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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |182 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello sir When i was studying in school i liked one girl. we talked through a common friend. After some time we talked on phone and messages. Last day of my school day i proposed her and she didn't reply. After that she doesn't even reply to my calls and messages. I found it in the market today, 9 years later. She is married now, after seeing her I feel regretful and am not able to concentrate on my work. what should i do

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry that you are feeling this way. One-sided love can be harsh on your mind. We can't exactly blame her here. She never led you on or expressed any such feelings for you. Neither was she bound to reciprocate. But keeping that aside, you are allowed to feel sad. Allow yourself to feel it. Trust me, it's nostalgia. It will pass. It is normal to be distracted when you are feeling gloomy. Try diverting your attention to something else. Talk to your friends, go out for a movie, go for a weekend trip, pick up a hobby, hit the gym, go for a run; mostly, keep yourself busy. You will not feel like this forever. I assure you that.

Best Wishes.

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on May 30, 2022

Relationship
Hello Sir or Madam. Please keep me as anonymous only. Let me tell my story. I am 29 now. Work for an MNC for the past six years. From middle class family with big circle. Before going to speak out on my problem, let me tell my nature, how I was brought up, studies and attitude. Since we are middle class family with no financial crisis, I never seen ups and downs in Life accordingly. In the case of studies, I was topper at all levels of education till MBA from reputed institute. I was like love is trash n waste of time. When I used to hear all love stories, I used to feel pity on them. But I did maintain very good relationship with many, many girls (not GF type). But now I am going through the hell just because of one girl whom I was forcibly loved her and later I addicted to her with true love. During COVID I had to go WFH for two years. She visited her granny’s house and stayed back for few weeks. They live in Bangalore. I have never seen her face or noticed her during the time when she stayed. But she noticed, observed and enquired about me. So once she left to Bangalore, she sent FB request and I accepted. Immediately we have exchanged numbers and started texting ‘n’ talking. Initially I rejected her since she is eight years junior to me. Later she emotionally told once as she lost her father very recently and she just don’t want to go into depression again if I reject her. I got convinced and started loving truly. I replaced her father in her life which she used to tell. One day, she got caught by her brother while she was on call with me. Since we belong to different castes, they rejected me. She got house arrested. There was no connection between us. First time in life I fell into depression. I lost my job after just three weeks when she got separated from me. I was unable to speak anyone in the world. My family ‘n’ circle was afraid as I may do harm to myself for her. On December 16, 2021, I tried to commit suicide by writing a letter in laptop to her telling how I was missing her ‘n’ needed her. Took print and left to railway track to die. I took alcohol and was on the track. Someone rescued me and took me to hometown from Bangalore with PAN card address which was in my purse. Every day I was losing hope on my life. Finally I got call from her number in the first week of Jan. I was happy and cried like anything with her on call. She told that she would never leave me alone whatever happens ‘n’ who ever tries to separate us. Again, I took my energy ‘n’ hopes back and started job searching. There was 1 month gap again until Feb 8, 2022. After that she used to call me whenever it is possible. From March 15 to March 31, she kept fighting with me over call and spoken mercilessly. There was no kindness or love or concern on me. Again, I lost hope on my life. She kept asking me to stay away from her. She knew that I cannot initiate contact from my end, since she only should do whenever she able to do. Day by day, I am losing interest on my Life. I left the job. Now I’m alone with her thoughts and words spoken by her. My family n circle knew all this drama what’s going on. They hate me for losing self-respect for a girl. But I have never seen that girl as a girl. I am addicted to alcohol, day ‘n’ night drinking and surviving. I knew she won’t come back if I ruin my life like this by drinking ‘n’ all. But I just can’t control myself over her. The promises which she made me were gone... But still I stand for her, for what I promised. I begged the girl like anything not to leave me alone. I just can’t digest that she won’t be no more for me. N number of the times I used to tell her that You are my first priority over all in my life, like family, siblings, money, career and what not. Most of the times I told her that I’ll commit suicide for you if I come to know that you are not there for me. It doesn’t mean that I am an emotional fool who does not know how to live or unable to get another girl. But you have such significance in my life. I elaborated as much as I can. But she never listened me. I am just wonder where was her sweet words ‘n’ promises, what’s the reality now? I am upset with me -- where was original me and who I am now without self-respect. My parents ‘n’ siblings are forcing me to give up on her. As per them, she is just a golddigger and cheater without love and trust... My mind n heart never ever forgets her. Don’t know the future. But many times I pray God to kill me in sleep itself without pain so I can reach Venkateshwara... Entire world is against that girl, but I am defending her at every passing moment. Human beings invented many amazing things. My wish is we should be available with tablets or injection which can erase memories which belongs to particular person or for particular time in life... The real enemy to the human beings is LOVE.... Finally I am just waiting for my death... I knew that she won’t realise even if I die also. But I should sleep forever and ever just because for the crime I did love her.... Dear Bujji, it’s for you. I am also a human being as like U. As like your mother, even my mother has given birth to me. Finally, no words.... I am alone... Memories are hunting me.... chasing me... Love Guru, please publish this story as it is. Because someone may going through hell with similar story at least they will read the Q&A as well. Love Guru... I hate me... I do have all with me -- good health, 21 LPA job now, stabilised family and friends ‘n’ family circle... But this bloody struggling to get her love amongst the 7 billion people on this Earth... Love Guru, I feel that I lost. I am feeling low... I got cheated by her... Finally I am nothing to her. Dear readers, don’t think that why this fool is suffering for a girl like this.... I have seen her my GODDESS... Thank you... Have a nice day…
Ans:

