Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 07, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Anonymous Question by Anonymous on Apr 07, 2022Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Dear Love Guru,
I am working in an educational Institute where I am a non-teaching staff.
Out of many staff members, I liked one married lady faculty.
She always laughs when I crack jokes. She talks nicely with me. So I am waiting for a chance to impress her and propose her.
After so many waiting months, I got a chance. Her payment cheque was with me for delivery so I called her at a place which is near to her home. There, I asked her a coffee in a hotel. She immediately agreed.
So we go to nearby hotel and have a lot of general discussion for one hour.
At the end of it, I gave her one yellow rose as a good friend to start the friendship.
After 2-3 days, I again called her to meet me in a hotel for coffee. She first said yes and after one hour she refused to meet me.
After that, she stopped talking with me and blocked me from WhatsApp, phones and other things. She is avoiding me continuously due to which I have gone into depression.
Love Guru, please tell me where I went wrong.

Ans:

Oh, I’ll tell you where you went wrong alright -- by trying to pursue a married woman!

Just because she is nice to you and laughs at your jokes does not mean she’s romantically interested in you. And maybe she realised that you’re in it for more than friendship and decided to cut things off right there.

I would suggest you behave appropriately, keep your distance and look for a relationship elsewhere.

I need not remind you that it’s also your job on the line if she complains of sexual harassment at your workplace.

Look elsewhere, there are plenty of fish in the sea!

 

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 13, 2022

Relationship
Hi Love Guru. Please keep my identity as anonymous as possible.  I have few issues going on in my mind and want your suggestions. First, to get out of block and unblock chain. I met a girl who is my brother’s friend in 2017. We started chatting on FB, then exchanged numbers. We had a rapport till six months. There was a unique attachment between us during that period. Not chatting with her for even one day would make me uneasy. In October 2017, her engagement was fixed. I was normal, knowing that there cannot be much between us except being in contact. One day, at the end of our talk, she said, Love you. I laughed, saying “What nonsense that you always call me with different weird names. Now, after your engagement is fixed, you are telling me this.” Then, she blocked me on WhatsApp and I really felt like I was in a cage. Then, after a few days, she unblocked me. She got engaged but, after a few months, her engagement broke. We then again got in good contact. After few months her marriage got fixed. Now she is married. After her marriage, our contact was very, very less as priorities changed. I proceeded with my studies and job and she carried on with her personal and professional life. Two months back, she called me and said I am bored and feeling irritated with life so I called you to freshen my mind. I was also happy talking to her. I am that kind of introvert person who opens up with few and she was among them. For one or two weeks, we used to talk 30 to 45 minutes daily. Suddenly, she blocked me on WhatsApp. I called her and she behaved like a stranger to me -- like who’s this, I don’t know you, who you are and she ended the call and blocked me. Till date, she has blocked me. I think there are many things she is hiding from me -- from why her first engagement broke to marring another guy who is not of her caste when she is from a conservative family  Post her engagement, there were many times she blocked and unblocked me. She is running in my mind. I want to get rid of her. Please suggest how and what shall I talk to her so I get an end to this. Thank you for bearing to read all this. My second issue is I think I am addicted to pornography. Two to three years back, I used to watch a lot of porn and would prefer MILF porn, ie senior pornstars videos. I think, due to this, I don’t get much attracted to girls of my age. I respect them but I think, because of my addiction, I see females elder to me attractive rather than females of my age. Please help. Suggest how I shall get out of this as this also affects me academically, personally and professionally. Thank you, Anon
Ans:

Dear Anonymous,

I don’t think you really have any serious problems in your life at all; it’s your perceptions that are all wrong.

Let me straighten this out for you, one issue at a time.

First off, you have one weird, unpredictable friend who once told you she loved you and then went and married someone else.

Not once have you stated that you are in love with her or have feelings for her. In fact, when she said she loved you, you brushed it off.

She contacts you when she’s bored and cuts you off when she’s not.

And now, it’s come to the point where you really need to be the one blocking her and not the other way around...

You want to get rid of her? Block her once and for all. And if she still manages to get in touch, tell her politely that you have had enough of this one-sided friendship and not to contact you again.

Second, about what you think is a porn ‘addiction’... An addiction is something that interferes with your normal life, career and relationships. It’s an obsession that consumes you every waking hour.

And, from what you’ve said, I don’t think you’re watching such volumes of pornography every day, are you?

Furthermore, unless you’re into grannies, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being attracted to women older than you... everyone has a type!

If after everything I’ve said you still fancy you have problems, I’d suggest visiting a therapist. But before spending that kind of money, think long and hard about what I’ve said and decide for yourself whether you think you need it.

