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Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 09, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Anonymous Question by Anonymous on Sep 09, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Love Guru,
I'm 30 and my parents want me to get married.
I have a boyfriend but I am not interested in getting married at the moment. Neither is he.
I tried talking to my parents, but they are very adamant.
Sometimes, my boyfriend and I feel we should pretend that we got married; the pressure is so much.
What can I do? I want to travel, enjoy my life and then settle down.
How do I handle this?

Ans:

You handle this by not caving in to pressure and living life on your own terms.

I wouldn't go about pretending, but I certainly would stand my ground if I were you.

What's the big deal if you get married at 32 or 33 instead of 30? It's just a number at the end of the day.

Rather than deception, choose determination. And your parents really need to cool it with the forcing business! It's your life and you should get a say in when you marry.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 16, 2022

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Hi Anu, I am 30 years old girl and for the past three years, I have been in relationship with a guy who is two years younger to me. He is Marwadi and his parents are not agreeing to our marriage. I have tried breaking up with the guy several times and tried moving on but he always keeps saying that his parents need some time. My BF is a genuine guy and he loves me a lot.My parents on the other hand want me to get married by the end of this year. I am really confused if I should wait for my BF or listen to my parents and get married by their choice. I am unable to understand what to do. I am really depressed. Will it be really late if I get married after 30 or is it okay to wait for my BF?Please help me out.
Ans:

Dear AY,

And is your boyfriend also really depressed like you are?

Is he also desperate to get married?

Is he afraid of talking to his parents?

Does he also want to get married and settle down?

Is there a future for the two of you?

If the answer to each is a YES, please have that ‘uncomfortable yet firm’ conversation with your boyfriend.

Being in a limbo isn’t great, so please ask him how much time he needs to talk to his parents and when he is going to talk to them and how serious is he in this relationship?

Else, it will be an endless wait and that is what seems to be getting to you, the uncertainty.

So, by getting a clear commitment on the WHEN, will eliminate this stress that is eating you away. Things will get clearer, and you will know what to do!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Ma’am. I’m having a problem with my parents about my marriage. I’ve been in a relationship for three years and I want to marry him. My parents are not agreeing as it is a society issue because it is an interstate and inter-caste marriage. I'm trying to convince my parents for that since long time but it's going nowhere and they are too stubborn to even meet him once. What can I do in this situation? How can I deal with their emotional drama as a parent-child relationship should not break because of these issues? Kindly advise me, Ma’am. AS
Ans:

Dear AS,

You need to focus on how you can marry the person you love and also have your parents support you.

Is this possible?

There is a chance only if you take them into complete confidence and appeal to their logic.

Many societies are still against inter-caste marriages and I am sure they have their reasons for it, just like your parents have strong reasons to oppose the marriage.

Have you tried to find out why they oppose it? Are they worried about how they will face your family members as this is a big thing across cultures in the world?

As their daughter, you have connections with them as well as the right to live your life your way. Bring in an elder member of the family and ask him/her to appeal on your behalf. If this doesn’t work, you might be forced to decide one way or the other.

Whatever you do, do it with conviction and maintain relationships along the way. It may be an uphill task but breathe, smile and live life.

All the best, Happy 2022!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi ma’am My family is not accepting my boyfriend as he is not well settled and doesn’t have any savings. His parent are also divorced and father has a second marriage. The first children custody is still with parents however my boyfriend and his brother live with his mother. He is 5 year younger than me. My family is not accepting my relationship and showing me new proposals every day. To borrow some time i am just refusing the proposal my giving some excuses but now they know that i am still not out from him and waiting for him to get settled. Kindly let me know how can i convince my family to accept my relationship. My boyfriend is working day and night to get settled and have a good account balance. Please advise.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If your daughter came to you with the same situation, how would you advise her?
Would you not tell her your concern that she is actually choosing someone who may not be able to support her when she goes on maternity leave? Would you not tell her that coming from a broken family, she may have to take care of her boyfriend and possibly parent him on different occasions? Your parents are only concerned for you and are unable to tell you what they are worried about. Put yourself in their situation and tell me that you will not be worried.