You’ve needlessly wound yourself up over a silly girl.

You don’t even sound like you’ve had a physical relationship, it was only long distance, so what are you getting so out of joint for? A few intimate conversations with someone who said one thing but meant another?

If things in your life are spiralling so much out of control, I’d suggest therapy.

Stop drinking before it becomes a real problem. It sounds like you’re doing this to yourself deliberately, so that you receive some attention from her.

But the more you do this, the worse the situation will get. And no woman wants an out-of-control, desperate, alcoholic lover!

For heavens’ sake, man, get a hold of yourself and, if you can’t, then get the professional help you need. 

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |182 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Mar 24, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 16, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
hi gure. i am unmarried fall for one girl through online marriage app and we are planning for marriage. few days back we got engaged as well.but after that i am in think that she is avoiding me. she go to sleep early even we were not in talk that much. i always in overthinking that she may have affair or she may ditch me. i cant control my emotion for her. if i cant get her call i called her madly. its make me so depress, nervous. i can not concentrate on work , other imp things. what should i do to get out of this help me ? help me get out of this sir
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

While overthinking can destroy a relationship, if you feel in your gut that something isn't right, there might be some truth and reason to it. My advice would be to have an open discussion about the same with your girlfriend.

We often see people making commitments but backing out later owing to several issues; it can be family-related or something else completely. It is better to speak about your worries right now than to get married and regret it. Maybe your partner is no longer interested in you or maybe she is facing some other trouble altogether; the only way you can understand what's happening is if you ask.

Don't beat around the bush or lose sleep over assumptions; sit your girlfriend down and ask her what's the matter. If she is no longer in love with you, you should consider yourself lucky to have learned it now rather than later, when things are more official and there are no breakups, only divorces. You deserve to be peacefully in love, not worrying about losing it every waking minute.

Hope this helps.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |182 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 13, 2023

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Relationship
I started a relationship with a girl. First we thought it just a relationship no marriage. But as days going we fell deep into each other that we cant live without each other. I found one thing that she loving more than needed. Im so scared of her, what will she do if i run out of her life for my marriage. This thought killed me. So I decided to leave her without telling a reason. I left her with a small issue. I really dont want to loose but i had to. I just said good bye, she also said good bye. Later i never texted her. She too never texted me. But after 2 months i felt guilty of leaving so i came back to her. Previously her parents decided to marry her to their son in law. I know this when were in relationship. So after our breakup i came back to her. But she said no to me because she is committed with her brother in law. I cant take this. Its killing me. After i said good bye she never tried to contact me for patch-up. Even no texts. Her brother in law told her that im ready to marry you. So she too said i too like you and im also ready to marry you. But their marriage will happen in 2026. I told her that untill marriage please be with me and this is our deal when we started our relationship. But she said no. I begged her many times but she always said no to me. And still now i cant believe that she said no to me. All this happened 3 months ago but still i cant forget her. Recently she deleted my number also. Everything making me feel low. What should i do now?
Ans: Dear Srikanth,

To me, it sounds like you broke up with her. No, you ghosted her. How you put her on trial isn't clear to me, given the fact that you stopped contacting her after a mere goodbye and no proper explanation. Why did she not try to contact you? Maybe she has enough self-respect to restrain herself from doing so; I cannot speak for her but judging the events, you were the one who broke up and you need to own up to it.

Moving on to her deciding to get married- I am assuming she told you she's happy to marry her intended; if so, please accept the reality and move on. Next, why is she not agreeing to be in a relationship with you till the time she gets married? To expect otherwise from any sane, self-respecting person is delusional.

