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Married Woman In Love With Younger Man: Seeking Advice To Cope With Emotional Turmoil

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |538 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 25, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Surekha Question by Surekha on Jan 25, 2025Hindi
Relationship

I am a married woman with a beautiful kid, it will be our tenth anniversary this year, however we don't share the relationship of husband -wife from the first year itself, the baby is born by IVF. I do respect my husband though our marriage was not consummated till now. It started two years ago where I met a boy who is very younger to me through social network, I was helping him with his company establishment and support him whenever he feels low both emotionally, financially, work related matters and everything. We got connected emotionally and started texting often and talking on phone. It's like our thoughts match, we respect each other, and enjoy each other's company. We met in person too and became physically involved. It's not that he just wanted to get physical, he too is emotionally connected to me, but I know practically it is impossible to be with him as he is very young, will get married soon in a couple of months and i myself have personal issues like m already married and have a kid. There were no problems between me and my friend till now, but when I came to know about his wedding being fixed I am unable to bear the pain, it's like I am going through an emotional turmoil. I can't ask him to cancel his wedding, I can't leave my husband and kid but since I got connected to him emotionally I am going through severe pain everyday for the few days. I couldn't even eat properly these days, always crying. I know this was brought upon by myself but now I am in a condition where I need an advice to cope up with my emotions. I sincerely need a good advice to become normal, neither i can stay without talking to my friend nor i can leave my kid and husband as he is a very nice person and I respect him as a good friend. Please help me how can I cope up and come out of my emotional turmoil. Please help.

Ans: Dear Surekha,
What you're experiencing is heartbreak, and heartbreak, no matter the circumstances, is incredibly difficult to bear. It's not just about letting go of a person—it’s about letting go of the hopes and emotions you attached to them. You're mourning what could have been, even as you know it wasn't sustainable. Allow yourself to grieve this loss. It's valid, even if the situation feels messy or complicated.

Your emotional attachment to your friend is very real, and it has given you a sense of connection that you may have been craving for years. The thought of losing that bond feels unbearable right now, but I want you to focus on this: the love and comfort you found in him are reflections of what you deserve in life, not just from someone else but also from yourself. You have the capacity to feel and give so deeply, and that’s a beautiful part of you. However, right now, the healthiest thing for your emotional well-being is to gently begin creating some space between you and this relationship. It doesn’t mean cutting him out completely if you don’t feel ready for that, but it does mean slowly reclaiming your heart for yourself.

The pain you're feeling won’t disappear overnight, and that's okay. Healing isn’t about forcing yourself to feel “normal” again as quickly as possible. It’s about sitting with your emotions, understanding them, and letting them flow through you without judgment. When the sadness comes, acknowledge it without pushing it away or clinging to it. Journaling can help—it lets you pour your heart out without fear of being judged. Sometimes, just seeing your thoughts on paper can create a bit of distance and help you process them.

You mentioned that you love your husband as a good friend, even if your marriage hasn't been conventional. Think about what stability and comfort this relationship brings to your life, even if it doesn’t fulfill you romantically. You don’t have to force yourself to feel a certain way about your husband, but recognizing what he and your family provide can be grounding during this emotional turmoil.

For now, lean on things that bring you comfort outside of this relationship—your child, close friends, or hobbies that once made you feel alive. Sometimes, when our emotional world is too overwhelming, focusing on small, manageable actions can help. Go for a walk, listen to music, or even try mindfulness exercises. These things won’t erase your pain, but they can help soften its edges.

Finally, remind yourself that this is a season of your life—it won’t last forever, no matter how unbearable it feels in this moment. You are allowed to feel all the things you're feeling, but you are also strong enough to move through them. If you can, consider speaking to a therapist or counselor. Having someone to hold space for your emotions in a neutral and supportive way can be incredibly healing.

