Dear mam, my husband and I had a love marriage. We dated for five years before getting married and we have been living together for 8 years now.

I am working and we have a 5 year old son.

He is a very good guy but his parents and relatives who are staying with us are making things difficult for us now.

Like you suggested I tried talking to my husband but I feel he is being biased and taken for granted.

I tried to adjust and ignore some things but there is a lot of politics going on every day which is affecting both of us. From money issues to privacy and kitchen fights, we are dealing with a lot of things that I am not able to talk and solve.

This is affecting my career and my son’s studies too.

Every time I start a discussion it leads to a big fight in front of everyone. Ultimately I am cornered and blamed.

The patent response is: everyone adjusts. I’m not able to handle it well and no support from anyone. Also I don’t have anyone to talk to whom I can trust. Please help.

Ans: Dear R, why did they start to create issues between you and your husband?

What led to this? It rarely happens that people go after people with no reason.

Did you have any reservations about them coming and staying over?

Did you express it in some form to them? (Ask these to yourself so that you know that any act on your part did not lead to this situation. Of course, nothing justifies their plotting to get their son married behind your back).

If the answer to this is NO, then it's time to confront your husband, get a mediator and put things on the table.

What does he want? What do you want?

Do you both want to continue in this marriage?

What are his responsibilities towards your son?

These need to be addressed without anymore delay. Being in a limbo state is not fun as it keeps you guessing and the uncertainty can cause a lot of stress.

Also, kindly sensitise your parents towards what you are going through, so that support you in this time of need.

Act NOW and whatever you decide, put yourself first and take care of you emotional state of mind.

Best wishes!

Ans: Dear SK, commenting on your body image honestly is no one’s business and by no one I also mean your husband.

He absolutely has no right to body shame you and make it a topic of jest.

The nest time, he calls you a spoilsport, please feel free to comment on his looks, his accent, his performance behind close doors and watch what his reaction is.

Sadly, his male ego will be hurt; at least it will give him an idea as to what he has been you through.

Communication as I mention must be firm and assertive; it must convey exactly what you want rather than what you don’t want.

And as far as it goes for you in-laws, ignore their childish behaviour towards you…honestly you cannot control anyone’s thoughts or actions and they are free to do as they please. But what gives them fuel is that you are provoked and hurt.

Is it possible to be unaffected by what people say of you and about you?

Yes, when you own your body image and are unapologetic about it!

Your body, your way…as simple as that and anyone has a problem with that, then it’s their problem!

Be at a lot of peace and act wisely!

Ans:

Dear PS,

After a few years of marriage, reality can hit hard and then you realize that there are no commonalities between the two of you.

But isn’t that something to celebrate?

We would not be very happy with someone who is just like us. The differences bring in newness and a fresh outlook every moment. So, instead of focusing on the fact that you have nothing in common, why don’t both of you fix your eyes on what is good in the marriage and what each of you bring into each other’s lives?

A marriage therapist can guide you as this is something that they do day in and day out; by bringing awareness to what is beautiful in each other…

And kindly focus on your marriage. Your mother-in-law is simply reacting to the environment in the house and does what she knows.

Sometimes elders do not know the right way to deal with things that they never experienced.

When she sees her son stressed, she might feel it’s because of you and hurl abuses at you.

Each one is dealing with the situation in their own way. I suggest you focus on your marriage that is obviously important to you.

Do remember, storms may lash, but the ones who truly believe in the power of the Sun to relieve them, not only survive but thrive.

So believe that you have the strength to grow out of this and create a beautiful life. And you have mentioned that your husband and you stand together in rough times, so he is anyway going to be with you in this as well. Simply confide in him and grow together.

All the best!

Ans: You’re absolutely right to voice your concerns; it’s a major transition, and feeling micromanaged can take a toll on anyone. But it’s also clear that your husband feels a sense of duty towards his mother and believes that, over time, things may settle naturally as you get to know each other better. While his optimism might feel dismissive, it’s likely coming from his hope that time will help ease things for both of you.

Taking a step back, it might be helpful to consider his perspective. For him, there’s likely a deep-rooted loyalty and sense of care for his mother, perhaps much like what you might feel if it were your own mother. He might hope that the three of you can coexist peacefully and that, with patience, you and his mother will reach an understanding. It’s possible he’s trying to avoid confrontation, believing it will make things harder for everyone.

Perhaps, try to find a balance that respects both your needs and his family obligations. You could approach him with empathy by acknowledging, “I understand that you want us to grow closer and that it’s important for you to support your mother. I’d feel the same if it were my own mother.” But you can gently express that, despite your efforts, the situation is taking a toll on your mental health and that a temporary solution, like living separately, could actually help everyone in the long run. Let him know that you want to build a strong relationship with his mother, but to do so, a bit of breathing room may help you approach her with more patience and understanding.

Opening the door to his perspective in this way might soften his stance and encourage him to consider arrangements that balance everyone’s well-being. By approaching the situation together, as a team, you’re more likely to find a solution that honors both his responsibilities and your need for space, making room for a more peaceful family dynamic in the long term.