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Widow of 37 devastated after sudden loss of husband, contemplates suicide with children: How to cope?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 20, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Iam a widow of 37 years who recently lost my hus of 37 years due to silent heart attack. It was all of a sudden incident and he was a military person having no health issues.This really shocked our entire family. He expired on June 1st 2024 and I am in a deep trauma. I dont know wat to do and always thinking of committing suicide with my children. I cant live without my hus, he is such a caring , loving hus and an amazing father for my children. I dont want to live anymore.I want to go ..I dont want anything from this life. I have two children one daughter of 7 years and son of 1 year. I cant lead a peaceful life hereafter.I want to go and have to join back with my husband.I dont know what to do?Ourself is love marriage and I cant came out from this trauma.. I am in a deep deep depression. I thought it would be Ok as days pass by....but its vetting more worse as each day passes by... please help me out from this...

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly sorry for your loss...this is a very challenging period in your life and I can't even imagine how you must feel...
I can only request you to pull yourself together for the sake of your children and YES, they need you now more than ever. And you need someone who can help you through this.
My suggestion is: To work with someone who can will guide you through this Grief. Does this mean that you will get over this? NO, you are always going to feel the void of your husband BUT the way you channel the sadness, the grief is what this expert will help you do...it is necessary and I wish I could hold your hand at this very moment and tell you to take this one day at a time and NEVER GIVE UP. Your loving husband would never want you to do that.
Live one day, one moment at a time. Each moment will bring in different colors of emotions; flow with it...and this gets a bit better with someone guiding you through it...
Please Please, seek HELP...Ask a family member who can emotionally be your strength to live with you and help you with the children as well.
Life has its mysterious ways of working and sometimes it can get very unfair. But, how you negotiate it, be there for the children and allow them to be there for you with their love and smiles. Seek HELP and NOW...
I am not going to say get better OR you that you will get over it...But I will say: You are going to pull through this; give yourself that chance, please...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Anu Krishna  |1331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2021

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I am unable to overcome the guilt and grief of losing my father due to Covid since a year now. My guilt and grief is only increasing daily. I feel suicidal everyday almost most of the time. I have a younger brother, younger sister and mom. I am only alive, but I am ready to die any moment. Just holding on somehow because I am worried about my family. What should I do as I only feel deep sadness and guilt and I am unable to work and support my family.
Ans: Dear S, your grief is personal to you and I can only imagine what you must be going through.

Loved ones leave us to grieve after them and we only go deeper into that well of grief.

But I want you ask yourself this: Will my father be happy to see me this way?

Is this why he raised me to see me in grief?

Is my family happy seeing me like this?

Can I do anything to get myself to a better state of mind?

Suicide is never ever an option.

Every life must be celebrated just like you celebrated your father’s life when he was with you.

Continue in that; celebrate him, relive memories with him and talk to people about what a wonderful human he was.

Pass on his values that rest in you and your siblings to whoever you meet and that will help you remember him for all the beautiful things that he brought into your lives.

Call for a family gathering and each of you talk about him fondly and how he added value in your lives.

Celebrate people when they live and celebrate their memories when they leave you.

Grieve but don't ever give up. Your father would want to see you move on and live and thrive.

Happy rebirthing to you.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2023Hindi
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I am 42 year old married woman. I was attached to my father very much. I lost him suddenly in 2021 by covid. He was fit and fine. I never thought he could left us like this. I feel very lonely , empty & completely of no desire for anything in life. I feel guilty and bad that the way my father struggled alone in ICU ward in his final days & we could not do anything for him. No one could met him & even saw him. I could not hugged him & even touched his body to say to goodbye in crematorium. Life got completely changed for me now. I am doing a job in which I working for very long time but not getting noticed or promoted so I feel sidelined by my seniors. I feel no use to work there or even anywhere now. I feel mentally I am tired to handle any pressure now. I am thinking to quit it to get some mental peace but not sure what I will do in free time. I have few marriage issues also & don't have any kids. I want to spend time alone & not even with my husband. Now I just want to live my life peacefully & happily without expecting anything from anyone. Tell me if I am correct or need to improve my way of thinking.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly very sorry for your loss. It might have been very difficult at not having that closure right at the end to process your loss your way. I can only imagine what you must be going through even now.

This heavy heartedness has most likely caused you to lose interest in many things in life including your work life. Even things that were simple to handle might have become too much to deal with. You need to heal by grieving and slowly going into acceptance. Is this hard? Oh yes, but with the help of someone who specializes in grief counselling and therapy, you can heal through this. This doesn't mean that you have to forget your father; it only means you process what has happened to transition into a better mind space. This will help you get a grip over your life for what it is now and like all of us, you deserve to be happy and at peace. Do consider this option and see an expert; it will really help you...

All the best and do know that this too shall Pass!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7168 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

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sir can i invest in shriram mutual fund sector rottation or i hv to select other like aditya birla psu?
Ans: Sectoral funds focus on specific industries or sectors like financial services, IT, or energy. These funds have high growth potential but come with concentrated risks. Investing in these funds requires knowledge about the sector's future growth prospects and cyclicality.

Sector rotation funds aim to move investments between sectors based on market trends. This strategy demands active fund management and market expertise.

Careful analysis of your risk tolerance and goals is essential before choosing sector-focused funds.

Evaluating PSU Funds
Public Sector Undertaking (PSU) funds invest in companies backed by the government. These funds may offer stability and dividends, especially in utilities and banking. However, PSU performance can depend on government policies and market trends.

Consider PSU funds if you seek moderate risk and relatively steady returns. These funds may work well in a balanced portfolio.

Active Funds: A Strong Contender
Active mutual funds are managed by professional fund managers. They aim to outperform the market by identifying strong investment opportunities. Sector funds and diversified funds often fall under this category.

These funds offer flexibility and aim to generate higher returns than benchmarks. For long-term goals, active funds managed by skilled teams can be a better choice than passive funds.

Drawbacks of Index Funds and ETFs
Index funds and ETFs track market indices and lack active management. While these funds have low costs, they cannot outperform the market.

Actively managed funds provide the opportunity to generate higher alpha. This is crucial for long-term wealth creation. Index funds are less flexible and may miss opportunities in emerging or underperforming sectors.

Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures expert guidance. CFPs consider your goals, risk profile, and financial needs.

Direct funds lack personalized advice and can lead to uninformed decisions. Regular funds offer access to expertise and timely rebalancing.

Taxation Considerations
New tax rules for mutual funds include:

Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh on equity funds taxed at 12.5%.
Short-Term Capital Gains (STCG) taxed at 20%.
Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab for both LTCG and STCG.
Keep these tax implications in mind while planning your investments.

Assessing Your Portfolio
Ensure your portfolio aligns with your financial goals and risk appetite.
Diversify across asset classes and sectors to reduce risk.
Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio for optimal performance.
Surrendering Insurance-Linked Investments
If you hold LIC, ULIPs, or investment-linked insurance policies, consider surrendering them. Reinvest the proceeds in mutual funds for higher returns and transparency.

Steps to Take
Define your financial goals and investment horizon.
Evaluate sectoral and PSU fund options based on their historical performance.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice.
Reassess your portfolio periodically and make adjustments as needed.
Final Insights
Sector rotation and PSU funds both have unique advantages. Your choice should depend on your financial goals and risk tolerance. Active funds and regular plans through a CFP provide flexibility and expert management.

Invest with a long-term perspective and a well-diversified strategy. This approach will help you achieve sustainable financial growth.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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