Hello Sir, I'm really struggling with my family's behavior after my arranged marriage. They pushed me into it, and now they're constantly guilt-tripping me and badmouthing my wife and her family. It's getting really tough to handle, and I'm feeling overwhelmed. Can you please offer some advice on how to deal with this situation? I just want to be happy and have my family's support.

Dear Anu,Hope you are doing well!I happened to read few of your articles on family issues hence thought of seeking advice on a very complicated family issue of mine.This is going to be really big email... sorry I badly need help!My elder sister is married for close to 8 years now.It's an arranged marriage and she is married to very big family of three sisters and two brothers....My sister's husband been the last one in the family...Since Day One of the marriage her sisters-in-law would interfere in every little thing that happens in my sister's and her husband's life. Literally everything and her life is miserable now...These three ladies never let his elder brother's wife as well to stay with her husband and now she lives separately fearing his sisters. And it's the same with my sister's life as well.It is an arranged marriage with an age gap of 10 years between my sister and her husband... Since Day One he would pick up silly fights with my sister and emotionally blackmail her... I'm not sure if he was really into the marriage.... He always complains about my sister, ill-treats her and constantly keep asking her to divorce him.He listens to his sisters and humiliates her.My parents have been looking after my sister's needs even after marriage -- phone recharges, dresses and even sanitary napkins. He has never spent money for my sister's basic needs.She has to do all house chores like washing, mopping and cleaning.... And his sister will just cook and leave... they have never let my sister to cook but complain to everyone that she doesn't want to do house chores.I have seen my sister (when I stayed with her for two days just see what was happening in the house) she wakes up at 4 am to sweep the garden mess which is close to half an acre. Then mop the house, wash vessels and clothes. She will be exhausted by the time she finishes all the work and when she finally sits to eat, the in-laws will taunt her and she has starved without eating for days.When she discussed this with her husband, he'd ignore or argue with her not to say anything bad about his sisters.Our upbringing back home was very different. We grew up around house helps who helped us with chores but my sister didn't complain about that as well. She said ‘in laws’ house is way different than mom's place.' It hurts to see my sister this way.All his three sisters rarely stay at their homes, instead they prefer staying at my sister's place and cause troubles between the husband and wife.He treats my sister like a slave.If she doesn't do what he asks her to do he says 'sign the divorce papers and leave.'According to him, my sister should never visit her mom's place. If she has to visit, she has to seek his permission and he will decide whether she can go or not and for how many days. If she stays back a day longer, he would pick up a fight. Even if he is in a different city she has to stay at her in-laws place.He works in army as a subhedhar. We have huge respect for people in the Army, that's the reason my sister was married to him despite the difference in age.And when my sister first gave birth to her son he said the most cruel thing any man could say. She had a C-section so he said, You are lame, you haven't done anything big or great, you had an operation, you easily cut open and gave birth. What pain do you think you have when you give birth in anesthesia?He would humiliate her in front of family members and friends, colleagues...We have advised her to leave him, find a job, to look after herself and the kids. We will support her. But she is not confident enough. She is so used to being dependent that she is scared of taking the big step fearing her kids’ future.She has been tolerating him more than any human can tolerate also because she is financially dependent on him.She has two kids, aged six and three.If she divorces him, she is worried about the kids’ schooling.As he is in the Army he will be moving to different cities every two years.In these 8 years of marriage, they have hardly been together for a year or more.He never took her to any deputed locations. She has to stay here in Kolar with her in-laws and he would visit her annually. My sister has to bear the brunt of the entire family.He will call my sister only if his sister permits, otherwise he will stay without calling her for months.My parents were also bearing all of his attitude for a few years until things went out of hand. Even after having 2 kids his attitude didn’t change.So my parents had to intervene.This pathetic man would find millions of ways to torture my sister mentally and physically.She was a silent and reserved kid in our family. Now she is so used to his behaviour that she is okay to live with him just for the sake of her kids. We are not that well off. My dad is a retired official who gets very little money as pension. So my parents are worried who will take care of her and kids after them if in case we file a divorce. Will alimony work here?There is no peace in our family.My parents are old and struggling with their health issues. And now there is so much of mental pressure due to all of this.After so much struggle and arguments, he finally took my sister with him to his current deputed location for 6 to 8 months. Again upon his sisters’ insistence he left his 6 year old kid with his sister and family and forced my sister to come with him or sign the divorce papers.And my foolish sister who didn't know what to do left her 6 year old kid with his sister in law family and went with her husband taking the another kid. Now she is crying day and night thinking about her kid.I went on with a huge argument with him asking what is the need for a child to leave his parents and study at his aunt's place. Since he is in the Army, changing schools should not be so difficult; he is your own kid and blood. How can you leave him alone there? He said, ‘My son will study wherever I ask him to.’When I asked him why he forced my sister to come with him leaving the kid with his sisters, he used cuss words and asked me to mind my own business. I lost my cool and said that he is acting brainless. He reminded me that he is the Army and no one can do anything to him. He said I could raise a complaint and cut the call.Now he has set rules that no one should visit or see his son. When my parents went to visit their own grandchild recently, his sisters did not allow them.I have been telling my parents to lodge a complaint against this man. But my parents feel that he is their son in law. Anything we do would affect my sister's life and brushed it aside. They’d rather convince my sister and send her back to live with the pyscho.Now they have realised and are repenting for not complaining about him earlier.Please advise us how to move further because whoever we consulted regarding this told us that we cannot complain about this. Only my sister can complain. She is scared of him and fears to lodge a complaint. She is in a different city now and wouldn't be able to do so.Is that right? Can't a grieving parent, grandparent or sister like me who is worried to the core about her sister's and cousins life complain against this saddest man?Is divorce advisable in this case or are we overdoing it? Should we lodge a police complaint? Can we write to his superior?It is possible that he might file a defamation case against us?I literally have no clue what to do or where to seek help. Please help me save my sister from this pathetic marriage.Awaiting your response.