You’re not alone in this, even if it feels that way. You’re navigating a very human, very complex situation, and you’re doing the best you can. Give yourself grace, and know that you will find clarity and peace again, one step at a time.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1512 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 08, 2022

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Relationship
 Hi Anu, I am a married 32 year old woman, a central govt employee with a 4 year old son. Last year my husband left for some work for 8 to 9 months. He became very busy. He doesn’t give me time at all, very dry, never shows love, goes out with me only after a lot of insistence. He’s always busy with phone and work. But we were happy. I adjusted with everything. But after we left, I started feeling very lonely. I signed up for an extra marital app and started chatting with a man from the same city. After chatting for 6 months, we decided to meet. He is married, and has a 12 year old daughter. I feel happy in his company. He is caring and pampers me. Even after my husband was back we met. We meet once a week after our office hours. We get physically intimate once in two to three months. We do not disturb each other during family time. We talk to each every day for 10 to 15 minutes. Many a times I felt like I was cheating my husband and decided to move on. But I am not able to get over his love and care. I will be transferred to another city in 2 to 3 months. So we decided to have a baby and be in touch always.Pls guide me if am right or wrong.Need your advice. I can't share it with anyone.
Ans:

Dear MS,

You did know the perils of an extra marital app and knew what you were getting into.

You have two ways of looking at your situation.

1. If you choose to continue, you are constantly going to have to juggle between your marriage and this relationship

2. If you choose to be exclusive into your marriage, then you are going to possibly be with a man who is who he is

Now, which side of the fence feels more comfortable to you, is something that you need to assess. Also, external validation is something all of us fall prey to sometime or the other in our lifetime.

Ask yourself:

  • What is lacking in my marriage that is forcing me to step out and explore?
  • Have I tried to communicate my needs to my husband?
  • Are there things that I could have done differently to have a better relationship with my husband?

This might give you a chance to understand where you are and what you can do to give your marriage a fair chance if that is what you wish to do.

Whatever you choose, do remember basing your happiness on an external source will always be short lived and all it gives you is heartache.

Be wise, choose wisely and maybe it’s time to laugh a lot, take a step back, breathe and look at what IS in a different way.

If you still waver, do know that whatever is going on also has an impact on your son. So, steady yourself first, do a reality check and then choose.

Be well and happy!

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 20, 2024

Listen
Relationship
Hi I am 39 year married woman with one 13yr boy and living in joint family. I am doing everything very honestly and sincerely as housewife but I never got love respect as wife from my husband and few years after our marriage I had seen changes in his behavior and day by day he is getting very rude towards me. So I decided to enquire the reason behind these and came to know that he is having affair with someone whom he is treating as his wife and giving everything to her as his wife and also wants to marry her. I told these to both of our parents and after talking with him he assured of not continuing the affair. But after that incident I had not seen any change in his behavior and still acting in the same way. I told these to my parents but because of some compulsion we both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is but these is very difficult for me to accept these and continue these relationship. In my schooldays I likes a boy, we love each other but after my marriage we had never been in contact with each other and he also not contacted me .But after these incident and during Corona I contacted him to know how he is and came to know that he is still unmarried and waiting for me and I told him about my married life.As he loves me very much and still wants me as his wife and told me that he will accept me as I am. As I also loves him a lot and after knowing that he is still waiting for me its become very difficult for me live without him as now i doesn’t feel complete without him. I remain honest in my married life but after these incident I dont want to live here and also unable to leave because of family condition and also because of the society we lived in. We shares everything with each other . He respects me and my feelings and loves me a lot and I feel that he is always there for me and will support me in all respect. Kindly guide
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time. It sounds like you're in a very complex situation, and I'm not qualified to give you advice on personal or emotional matters. However, I can offer some general information that may be helpful.

It's important to remember that you're not alone in this. Many people go through difficult times in their marriages, and there are resources available to help you cope. If you're feeling overwhelmed, it may be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with support and guidance as you work through your challenges.

If you're thinking about leaving your marriage, it's important to weigh all of your options carefully and consider the potential consequences of your decision. You may want to talk to a lawyer or financial advisor to get advice on what your rights and options are.

Ultimately, the decision of what to do is up to you. There is no right or wrong answer, and what works for one person may not work for another. However, it's important to make your decision based on what is best for you and your family.

