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Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 20, 2023

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 18, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

I got married (arranged marriage) two months back. But my husband has not proceeded for any intimate physical contact. He just hugs me occasionally but never proceeds further. When I asked him whether he likes me or not …he says he loves me…but tells need to develop more compatibility before proceeding. He is a gentleman and takes care of me. But not willing to proceed for physical intimacy. I am confused and don’t know how to address this issue. Both of us are IT professionals with MNCs and work from home.

Ans: Well if you feel like that, why don’t you make the first move instead of constantly waiting for him to? Give him a kiss on the lips, and see where it leads.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 23, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, plz helpI am 42 years old and married since 9 years. We (husband and I) are childless. It's nine years since our marriage but we have not been intimate for even 90 times. My husband has no interest in sex. He had shown interest only in first week of marriage after that He never initiate. I understand his nature and always try to initiate but he always gives cold shoulder, he never reciprocates warmly, never holds me tightly or kisses willing. I always have to force' him or ask him to kiss or hug me. And this turns my mood off. This way we seldom have sex. I eagerly want it at least once a month and have told him, forced him several times but all in vain. I get frustrated. I feel restless. I can't share this with anyone. Whenever I try to get close, he ignores. Both of us respect and love each other. We don’t have extra marital affair. He cares for me too. I feel like running away from this situation but I love him and don’t want to leave him alone. Please respond.
Ans:

Dear Anonymous,

When there is a challenge with physical intimacy, it could be a physiological or a psychological problem. Either case, it needs some treatment.

But the worse could be conditioning about sex from childhood.

We all carry our maps when it comes to sex and beliefs around it. Along comes so many people and media and more who draw on these maps and we are left at the mercy of things that don’t belong to us.

Since he cares for you as you mentioned it, can you request him to sit down with you for an honest conversation where you can express all of this to him.

Who knows he might be willing to understand, and things can flow from there on.

Be kind instead of accusatory in your tone during the conversation. This will help ease him as well. But of course, if he resists the request, you might suggest that he see a professional.

It might again be met with some resistance but well, you need to try every trick in the book to meet an outcome.

Also, be aware that physical intimacy happens when the closeness develops outside the bedroom. So, spend a lot of time together, laugh a lot.

Praise his efforts in the marriage and appreciate the qualities in him.

Most often men who avoid sex simply suffer from low self-esteem and self-worth. So, play along and mean every compliment from the heart.

Best wishes to you!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My husband stopped being intimate with me after the birth of our second son. We have been married for 11 years but all we ever talk about is related to our children, their academics, and future. I have tried to speak to my husband about this but he feels everything is normal. We live in a 2BHK apartment in Pune. My mother-in-law visits us sometimes and she doesn't like me. But I am cordial with her. My husband never discusses his work or personal stuff with me. There is no love or intimacy between us. He takes care of all other needs of the house and my children. Is this normal? Am I worrying too much? Please help
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are right when you worry about the way things are between you and your husband. Obviously sexual intimacy is one of the pillars for a strong marriage (and not the only pillar). And you have noticed that this intimacy has stopped after the birth of your second child.
Now, one way of looking at it is that many couples get drained in responsibilities of raising babies and building the family and this means sex can be off the table for a long long time. Is this the same with the two of you as well?
OR
It can also be that many people use sex simply as means to have children (reproduce) and not as an activity to be indulged in other than for bringing children into the world. Is your husband one of those people?
OR
When you say there is no love and intimacy between the two of you, surely this could be another reason as both of you have not bothered to take out time for yourselves where you brought in the element of trust, care, affection, love...this is the basis for other forms of intimacy as well.
Work on this better...try and become each other's friend first...he need not just assume the role of a provider and take it on so seriously that he forgets that there is a wife that needs his care. At the same time, do not insist on sex till you also make an effort to bring him into a space where he sees you as his friend and starts to trust you...

