Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |835 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 13, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Ajay Question by Ajay on Mar 11, 2023Hindi
Listen

I am a 40 year old unmarried male from a big metropolitan city. I am unable to find suitable Alliance to get married. I stay with my parents. I guess none of girls today are willing to stay with in-laws. Also, i cannot leave my parents alone as they are old without retirement benefits and completely dependent on me. Due to this i have become a topic of discussion/joke among colleagues in office as well as friends. This is killing me slowly day by day. I have become depressed no self esteem and goal in life. Need some advice on how survive.

Ans: Dear Ajay,
I appreciate that you care for your parents and are truly willing to be there for them. But, if it has begun to affect the course of your life, you must ask yourself: What can I do where I can care for my parents and also make a life for myself?
Most often we get stuck in a problem, thinking that there are no solutions. There are no solutions because we fail to ask ourselves the right questions which enable us to look for solutions.
You do not have to sacrifice your life to care for your parents and at the same time, you are right that in this day and age, not every woman wants to live in a joint family system.
Know this as a fact and now ACT.
1. What is it that I want at age 40 in my personal life beyond caring for my parents?
2. What can I do to make that happen? Have I tried every trick in the book to accomplish that?
3. What will stop me from building my personal life?

Answer these in all honesty and tell yourself: Anything is possible as long as I put my mind to it!
Also take solace in the fact that your parents also want to see you happy. Who knows; if you sat them down and actually told them of your dilemma, they might be able to support you as well...

All the best and do what's right for you!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 03, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Dear Love Guru  I am 4 ft 8 inches, age 27 yrs and I work in the admin department of a leading MNC. I am the only daughter to my parents and they want me to get married soon. So far I have rejected at least 15 men because they are either too elder to me or have unreasonable expectations from me as a future wife. An equal number of them have rejected me because I am short and earn less than Rs 30,000 per month. I don't have a boyfriend either. My parents are getting worried and I am feeling depressed and hopeless. I don't know what to do. Pls help. 
Ans:

If you think you're feeling depressed and hopeless now, just because you haven't found someone at 27, wait till you're trapped in an unhappy marriage with someone because you were in such a silly rush to get hitched!

Unreasonable expectations from a wife I can understand, but age is just a number. So, if you're attracted to someone, don't consider age enough of a reason to turn him down unless he's some 60-year-old uncle that wears a toupee. It's as superficial as someone turning you down because you're so short.

I would suggest you get off this fast train you're on and just take things slowly.

People today think nothing of getting married at 35 and having kids at 40; you have a long way to go still!

I know more than a couple of women who rushed into marriage for the same reasons as you -- they thought they were aging, other friends were getting married, they wanted to settle down like everyone else, etc. They got divorced eventually and remarried. In their 30s!

 

