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Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 03, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Anonymous Question by Anonymous on Oct 03, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Love Guru 
I am 4 ft 8 inches, age 27 yrs and I work in the admin department of a leading MNC. I am the only daughter to my parents and they want me to get married soon. So far I have rejected at least 15 men because they are either too elder to me or have unreasonable expectations from me as a future wife. An equal number of them have rejected me because I am short and earn less than Rs 30,000 per month. I don't have a boyfriend either. My parents are getting worried and I am feeling depressed and hopeless. I don't know what to do. Pls help. 

Ans:

If you think you're feeling depressed and hopeless now, just because you haven't found someone at 27, wait till you're trapped in an unhappy marriage with someone because you were in such a silly rush to get hitched!

Unreasonable expectations from a wife I can understand, but age is just a number. So, if you're attracted to someone, don't consider age enough of a reason to turn him down unless he's some 60-year-old uncle that wears a toupee. It's as superficial as someone turning you down because you're so short.

I would suggest you get off this fast train you're on and just take things slowly.

People today think nothing of getting married at 35 and having kids at 40; you have a long way to go still!

I know more than a couple of women who rushed into marriage for the same reasons as you -- they thought they were aging, other friends were getting married, they wanted to settle down like everyone else, etc. They got divorced eventually and remarried. In their 30s!

 

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Anu

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 13, 2023

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I am a 40 year old unmarried male from a big metropolitan city. I am unable to find suitable Alliance to get married. I stay with my parents. I guess none of girls today are willing to stay with in-laws. Also, i cannot leave my parents alone as they are old without retirement benefits and completely dependent on me. Due to this i have become a topic of discussion/joke among colleagues in office as well as friends. This is killing me slowly day by day. I have become depressed no self esteem and goal in life. Need some advice on how survive.
Ans: Dear Ajay,
I appreciate that you care for your parents and are truly willing to be there for them. But, if it has begun to affect the course of your life, you must ask yourself: What can I do where I can care for my parents and also make a life for myself?
Most often we get stuck in a problem, thinking that there are no solutions. There are no solutions because we fail to ask ourselves the right questions which enable us to look for solutions.
You do not have to sacrifice your life to care for your parents and at the same time, you are right that in this day and age, not every woman wants to live in a joint family system.
Know this as a fact and now ACT.
1. What is it that I want at age 40 in my personal life beyond caring for my parents?
2. What can I do to make that happen? Have I tried every trick in the book to accomplish that?
3. What will stop me from building my personal life?

Answer these in all honesty and tell yourself: Anything is possible as long as I put my mind to it!
Also take solace in the fact that your parents also want to see you happy. Who knows; if you sat them down and actually told them of your dilemma, they might be able to support you as well...

All the best and do what's right for you!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1046 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 04, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu... Am 39 and single woman with no income. Not working. Dependent on family. Did my MBA . I don't know what's happening in my life. Donno what to decide and how. Where to start. When to start. What to start. Should I 1st start earning or get married. I lost all my life bcz of my negligence and family issues. Never had a happy n peaceful day in my life. Something or other will be in family n life. Am not strong enough to take bold decisions. And lead my life independently. I want my family to be happy. My mom and dad's is love marriage but they didn't have a best life so even we children never had happy moments. But mentally very much attached to family. Can't live without them. What should I do? Am interested in marriage but alliance have huge demands and now am aged. People think am not good looking so I didn't get any proposal. I don't believe in love eventually I never supported love marriage of my friends and cousins. Ofcourse they are having best life. Now I feel alone.. I want to earn my bread. I want a family. I want to be married and enjoy family life too... Please help...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Life and it's highs and lows are what makes us, breaks us and then makes us back again.
It is okay to be confused BUT it is not okay to wander about without making a decision which only leads to believe that life is hard.
What are the things that you have been wandering about?
- Marriage or being in a relationship
- Becoming financially independent
- Putting your degree to good use
- Stepping beyond home and family to create a life

Now, you have begun to think of it and maybe it frustrates you that it's too late. But better now than never...
Push your boundaries and first do something that can give you a WIN. That will boost you to take on challenges in every area of your life that you have possibly been avoiding.
No life or nothing is created or built without challenges.

The key question for you is: Have I been avoiding failure which is the reason for me to wander and not make a few decisions that would have helped me?
Start somewhere and a WIN in an area that you have control over, is what I suggest you start at...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hie I need an advice about marriage, I am 28 years old and wants to marry a guy who is younger than me, however earns good salary. Also we are from different caste. I am afraid of having conversation about this with my parents and also I am confused that how to have this conversation with my parents. He loves me a lot and always support me. Also i got engaged with different person (arranged marriage), however that person broke the engagement and now I wont be able to trust and give chance to a new person to come into my life.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Why exactly did you get engaged with someone else when you say that you are in love with another person?
I don't get this...Have the conversation with you parents stating clearly what you want. Yes, your parents will and might oppose it for whatever reason, but if you and the boy are serious, then pursue it...
Then where is the question of a new person coming and your trusting etc. From your email/letter, one thing is clear to me is that: you have no idea what you want. You love someone and say that you want to marry him and then you go and get engaged to someone else and now you are wondering if you can trust someone new.
What is going on? What happens to your 'guy'? Are you serious about that relationship at all?
I think you really need to first sit and have a conversation with yourself and then talk to your parents, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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