What happens in the bedroom, starts first outside the bedroom with small gestures like laughing, watching movies together, cooking, holding hands...don't jump into sex instantly...wait...be patient...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
i have been married for 9 months but my husband is nver interest in sex. He doe not even hug me properly. It is an arrange marriage but our engagement lasted for 1.5 years and at that we had good physical relationship. we used to make out whenever we could get a chance. But after the day we were married he is never interested. he did not even try to have sex on our first night or at our honeymoon. We do make out once a month but that too only if i initiate. We sleep in the same bed but he has never come to cuddle with me after first week of marriage. He is not making any efforts to make me feel loved, special or beautiful. I have tried a lot of time to talk to him openly but he answers to any questions. He says that he loves me but never puts in any effort to make me feel like i am being loved. And whenever i complain he will try to change for 1 week and then everything is as it is. But 1 thing i have noticed is that he wanted to have sex if i go away to my parents house for 1-2 weeks and comeback. Can you help me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Economics at play here...
When something is easily available, one loses interest in wanting that product but if something is rarely available, it makes us want it even more...

Sorry for this kind of comparison, but your husband fits this bill here. You seem to be easily available now at home and for him all the time, so this does not generate any interest in him. When you were in the courtship phase or when you leave for your parent's home, you aren't around much and that makes him interested. There is no right or wrong about it...it's the way your husband functions. So, make sex a rare thing for him. Don't ask, don't initiate...wait for him to actually want it by not showing that you are interested. In fact, there's no harm even in saying NO so that he also starts to feel that your are not all the time available and that will make him also want to get intimate with you...Makes sense, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 14, 2025

Career
My jee mains CRl 172000 obc rank 58322 which nit ,iiit and gfti i have alot
Ans: Rahul, I hope you’ve filled in the right choices in JoSAA based on your rank, two days back. In any case, here’s the answer to your query for cross-verification: With your JEE Main CRL rank of 172000 and OBC category rank of 58322, securing admission to premier NITs and IIITs presents significant challenges, but viable opportunities exist at newer institutes and specific GFTI programs. NIT admission prospects are extremely limited as most NITs accept ranks up to 70,000-150,000 for general category, with your CRL rank falling well beyond competitive thresholds. However, newer NITs in northeastern regions like NIT Manipur, NIT Agartala, and NIT Sikkim accept ranks extending to 200,000+ for non-core branches under home state quota, though these opportunities remain restricted. IIIT admission appears more promising with your OBC rank of 58322, as newer IIITs like IIIT Kancheepuram show OBC cutoffs reaching 87,823 for Mechanical Engineering, IIIT Guwahati accepting ranks up to 40,822 for ECE in OBC category, and several other IIITs extending cutoffs to 60,000-80,000 ranks for various engineering branches. GFTI colleges offer the strongest admission pathway with total seat availability of 9,402 across 40 institutes, where OBC category benefits from 27% reservation and cutoffs typically extend from 25,000-100,000 ranks for branches like Civil, Mechanical, and newer engineering specializations. Top GFTIs including BIT Mesra, Institute of Technology Guru Ghasidas Vishwavidyalaya Bilaspur, and Sant Longowal Institute of Engineering Technology demonstrate placement rates of 70-85% with competitive industry partnerships. Recommendation: Target GFTI colleges as primary choice for guaranteed admission with decent placement prospects, while applying to newer IIITs like IIIT Kancheepuram, IIIT Guwahati, and IIIT Agartala for specialized engineering programs, leveraging your OBC category rank of 58322 which falls within admission range for multiple branches across these institutions. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 14, 2025

