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Nitin Sathe  |127 Answers  |Ask -

HR, Recruitment Expert - Answered on Jul 19, 2023

Air Commodore Nitin Sathe (retd) is an IAF veteran with experience in aviation, aviation management, recruitment and HR.He has commanded a frontline base in Jammu and Kashmir, served with the UN Peace Keeping Force in Congo and volunteered for tsunami relief operations. Today, he is a certified recruiter and personality assessor.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 19, 2023Hindi

Sir, I am a BTech MBA student with close to 20 years of experience in IT sector. I have climbed the ladder in corporate and currently working for a reputed MNC. I earn well. Few years back due to a severe health issue, had to undergo surgery and now struggle with my health due to loss of a internal organ. My energy levels are down and I am unable to focus and thrive in my job. At the same time, my marital life is full of misunderstandings and has no peace. I am not blaming anyone here but I am assessing my situation. Due to all this, I am more spiritually inclined towards salvation. However I have my parents, child and family to finish my responsibility. Basically I have lost the drive to work due to my poor health and all the stress in life but at the same time need money for family, medical expenses and parents. I lost my previous job due to being not committed and finally was fired because I did not live upto the expectations. I managed to get another job but here too I am unable to deliver due to all the issues in my life. (health, marital, lack of focus etc) I am 45 now. I tried yoga, and few other activities to boost my health. My doctor claims that I cannot work like before due to my health issue and my mind is very much oriented towards spiritual studies but I have a family duty to do. Can you tell me how should I handle all this ? I wanted to add more and hence re-submitting the question again, I love being alone with myself, I dont like people, crowd, and I am afraid of them, I want to be left alone and away from everyone. I am a normal person but I somewhat feel unnecessary to mingle and speak to people because everyone is just gossiping or talking politics or talking some irrelevant subject or conversing about someone else, providing opinions and perceptions, which at the end of the day leads to nothing ? Hence I avoid people and interaction unless it is into spirituality. After aligning to spirituality, i feel like functioning in this existence has become difficult because everything is just a play and a game and everyone's karma is dissolving or creating for their satisfaction of desires. This too is hampering my career,

Ans: You seem to be blaming your health for all the issues you are dealing with as of now. I suggest you do the following…
First read a book titled ‘Born to Fly’ It is about a pilot who loses all his limbs due to an accident and how he rebuilds his life to a more meaningful one. I am sure you will feel motivated by this reading.
Secondly, I do strongly feel that you need to go to a counsellor and get rid of the negative thoughts that seem to be plaguing you.
Thirdly, I do not agree that keeping away from people is a right thing to do. Human beings need to interact with each other to lead a fruitful life. You need to understand this and Counseling as above would help you.
I await hearing from you again after you do the above!
Best of luck!

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Anu Krishna  |968 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 06, 2020

Hi Anu, I am 42 yrs old male. I am a Public Health Professional and work in an International NGO on health issues based in Delhi. I have ageing parents (both suffering from cardiac illness, diabetes and hypertension) which are based in Mumbai, my immediate family (wife and two kids) stays with my parents as there is no one else to take care of them. My parents especially my father is adamant that he doesn’t want to leave his house and stay with me in Delhi. As a result my immediate family is also forced to stay in Mumbai taking care of my parents. My wife is very supportive, however as this situation is like this since last 4-5 years and we are staying in two different cities, it has now taking stall at emotionally and physically on both of us (me, my wife and my two kids). I am desperately searching for job in Mumbai, however in my sector there are not very good opportunities in Mumbai. I tried my hands in two there places for job, however to my misfortune things didnt work out. I am a mid-senior level professional and have reached this position after a lot of hard work, however the stress has started affecting my performance and overall reputation in the organization. Hence there is constant stress of performance, ability to deliver, overall situation has lowered my confidence level affecting my work further. Dissatisfied with my work, my supervisor has already started sidelining me. I am desperately started thinking of leaving the job, however financial condition doesn’t allow me to do that. With COVID-19 pandemic things has worsened, as I am stuck in Delhi even in lockdown, leaving my parents and my wife struggling in Mumbai amidst the lockdown. Even now cant visit them as stressed, whether i will carry risk of infection to my parents, wife and kids, Hence staying away, it’s been 8 months that have not met them. Not sure, how to handle this. One way I thought as looking out opportunities in Mumbai, even if at junior level, However i am trying for that, but not getting suitable opportunities. Not sure, how to handle the pressures from family (Parents don't want to shift, wife is not ready to stay away and has given time till March, there constant pressure of performance). Not sure, what to do.
Ans: Dear S, surely, this pandemic has put many at inconvenience in different ways for each of us across the planet.