You knew that the two of you could not end up together and took a decision; immature as it was, your intentions were good. Similarly, your ex chose to move on. I don't see either of you making any considerable mistakes here. Both were right in their ways, except for the "you leaving her without a word" part. It is time you move on, and let her live her life in peace. You might feel low for a while, but nothing feels worse than hurting the people you once loved, and compelling your ex to commit to you when she doesn't want to is the same as hurting her. Make the right choices.

Best Wishes!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 15, 2023

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |182 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello sir , i am 21 year old graduated ,How to make gf ?? As in college everytime i talk to girl she make me friend as i get into friendzoned...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

If you are finding it difficult to meet girls IRL, why don't you try out dating apps? It can be perfect for you. First of all, the chances of getting friend-zoned on a dating app are comparatively lower because it is a dating app and most users are using it to find a date. Yes, some people look for friends too but they will either mention it on their Bio or match with people who mentioned the same on their Bio.

I suggest you research a bit and find a dating app that fits your requirements. For instance, some apps cater to people looking for serious commitment and some others are solely for casual relationships. You pick a dating app based on your preference. Next step- build an interesting profile. Put a display image that helps you put your best foot forward. Something recent, clear, and impressive. Do not overedit; it's not appealing. Write a clear and concise bio that gives a glimpse of who you are, what you want in a relationship, and what you can offer. This way, you will attract the right type of matches. Make it clear that you want a romantic relationship to avoid getting friend-zoned. Finally, once you match, spend some time chatting and getting to know each other. A match is not a commitment. If it doesn't go well, you can always tell them that it's not working out and unmatch.

It's the best way to meet a potential partner without leaving room for misunderstanding and ending up being friend-zoned.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1323 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 03, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 41 year old. I have 1 cr in mutual fund. It’s been 7 years I started doing sip with 50000. Which I have increased With time now I have sip of 80000 per month. I need to know how much will have when I reach age 50. In my account
Ans: As you stand at the midpoint of your journey, it's natural to pause and ponder the fruits of your labor. Seven years ago, you embarked on a path of financial discipline, nurturing your wealth through systematic investments in mutual funds. With each passing month, you've diligently contributed to your SIP, nurturing your financial garden with care and foresight.

Magnitude of Investment:
Your commitment to growth shines through as you reflect on your journey. Starting with a SIP of Rs 50,000 per month and gradually increasing it to Rs 80,000 per month showcases your dedication to nurturing your financial future. Each increment, no matter how small, represents a step towards building a solid foundation for your later years.

The Power of Compound Interest:
As the years pass, the magic of compound interest works silently in the background, multiplying your investments manifold. With each SIP, you're not just investing money; you're investing in your dreams, your aspirations, and your future. The power of compounding rewards patience and consistency, amplifying the impact of your contributions over time.

Envisioning the Future:
As you cast your gaze towards the horizon, you can't help but wonder: what lies ahead? At age 50, where will your financial journey have led you? Will you find yourself basking in the glow of a well-nurtured nest egg, ready to embark on new adventures and pursue passions long deferred?

The Path Forward:
As a Certified Financial Planner, I invite you to envision your future with clarity and purpose. While I cannot predict the exact value of your investments at age 50 without specific calculations, I can offer guidance on how to nurture and safeguard your wealth as you continue along your journey.

Embracing Uncertainty:
Life is a tapestry woven with threads of uncertainty and possibility. While we cannot control every twist and turn along the way, we can arm ourselves with the tools and knowledge needed to navigate the unknown with confidence. As you journey towards age 50, remember that the true measure of wealth lies not just in monetary value but in the richness of experiences and the depth of relationships.

Conclusion:
As you stand at the crossroads of past and future, take a moment to appreciate how far you've come. Your journey is a testament to your resilience, your determination, and your unwavering commitment to financial well-being. As you continue along your path, may you find solace in the journey itself, knowing that every step forward brings you closer to the life you envision for yourself and your loved ones.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1323 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

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Money
Hi I am 37 years old and my Husband is 40 years old. Our annual salary in hand at our home is up to 20,64,000. My Yearly Saving is Rs 6 lakhs (mutual fund, LIC policy, Endowment plan, century plan, Post office schemes). My Expense like medical insurance, term insurance, car insurance is RS 50,000. My living expense per year is Rs 6,00,000. My loan is for Rs17,24,112 (including interests) for which I am paying every year up to Rs 4,31,000 till Feb'28. Also next year we have to purchase car because our car is getting expire. So up- to 14-15 lakh car we will purchase on loan. My child is currently in 6th grade and we both are working. So for happy life after retirement and save future, how much I need to save and in which plans. Please suggest. Till now beyond my savings written above I don't have bank balance which I can use as a emergency funds.
Ans: Navigating the complex landscape of finances, especially with looming expenses and future uncertainties, can feel like trying to solve a puzzle without all the pieces. It's a challenge many of us face, and it's understandable to seek guidance on charting a path towards financial security and peace of mind.

