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Love Guru

Love Guru   |217 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 13, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Anonymous Question by Anonymous on Jan 13, 2022Hindi
Relationship

Hi Love Guru.
Please keep my identity as anonymous as possible. 
I have few issues going on in my mind and want your suggestions.
First, to get out of block and unblock chain.
I met a girl who is my brother’s friend in 2017. We started chatting on FB, then exchanged numbers.
We had a rapport till six months. There was a unique attachment between us during that period. Not chatting with her for even one day would make me uneasy.
In October 2017, her engagement was fixed. I was normal, knowing that there cannot be much between us except being in contact.
One day, at the end of our talk, she said, Love you. I laughed, saying “What nonsense that you always call me with different weird names. Now, after your engagement is fixed, you are telling me this.”
Then, she blocked me on WhatsApp and I really felt like I was in a cage. Then, after a few days, she unblocked me.
She got engaged but, after a few months, her engagement broke.
We then again got in good contact. After few months her marriage got fixed.
Now she is married. After her marriage, our contact was very, very less as priorities changed. I proceeded with my studies and job and she carried on with her personal and professional life.
Two months back, she called me and said I am bored and feeling irritated with life so I called you to freshen my mind. I was also happy talking to her.
I am that kind of introvert person who opens up with few and she was among them.
For one or two weeks, we used to talk 30 to 45 minutes daily.
Suddenly, she blocked me on WhatsApp. I called her and she behaved like a stranger to me -- like who’s this, I don’t know you, who you are and she ended the call and blocked me.
Till date, she has blocked me.
I think there are many things she is hiding from me -- from why her first engagement broke to marring another guy who is not of her caste when she is from a conservative family 
Post her engagement, there were many times she blocked and unblocked me. She is running in my mind. I want to get rid of her. Please suggest how and what shall I talk to her so I get an end to this.
Thank you for bearing to read all this.
My second issue is I think I am addicted to pornography.
Two to three years back, I used to watch a lot of porn and would prefer MILF porn, ie senior pornstars videos.
I think, due to this, I don’t get much attracted to girls of my age. I respect them but I think, because of my addiction, I see females elder to me attractive rather than females of my age.
Please help. Suggest how I shall get out of this as this also affects me academically, personally and professionally.
Thank you,
Anon

Ans:

Dear Anonymous,

I don’t think you really have any serious problems in your life at all; it’s your perceptions that are all wrong.

Let me straighten this out for you, one issue at a time.

First off, you have one weird, unpredictable friend who once told you she loved you and then went and married someone else.

Not once have you stated that you are in love with her or have feelings for her. In fact, when she said she loved you, you brushed it off.

She contacts you when she’s bored and cuts you off when she’s not.

And now, it’s come to the point where you really need to be the one blocking her and not the other way around...

You want to get rid of her? Block her once and for all. And if she still manages to get in touch, tell her politely that you have had enough of this one-sided friendship and not to contact you again.

Second, about what you think is a porn ‘addiction’... An addiction is something that interferes with your normal life, career and relationships. It’s an obsession that consumes you every waking hour.

And, from what you’ve said, I don’t think you’re watching such volumes of pornography every day, are you?

Furthermore, unless you’re into grannies, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being attracted to women older than you... everyone has a type!

If after everything I’ve said you still fancy you have problems, I’d suggest visiting a therapist. But before spending that kind of money, think long and hard about what I’ve said and decide for yourself whether you think you need it.

 

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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 15, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2023Hindi
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Hi , I am Jose. I have a very complicated relationship issue. I loved a girl when I was about 18, she was from a financially better off family. This was a major reason that I hesitated to tell her about my love, instead remained a friend. She was better qualified too. I started working and wanted to be in a financially better situation before I confessed my love for her. In the meanwhile she got herself admitted in a college in the US, I decided to tell her, but was too late, she had already committed herself to her senior in college. We made a promise to each other that we will remain friends. We kept in touch through letters. Then I decided to get married as per the family wishes. Shortly she too got married to her boyfriend . We told our partners about each other. We continued to keep in touch thro email and phone calls once/twice in a year. We would meet once or twice every time she would visit from the US. We never had any physical relationship at the most it would be a peck on the cheek or just holding hands. We immersed ourselves in our personal / professional lives. We had 2 sons with our partners. Now the boys are in their 20's. In the meanwhile she found out her husband was having a relationship with some other woman, in the ensuing arguments it led to their divorce a couple of years back. Since 2021 I had 2 heart attacks, and survived. All these years I never had a happy life , we stayed together due to societal pressures and in the last 2 years we never had a physical relation too. She always had a hatred towards physical relationship. I hate forcing myself on her, so we have remained seperate in the last few years. After my 2nd attack, my friend helped me stop my smoking and somehow our chats on whatsapp or personal meets when she comes here have started becoming very mushy and with a lots of deeply loving words. I know I cannot divorce my wife as I would lose a lot of my immovable properties on which i depend for my rental income as I have actually gifted my wife a lot of my properties. Nowadays I am getting drawn towards my friend again and very strongly. Confused, and not knowing how to proceed. I am no longer working and depend on rentals for my earnings.
Ans: My dear friend,

It sounds like you're in a very complicated situation, and it's understandable that you feel confused and unsure about how to proceed. It's important to take some time to really think about what you want and what's best for you, as well as consider the impact of your actions on those around you.