What we can do is make the best of what is at this point in time. It indeed is hard to be away from family at a time like this.

I know parents in some families do find it hard adjusting to a new city at their age and having your wife care for them as logical as the decision was has begun to take a toll on the family as a whole.

It is an amazing feeling to come back home to a family after a hard day’s work where they wait with love, care and support.

Either a job in Mumbai or moving your family to Delhi are the options as it is evident that family and their love is important for you to have the security and stability.

Having said this, Lockdown 5.0 begins soon, I think fearlessly take a call, visit your family.

If you think you want to isolate yourself in the fear of COVID-10, do so…but more that all of this, do sit down as a family, COMMUNICATE, talk to your parents about how this is affecting you and obviously they care and love you enough to hear your side of the story.

And finally, do what needs to be done to make sure that your parents understand and are taken care of and your wife and children are with you as a family.

Happy decision making and be happy!

..Read more


Anu Krishna  |968 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 17, 2022

 Hi Anu, I am a 38 YO woman. Personal issues - None. A loving and doting husband and a 4 yo lovely daughter comprises my immediate family. Relations with parents and in-laws are also smooth.Professional issues - Too many. I never imagined myself to be where I currently am. I have never had a stable career nor a very good salary. I have had a good education but have not been able to make a professional mark for myself. I was ambitious and confident but now feel that everything is too overwhelming for me to achieve. I had dreams but probably never the conviction. For a long time I kept blaming the family for ruining my career but somewhere deep within I know that I responsible for whatever has happened in my life. Today when I decide to do only what I wish to do or pursue, I find myself at a loss on account of lack of confidence to achieve it. Others around me seem to be more confident of my abilities and intelligence than me. I also feel that it is too late now and instead of myself, I should focus on making my daughter's life but somewhere I am still unsettled. I want to have a good, stable and a well earning career, even if it is for the next 10 or 15 years of my life. I have no personal complaints but professionally, I do not want to die without having the satisfaction of having lived a good professional life as well. It matters a lot to me, not for anyone's sake but my own.I am working right now but that is not my future. I have been able to manage jobs at different points of time in different industries but never a career. I haven't lost hope but I simply know that my life isn't right.

Dear SS,

Firstly, ask yourself:

1. What will a job/career bring to me?

2. What is it that I feel a lack of when I am devoted into my personal life?

3. Am I trying to search for an identity through a career?

These questions will give you a clear picture of what is going on in your mind.

Most often, we crave something and declare the path but don’t realize that we are actually embarking on the wrong journey; it’s also possible what we are searching for already exists with us, but we are not able to see it or feel it.

For example: If you are searching for your identity that already is with you and you have told yourself that only a job/career could give that to you, it may so happen that every job that you are in will stress you to create an identity which you already have. You are on the cusp of changes as your children are growing…

Sit down with a pen and paper and clearly outline what you want to create in your life and WHY!

When this is clear, you will be able to take the first confident step and you will do it for yourself and not prove anything to anyone. It becomes only about your space and how you can make it beautiful.

2022 brings in a lot of hope for everyone and you as well. Chin up and plunge into a confident self and get ahead. All the best!

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Anu Krishna  |968 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2023Hindi
I am 42 year old married woman. I was attached to my father very much. I lost him suddenly in 2021 by covid. He was fit and fine. I never thought he could left us like this. I feel very lonely , empty & completely of no desire for anything in life. I feel guilty and bad that the way my father struggled alone in ICU ward in his final days & we could not do anything for him. No one could met him & even saw him. I could not hugged him & even touched his body to say to goodbye in crematorium. Life got completely changed for me now. I am doing a job in which I working for very long time but not getting noticed or promoted so I feel sidelined by my seniors. I feel no use to work there or even anywhere now. I feel mentally I am tired to handle any pressure now. I am thinking to quit it to get some mental peace but not sure what I will do in free time. I have few marriage issues also & don't have any kids. I want to spend time alone & not even with my husband. Now I just want to live my life peacefully & happily without expecting anything from anyone. Tell me if I am correct or need to improve my way of thinking.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly very sorry for your loss. It might have been very difficult at not having that closure right at the end to process your loss your way. I can only imagine what you must be going through even now.