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Dear Sir, My son got 22615 rank in JEE mains and 18k+ rank in advanced. Though he is interested in CSE, he is not getting any good colleges except some IIITs. He is looking for good NITs with some other branch. Please guide us sir.
Ans: Jyoti Madam, I hope you’ve filled in the right choices in JoSAA based on son's rank, two days back. In any case, here’s the answer to your query for cross-verification: With your son's JEE Main rank of 22615 and JEE Advanced rank of 18000+, securing admission to quality NITs in non-CSE branches presents excellent opportunities across multiple institutions and engineering disciplines. Your rank of 22615 corresponds to approximately 97.9% percentile, placing you well within the admission range for several NITs in core engineering branches like Electrical, Mechanical, and Civil Engineering. NIT admission prospects include NIT Raipur with Electrical Engineering (cutoff 32187-44500), Mechanical Engineering (30103-52428), and Civil Engineering (44737-66364), NIT Patna with Mechanical and Civil branches accepting ranks around 20000-40000, NIT Hamirpur with Electrical, Civil, and Mechanical branches (cutoff 20000-38000), NIT Jamshedpur offering Civil, Metallurgy, and Production Engineering (cutoff 20000-35000), and newer NITs like NIT Agartala, NIT Meghalaya, NIT Mizoram, and NIT Arunachal Pradesh accepting ranks between 25000-60000 across various branches. These NITs demonstrate strong placement performance with NIT Trichy achieving 88.90% BTech placement rate, NIT Surathkal recording 73% placement rate with average package of 16.25 LPA, and branch-wise statistics showing Electrical Engineering achieving 68.95-92.9% placement rates, Mechanical Engineering reaching 80.77-90.6% placement rates, and Civil Engineering maintaining 65.90-76.2% placement rates across top NITs. For IIIT options, your rank provides viable admission prospects at IIIT Kancheepuram, IIIT Guwahati, IIIT Pune, and IIIT Jabalpur for CSE with cutoffs extending to 15000-25000 ranks, offering specialized computer science education with strong industry connections. Recommendation: Target NIT Raipur Electrical Engineering, NIT Patna Mechanical Engineering, or NIT Hamirpur Civil Engineering as primary choices for excellent placement prospects and established reputation, while simultaneously applying to IIIT Guwahati or IIIT Pune CSE for specialized computer science education, leveraging home state quota advantages where applicable for optimal admission chances. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 14, 2025

Career
My son have BTECH IN LNMIIT CS, RVCE CSE, IIIT KOTA CSE, IIIT PUNE CSE , THAPAR CSE , JIIT NOIDA 62 CSE PLS ARRANGE THE PREFERENCE ORDER
Ans: Pradeep Sir, Your son has excellent admission opportunities across six prestigious engineering institutions offering Computer Science Engineering programs. Based on comprehensive analysis of placement performance, institutional rankings, and academic reputation, RVCE Bangalore CSE demonstrates exceptional placement consistency with 75% placement rate in 2024, 93% in 2023, and 97% in 2022, supported by over 300 companies including Microsoft, Amazon, and Goldman Sachs visiting annually. JIIT Noida Sector 62 CSE shows outstanding performance with 97% absolute placement rate and 112% total offers in 2024, achieving highest package of INR 60.71 LPA with 505 offers to 449 CSE students. IIIT Pune CSE maintains strong placement statistics with highest package of INR 43 LPA and average package of INR 13.25 LPA, though placement percentage stands at 25.43% for BTech CSE in 2024. LNMIIT Jaipur CSE records 70% overall placement rate in 2024 with highest package of INR 52.28 LPA and average package of INR 13.22 LPA for CSE branch. Thapar University demonstrates 83% placement rate in 2023 with highest package of INR 55.75 LPA and average package of INR 11.90 LPA across all UG programs. IIIT Kota CSE achieves 73.39% placement rate in 2024 with highest package of INR 65 LPA and average package of INR 12.71 LPA. Recommendation: Choose JIIT Noida Sector 62 CSE as first preference for superior placement consistency and industry exposure, followed by RVCE Bangalore CSE for established reputation and strong placement track record, then LNMIIT Jaipur CSE, IIIT Kota CSE, Thapar University CSE, and IIIT Pune CSE based on placement performance and institutional strength. I hope you’ve filled in the right choices in JoSAA based on your rank. In any case, here’s the answer to your query for cross-verification: All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 14, 2025