First, it's important to acknowledge that your friend is currently in a vulnerable position after going through a divorce. While it's natural to feel drawn towards her, it's important to make sure that any actions you take are respectful and considerate of her feelings and needs.

At the same time, it's also important to consider your own needs and desires. You mentioned feeling unhappy in your current relationship and feeling drawn towards your friend again. It's important to really examine those feelings and think about what it is that you want in your life and your relationships.

However, it's also important to consider the potential consequences of your actions. You mentioned that you cannot divorce your wife without losing a significant amount of your income, and that you've already gifted her a lot of your properties. It's important to consider the financial and emotional impact that divorce could have on both you and your wife, as well as any children or other family members who may be affected.

One possible option could be to explore couples therapy or marriage counseling to see if there are ways to improve your current relationship and address the issues that have been causing unhappiness. It's also important to communicate openly and honestly with your friend about your feelings, but to do so in a way that is respectful and considerate of her feelings and needs as well.

Ultimately, the decision about how to proceed is up to you, but it's important to take the time to really think things through and consider all the potential consequences of your actions.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 31, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2025Hindi
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Dear Madam, I am 45YO working in GCC and She is 45YO working in India govt banking sector. We met through matrimonial site in 2009. We liked each other and decided to get marry. But due to some arrogent way of talking of her and her mother with my mother, which I didn't like at all. So before gettting finalising and engagement, I decided to go away from her without hurting and it took 5 month in Feb 2010. Actually I AM AGAINST HURTING ANYBODY'D'S HEART. So I made a situaton like that she rejected me. While meeting we both decided, even though, if we are not getting married with other we will be as friends in future. So I got married in 2011 and She got married in 2012. After our marriage we got busy in our married life and we were not able to contact with other for several years. But in second half of 2019 we again came into to contact over phone WA. Once she demanded make-up box and some chocolates from GCC, so I provided through courier. Then her demand increased with mobile recharge, Sani-pads, U/garment, sometime cakes on birthdays for her and for her 2 daughters, for late father's, own mother even though her mother stays in different city, gifts through Amezon, Flipkaut, Zamato, Swiggu etc etc.. One day she told she want to marry me, because there were physical quarrel with the husband and MIL, So she want to get divorse due to dosmetic violence between them. I avoided this topic as I am happy with my married life. Then 1 day she had some gmeil problem she was not receving email so she shared password. So I cleared all the promotions and unuseful stuff from her gmeil account. But I was shocked when I saw that she had saved all communication of having extramarital affair chats of WA with her office 2 different colleagues and, 1 Garage mechanic and College friend all were vulgar chats and different-different years. Especially all vulgar words and arrangement and planning made by her to meet in different room location. There I came to know why her husband is so physical quarrel with her. She had mentioned about husband activity of beating to her. And so both of them want to get divorse. But this all thing I kept it confidential with me from her. Let she admit some day. But I am still waiting. Now after 2021 all this has stopped because I convinced her and made her feel what she was doing after meeting her. She admitted her mistake and she promised that she will not go in wrong path. She also said it happened unknowingly she went with the flow. But She pleaded me and wants my Love and want to marry me privately and for her happiness, she in under divorce process. She proposed me for marriage in 2021 till now I have avoided with some excuses. Coming to the main topic, since 2021 to 2025, whenever I visit India, we meet each other, as I too have soft-corner for her and Love her as we were first Love of each other in 2009. Everytime when I inform her that I am coming to India, her dreams flies in sky and tells me come soon, I want to marry with You. And every time she ask something or the other gift as mentioned above. How should I get rid of this burden of over-expenses. Due to this it is difficult to manage my monthly expenses, means "The snake has to be killed and the stick should remain intact". Everytime I tells her this month not possible next month for sure, but again after 2-3 days she comes with new demand. And I am sure, if I broke this relationship she will again go to wrong path as she is getting divorce. Pls give some tips how to reply her to stop these expenses from me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It seems that you are happy in your marriage, then why are you afraid to tell this lady the same?
From what you have shared, she had associations with other men also while in her marriage and you are another one. Do you not get the feeling that she is using you for her needs or are you so fond of her that this has not occurred to you?
And also, you are not responsible for her life, her money or anything...what exactly are you getting by staying in touch with her? Please ask yourself this question and also if it is worth risking your marriage for all this?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |719 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 12, 2026