I hope this information is helpful. Please remember that you're not alone, and there are people who care about you and want to help.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1512 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 01, 2024
Relationship
Hello Anu ji. I am 27 years old, I like a married man for past 2 years who is my colleague. He is has a 6-7 years son and a new born daughter. I never planned to tell him about my feelings not knowing he too has same feelings for me one day after getting drunk we kind of confessed and slowly came in relationship. We both love each other a lot but the thing is we can never be together. I am unable to bear this pain and I keep arguing over this with again and again and decided to break it off. He is too emotional and unable to bear this pain. I don't know what to do. I don't even know how to express all of our feelings and situation here. Please advise
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This relationship is a complex one and will become complicated very soon as it progresses...He will never want to leave his family and why should he? That will hurt you and make things very stressful on you...
Kindly talk about this when you are sane and not in a 'drunken' state. Nothing said in a state of inebriation matter much as when the intoxication wears off, people act all ignorant. So don not give it the importance that you are currently.
So, have a conversation knowing very well that there is a family that he is in and is responsible for and for him that will always be a priority and over a period of time will anger and hurt you.
So, get down to realism away from this fantasy world that you both are in and discuss it practically as adults in a sober state. A lot of revelations will leave you both with a good perspective on what the future can and will be.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |538 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 25, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 25, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am a married woman with a beautiful kid, it will be our tenth anniversary this year, however we don't share the relationship of husband -wife from the first year itself, the baby is born by IVF. I do respect my husband though our marriage was not consummated. The actual issue started an year ago where I met a boy who is very younger to me, I was helping him with his company establishment and support him whenever he feels low. We somehow got connected emotionally and started texting often. We met personally too and became physically involved too. I know practically it is impossible to be with him as he is very young, will get married soon and i myself have personal issues like m already married and have a kid. There were no problems between me and my friend till you, but when I came to know about his wedding being fixed I am unable to bear the pain, it's like I am going through an emotional turmoil. I can't ask him to cancel his wedding, I can't leave my husband and kid but since I got connected to him emotionally I am going through severe pain everyday for the few days. I couldn't even eat properly these days, always crying. I know this was brought upon by myself but now I am in a condition where I need an advice to cope up with my emotions. I sincerely need a good advice to become normal, neither i can stay without talking to my friend nor i can leave my kid and husband as he is a very nice person and I love him as a good friend. Please help me how can I cope up and come out of my emotional turmoil. Please help.
Ans: What you're experiencing is heartbreak, and heartbreak, no matter the circumstances, is incredibly difficult to bear. It's not just about letting go of a person—it’s about letting go of the hopes and emotions you attached to them. You're mourning what could have been, even as you know it wasn't sustainable. Allow yourself to grieve this loss. It's valid, even if the situation feels messy or complicated.

Your emotional attachment to your friend is very real, and it has given you a sense of connection that you may have been craving for years. The thought of losing that bond feels unbearable right now, but I want you to focus on this: the love and comfort you found in him are reflections of what you deserve in life, not just from someone else but also from yourself. You have the capacity to feel and give so deeply, and that’s a beautiful part of you. However, right now, the healthiest thing for your emotional well-being is to gently begin creating some space between you and this relationship. It doesn’t mean cutting him out completely if you don’t feel ready for that, but it does mean slowly reclaiming your heart for yourself.

The pain you're feeling won’t disappear overnight, and that's okay. Healing isn’t about forcing yourself to feel “normal” again as quickly as possible. It’s about sitting with your emotions, understanding them, and letting them flow through you without judgment. When the sadness comes, acknowledge it without pushing it away or clinging to it. Journaling can help—it lets you pour your heart out without fear of being judged. Sometimes, just seeing your thoughts on paper can create a bit of distance and help you process them.

You mentioned that you love your husband as a good friend, even if your marriage hasn't been conventional. Think about what stability and comfort this relationship brings to your life, even if it doesn’t fulfill you romantically. You don’t have to force yourself to feel a certain way about your husband, but recognizing what he and your family provide can be grounding during this emotional turmoil.