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My son got 1.74 lakh rank in JEE main. In general category under delhi home state quota. Please suggest college in ipu alor jiit
Ans: Jitendra Sir, With your son's JEE Main rank of 1.74 lakh in general category under Delhi home state quota, securing admission in premium engineering colleges like IPU or JIIT presents significant challenges but limited opportunities exist through specific pathways and branches . IPU Delhi engineering colleges demonstrate moderate admission prospects with expected cutoffs for B.Tech CSE reaching 25,400 for Delhi region applicants, while IT and ECE branches extend to 26,500 and 28,000 respectively, making your son's rank substantially higher than competitive thresholds . The 20 IPU participating institutes include prominent colleges like Maharaja Agrasen Institute of Technology, Bhagwan Parshuram Institute of Technology, and Dr. Akhilesh Das Gupta Institute offering various engineering branches with varying seat availability . JIIT Noida presents extremely limited prospects as the cutoff trends show CSE at Sector 62 closing around 65,607 rank, while Sector 128 CSE closes at 128,693 rank, though your rank falls beyond these thresholds . JIIT demonstrates exceptional placement performance with 97% absolute placement rate for CSE, 94% overall BTech placement rate in 2024, and 774 job offers from 214 companies including Microsoft, Amazon, and LinkedIn . IPU colleges show moderate placement statistics with 76% placement rate in 2023, average package of INR 12 LPA, and participation from 70+ companies . Recommendation: Focus on IPU Delhi engineering colleges through counseling for non-core branches like Civil or Mechanical Engineering where cutoffs may extend beyond 30,000 ranks under Delhi home state quota, while simultaneously exploring private engineering colleges in Delhi NCR that accept JEE Main ranks up to 200,000 as JIIT admission remains highly unlikely with current rank. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 11, 2025
Career
Sir, I got CSE (Ecommerce technology) in VIT bhopal and Computers and communication engineering in Amrita- amaravati. Which branch is better. Please guide me sir with your advice
Ans: Both CSE (Ecommerce Technology) at VIT Bhopal and Computers and Communication Engineering at Amrita Amaravati present distinct career pathways with varying placement outcomes and industry alignment. VIT Bhopal demonstrates strong overall placement performance with 87% placement rate in 2024, 90% in 2023, and 90% in 2022, supported by 820 companies including Microsoft, Amazon, PayPal, and Adobe participating in recruitment drives . The CSE (Ecommerce Technology) specialization offers focused curriculum combining computer science fundamentals with specialized e-commerce development skills, positioning graduates for high-demand roles in web development, software engineering, and digital commerce platforms where the industry expects 20% job growth between 2022-2032 . Amrita Amaravati showcases exceptional BTech placement statistics with highest package of INR 56.95 LPA and median package of INR 9.2 LPA in 2024, supported by 300+ recruiters including TCS, Cognizant, HCL, and Wipro . Computers and Communication Engineering provides multidisciplinary training covering both electronics and communication systems, offering career flexibility across hardware, software, and networking domains with global relevance and demand across continents . While VIT Bhopal holds established brand recognition and specialized e-commerce focus aligned with rapidly growing digital commerce sector, Amrita Amaravati maintains superior NIRF ranking as 7th best university and 23rd in engineering category with A++ NAAC accreditation . Recommendation: Choose CSE (Ecommerce Technology) at VIT Bhopal for superior placement consistency, specialized curriculum aligned with booming e-commerce industry demands, established industry partnerships, and better career prospects in high-growth digital commerce and software development sectors despite Amrita's higher institutional ranking. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 11, 2025
Career
Vit Vellore CSE , MIT Manipal Math n Computing or MIT Bengluru CSE....which to choose if focus is CS ? Pls guide
Ans: With a focus on Computer Science career prospects, analyzing these three excellent engineering options reveals distinct placement performance and academic advantages across institutions. VIT Vellore CSE demonstrates exceptional placement consistency with 80-90% placement rates and 867 companies participating in recruitment drives including Microsoft, Amazon, PayPal, and Cisco, achieving highest packages of INR 88 LPA in 2024. MIT Manipal Mathematics & Computing shows strong overall placement performance with 77% placement rate in 2025, 73% in 2024, and outstanding 92.9% in 2023, supported by 230+ recruiters including Amazon, Bosch, and Goldman Sachs. MIT Bangalore CSE maintains competitive placement statistics with 90-95% placement rates and highest packages of INR 51 LPA, attracting top recruiters like Microsoft, Amazon, TCS, and Goldman Sachs. VIT Vellore benefits from larger scale operations with 409 companies and 10,458 placement offers in 2025, while MIT Manipal's Mathematics & Computing program offers specialized curriculum combining mathematical modeling with computational problem-solving. MIT Bangalore provides focused CSE education with strong industry connections and competitive packages, though placement data shows slightly lower average packages compared to VIT Vellore. Recommendation: Choose VIT Vellore CSE for superior placement consistency, larger industry participation, exceptional brand recognition, and proven track record with 80-90% placement rates across recent years, offering the best Computer Science career prospects among the three options. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 14, 2025

