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Feeling Overwhelmed: Divorced, Jobless, and Facing Sister's Cancer - What Should I Do?

Kanchan Rai |365 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 30, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 29, 2024Hindi

Hello Ma'am, I am 52, Divorced. My life is going through lots of turmoil at the moment, I lost my job, my sister is diagnosed with 4th stage cancer. I am finding difficult to take it. I don't know what to do? Please advise?

Ans: Losing your job and facing your sister's serious illness at the same time is incredibly tough. It's natural to feel overwhelmed.

First, allow yourself to acknowledge these feelings. Talking to friends, family, or a counselor can help you feel less alone. Focus on small steps to regain some control, like taking care of your health and reaching out for support.

Regarding your job, consider this an opportunity to explore new possibilities. Utilize job search resources or seek career counseling to guide you through this transition.

With your sister's illness, being there for her is important, but also remember to take care of your own mental health. It's okay to seek help and take things one step at a time. You're not alone, and there are people and resources that can support you through this difficult time.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 18, 2021

Question by P - May 18, 2021Hindi

I lost my father when I was 17 and was raised by my mother all these years. Last year, I lost my mother to COVID. I am the only child and don't have any siblings. I am 36 and not married. I don't have a boyfriend, neither am I in a serious relationship. After my parents' death, am being pressured into marriage by my relatives but I am not ready. I am in touch with a few cousins and friends but I don't feel any better talking to them. I may be wrong but I feel that they're either too sympathetic or trying too hard to be positive and cheerful. It's hard to explain to anyone how I am feeling right now. There are days when I feel completely alone, lonely and wish I had a sibling or someone who would understand me without having to explain anything. My colleagues are supportive but I am not able to focus at work either. I tried taking a few days off but there is a void and sense of loneliness that I am unable to overcome. I don't know how to make sense of this situation. Can you help?

Ans: Dear P, how exactly do you want to feel? What exactly do you want currently? It is imperative for you to know that we all go through phases in life; some are happy ones and some are not-so-happy ones.

But do know that, these phases are not permanent and that they do have an expiry date on them.

The key to this is with you. How long do you want to lock in that feeling of loneliness or helplessness?

Does it help you to think whether your relatives are sympathising with you? What if they really are caring for you?

Sibling or no sibling, our life is ours and a journey that we must take. And marriage is a decision that is yours to make; you don’t need to yield into any pressure or get yourself to believe that it will drive away your loneliness.

What did you do earlier to move away from loneliness?

How did you keep yourself occupied? Was it a new hobby or could it have been learning a new skill?

Sometimes, doing something absolutely NEW can help de-focus from what we are dealing with currently.

On a long-term thinking, do know that every phase gives rise to a new one.

Join support groups online or any valid meet up group that can bring in some fresh new perspectives.

Connect with old friends. Choose how you want to feel now and move in that direction.

Surround yourself only with happy people and happy thoughts all the time. It does help.

Office colleagues can double up as a good support group, if you are fine sharing your inner feelings with someone that you are close to.

If that isn’t an option, then old friends can do the job really well. But it is important to talk to someone and release what’s holding you back and keeping you away from what you want to feel and what you want to do. All the best.

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Anu Krishna |1193 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 09, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 30, 2023Hindi

Hi, I am a 53 years old male, lost my loving wife last year who was 46, I do have 2 kids who are into higher studies now aged 22 and 18, off late have been feeling very lonely and upset and have not been able to forget my late wife, life seems to be too useless now. Many a times i think of having a new partner for the rest of my life then these feelings also die down. Am quiet worried as to how I will be able to live second half of my life as sooner or later the children will be busy in their own lives, what to do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly sorry for your loss...
The journey of grief is so different for each person and you can feel alright on one day and devastated on another day...Give your self ample time to grieve and speak about her; it will be painful but the more you allow yourself to speak about her, you will notice that you are closer to accepting the fact of your loss...it is a journey, so do take your time...
But in the meantime, do make sure that you do take help in the form of a support system of your family and friends. Yes, they do have their own lives but I am sure that they will step in kindly when it is required.
Also, you might find that you socially isolate yourself and move away from everything that used to give you joy. You must find a way of getting back to all of those things reminding yourself that you must live your life too...this is initially a way of filling the vacuum, but soon you will find that it does more that just distract you.

Finding another life partner is a decision that is yours to make; but I will suggest that you heal from the loss and then if and when you feel the time is right, you may seek a life partner. But right now, all you will do is find a huge respite to fill in your loneliness and not be able to form a connection with that person. So, take care of yourself first, heal well and then slowly make life-altering decisions.

All the best...I am sure you can do this!

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 27, 2023