I lost my father when I was 17 and was raised by my mother all these years.
Last year, I lost my mother to COVID. I am the only child and don't have any siblings.
I am 36 and not married. I don't have a boyfriend, neither am I in a serious relationship.
After my parents' death, am being pressured into marriage by my relatives but I am not ready.
I am in touch with a few cousins and friends but I don't feel any better talking to them. I may be wrong but I feel that they're either too sympathetic or trying too hard to be positive and cheerful.
It's hard to explain to anyone how I am feeling right now.
There are days when I feel completely alone, lonely and wish I had a sibling or someone who would understand me without having to explain anything. My colleagues are supportive but I am not able to focus at work either.
I tried taking a few days off but there is a void and sense of loneliness that I am unable to overcome. I don't know how to make sense of this situation. Can you help?
Ans: Dear P, how exactly do you want to feel? What exactly do you want currently? It is imperative for you to know that we all go through phases in life; some are happy ones and some are not-so-happy ones.
But do know that, these phases are not permanent and that they do have an expiry date on them.
The key to this is with you. How long do you want to lock in that feeling of loneliness or helplessness?
Does it help you to think whether your relatives are sympathising with you? What if they really are caring for you?
Sibling or no sibling, our life is ours and a journey that we must take. And marriage is a decision that is yours to make; you don’t need to yield into any pressure or get yourself to believe that it will drive away your loneliness.
What did you do earlier to move away from loneliness?
How did you keep yourself occupied? Was it a new hobby or could it have been learning a new skill?
Sometimes, doing something absolutely NEW can help de-focus from what we are dealing with currently.
On a long-term thinking, do know that every phase gives rise to a new one.
Join support groups online or any valid meet up group that can bring in some fresh new perspectives.
Connect with old friends. Choose how you want to feel now and move in that direction.
Surround yourself only with happy people and happy thoughts all the time. It does help.
Office colleagues can double up as a good support group, if you are fine sharing your inner feelings with someone that you are close to.
If that isn’t an option, then old friends can do the job really well. But it is important to talk to someone and release what’s holding you back and keeping you away from what you want to feel and what you want to do. All the best.