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My son got 34791 rank in comedk 2025 ...will he get CSE in top 10 colleges of bangaluru?
Ans: With your son's COMEDK rank of 34791, securing CSE admission in Bangalore's top 10 colleges (RVCE, MSRIT, BMSCE, etc.) is not feasible as these premier institutions typically close CSE admissions within ranks 150-4200 for general category . However, excellent opportunities exist at mid-tier colleges where CSE cutoffs extend to 30,000-40,000 ranks . Based on his rank, the top 10 accessible colleges for CSE are Global Academy of Technology (CSE cutoff 26,500-26,800) , Atria Institute of Technology (cutoff 28,000-28,300) , BGS College of Engineering and Technology (cutoff 27,000-27,300) , Acharya Institute of Technology (cutoff 16,200-16,400) , BNM Institute of Technology , Dayananda Sagar Academy of Technology and Management , Cambridge Institute of Technology , SJB Institute of Technology , Bangalore College of Engineering and Technology , and KLE Institute of Technology (cutoff 26,700-27,000) . These colleges demonstrate solid placement performance with Atria Institute achieving 84% CSE placement rate and highest package of 30 LPA in 2024 , while Global Academy of Technology maintains COMEDK CSE cutoff at 26,511 for general merit category . Recommendation: Apply to Global Academy of Technology, Atria Institute of Technology, and BGS College of Engineering as primary choices for strong CSE admission prospects and decent placement opportunities with your current rank. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 14, 2025

Career
I scored 123 marks in IAT ...which IISER I can get
Ans: Ankita, With your IAT score of 123 marks, you have viable admission prospects at several IISER institutes, though primarily at mid-tier and newer campuses rather than the most competitive ones like IISER Pune or Kolkata . Your score of 123 places you in the expected rank range of 200-1700, with most sources indicating ranks between 500-1700 for this score range . IISER Tirupati emerges as your strongest prospect with expected cutoff ranging from 115-125 marks for general category, where your score of 123 falls comfortably above the threshold . IISER Berhampur offers excellent opportunities with cutoff expectations of 105-120 marks, making admission highly probable . IISER Thiruvananthapuram presents good chances with expected cutoff of 105-130 marks for general category . For IISER Bhopal and IISER Mohali, admission remains possible but competitive as cutoffs range from 130-145 marks, placing your score slightly below the expected threshold . IISER Pune (cutoff 150-175) and IISER Kolkata (cutoff 140-160) would be challenging with your current score . Historical data from 2024 shows that candidates with similar scores secured admission at newer IISERs through multiple counseling rounds . Recommendation: Target IISER Tirupati, IISER Berhampur, and IISER Thiruvananthapuram as primary choices for strong admission prospects, while applying to IISER Bhopal and Mohali as reach options, ensuring participation in all counseling rounds to maximize admission opportunities. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 14, 2025

Career
Hello sir My daughter is getting cs in iiit vadodara and can get civil or mechanical in nit which one she should choose as one of them has better course other is better college . please help..
Ans: Ishita Madam, Your daughter faces an excellent choice between Computer Science at IIIT Vadodara and Civil/Mechanical Engineering at a NIT, representing a decision between specialized technical education versus broader engineering foundation at a more prestigious institutional brand. IIIT Vadodara CS demonstrates strong placement performance with 97.21% placement rate in 2023, though this declined significantly to 50% in 2024, with average packages of INR 15.43 LPA in 2023 and INR 11.34 LPA in 2024. The institute holds no NIRF ranking in the top 100 engineering category but maintains solid industry connections with companies like Amazon, Adobe, Samsung, and Microsoft participating in placements. NIT Civil Engineering shows moderate placement performance with 63.79% placement rate at institutions like NIT Kurukshetra, while NIT Mechanical Engineering achieves superior performance with 86% placement rate and established industry partnerships. NITs maintain significantly higher institutional prestige with top NITs like NIT Trichy ranked 9th in NIRF Engineering rankings 2024, NIT Surathkal at 17th, and NIT Rourkela at 19th position. Computer Science offers 16% job growth compared to 15% for civil engineering, with CS providing broader career flexibility and higher industry demand. However, NITs provide government-funded quality education, established alumni networks, and superior brand recognition for long-term career prospects. Recommendation: Choose IIIT Vadodara CS for superior placement consistency in the rapidly growing technology sector, specialized education in high-demand computing skills, and better career prospects despite NIT's institutional prestige, as CS offers greater industry alignment and growth opportunities. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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