1. Current Financial Snapshot:
You and your husband are in your late 30s and early 40s, respectively, with a combined annual income of Rs 20,64,000. Here's a breakdown of your financial standing:

Income and Savings:
Annual savings of Rs 6 lakhs allocated towards various financial instruments such as mutual funds, insurance policies, and savings schemes.

Annual expenses totaling Rs 50,000 for essential insurances (medical, term, car) and Rs 6,00,000 for day-to-day living expenses.
Loan Obligations:

Existing loan of Rs 17,24,112, including interests, being paid annually up to Rs 4,31,000 until Feb'28.
Planning to purchase a new car next year, expected cost up to Rs 14-15 lakhs, which will likely require additional financing.

2. Planning for Retirement and Future Security:
With retirement on the horizon and the desire to secure your future, it's essential to map out a robust savings strategy:

Retirement Goals:
Discuss and define your retirement aspirations with your husband, envisioning your desired lifestyle and financial needs during retirement.

Savings Strategy:
Determine an ideal savings rate that balances current expenses with long-term goals, including retirement, your child's education, and potential healthcare costs.

Investment Mix:
Explore a diversified portfolio comprising mutual funds, insurance policies, and government-backed savings schemes, tailored to your risk tolerance and time horizon.

3. Addressing the Car Purchase:
The decision to replace your expiring car involves careful consideration, especially given your existing financial commitments:

Financial Implications:
Evaluate all options for financing the new car, considering potential down payments and minimizing loan burden to maintain financial flexibility.

Alternative Solutions:
Explore alternative transportation options or delaying the purchase until you've built more financial reserves to lessen the impact on your budget.

4. Building an Emergency Fund:
Establishing an emergency fund is crucial for weathering unexpected financial challenges:

Setting Savings Goals:
Determine specific savings goals for your emergency fund, considering factors like living expenses, loan obligations, and potential emergencies.

Automating Contributions:
Consider automating contributions to your emergency fund to make saving more manageable and ensure consistent progress towards your goal.

Conclusion:
While navigating the complexities of financial planning can be daunting, remember that you're not alone on this journey. By carefully managing your income, expenses, and savings, and seeking guidance from a Certified Financial Planner, you're taking proactive steps towards securing your future and achieving your long-term goals. Keep focusing on your priorities, stay adaptable to change, and trust in the process as you work towards financial freedom and peace of mind.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1323 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 03, 2024Hindi
Money
Iam 40yrs old with 1.6lakhs take home with house wife and 3 yr old baby girl. Below is my current financial condition: 1. Taken Home loan for 35 lakhs for apartment worth of 55lakhs in 2022 with emi requirement of 41k for 11yrs (iam paying monthly 45k and one extra 45k emi yearly) 2. Took Gold loan of 11lakhs in 2022(paying from mar2024 onwards monthly 35k) for apartment purpose 3. Holding 2440 sqft land costs 25lakhs in 2021 now it is 35lakhs planned for baby girl marriage 4. 5lakhs emergency fund in FD 5. 6 lakhs FD for SBI life smart wealthbuilder plan purpose for next 6yrly premium payment, 6. Equity 5lakhs invested now mkt value 8lakhs, 7. Mf 8lakhs now 11lakhs (monthly 20k for 10 different funds with 1k stepup yearly) 8. EPF 20lakhs not withdrawn from beginning for retirement plan 9. Ssy 1.2lakhs for baby girl education (monthly 6k) 10. Ppf 50k for baby girl education (monthly 3k) 11. Nps 4.9lakhs now 6lakhs (monthly 12k from company deduction and 50k annually from my side) 12. Holding agriculture land 1acre 7lakhs near hometown purchased in 2018 now it is same price no increase... Holding bcoz I like to have agriculture land... 13. Holding Gold coins 50gms purchasing when there is Amazon offers.. for baby girl ornaments purpose 14. Term insurance 1crore for me and 50lakhs for my wife purchased in 2022 15. Health insurance 20lakhs with premium 60k for 3yrs purchase in 2022... Monthly 1.6lakhs take home spending as below: 1. 45k home loan emi (annually 45k as one extra emi) 2. 30k mf sip ( 3k each for 10 funds - quant infra, quant smallcap, quant elss, 360 one focused, canara robeco smallcap, canara robeco emerging, mirae largecap, pgim flexicap, parag elss, ICICI prudential technology fund) 3. 35k gold loan prepayment 4. 35k home maintenance expenses 5. 10k ssy and ppf 6. 5k apartment maintenance 7. 45k LIc premium annual requirement 8. 40k term loan premium annual requirement taken 1crore for me and 50lakhs for my wife total to 40k premium 9. 30k annually for bike insurance, services and other maintenance 10. 1.3lakhs for baby girl school fees from this year 50% already paid 50% to be paid in oct 2024 11. 60k premium for health insurance once for 3 years purchased in 2022... I have few ask sir: 1. Want to buy 13 to 15Lakhs car.. when to buy with my financial condition and I have no down payment free cash now 2. Should I change my financial saving/investment please suggest as I am not having any free cashflow post the monthly commitment 3. Want to generate 2nd source of income suggest plz which is good to have it 4. Want to become financial freedom by next 10years so what I need to do for it and plan better. 5. Any changes in the current plan suggestion
Ans: It sounds like you're juggling a lot, but you've got a solid foundation laid out. It's admirable how you're balancing your responsibilities towards your family's present needs and future goals. Let's address your concerns and aspirations one by one.