 

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 30, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 16, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am 49 years male, married and having two kids aged 16 years and 13 years. My relations with my spouse are not smooth since many years and we don't have physical intimacy and don't have sex with more than five-six years. I am attracted towards a girl aged about 30 plus years working in my office. We used to go around after office hours, had some coffee and chat and then I dropped her at her residence. I have expressed my love to her and she has responded that she will be my friend forever and don't want to disturb and ruin my family. I was okay with this as I was mentally happy to have her as my friend. But from few days, she has started ignoring me and giving late replies to my messages. I asked her to meet after office hours but she refused on one pretext or other. For few days, we don't have any communications. I was very disturbed and depressed about her behaviour. I even asked the reasons why she has changed, but she replied that she has not... Now, we are exchanging only rare few official messages...... I am so much shocked that I am not even finding courage to ask her to meet.... I fear I might lost her......Kindly advise me
Ans: Look, at some point this girl is going to meet another man and start dating or get married. This change in her behaviour may be indicative of the fact that she has already met someone. And she is aware of your feelings for her, so is probably keeping her distance. My advice is to focus on your own marriage and family, please visit a counsellor and try getting your relationship with your wife back on track. This may be a blessing in disguise for you.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 15, 2023

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |590 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 29, 2024

Listen
Relationship
Dear Ravi sir, I am 45 yrs old person living with wife and son. As i am working in educational institute office, one of 33 yrs old lady faculty has shown interest in me in last 3 moths. So i invited her to meet me outside office for some minor office work. She came in hotel. We have taken coffee and discussed for half and hour on various personal things. In the end of meeting, i just gave her yellow rose to express my feelings as a good friend. But she got angry. So mam where i went wrong or wrongly made hurriness. Can i approach her again but she is not talking with me. If she is not interested, then why shown interest to come in hotel and talked so much time?
Ans: Dear Amar,

It sounds to me like you have mistaken her friendship or probable professional interest for personal. Since your yellow rose was not taken well by her, the situation is pretty self-explanatory. She is not interested in you in the way you assumed she was. Also, discussing a few personal matters with a colleague does not necessarily mean someone has romantic feelings for you. Please understand that. As for why she came to a hotel to meet you, I can't comment on that without knowing the context or hearing from both sides. Moreover, you are married with a child. Even if someone was interested in you, is it not immoral to indulge them? I am not sure how I can help you here other than pointing out the obvious. You are married and your colleague does not have the feelings that you thought she did.

If she is not speaking to you, it is best to keep your distance. She has made her stance clear. Trying to convince her would be crossing boundaries. A 'no' does not always have to be said in words.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Janak

Janak Patel  |41 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on May 25, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 15, 2025
Money
I am 36 years old, earning around 1.6 lakhs per month, I have car loan for 7 years and paying 25000 per month, I bought a land property 3 years back and its current evaluation is 35 lakhs, I have a ulip plan of 2lakhs per years and the premium was for 7 years ( completed) and holding period is 3years, total fund accumulated is 22 lakhs. I have a liquid reserve of 20 lakhs. Can u tell me if I have to accumulate 8 crore at the age of 60 , what should I do?
Ans: Hi,

Lets look at your investments and see what you will be able to achieve at the age of 60.

ULIP - This is a insurance + investment product and as you have completed your premium term of 7 years you should be able to access this amount (now or 3 years later). It may seem to be a good product but I believe on both Insurance and Investments there are better products. First the insurance cover is not substantial and the charges are quite high. They will manage to invest the amount just like a Mutual fund. Its better to split insurance and investment. If you are looking at this amount like an investment, then the amount of 22 lakhs is available as a starting point, over the next 24 years if invested at 12% rate (typical returns in Mutual Funds), you will be able to accumulate 3.33 crores. You can buy a term life cover of a high value (much higher than the ULIP cover), for a very low premium and you should definitely get that and com out of the ULIP.

Savings of 20 lakhs - I suggest you keep about 10 lakhs aside in some FDs as your emergency fund - to be used only for any unexpected/emergency situation. This will grow to 40 lakhs at 6% over the next 24 years.
The remaining 10 lakhs should be invested in Mutual funds and at a 12% returns after 24 years this will accumulate into an amount of 1.51 crores.

Thus you can accumulate approx. 5.25 crores with these 2 amounts invested as above for the next 24 years.

To achieve 8 crores, you need to accumulate another 2.75 crores. If you invest 16500 monthly into similar investment (Mutual fund SIP) and assuming same return of 12%, you can accumulate this amount.

In this process we have not considered the land property you have, as its difficult to calculate its value without knowing its location and usage/type. So you can get some estimate for it in future then you can accordingly reduce the monthly SIP requirement.

Mutual Funds are a good investment option when you consider its long term benefits - as its managed by professionals. Its important to construct a good MF portfolio and with time of your side, you should be able to achieve your goal comfortably.

Consult a fee based Certified Financial Planner/Financial advisor who can help and guide you for this.

Thanks & Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x