Hello Anu ji. I am 27 years old, I like a married man for past 2 years who is my colleague. He is has a 6-7 years son and a new born daughter. I never planned to tell him about my feelings not knowing he too has same feelings for me one day after getting drunk we kind of confessed and slowly came in relationship. We both love each other a lot but the thing is we can never be together. I am unable to bear this pain and I keep arguing over this with again and again and decided to break it off. He is too emotional and unable to bear this pain. I don't know what to do. I don't even know how to express all of our feelings and situation here. Please advise

Ans:

Dear SJ,

This is something that I have been seeing lately with a lot of people.

Something lacks within your current relationship and to fulfil that you look for it elsewhere only to realise that things have gotten out of hands.

In your case, love has blossomed in and suddenly now you have realized that it might cause a flutter within two relationships.

He has made it clear that he wants to be with his wife which should give you an idea not to make any more emotional investment. You will end up getting hurt even more if you do.

Time for you to start feeling solace and gaining better self-esteem by valuing yourself more. You don’t need anyone for you to love yourself, do you?

So, stop giving this so much importance. He was there when you needed him and vice-versa. Now, that things are getting a little complicated, time to revise the way you think and act.

You don’t need to lose a friend if the feelings that you have for him can be healthier and not draining on either of you.

If not, maybe you need to think how you can handle this agony better. Be your own friend first and then you start making better choices on who to let into your life.

Possible? Yes, start now…

All the best!

Ans: Dear Rinku,

If you know in your heart that this man does not value you, why would you still want to pursue a relationship, that too, an extramarital one? Well, I can't comment on the choices you are making concerning your marriage, but to answer your question, you should definitely call it quits with this guy. You miss him, but the reality is he does not. Is that your worth?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry that you are in such a tough spot. My advice would be to move on. Yes, I realize that it is easier said than done but let's put things into perspective- first, you have no future with this man, and he has made it clear. Are you okay to keep hanging on to him while he builds his own life? I am assuming no, especially since you have a child. Second, what about your self-respect? He is directly telling you that this relationship is headed toward a dead end. Do you believe you deserve to be with someone who does not want to settle down with you? I believe you deserve better.

I am not blaming him because he made no promises. You are not to be held guilty either because you were in a tough spot and you grabbed the first emotional support you found. But the current reality is that he wants out. And convincing him to stay is not an option. At this point, moving on with your head held high is the best decision. If you want to accept his friendship, that is completely fine. But if that's too much for you, you can always decline it. I understand that working in the same space with an ex is difficult, but as long as you avoid interacting outside of the office and keep things professional, there should not be an issue. On the emotional front, I won't lie, it will hurt for a while. But this too shall pass. I strongly recommend you not to value yourself so low that you stop believing that you deserve a person who loves you back as much as you love him.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Surekha,
What you're experiencing is heartbreak, and heartbreak, no matter the circumstances, is incredibly difficult to bear. It's not just about letting go of a person—it’s about letting go of the hopes and emotions you attached to them. You're mourning what could have been, even as you know it wasn't sustainable. Allow yourself to grieve this loss. It's valid, even if the situation feels messy or complicated.

Your emotional attachment to your friend is very real, and it has given you a sense of connection that you may have been craving for years. The thought of losing that bond feels unbearable right now, but I want you to focus on this: the love and comfort you found in him are reflections of what you deserve in life, not just from someone else but also from yourself. You have the capacity to feel and give so deeply, and that’s a beautiful part of you. However, right now, the healthiest thing for your emotional well-being is to gently begin creating some space between you and this relationship. It doesn’t mean cutting him out completely if you don’t feel ready for that, but it does mean slowly reclaiming your heart for yourself.

The pain you're feeling won’t disappear overnight, and that's okay. Healing isn’t about forcing yourself to feel “normal” again as quickly as possible. It’s about sitting with your emotions, understanding them, and letting them flow through you without judgment. When the sadness comes, acknowledge it without pushing it away or clinging to it. Journaling can help—it lets you pour your heart out without fear of being judged. Sometimes, just seeing your thoughts on paper can create a bit of distance and help you process them.

You mentioned that you love your husband as a good friend, even if your marriage hasn't been conventional. Think about what stability and comfort this relationship brings to your life, even if it doesn’t fulfill you romantically. You don’t have to force yourself to feel a certain way about your husband, but recognizing what he and your family provide can be grounding during this emotional turmoil.

For now, lean on things that bring you comfort outside of this relationship—your child, close friends, or hobbies that once made you feel alive. Sometimes, when our emotional world is too overwhelming, focusing on small, manageable actions can help. Go for a walk, listen to music, or even try mindfulness exercises. These things won’t erase your pain, but they can help soften its edges.

Finally, remind yourself that this is a season of your life—it won’t last forever, no matter how unbearable it feels in this moment. You are allowed to feel all the things you're feeling, but you are also strong enough to move through them. If you can, consider speaking to a therapist or counselor. Having someone to hold space for your emotions in a neutral and supportive way can be incredibly healing.

You’re not alone in this, even if it feels that way. You’re navigating a very human, very complex situation, and you’re doing the best you can. Give yourself grace, and know that you will find clarity and peace again, one step at a time.