1. Car Purchase Consideration:
You're eyeing a new car, a shiny symbol of comfort and convenience. However, before diving in, let's assess if it aligns with your current financial trajectory:

Timing and Need:
Do you have an immediate need for the car, or is it more of a desire?
Can you postpone the purchase until you've accumulated a down payment or have more breathing room in your budget?
2. Reviewing Savings and Investments:
Your portfolio is diverse, spanning various assets from real estate to mutual funds. Let's evaluate if each piece is still working optimally for you:

Portfolio Alignment:
Are all your investments aligned with your long-term goals and risk tolerance?
Can you streamline or consolidate any holdings to reduce costs or enhance performance?
3. Exploring Additional Income Streams:
You're eager to bolster your financial stability by exploring secondary income sources. Let's brainstorm some viable options:

Leveraging Skills and Passions:
What skills or hobbies do you possess that could be monetized?
Are there freelancing opportunities or consulting gigs in your field of expertise?
4. Planning for Financial Freedom:
Your aspiration to achieve financial independence within a decade is ambitious yet attainable. Let's outline a roadmap to realize this vision:

Defining Financial Freedom:
What does financial freedom mean to you personally?
Is it early retirement, pursuing passion projects, or having more flexibility in your lifestyle?
Strategic Steps:
How can you increase your savings rate to accelerate progress towards your goals?
Are there opportunities to optimize investments or explore alternative income streams?
5. Optimizing Current Financial Plan:
Let's explore potential adjustments to your existing financial strategy to enhance its effectiveness:

Reallocating Resources:
Can you reallocate funds towards higher-performing investments or areas with greater potential?
Are there opportunities to automate savings or investment contributions for greater consistency?
Conclusion:
Your commitment to securing your family's financial future is commendable. By carefully considering each aspect of your financial situation, from major purchases to investment strategies, you're laying a strong foundation for long-term success. Remember, financial planning is a journey, and with patience, diligence, and the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner, you're well-positioned to achieve the freedom and security you desire.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi ma’am My family is not accepting my boyfriend as he is not well settled and doesn’t have any savings. His parent are also divorced and father has a second marriage. The first children custody is still with parents however my boyfriend and his brother live with his mother. He is 5 year younger than me. My family is not accepting my relationship and showing me new proposals every day. To borrow some time i am just refusing the proposal my giving some excuses but now they know that i am still not out from him and waiting for him to get settled. Kindly let me know how can i convince my family to accept my relationship. My boyfriend is working day and night to get settled and have a good account balance. Please advise.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If your daughter came to you with the same situation, how would you advise her?
Would you not tell her your concern that she is actually choosing someone who may not be able to support her when she goes on maternity leave? Would you not tell her that coming from a broken family, she may have to take care of her boyfriend and possibly parent him on different occasions? Your parents are only concerned for you and are unable to tell you what they are worried about. Put yourself in their situation and tell me that you will not be worried.

At the same time, I do get your frustration. What you can do is to work on your parents' concerns and buy time till your boyfriend manages to settle down. And it seems like he is doing all that he can to be in their good books. And that's the only way you can get them to accept him. Wait patiently and don't put him under pressure. Instead be supportive and at the same time, you continue to work and be independent as well.

Never try to convince someone who does not want to be convinced but instead work on how they can accept him by addressing their concerns.

All the best!

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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