Moving Forward After Losing My Husband: Seeking Advice as a 26-Year-Old Widow

Ans: Dear S, your grief is personal to you and I can only imagine what you must be going through.

Loved ones leave us to grieve after them and we only go deeper into that well of grief.

But I want you ask yourself this: Will my father be happy to see me this way?

Is this why he raised me to see me in grief?

Is my family happy seeing me like this?

Can I do anything to get myself to a better state of mind?

Suicide is never ever an option.

Every life must be celebrated just like you celebrated your father’s life when he was with you.

Continue in that; celebrate him, relive memories with him and talk to people about what a wonderful human he was.

Pass on his values that rest in you and your siblings to whoever you meet and that will help you remember him for all the beautiful things that he brought into your lives.

Call for a family gathering and each of you talk about him fondly and how he added value in your lives.

Celebrate people when they live and celebrate their memories when they leave you.

Grieve but don't ever give up. Your father would want to see you move on and live and thrive.

Happy rebirthing to you.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly very sorry for your loss. It might have been very difficult at not having that closure right at the end to process your loss your way. I can only imagine what you must be going through even now.

This heavy heartedness has most likely caused you to lose interest in many things in life including your work life. Even things that were simple to handle might have become too much to deal with. You need to heal by grieving and slowly going into acceptance. Is this hard? Oh yes, but with the help of someone who specializes in grief counselling and therapy, you can heal through this. This doesn't mean that you have to forget your father; it only means you process what has happened to transition into a better mind space. This will help you get a grip over your life for what it is now and like all of us, you deserve to be happy and at peace. Do consider this option and see an expert; it will really help you...

All the best and do know that this too shall Pass!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly sorry for your loss...
The journey of grief is so different for each person and you can feel alright on one day and devastated on another day...Give your self ample time to grieve and speak about her; it will be painful but the more you allow yourself to speak about her, you will notice that you are closer to accepting the fact of your loss...it is a journey, so do take your time...
But in the meantime, do make sure that you do take help in the form of a support system of your family and friends. Yes, they do have their own lives but I am sure that they will step in kindly when it is required.
Also, you might find that you socially isolate yourself and move away from everything that used to give you joy. You must find a way of getting back to all of those things reminding yourself that you must live your life too...this is initially a way of filling the vacuum, but soon you will find that it does more that just distract you.

Finding another life partner is a decision that is yours to make; but I will suggest that you heal from the loss and then if and when you feel the time is right, you may seek a life partner. But right now, all you will do is find a huge respite to fill in your loneliness and not be able to form a connection with that person. So, take care of yourself first, heal well and then slowly make life-altering decisions.

All the best...I am sure you can do this!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly sorry for your loss...this is a very challenging period in your life and I can't even imagine how you must feel...
I can only request you to pull yourself together for the sake of your children and YES, they need you now more than ever. And you need someone who can help you through this.
My suggestion is: To work with someone who can will guide you through this Grief. Does this mean that you will get over this? NO, you are always going to feel the void of your husband BUT the way you channel the sadness, the grief is what this expert will help you do...it is necessary and I wish I could hold your hand at this very moment and tell you to take this one day at a time and NEVER GIVE UP. Your loving husband would never want you to do that.
Live one day, one moment at a time. Each moment will bring in different colors of emotions; flow with it...and this gets a bit better with someone guiding you through it...
Please Please, seek HELP...Ask a family member who can emotionally be your strength to live with you and help you with the children as well.
Life has its mysterious ways of working and sometimes it can get very unfair. But, how you negotiate it, be there for the children and allow them to be there for you with their love and smiles. Seek HELP and NOW...
I am not going to say get better OR you that you will get over it...But I will say: You are going to pull through this; give yourself that chance, please...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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