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Widow of 37 devastated after sudden loss of husband, contemplates suicide with children: How to cope?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1162 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 20, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 11, 2024Hindi
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Iam a widow of 37 years who recently lost my hus of 37 years due to silent heart attack. It was all of a sudden incident and he was a military person having no health issues.This really shocked our entire family. He expired on June 1st 2024 and I am in a deep trauma. I dont know wat to do and always thinking of committing suicide with my children. I cant live without my hus, he is such a caring , loving hus and an amazing father for my children. I dont want to live anymore.I want to go ..I dont want anything from this life. I have two children one daughter of 7 years and son of 1 year. I cant lead a peaceful life hereafter.I want to go and have to join back with my husband.I dont know what to do?Ourself is love marriage and I cant came out from this trauma.. I am in a deep deep depression. I thought it would be Ok as days pass by....but its vetting more worse as each day passes by... please help me out from this...

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly sorry for your loss...this is a very challenging period in your life and I can't even imagine how you must feel...
I can only request you to pull yourself together for the sake of your children and YES, they need you now more than ever. And you need someone who can help you through this.
My suggestion is: To work with someone who can will guide you through this Grief. Does this mean that you will get over this? NO, you are always going to feel the void of your husband BUT the way you channel the sadness, the grief is what this expert will help you do...it is necessary and I wish I could hold your hand at this very moment and tell you to take this one day at a time and NEVER GIVE UP. Your loving husband would never want you to do that.
Live one day, one moment at a time. Each moment will bring in different colors of emotions; flow with it...and this gets a bit better with someone guiding you through it...
Please Please, seek HELP...Ask a family member who can emotionally be your strength to live with you and help you with the children as well.
Life has its mysterious ways of working and sometimes it can get very unfair. But, how you negotiate it, be there for the children and allow them to be there for you with their love and smiles. Seek HELP and NOW...
I am not going to say get better OR you that you will get over it...But I will say: You are going to pull through this; give yourself that chance, please...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1162 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2023Hindi
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I am 42 year old married woman. I was attached to my father very much. I lost him suddenly in 2021 by covid. He was fit and fine. I never thought he could left us like this. I feel very lonely , empty & completely of no desire for anything in life. I feel guilty and bad that the way my father struggled alone in ICU ward in his final days & we could not do anything for him. No one could met him & even saw him. I could not hugged him & even touched his body to say to goodbye in crematorium. Life got completely changed for me now. I am doing a job in which I working for very long time but not getting noticed or promoted so I feel sidelined by my seniors. I feel no use to work there or even anywhere now. I feel mentally I am tired to handle any pressure now. I am thinking to quit it to get some mental peace but not sure what I will do in free time. I have few marriage issues also & don't have any kids. I want to spend time alone & not even with my husband. Now I just want to live my life peacefully & happily without expecting anything from anyone. Tell me if I am correct or need to improve my way of thinking.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly very sorry for your loss. It might have been very difficult at not having that closure right at the end to process your loss your way. I can only imagine what you must be going through even now.

This heavy heartedness has most likely caused you to lose interest in many things in life including your work life. Even things that were simple to handle might have become too much to deal with. You need to heal by grieving and slowly going into acceptance. Is this hard? Oh yes, but with the help of someone who specializes in grief counselling and therapy, you can heal through this. This doesn't mean that you have to forget your father; it only means you process what has happened to transition into a better mind space. This will help you get a grip over your life for what it is now and like all of us, you deserve to be happy and at peace. Do consider this option and see an expert; it will really help you...

All the best and do know that this too shall Pass!

..Read more

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1162 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 09, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 30, 2023Hindi
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Hi, I am a 53 years old male, lost my loving wife last year who was 46, I do have 2 kids who are into higher studies now aged 22 and 18, off late have been feeling very lonely and upset and have not been able to forget my late wife, life seems to be too useless now. Many a times i think of having a new partner for the rest of my life then these feelings also die down. Am quiet worried as to how I will be able to live second half of my life as sooner or later the children will be busy in their own lives, what to do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly sorry for your loss...
The journey of grief is so different for each person and you can feel alright on one day and devastated on another day...Give your self ample time to grieve and speak about her; it will be painful but the more you allow yourself to speak about her, you will notice that you are closer to accepting the fact of your loss...it is a journey, so do take your time...
But in the meantime, do make sure that you do take help in the form of a support system of your family and friends. Yes, they do have their own lives but I am sure that they will step in kindly when it is required.
Also, you might find that you socially isolate yourself and move away from everything that used to give you joy. You must find a way of getting back to all of those things reminding yourself that you must live your life too...this is initially a way of filling the vacuum, but soon you will find that it does more that just distract you.

Finding another life partner is a decision that is yours to make; but I will suggest that you heal from the loss and then if and when you feel the time is right, you may seek a life partner. But right now, all you will do is find a huge respite to fill in your loneliness and not be able to form a connection with that person. So, take care of yourself first, heal well and then slowly make life-altering decisions.

All the best...I am sure you can do this!

..Read more

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Anu Krishna  |1162 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 27, 2023

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1162 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 16, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I am 39 years old single working woman and stay with my parents. From the year 2022 I have been through lot of struggles, heartbreak and Financial problems till date I am dealing with. there comes a day sometimes where I feel like to leave everyone and run away or to end my life. I always dream of getting married to a better guy and have good life but it didn't happen. i always wanted a secure life but god has some different plan. I never did bad to anyone but people whom I helped always betrayed me and now I have trust issues also. Right now I am going through lot of challenges in life. please help me for the solution as i cant find anything. It seems like all the door has been shut. ..... but y????? Y its always me ??? I always wanted a peace in life ... Happiness with lots of Love from Family and Friends. I am seriously confused what to do ??? Seeing me in such condition my Mom and Dad are always depressed ... Mom always cry for me ... I cant see them in such condition and that also because of me. Please help me or give me some good solution
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Swallow what I am about to tell you with a pinch of salt.
Life isn't a cakewalk for anyone; so learning to accept how things pan out is the only way to deal with disappointments.
So, it's not that only you are struggling in life; I am sure that you will also agree...

The more you indulge in self-pity and the 'Why Me', you are not just suffering, but also people around you who care will struggle and suffer for you. Instead, snap out of it NOW! Either you act like a victim OR play the HERO of your life...this one thought-change will actually make you handle your problems better and objectively. So, what does a HERO do?

They Take Charge, they look at their challenges objectively, move into the solution space and drop down options as to how you can get into a better financial position. Reach out to someone who can help you out in this area and slowly you will get a grasp of how to manage yours struggles and when one area of your life starts to get better, other areas also start to get better.
Be patient, have faith and know that Life is Beautiful and so, live with what it offers you during that roller coaster ride. This is not a pep talk BUT for you to take note and do something intentional to change the course of your Life.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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