right in putting your foot down, but have you seen a favorite toy being snatched away from a child? The need for that toy only gets stronger.
The way that you can counter this is by showering her with a lot of care and attention as I do gather that the two of you want this marriage. You want it as you are in love with your wife, she wants it as she has nowhere to go. Fair enough! The reasons right now might not be the same BUT someday with much love going into the relationship, the two of you can be on the same path.

Now, the question is: Are you willing to wait and pour more into the relationship? She will waver for a while going back and forth between you and that guy; it will hurt you...There will be a lot of anger and perhaps feelings of inadequacy in you, BUT you know that it's not the case. Can you persist on this journey? I sincerely believe that somewhere along the way, she is bound to stick by you when she realizes the stability that you can offer and that the sheen out there will wear out. Possible? Are you willing? If you are, go for it...Love, care, stability, security is something that is core in any marriage...be a part of it!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8334 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 12, 2025
Money
I am 38 years old and self-employed, earning an average of 1.8 to 2 lakhs per month. I have a home loan of 44 lakhs (EMI is 46,000, tenure 15 years). There is no other liabilities. My investments include 11 lakhs in mutual funds, 3 lakhs in fixed deposits, and 1.5 lakh in gold. Should I focus on prepaying the home loan given my irregular income, or keep my investments intact and continue with EMIs?
Ans: You are doing quite well, especially with your investments and controlled liabilities. Your financial discipline is truly appreciable.

You are 38, self-employed, with Rs.1.8 to 2 lakhs monthly income.
Your current home loan is Rs.44 lakhs with EMI of Rs.46,000 for 15 years.
You have Rs.11 lakhs in mutual funds, Rs.3 lakhs in FDs, and Rs.1.5 lakhs in gold.
Your income is irregular, but you have no other liabilities.

Let us now do a 360-degree evaluation of whether to prepay the loan or stay invested.

 

Step-by-Step Financial Assessment
1. Evaluate the Stability of Your Income First
You earn between Rs.1.8 to Rs.2 lakhs per month.

 

But income is irregular. That needs caution.

 

Loan EMI is Rs.46,000 — about 25% of your average income.

 

If income drops in any month, EMI pressure will increase.

 

So we must first ensure EMI is always affordable, without stress.

 

Hence, liquidity is more important for you right now than aggressive loan prepayment.

 

2. Evaluate Your Emergency Reserve
You have Rs.3 lakhs in FD and Rs.1.5 lakhs in gold.

 

That makes it Rs.4.5 lakhs total liquid safety.

 

Your EMI is Rs.46,000, and personal expenses will also be there.

 

Ideal emergency fund for you = 6 to 9 months of expenses + EMI.

 

That is around Rs.6 to Rs.8 lakhs minimum.

 

So current emergency fund is slightly lower than ideal.

 

Please don’t use this for loan prepayment now.

 

3. Assess the Role of Mutual Funds
You have Rs.11 lakhs in mutual funds. That’s a solid step.

Now let’s assess whether to redeem this and prepay loan.

 

Should You Redeem Mutual Funds to Prepay?
Mutual funds, over long term, give better post-tax return than loan savings.

 

Loan interest is 8% to 9%, whereas mutual funds can give 11–13% in long term.

 

Especially if funds are equity-oriented and held for 5+ years.

 

You will also get capital gains tax exemption on Rs.1.25 lakhs LTCG annually.

 

If you redeem funds, you lose growth potential and compounding.

 

That hurts long-term wealth building.

 

So, do not redeem the entire Rs.11 lakhs in mutual funds.

 

4. Disadvantage of Early Loan Prepayment in Your Case
Prepaying early will reduce interest over time, yes.

 

But you may run into cash flow stress in slow months.

 

Once money is used to prepay, it cannot be taken back easily.

 

Liquidity once lost = flexibility lost.

 

Also, income tax benefit under Section 24(b) gets reduced if loan balance drops.

 

So it’s better to maintain balance between repayment and investment.

 

5. Best Strategy for You – A Balanced Approach
Let’s now craft the best plan for you.

 

Maintain Strong Liquidity First
Keep FD and gold untouched.

 

Increase emergency fund to at least Rs.6–Rs.7 lakhs.

 

For that, set aside extra Rs.2.5–Rs.3 lakhs from savings over time.

 

This makes your EMI safe even in low-income months.

 

Continue Your Mutual Fund SIPs Without Stopping
SIPs give long-term growth and beat loan interest in most cases.

 

Don’t stop mutual fund investments to prepay loan.

 

Stay invested. Let wealth compound.

 

Start Small and Periodic Prepayments
Don’t do bulk prepayment now. Do systematic small prepayments.

 

For example, Rs.25,000 to Rs.50,000 extra every 3–4 months.

