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Love Guru |204 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 09, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more

Question by Anonymous on Sep 09, 2022Hindi

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Relationship

Dear Love Guru,
I'm 30 and my parents want me to get married.
I have a boyfriend but I am not interested in getting married at the moment. Neither is he.
I tried talking to my parents, but they are very adamant.
Sometimes, my boyfriend and I feel we should pretend that we got married; the pressure is so much.
What can I do? I want to travel, enjoy my life and then settle down.
How do I handle this?

Ans:

You handle this by not caving in to pressure and living life on your own terms.

I wouldn't go about pretending, but I certainly would stand my ground if I were you.

What's the big deal if you get married at 32 or 33 instead of 30? It's just a number at the end of the day.

Rather than deception, choose determination. And your parents really need to cool it with the forcing business! It's your life and you should get a say in when you marry.

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Hi Mam, Actually I am self independent girl. I am not financially dependent on anyone. I am good in my career. I have a boyfriend the relationship is been 10 years. lastyear when i told my parents i wanted to get married to him, my parents opposed it . now they have fixed my marriage with someone else , i tried to tell the person who is going to get married to me that i am in relationship and i am not able to overcome with that. i am not interested in this marriage. The boy who is going to get married to me told all the details what i have informed to him regrading my relationship to my parents . and also he is saying me that he is going to give me a good life he wanted to marry me only. what should i do now even my parents wanted me to get married to the person who they have arranged wedding .But i am really not interested.

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Hi there, I have many things going in my life right now and I’m confused what to do, first thing I’m in a relationship with a man who’s 7 years older than me and is also not earning much, we are from different religions. Now as I’m 25 my parents are asking me to get married but some how I’m avoiding it, I’m currently living with them and I’m constant with growth in my career so they also want me to look for better opportunities. The thing is my boyfriend is also in the same city and I’m sad about going far away. He’s very supportive and motivates me to look further opportunities. But again my parents want an answer from me about marriage. And I discussed with my boyfriend as well and he understands that too but he doesn’t want to marry me.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When he does not want to marry you, then what makes you waste so much time on him?
Move on with your life; it's not about getting married like the way your parents intend BUT more a signal to yourself to stop in your tracks and focus on what's important to you; your life...

He can be a good friend still supporting you (If the two of you can find that maturity) and you will both be able to walk on your own paths which isn't happening now. When he is clear that he is not going to commit to it, it should be enough data for you to look into yourself and know that you are trying hard to make something happen that does not want to happen. Making sense here?

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Hi I am a 27f. My parents are looking for arrange marriage alliances. I am not looking to get married right now. However, my parents feel pressured and because of that I’m feeling pressured. I kept on saying no to all the rishtas that have come by taking out one or the other problem in family or guy. But now this rishta has come where the family is nice and the guy is super nice too. I’m not able to find any reason to say no to this guy and he seems really interested in me yet I don’t want to get married, not at least this year I feel. I need this year for myself. Moreover I am in love with someone whom I know I won’t be able to get married too. I want this year with him. I feel I cannot betray my bf and be selfish and say yes to this man just because he feels fine to me to get married to. Next year I have decided to give in to my parents demands. Also the man I am dating is wonderful. It’s just we cannot get married because of our age gap. He is 10 years older to me and he never wants to get married. He knows what he wants. I am in such a dilemma what should I do? I feel trapped.

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Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand your concern, and if you do not wish to get married, you should not. People will continue to tell you that everything will be fine, and maybe it will be fine, but if you are not mentally prepared for marriage, you should never go ahead with it.

Try to express your concerns and let your family know that the thought of marriage does not make you happy. If they still insist, ask them how they would feel if the marriage doesn't work out and you not only end up alone but also have a divorced tag on you. I want you to understand that their insistence is coming from a place of love and concern but I would still suggest you not to get married till you are ready.

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