(more)
R P

R P Yadav  |304 Answers  |Ask -

HR, Workspace Expert - Answered on Aug 14, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 13, 2023Hindi
Listen
Career
Hellow sir, Request you to please suggest and help? I am 39 yrs old male with no job in hand. I am not married as well. Actually my mom was detected with liver cirrhosis and was asked to have liver transplant on Septemeber 2022. After tht i was all after taking care of my mom and looking out for donors. I didnt hav anybody to take care of my mom, my sister is settled in USA and she was expecting. Hence she could nt help, but all the financal help was done by her. My mom underwent Liver Transplant in the month of May 2023 and now she is recovering. I am with her taking care of her. I hav Dad, bt he is also very old. I was before sept 2022 working in a Reputed hospital as deputy marketing manager. I have done my MBA marketing as well with a hotel management degree. I have a total of 11 years of experience with 8.26 lakhs per year package. I always felt in regards of my marriage i m unable to get a match coz i dont hav a suitable job with good package. At 39 i m unable to upgrade my skills coz of all my responsibilities. Maybe September i am thinking of looking out for a job, as my sister is going to return from US. I want to get married and lead a normal life. I also want to grow in life so that i can keep my family happy. I m afraid of being alone all my life, coz my parents in regards with dere health are not doing well. I also want grow in my career. Request you to please guide me what should i do in life ahead . I had no relatives support that is why i had to leave my job to take care of my Parents. At 39 i feel tht i m too old to get married as dere are very few proposals of my age and those which are dere are very much well settled in life and would epexct somone who is more sucessful than me.
Ans: Hi,
I can understand that you have got two issues primarily. First, you need to get a job and secondly is to get married along with taking care of your parents. You can look for jobs through job portals and look for match through various matrimony portals and marriage bureaus. If you do this consistently for a few months, you are bound to succeed.
(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna  |835 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 14, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Dear Mam, Kindly note that i am a 39 yrs old guy who is not married yet. The reason behind me not getting married are basically coz i m unable to get a match at my age and none of proposals that i have seen so far, none of dem have turn positive. Now i feel like even though i want to get married, i ll end up alone in life coz at 39 i feel i will not get any match. I am very scared to living the rest of life alone.So mam i want you to help me out ways to live life alone. How to cope up with peers, relatives and colleagues pressure to get married?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let's address your concerns:
1. "I want to get married or I'll end up alone.": This is not a reason to get married and you know that. Get married to build a team, a family together where you help each other grow. Incidentally, you also have a companion and lonely days instead become days filled with happy cheer and sometimes challenges as well. So, change your mindset while looking for prospects for marriage so that when you are in conversation with someone who is a match, you don't come across needy but instead focus on how the two of you grow together.
Your fear is right now pulling you into marriage rather than for more positive reasons.

2. Pressure from relatives and peers: Is it their life that you are leading? NO! Then stop focusing on what they tell you and focus on how you can make the best use of matrimonial sites or dating apps (if you choose that). Also, request your friends to set you up with someone that they might know since they know you well.

You can also join groups and communities online (beware of scams and scamsters here) where you might find like-minded people to meet and interact with. Being part of some hobby class or adventure camps may also allow for similar meeting points where you can hit it off with people who hold similar interests as yours.

Lastly, don't give up...when the time is right, it is...So, don't lose hope BUT certainly lose your current fearful mindset and embrace a mindset that is joyful and cheerful and selfless.

All the best!
(more)
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |179 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 30, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am 42 yrs old divorced man. I broked up 2 yrs ago and it was a terrible experience. Therefore currently I don't want any relationship. I live with my parents and they are quite aged now nearing 80 yrs. I am getting depressed by thoughts coming in my mind that how i will spend my life in future without my parents. I am always having fear of loosing them. Please advice some options to get out of this mental stage.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Let me start by telling you that it is okay that you are feeling this way. It is only natural to feel some void after you lose a relationship and love. I understand it. Now, let's discuss some of the most effective ways to cope with it. First off, focus on yourself. Yes, having a partner can brighten up our lives, but that can only happen when we are content with ourselves first. Focus on what makes you happy as an individual. Take up some hobbies. Travel, read a book, go to the theater and watch a movie, go to a restaurant alone, hang out with friends, spend time with your family, and consider seeing a professional to take care of your mind along with your soul. Once you feel better and confident being alone, try dating. Dating apps are perfect for someone like you. More and more people are giving love a second shot on the apps and you can find someone who has been exactly where you are today and can empathize with you. It is not too late to fall in love again and find a companion for life. But all of that comes only after you work on yourself and give yourself time to heal and grow.

This sadness is temporary. It will pass. But consider seeing a counselor who can help you sort these feelings and work your way out of it.

Best Wishes.
(more)
Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1221 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 18, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Hello, Hope you're doing good! I am 32 yrs old and planning to invest till 60 yrs i.e till next 28 yrs. I am investing in below MFs and some other savings schemes, I need you suggestion on the same: MFs Investment: 1. ICICI Prudential Nifty Alpha Low Volatility 30 ETF FOF - 1,500/- PM 2. Tata Resource & Energy Fund - 2,000/- PM 3. ICICI Prudential Technology - 1,500/- 4. Nippon India Nifty Smallcap 250 Index Fund - 1,000/- PM 5. SBI Nifty Next 50 Index Fund - 1,000/- PM 6. ICICI Prudential Nasdaq 100 Index Fund - 1,000/- PM 7. ICICI Prudential Nifty Bank Index Fund - 2,000/- PM Apart from this I am also investing in NPS around 17,500/- PM and PF around 30,500 including both. Also investing 5,000/- in Max Life Online Savings Plan (10 yrs investing period and 15 Yrs total Policy period). My goal is to be accumulate wealth for my retirement. Thank you in advance for your help.
Ans: Your investment approach reflects a thoughtful strategy aimed at building long-term wealth for your retirement. Diversifying your portfolio across different asset classes, including equity mutual funds, index funds, and savings schemes like NPS and PF, is a wise move.