For now, lean on things that bring you comfort outside of this relationship—your child, close friends, or hobbies that once made you feel alive. Sometimes, when our emotional world is too overwhelming, focusing on small, manageable actions can help. Go for a walk, listen to music, or even try mindfulness exercises. These things won’t erase your pain, but they can help soften its edges.

Finally, remind yourself that this is a season of your life—it won’t last forever, no matter how unbearable it feels in this moment. You are allowed to feel all the things you're feeling, but you are also strong enough to move through them. If you can, consider speaking to a therapist or counselor. Having someone to hold space for your emotions in a neutral and supportive way can be incredibly healing.

You’re not alone in this, even if it feels that way. You’re navigating a very human, very complex situation, and you’re doing the best you can. Give yourself grace, and know that you will find clarity and peace again, one step at a time.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7967 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 15, 2025Hindi
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Money
We are a family of three (me + my parents). I am 30 and have no plans on getting married. Will explore spirituality and try to be a social worker after working for 2-3 more years. We have a corpus of Rs. 1.1 cr invested in FDs. The interest generated (Rs. 8,00,000 p.a.) is withdrawn monthly and used for daily expenses. Please tell me - 1. How long can my corpus last if we keep withdrawing the same amount each year? 2. Is there a need to add more money in corpus? 3. How will inflation hurt and play a role?
Ans: Your situation is well-structured, and your financial discipline is impressive. Let’s break down your concerns step by step.

1. How Long Will the Corpus Last?
You have Rs 1.1 crore in fixed deposits (FDs).

Your annual withdrawal is Rs 8 lakh, covering living expenses.

The duration your corpus lasts depends on the FD interest rate and inflation.

If the interest earned matches your withdrawals, the corpus remains intact.

But if expenses rise due to inflation, the corpus may start depleting.

If inflation is higher than your FD interest rate, the corpus will shrink faster.

Over time, this gap can significantly reduce your savings.

Without additional earnings or reinvestment, depletion becomes inevitable.

A detailed cash flow analysis is necessary for exact projections.

2. Is There a Need to Add More Money?
Your current strategy works well for now.

But inflation will increase expenses each year.

FD interest rates may also decline in the future.

A 25-year time frame requires careful planning.

If expenses rise but income stays the same, your corpus may not last.

Having an extra financial buffer is always good.

You may need to add funds over time to sustain withdrawals.

Consider a mix of investment options for better returns.

Balancing risk and stability is key for long-term security.

3. The Role of Inflation
Inflation reduces the value of money over time.

What costs Rs 50,000 today may cost Rs 1 lakh in 15-20 years.

If expenses double, your withdrawals must also double.

But your FDs may not generate enough interest to support this.

Over time, the real value of your corpus declines.

This means either increasing your corpus or reducing expenses.

Investing in assets that beat inflation can help.

A financial plan with regular reviews is necessary.

4. Fixed Deposits – Strengths and Weaknesses
FDs offer stability and guaranteed returns.

But they may not keep up with inflation in the long run.

Tax on FD interest further reduces net earnings.

Interest rates fluctuate and may decline in the future.

Over-reliance on FDs can erode wealth over time.

A diversified investment plan is essential.

5. Alternative Investment Strategies
You can explore better investment options alongside FDs.

Actively managed mutual funds have the potential for higher returns.

Debt mutual funds offer stability with tax efficiency.

Some portion in balanced hybrid funds can manage risk well.

Conservative investment in gold can hedge against inflation.

Having multiple sources of income is always better.

Choosing the right mix of investments is crucial.

6. Steps to Strengthen Financial Security
Review expenses and identify areas for cost-cutting.

Maintain an emergency fund for unexpected needs.

Consider reinvesting some interest earnings to grow the corpus.

Diversify investments instead of relying only on FDs.

Keep track of inflation and adjust withdrawals if needed.

Reassess the financial plan every year.

