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Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 30, 2021

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more

Question by HS on Dec 30, 2021Hindi

Dear LG,
We’ve been seeing each other for a more than a year and are pretty serious.
Physically, there is a lot of heavy petting but he does not want to go to the final level until we are married.
I am more than ready.
How do I convince him?
We should know whether we are physically compatible.
HS

Ans:

How about that... The problem is usually the other way around!

Not that I’m judging you, my dear, it’s your body and your life to do as you please.

And yes, I can see your point of view.

So why does he want to wait for marriage, particularly? Is he a virgin? It’s a matter of ethics, maybe? Or he just needs a little time to warm up to the idea.

You can tell him that you are only willing to marry him once you’re assured that both of you are physically compatible as well, if that’s how you feel.

One thing I will tell you, though -- do not marry in a hurry for this reason.

Sex is not a reason to marry soon at all. One year of dating, in my opinion, is nowhere enough.

Also, I hope you’ve considered whether you’re be okay to sleep with him even if things break off in the future?

That is something you should be prepared for, if you’re having sex outside of marriage -- that the marriage may not happen at all. If you’re fine with that, then go right ahead.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2022

Question by RM - Oct 04, 2022Hindi

Hi Anu, I am 23 years old and during my school time I have a boyfriend with 8 years of relationship. Our relation was going well until we moved towards sexual affection. I was always in denial of not feeling sexually attracted towards my guy. I did not have the mindset to have sex or the pleasure of having sex. Whenever he’d asked me about my sexual feelings I didn't like the conversation and simply tried to ignore it. Later it ended up in arguments. I tried to find out what’s wrong and I found myself with signs of asexuality. If I tell this to my partner he may exaggerate by saying that I am lying. I’ve always wanted to end the relations. But he will threatened that if I am not with him he will end his life. I am stuck in a situation where I don’t know how to make him understand or tell him that I am asexual and I can't make commitment. I want him to know that I can have sex with you or have sexual feelings with you in future.

Ans:

Dear RM,

How do you know that you are asexual? Did you talk to any expert who was able to guide you to this revelation or is it internet-based diagnosis?

I know of many clients that I have worked with come up with fancy diagnosis based on some Q n A or multiple-choice tests available on the internet.

So, if it’s the internet, then time for you to step back and ask yourself:

What about sex is something that I don't like?
What was I taught about sex in my childhood?
Did I find that the women at home were submissive even in the day-to-day functioning?
Did the men at home use authority to get their work done?

It might be useful for the two of you to go into therapy not just for your current relationship but also to be able to release yourself from any unresolved emotions from childhood if any.

Value yourself for who you are!

All the best!

Relationship

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