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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |260 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 29, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Amar Question by Amar on May 28, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Ravi sir, I am 45 yrs old person living with wife and son. As i am working in educational institute office, one of 33 yrs old lady faculty has shown interest in me in last 3 moths. So i invited her to meet me outside office for some minor office work. She came in hotel. We have taken coffee and discussed for half and hour on various personal things. In the end of meeting, i just gave her yellow rose to express my feelings as a good friend. But she got angry. So mam where i went wrong or wrongly made hurriness. Can i approach her again but she is not talking with me. If she is not interested, then why shown interest to come in hotel and talked so much time?

Ans: Dear Amar,

It sounds to me like you have mistaken her friendship or probable professional interest for personal. Since your yellow rose was not taken well by her, the situation is pretty self-explanatory. She is not interested in you in the way you assumed she was. Also, discussing a few personal matters with a colleague does not necessarily mean someone has romantic feelings for you. Please understand that. As for why she came to a hotel to meet you, I can't comment on that without knowing the context or hearing from both sides. Moreover, you are married with a child. Even if someone was interested in you, is it not immoral to indulge them? I am not sure how I can help you here other than pointing out the obvious. You are married and your colleague does not have the feelings that you thought she did.

If she is not speaking to you, it is best to keep your distance. She has made her stance clear. Trying to convince her would be crossing boundaries. A 'no' does not always have to be said in words.

Best Wishes.

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Dear Love Guru, I am working in an educational Institute where I am a non-teaching staff. Out of many staff members, I liked one married lady faculty. She always laughs when I crack jokes. She talks nicely with me. So I am waiting for a chance to impress her and propose her. After so many waiting months, I got a chance. Her payment cheque was with me for delivery so I called her at a place which is near to her home. There, I asked her a coffee in a hotel. She immediately agreed. So we go to nearby hotel and have a lot of general discussion for one hour. At the end of it, I gave her one yellow rose as a good friend to start the friendship. After 2-3 days, I again called her to meet me in a hotel for coffee. She first said yes and after one hour she refused to meet me. After that, she stopped talking with me and blocked me from WhatsApp, phones and other things. She is avoiding me continuously due to which I have gone into depression. Love Guru, please tell me where I went wrong.
Ans:

Oh, I’ll tell you where you went wrong alright -- by trying to pursue a married woman!

Just because she is nice to you and laughs at your jokes does not mean she’s romantically interested in you. And maybe she realised that you’re in it for more than friendship and decided to cut things off right there.

I would suggest you behave appropriately, keep your distance and look for a relationship elsewhere.

I need not remind you that it’s also your job on the line if she complains of sexual harassment at your workplace.

Look elsewhere, there are plenty of fish in the sea!

 

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I am 49 years male, married and having two kids aged 16 years and 13 years. My relations with my spouse are not smooth since many years and we don't have physical intimacy and don't have sex with more than five-six years. I am attracted towards a girl aged about 30 plus years working in my office. We used to go around after office hours, had some coffee and chat and then I dropped her at her residence. I have expressed my love to her and she has responded that she will be my friend forever and don't want to disturb and ruin my family. I was okay with this as I was mentally happy to have her as my friend. But from few days, she has started ignoring me and giving late replies to my messages. I asked her to meet after office hours but she refused on one pretext or other. For few days, we don't have any communications. I was very disturbed and depressed about her behaviour. I even asked the reasons why she has changed, but she replied that she has not... Now, we are exchanging only rare few official messages...... I am so much shocked that I am not even finding courage to ask her to meet.... I fear I might lost her......Kindly advise me
Ans: Look, at some point this girl is going to meet another man and start dating or get married. This change in her behaviour may be indicative of the fact that she has already met someone. And she is aware of your feelings for her, so is probably keeping her distance. My advice is to focus on your own marriage and family, please visit a counsellor and try getting your relationship with your wife back on track. This may be a blessing in disguise for you.

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