At the same time, I do get your frustration. What you can do is to work on your parents' concerns and buy time till your boyfriend manages to settle down. And it seems like he is doing all that he can to be in their good books. And that's the only way you can get them to accept him. Wait patiently and don't put him under pressure. Instead be supportive and at the same time, you continue to work and be independent as well.

Never try to convince someone who does not want to be convinced but instead work on how they can accept him by addressing their concerns.

All the best!

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1319 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 29, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi Sir. I am 29 years old and have a saving of 5lac now so I want to invest it in lumpsum SIP for 10 years. Could you please suggest me which fund would be better including small, mid and large where I can get over 25 returns
Ans: Investing a lump sum in SIPs for 10 years is a wise move towards building wealth. Considering your age and investment horizon, here's a diversified portfolio suggestion that includes exposure to small, mid, and large-cap stocks:

Large-Cap Fund: Invest a portion of your funds in a reputable large-cap fund known for its consistent performance and stability. Large-cap funds invest in well-established companies with a track record of strong earnings and market leadership.
Mid-Cap Fund: Allocate another portion to a mid-cap fund, which focuses on companies with medium market capitalization. Mid-cap stocks have the potential for higher growth than large-cap stocks but come with higher volatility.
Small-Cap Fund: Lastly, invest in a small-cap fund to capture the growth potential of smaller companies. Small-cap stocks can be more volatile but offer the possibility of significant returns over the long term.
Ensure to select funds with a proven track record, experienced fund managers, and low expense ratios. While aiming for over 25% returns is ambitious, it's crucial to remain realistic and consider the associated risks. Diversification across different market segments can help mitigate risks and enhance potential returns.

Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized advice tailored to your financial goals and risk tolerance. They can help you select suitable funds and construct a well-balanced portfolio aligned with your investment objectives.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1319 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 28, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi I'm investing 1500 in nifty mid cap 150 index, 1000 in nifty next 50 index and 500 in nifty 50 index. 100 percent passive investment fpr long term. Any suggestions with allocation or diversification?
Ans: Here's a breakdown of your current portfolio and some thoughts on active vs. passive investing:
Current Portfolio:

Nifty Midcap 150 Index (1500): This is a good way to gain exposure to mid-sized companies in India.
Nifty Next 50 Index (1000): This provides exposure to companies on the cusp of joining the Nifty 50, potentially offering higher growth.
Nifty 50 Index (500): This offers diversification with large, established companies.
Overall, your portfolio is leaning towards a growth strategy with a good focus on mid-cap and small-cap companies. This has the potential for higher returns but also comes with higher risk.

Active vs. Passive Investing:

Active Funds: These are managed by professionals who try to outperform the market by picking winning stocks. While active management can be successful, studies show that over the long term, a large percentage of actively managed funds underperform their benchmark index. The fees associated with active management also eat into returns.

Passive Funds (Index Funds): These track a market index, like the Nifty 50. They offer lower fees and historically, tend to match or outperform a significant portion of actively managed funds. This makes them a good option for long-term investors who don't want to spend a lot of time managing their portfolio.

Here's why your current approach with index funds is a good strategy for long-term investing:

Low Cost: Index funds have minimal fees, allowing you to keep more of your returns.
Diversification: You're already diversified across different market segments, reducing risk.
Long-Term Focus: With a long-term outlook, riding out market fluctuations is easier, and index funds tend to perform well over time.
Here are some additional thoughts:

Asset Allocation: Consider your risk tolerance and investment goals. You could adjust your weightings between the Nifty 50, Next 50, and Midcap 150 to achieve your desired risk profile.
Rebalancing: Periodically rebalance your portfolio to maintain your target asset allocation.
Ultimately, the decision of active vs. passive is yours. However, for a long-term investor with a focus on low costs and diversification, a passive approach with index funds is a well-supported strategy.
Lastly, if you're open to exploring active funds, consider consulting with a professional Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credentials. They can provide personalized advice and recommend active funds that have the potential to outperform their respective indices over time.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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