Relationship
Dear Sir, I am 45YO working in GCC and She is 45YO working in India govt banking sector. We met through matrimonial site in 2009. We liked each other and decided to get marry. But due to some arrogent way of talking of her and her mother with my mother, which I didn't like at all. So before gettting finalising and engagement, I decided to go away from her without hurting and it took 5 month in Feb 2010. Actually I AM AGAINST HURTING ANYBODY'D'S HEART. So I made a situaton like that she rejected me. While meeting we both decided, even though, if we are not getting married with other we will be as friends in future. So I got married in 2011 and She got married in 2012. After our marriage we got busy in our married life and we were not able to contact with other for several years. But in second half of 2019 we again came into to contact over phone WA. Once she demanded make-up box and some chocolates from GCC, so I provided through courier. Then her demand increased with mobile recharge, Sani-pads, U/garment, sometime cakes on birthdays for her and for her 2 daughters, for late father's, own mother even though her mother stays in different city, gifts through Amezon, Flipkaut, Zamato, Swiggu etc etc.. One day she told she want to marry me, because there were physical quarrel with the husband and MIL, So she want to get divorse due to dosmetic violence between them. I avoided this topic as I am happy with my married life. Then 1 day she had some gmeil problem she was not receving email so she shared password. So I cleared all the promotions and unuseful stuff from her gmeil account. But I was shocked when I saw that she had saved all communication of having extramarital affair chats of WA with her office 2 different colleagues and, 1 Garage mechanic and College friend all were vulgar chats and different-different years. Especially all vulgar words and arrangement and planning made by her to meet in different room location. There I came to know why her husband is so physical quarrel with her. She had mentioned about husband activity of beating to her. And so both of them want to get divorse. But this all thing I kept it confidential with me from her. Let she admit some day. But I am still waiting. Now after 2021 all this has stopped because I convinced her and made her feel what she was doing after meeting her. She admitted her mistake and she promised that she will not go in wrong path. She also said it happened unknowingly she went with the flow. But She pleaded me and wants my Love and want to marry me privately and for her happiness, she in under divorce process. She proposed me for marriage in 2021 till now I have avoided with some excuses. Coming to the main topic, since 2021 to 2025, whenever I visit India, we meet each other, as I too have soft-corner for her and Love her as we were first Love of each other in 2009. Everytime when I inform her that I am coming to India, her dreams flies in sky and tells me come soon, I want to marry with You. And every time she ask something or the other gift as mentioned above. How should I get rid of this burden of over-expenses. Due to this it is difficult to manage my monthly expenses, means "The snake has to be killed and the stick should remain intact". Everytime I tells her this month not possible next month for sure, but again after 2-3 days she comes with new demand. And I am sure, if I broke this relationship she will again go to wrong path as she is getting divorce. Pls give some tips how to reply her to stop these expenses from me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I just want to tell you one thing: since you are married happily, it would be best if you limit your interactions with this woman. She is consistently showing interest in marrying you, asking for an inappropriate amount of gifts and has demands from you like one has from their partner. Everything seems a little off. And also, it is not your responsibility to keep her from going in the wrong direction. She is a grown adult and should be able to handle it herself. The best decision is to distance yourself from her. If you can’t, you might want to still set some boundaries like telling her that you cannot continue speaking to her if she keeps telling you that she wants to marry you. I am sure your wife also doesn’t appreciate it. Let her know that you are in a happy marriage and you are not comfortable with her behavior. Also, you have every right to say no to all her demands. I understand that you two have a friendship, but there should be boundaries even in that.

Hope this helps

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Sir, My son has appeared in Class X ICSE Exam and results are awaited. So far , he has been an average performer academically. I believe he is capable and he can do great if he puts in the hard work. His performance in subjects like History/Geography etc has always been better than in Maths/science. I personally never wanted to force him to choose any stream for higher studies. He also is not sure about it. While discussing I suggested him to go for Commerce or humanities stream and then for MBA from a reputed institution. However, he is more concerned about job opportunities and wanted to go for science. Hence, after a lot of discussion, we have got him admitted in Science stream in Delhi and also got him enrolled in Allen for JEE Coaching. We thought if he adapts well and gets going, then may be he can achieve good result. Otherwise, we may decide to change stream after Class XII. What is your opinion? Request for your suggestion please
Ans: Shyam Sir, I have thoroughly reviewed your son’s background. You haven’t mentioned whether he is continuing with the ISC board or has enrolled in the CBSE board with Allen-JEE coaching for this 11th/12th Grade. Firstly, I recommend a psychometric test for your son to gain a rough idea of the most suitable career options for him.

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Sir my son is expected to score 90+% in 12th boards typically between 93-95% of board marks .. and 90% and above pcm cutoff .. is he now eligible with this met score of 125 marks and 12th score for admission in mit manipal mechanical? . . Also i need a guidance about aeee also . Since my son scored 90.3 percentile in aeee entrance phase . Is he eligible for slab 1 mechanical engineering in aeee ? Kindly support pl
Ans: Bala Sir, I have already addressed the first part of your question, confirming that the chances of him getting admission into the Mechanical branch at Manipal are higher. The official handbook of AMRITA states that seat allotment and scholarship consideration are done through CSAP allotment. Your son may secure a Mechanical seat, but Slab 1 cannot be guaranteed unless his final AEEE rank or JEE percentile is strong enough at the time of CSAP choice allotment. Slab 1 is based on merit ranking, not raw marks. His 125 AEEE marks will be converted into a rank relative to all candidates; if many score higher, the Slab 1 cutoff will rise. Therefore, raw marks alone do not guarantee Slab 1.

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