7. Impact of Taxes on Your Income
FD interest is fully taxable as per your income slab.

High taxation reduces the effective return on FDs.

Some alternative investments offer better tax efficiency.

Choosing tax-efficient options helps preserve more wealth.

8. Planning for Spiritual and Social Work Phase
After 2-3 years of work, your income may stop.

Your corpus must fully support expenses post-retirement.

Ensuring a steady income source is essential.

Passive income streams like dividend-yielding investments can help.

Reducing lifestyle costs can make funds last longer.

Proper financial discipline is crucial for long-term sustainability.

9. Final Insights
Your financial setup is strong, but long-term risks exist.

Inflation, tax impact, and lower FD rates can hurt corpus longevity.

A well-diversified portfolio will offer better security.

Regular financial reviews help in adjusting to changing needs.

Adding funds to your corpus ensures stability for the future.

Prudent planning today ensures a worry-free tomorrow.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Nagarajan Jsk

Dr Nagarajan Jsk   |246 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Feb 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 13, 2025Hindi
Listen
Career
Hello there, I'm 20 years preparing for neet but I'm not confident to get mbbs seat what alternative is there for me I'm so confused and stressed.Will it be ok if I do bsc in biotechnology and Mba in healthcare data science ? Can I succeed in this pathway Help plz
Ans: Hi,
Health-related courses are a great choice for a promising future. If you've completed your +2 with PCB (Physics, Chemistry, Biology) or PCMB (Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics, Biology), there are many courses available to you, both with and without a NEET score.
Courses Available with NEET Score:
- MBBS (Bachelor of Medicine, Bachelor of Surgery)
- BDS (Bachelor of Dental Surgery)
- BAMS (Bachelor of Ayurvedic Medicine and Surgery)
- BHMS (Bachelor of Homeopathic Medicine and Surgery)
- BNYS (Bachelor of Naturopathy and Yogic Sciences)
- BUMS (Bachelor of Unani Medicine and Surgery)
- BVSc (Bachelor of Veterinary Science)

Courses Available without NEET:
Health-Oriented:
- B.Pharm (Bachelor of Pharmacy)
- Pharm D (Doctor of Pharmacy)
- BSc Nursing (Bachelor of Science in Nursing)
- BSc MLT (Bachelor of Science in Medical Laboratory Technology)
- BPT (Bachelor of Physiotherapy)
Non-Medical:
- BSc Agriculture (Bachelor of Science in Agriculture)
- BSc Horticulture (Bachelor of Science in Horticulture)
- BSc Sericulture (Bachelor of Science in Sericulture)

There are many more courses available as well. Ultimately, it's up to you to decide which course suits you best. If you need any further assistance, please share your details, and I would be happy to help you with recommendations.

BEST OF LUCK

POOCHO. LIFE CHANGE KARO!

...Read more

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1185 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Feb 14, 2025

Listen
Career
Hello sir, I am stuck in confusion about my career previously i was working as HR due to personal reason had to leave the job and there was gap of 4 years and again after few years had to do new start up from zero and working to Administration department for almost 4 years i am planning of switching job as i dont find any scope and growth to the work i am doing and underpaid here.Not understanding again i should switch back to HR job or continue into adminstration job and also please advice where will i get to learn and upgrade my skill and have growth in my career.Please help sir
Ans: Hello Tanmay.
Nothing is mentioned by you about your qualifications or company profile. Only it is clear that you left the HR job, remained jobless for 4 years, and joined to new startup, but not satisfied there also, and are again interested in joining the previous HR job.
Dear, it would be better for you to join the HR job again. Working in an administration job requires specialized skills which I think you might be lagging. According to your qualifications, it would be better to join some online/offline courses which are helpful to your present job conditions and also useful if you decide to change the job in the future. As I do not know your educational qualifications, it is difficult for me to suggest you properly. For proper counseling/suggestion, please tell us your educational qualification, extracurricular activities, and computer knowledge if any.

If satisfied, pl like and follow.
If unsatisfied, pl ask again without any hesitation.
Thanks
Radheshyam

...Read more

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