 

When income is higher, use that surplus to prepay in parts.

 

Target 1–2 bulk part-payments per year.

 

This reduces tenure and interest slowly, without affecting liquidity.

 

Track Your Loan Amortisation Every 6 Months
Use netbanking or get a fresh loan statement every 6 months.

 

Check how each prepayment is reducing principal.

 

Adjust your strategy accordingly.

 

Avoid One-Time Full Prepayment
That would kill your long-term investment compounding.

 

Also removes your income tax benefit under Section 24(b).

 

Stay flexible. You are self-employed.

 

You need cash buffers more than salaried people.

 

Final Insights
Do not do bulk home loan prepayment from mutual funds now.

 

Keep SIPs going and maintain your compounding.

 

Grow your emergency fund to Rs.6–7 lakhs minimum.

 

Use surplus months to make small part-payments towards home loan.

 

This protects your peace and builds wealth at the same time.

 

Reassess in 2–3 years. You may be able to prepay more later.

 

You are already in a good financial position. Your thoughtful approach is praiseworthy.

 

Best Regards,
 
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
 
Chief Financial Planner,
 
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8334 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 12, 2025

Money
i wish to purchase new car i10, should i purchase the same through own money or should i take a vehicle loan from bank and the money own by my to be kept as FDR or liquid mutual fund
Ans: It’s a good sign that you’re thinking before buying a car. You’re not rushing into it. That shows maturity and smart thinking.

We will now evaluate own money vs vehicle loan — from every angle.

 

Understanding the Nature of a Car Purchase
A car is not an investment.

 

It is a consumption asset, not a growth asset.

 

It depreciates every year. Its value goes down, not up.

 

So the cheaper the total cost, the better for your wealth.

 

Option 1: Use Own Money Fully
Pros

No interest cost. You save on total expenses.

 

You are free from monthly EMI pressure.

 

Car becomes fully yours from day one.

 

No need to deal with bank, forms, hypothecation etc.

 

Cons

Your liquid money reduces.

 

You may not have enough cash for emergencies.

 

Opportunity loss if you had invested that money.

 

Option 2: Take Vehicle Loan & Keep Own Money in FDR or Liquid Mutual Fund
Let’s evaluate this with care.

Vehicle Loan Pros

You can preserve your savings for emergencies.

 

EMI can be budgeted monthly, if income is stable.

 

Some banks offer competitive interest rates.

 

Vehicle Loan Cons

You will pay interest on a depreciating item.

 

Loan adds to your monthly obligations.

 

You must pay insurance, EMI, fuel, and service together.

 

FDR and Liquid Mutual Funds give lower returns than loan cost.

 

So you will likely lose more in interest than you gain.

 

Let's Compare: Interest Rate vs Investment Return
Vehicle loan interest is usually 9% to 11% per year.

 

FDR gives around 6% to 7% before tax.

 

Liquid mutual funds give 6% to 7.5% on average.

 

So you pay more to the bank than you earn from investment.

 

Tax on interest or gains reduces actual return further.

 

This means taking a car loan and investing your own money leads to net loss.

 

Best Option for You: Smart Compromise Approach
Let me share a wise solution.

 

Don’t use full own money. Don’t take full loan either.

 

Instead, pay 70–80% from own funds.

 

Take a small car loan for the remaining 20–30% only.

 

This keeps EMI low and retains some liquidity.

 

You reduce interest cost and also keep Rs.50,000–Rs.1 lakh aside.

 

Park that in liquid fund for any urgent need.

 

Repay this small loan fast in 1–2 years.

 

Only Take a Car Loan If:
Your job income is stable.

 

You already have 3–6 months emergency fund ready.

 

You don’t have big loans running now.

 

You can pay EMI without affecting savings.

 

You commit to close the loan early.

 

Avoid This Mistake:
Never buy a more expensive car because loan makes it “feel affordable.”

 

Loan should not expand your car budget.

 

Whether you buy with loan or cash, pick a simple car within limits.

 

i10 is a wise, middle-ground choice. Good thought.

 

Tax Angle (If Business Use)
If you are using the car for business, vehicle loan interest may be tax-deductible.

 

But for personal use, there is no tax benefit.

 

So do not take loan just for imagined tax saving.

 

Final Insights
A car is a need, not an investment.

 

Using your own money fully keeps things simple and cheap.

 

Taking a full car loan and investing the money gives net negative return.

 

Best option is a split approach — pay major part from own funds.

 

Take small loan only if needed and close it early.

 

Always keep emergency money aside before buying.

 

Avoid emotional buying or overbudget cars.

 

Your financially balanced approach is very appreciable.

 

Best Regards,
 
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
 
Chief Financial Planner,
 
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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