This heavy heartedness has most likely caused you to lose interest in many things in life including your work life. Even things that were simple to handle might have become too much to deal with. You need to heal by grieving and slowly going into acceptance. Is this hard? Oh yes, but with the help of someone who specializes in grief counselling and therapy, you can heal through this. This doesn't mean that you have to forget your father; it only means you process what has happened to transition into a better mind space. This will help you get a grip over your life for what it is now and like all of us, you deserve to be happy and at peace. Do consider this option and see an expert; it will really help you...

All the best and do know that this too shall Pass!

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Krishna Kumar  |330 Answers  |Ask -

Workplace Expert - Answered on Mar 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 04, 2024Hindi
Hi Krishna I have worked as a software engineer for last 20 years and I am exhausted and feel like quitting the software industry. Even though work is manageable, due to my experience the expectation from Leadership is high, and delivery expectations also is too much. Workplace is toxic, and too much of politics. I am an introvert and feel like doing remote jobs for lesser pay or rather quit completely and continue with my spiritual journey since I have seen lot of pain and suffering with respect to my health, marriage etc etc. I am also drawn towards spiritual life because leading a materialistic life seems meaningless. I am 45 today, I have no more interest in material life but due to obligations towards family and 1 child, I am working for money and I also need money for medical expenses because I underwent through a major health crisis 10 years back where I lost organ for surgery, this has created major imbalance in hormones leading to depression, anxiety and unable to face everyday challenges. This is also the reason due to which I cannot continue working. I have some 50k monthly as passive income and only 1 child. With some ppf, pf amount. Would this be enough for me to continue on spiritual journey and exit material and hectic IT life due to health issues and no peace in what I am doing ? Can you suggest how I can get some remote jobs that I can do if in case I need money. I am a BTech MBA graduate and managed to survive in this pressure hectic IT life for 20 years and feel like giving up everyday. I sometimes feel it was better off to lead a life without this education, engineering because all we need is 2 pair of clothes, shelter and 2 times food and for that we need to struggle so much in a city when compared to a village life. Please guide me not just from your perspective but step into my situation and understand and share your thoughts, or have you seen anyone like me and how have they managed to lead life after quitting and leading a monastic life
Ans: Dear

At the outset let me express my gratitude to you for putting up your question. It's indeed very profound.

First and foremost, your personal health is of foremost importance. Nothing should come in between that.

Secondly, money is essential but it's like the fuel not the engine.

Thirdly, work we must because it makes us fulfilled but we should not let work define our identity.

Fourthly, family commitment is our responsibility never run away from that.

Finally, spiritual journey or pursuing hobbies should not be taken up because we feel frustrated with some other things in life. They should be an end in itself.

I can feel what you are going through because many are in a similar situation like you but they don't have clarity or courage to accept that. So cheers to you for being aware of your situation and accepting it.

Here are few thoughts that I would share, however please take them as pointers and not as an advise, because we all have our own emotional disposition. That's why I believe an advise that may work for one person will not work for another because we all have our own emotional state and that defines the way we feel after taking certain decisions.

1. Slow down...you may want to ask your company to make you contractual with reduced responsibility and pay or you can take up contractual assignment with some other companies. In today's cost cutting environment companies would prefer that.

2. Talk to your spouse about your current state, let me tell you our spouse has a better feel of what we should and should not do. Moment you talk to your better half world of options will open. But more than that you will realise that you have someone in life who cares for your well being...that feeling is what we all need...someone caring for us.

3. Give up the notion of self identification through work. After salary that's the biggest drug that keeps us going in a job. We can't see ourselves outside of work as if we are born to work.

Lastly pray to God seeking guidance and clarity, trust me prayer is very powerful because it makes us calm and it's the calm mind that gives clarity.

Wishing you the very best. Trust me you will be alright soon.

With Love

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