I got married in 2018 and it was an arranged marriage. Everything seemed very perfect for me. But soon after things got weird as I realised my husband does not share good rapport with his own family. From day second, I felt I need to correct my husband' attitude towards his own parents. He loves me a lot and protects me from any type of problem while we were staying at my in-laws' house. But before completing 2 months we moved out and somewhere I knew there is no going back to his parents from that point. During the short 2 months stay I was told that my parents did not give me good stuff -- I mean bed, almirah and (that they) had not arranged our marriage function in the best way possible. I have seen them fighting among themselves for purchasing Maggi packets stating who will pay the price. I was told my husband who is eventually their real son contributed nothing to his sister's marriage, to their house construction and to his own marriage. I was asked to pay for the marriage album as my husband contributed nothing to his own marriage. Even after leaving their place bank payment related messages have been sent to me to pay the amount. One day after feeling helpless I asked them: If your son is having so much problem why did you marry him. They simply stated that they did it for the sake of society. The moments before leaving the house were tense. They threw a lot of tantrums -- they took the jewellery they'd purchased for me and also retained the jewellery given by my parents. I said nothing about it as those materialistic things never mattered to me. I had to take back a part of jewellery made by my parents from them as my parents wanted it back. But after leaving home they did not call to ask anything about our health or our problems with the new set up but instead called for money. They are threatening to come back if we don't talk to them on regular basis and bend their son on his knees to come back to his parents. Till some time, I was under the impression that my husband is having issues; that he is the monster who is abandoning his parents. When I learned his side of story, I realised he is not at fault completely. They never made him feel loved or accepted; and always compared him with others. They considered him as their investment plan as they are all the time cursing him for not providing any financial support without knowing at what salary he is working for, what are his monthly expenses and whether he is in a position to assist them financially.He doesn't have any good memories with his family. Still I tried to make him feel their pain to be left alone behind their only son. After leaving their house they started to abuse me on phone whenever they wanted. They cursed me and my parents for taking their son away from them. My husband is the typical Indian male who on the first night took control of my debit card as he thinks it is his birth right. He strictly told me what not to wear. Although these were major flaws in the attitude, he showed love towards me so I did also do the same. I am happy with him. But with this constant verbal abuse from his parents, I feel like I’m the one who is the culprit here. I was not ready to even extend my family with my husband but somehow I did take the decision after four years of my marriage. I am expecting now but my husband warned me to not inform about this to his parents otherwise, he will send me permanently to my parents’ house. My subconscious is shaking me in every 2 to 3 weeks that I’m the culprit here. I feel like my child will also leave me behind the way we left his parents behind. They insulted me in every possible way but I still don't want them to be left alone in their senior years like this. But I have no control over my husband he is way more detached towards them and maximum time insensitive to their problems. Also his parents always call to either abuse me or their son they did never ask us how we are if we are fine even in corona time I was positive and when they knew about they call my husband to make fun of this. Please suggest.