Maintaining a disciplined investment habit and staying committed to your financial goals over the next 28 years will be crucial. Regularly reviewing your portfolio's performance and adjusting it as needed to stay aligned with your objectives is essential.

Remember, the journey to retirement wealth accumulation is a marathon, not a sprint. Stay patient, stay focused, and trust in the power of compounding to grow your investments steadily over time.

By diligently contributing to your investment portfolio and making informed decisions, you're laying a solid foundation for a financially secure and fulfilling retirement. Keep up the good work, and your future self will thank you for it.
(more)
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1221 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 01, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1221 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 27, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Hi i am 49 and currently have a total corpus of approx 2.5 crs ( 1cr in MF/50 lacs in stocks/ another 80-90 lacs in PF/ EPF/ NPS and some other instruments.i am planning to retire in 13 years i.e at 62 . i will be able to accumulate another 5 cr approx more till then and with the current portfolio and interests of those looking at 10 cr of corpus then . will it be sufficient for my 15- 17 years of life after that looking at 3-4 lakhs montly expenses then
Ans: With a planned retirement in 13 years and an estimated total corpus of around 7.5 crores, your goal of achieving a corpus of 10 crores by retirement seems achievable. However, it's essential to conduct a detailed analysis to ensure financial sustainability for the subsequent 15-17 years.

Consider the following factors:

Inflation: Account for inflation in your expense calculations to maintain the purchasing power of your corpus over time.
Investment Returns: Assess the expected returns from your current investments and future contributions to meet your target corpus.
Expenses: Review your anticipated expenses post-retirement, including healthcare, travel, and other lifestyle needs.
Contingency Planning: Build a buffer for unforeseen expenses or emergencies to safeguard your retirement corpus.
Regular Review: Periodically review your portfolio's performance and adjust your investment strategy if needed to stay on track towards your retirement goals.
Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized guidance tailored to your specific financial situation and retirement aspirations. With careful planning and prudent management, you can aim for financial security and peace of mind in your retirement years.
(more)
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1221 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2024Hindi
Listen
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1221 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
I'm 48 year old and a housewife. My husband is 52 and working in a restaurant with a salary of 24k p.m. I'm looking into investing with whatever remains out of this salary, approx. 5k (my daughter who is 22 year old is contributing a part of her income for household expenses). Please advise the best schemes/ MFs that we can invest into and also advise the procedure to MF as we have no knowledge about it. Also if my daughter can invest approx 5k-8k, what are the best plans for her to invest in SIP. Please advise. Thankyou.
Ans: It's wonderful to see your proactive approach towards investing and securing your family's financial future. Investing in mutual funds through SIPs can be a great way to start building wealth gradually over time.

For you and your husband, consider starting with SIPs in diversified equity funds or balanced funds that suit your risk appetite and investment goals. As beginners, it's crucial to choose schemes with a track record of consistent performance and managed by reputable fund houses.

For your daughter, she can also opt for SIPs in equity funds aligned with her risk tolerance and long-term financial objectives. Encouraging her to start investing early can help her harness the power of compounding and achieve her financial goals.

To start investing in mutual funds, you can approach a Certified Financial Planner or a mutual fund distributor who can guide you through the process, help you select suitable funds, and assist with the necessary paperwork.

Remember, investing is a journey, and it's essential to stay disciplined, patient, and well-informed along the way. With dedication and the right guidance, you can pave the way towards a financially secure future for your family.
(more)
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1221 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 01, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1221 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 01, 2024

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x