Hi Anu, I got married about 6 years ago. It was an arranged marriage. But it was I who went alone to see her. We got married after 10 months. All things are good between us. However my parents are very controlling. Initially they were not living with us. So there was not much of issues but since the birth my daughter they have made out life hell. My wife asked to visit her mother's place and my parents went nuts over this. They are very controlling. My elder sister who I think is emotional immature, initially supported us but things went south after she came to our home on Rakshabandhan last year. My wife wanted to go to her brother's house but my parents wanted his brother to come. Initially my sister didn't mind but my parents pressured her and she chicken out instead of supporting us. Now she is full on toxic and has convince herself that she is right. Since that incident my parents confidence has grown. My father started using abusive words with me but not in front of my wife. Soon they left us but they keep ob giving us mental torture. I always call them and then never tell me speak. They give bad wishes to us but sometimes says they never wish for us. Now they have started posting in family group and how the new generation is not respecting parents. They emotionally blackmailing me to get the things in their favour. I think they have my wife. They would have hated had it been some other women. From last one year I have built lots of tolerance. Earlier I used to get sleepless nights. But they keep on abusive me whenever they start this topic. I think this is quite a common problem. I need advice on how to handle typical manipulate, insecure and abusive Indian parents.

Hi Ma'am, I got married few years back to my boyfriend. It was an intercaste marriage to which my parents opposed very strongly. They tried doing everything from verbal abuse, emotional abuse, guilt tripping, calling names, blaming my education to even asking me to leave my job. But with my elder brothers support I was able to still go ahead and got married to him. Today my parents love my partner a lot and are very happy with the very same person and his family which they were earlier opposing to due to fear of what others will say to this intercaste marriage. But today there is a similar situation built up at home with my brother's wedding. He is in his 30s and parents are concerned of getting him married asap. He told them about his girlfriend from other caste which was okay with the parents but they didnt like the girl purely from looks. They are concerned now that people will question them why you bought such a bride for your son and that they had so many beautiful prospects to which they said NO and now will be making this girl a bride of the house which will open them to mockery of others. They have not even met the girl but only after seeing photos they are so negative and again hurting us as well as themselves by saying lot of negative toxic things and guilt tripping for everything they have done for us. I feel they will become happy in few years but at this point they are not even agreeing to meet the family due to which the girl's family is getting apprehensive of marrying their daughter to our family. I have been trying to convince my parents but they start saying things like you also did the same so you will obviously support and we don't want to be a part of anything. If you want to get married go ahead and do it but don't expect us to be a part of it. What should I be doing?

Hello mam, recently I got married, it was love marriage. But before marriage we talked to our family and my husband's family said, if they can't find a girl for him then they will accept me. We Waited for a long time more than 17-18 months. Nothing happened later my husband told his mother about our marriage and she said, she doesn't care. After our marriage i am in my home and he is in his house. My mother in law is not accepting our marriage and still finding a girl for him and asking him to leave me. Also telling others lie about our marriage is fake or it didn't happened. I am not allow to live in their house or any other house they have also she is not allowing him to leave that home and start marriage life with me. Always emotional blackmailing or threats him or me and my family for killing me and using illegal way to break this marriage. My family tried to talk to her but she insulted them multiple time me and created many false situation with lies to create a drama... I don't know how to deal with this situation i don't want to create any problem for my family as they always threatening.