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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 20, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am finding it hard to talk with strangers/random people whom I've known in the past but not in contact for a while and finding it hard to recognize some which makes them feel awkward. What should I do, are there exercises I could do/should I accept that about me, maybe be upfront about it but that will be awkward too? Age 24

Ans: It's entirely normal to feel uncomfortable or awkward when reconnecting with people you haven't been in contact with for a while or struggling to recognize them. Here are some tips that might help you navigate these situations more comfortably:

Focus on listening attentively to what the other person is saying rather than worrying about recognizing them or feeling awkward. Engage in the conversation by asking questions and showing genuine interest in their experiences.
If you're struggling to remember someone's name or recognize them, it's okay to be honest about it. You can say something like, "I'm sorry, it's been a while since we last met, and I'm having trouble placing you. Could you remind me of your name?" Most people will understand and appreciate your honesty.
Try to recall any shared experiences or details that might help jog your memory about the person you're reconnecting with. Ask about mutual friends, past events, or shared interests to facilitate the conversation.
Stay present in the moment and focus on the conversation rather than letting your mind wander or dwell on feelings of awkwardness. Mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing or grounding exercises, can help you stay centered and calm.
Approach the situation with a positive attitude and be open to reconnecting with old acquaintances. Remember that it's natural for people to change and evolve over time, and your past interactions may have shaped who they are today.
It's okay to make mistakes or feel uncomfortable in social situations. Be kind to yourself and recognize that everyone experiences moments of awkwardness from time to time. Focus on learning and growing from each interaction rather than dwelling on perceived shortcomings.
If you're feeling particularly anxious about reconnecting with people, consider practicing social skills in low-pressure situations. Role-play conversations with a friend or family member, or join social groups or activities where you can gradually build confidence in interacting with others.
Remember that social interactions can be challenging for many people, and you're not alone in feeling this way. By approaching these situations with patience, honesty, and a willingness to learn, you can navigate them more comfortably over time.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1162 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 12, 2020

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Relationship
Hi Anu, I'm 39 years old. Ever since my childhood, I was always afraid of facing people. Was reading in front of class or reciting a poem, I always felt running away and avoiding it. The problem further worsened as I grew up, as I started feeling difficult making friends. I get a feeling that people don't like me, and it’s evident whenever I'm part of a gathering usually peopleignore me. Hence I tend to avoid interacting with people. I don't know how to handle this situation. I don't have this issue while interacting with people whom I know, and am pretty confident with familiar people whom I interact with on day to day basis. In front of people, or when I put on a spot I really feel awkward and anxious. The thought keeps on bothering me and I don't get sleep at times. Please provide me suggestions/inputs on how I can get rid of this problem.
Ans: Dear S, You face what is called performance related stress as you are worried about failure and being embarrassed in front of a crowd.

Firstly, know why you are having to be in front of a crowd; office presentations, meetings and thinks like that. If it is necessary for your job and in life in general, let’s work at this.

Start watching videos of people who are orators, great speakers and who enthrall others on stage

Next, observe every movement of theirs and how they walk, talk, their voice etc.

Then, simply take on the same role imagining yourself to be them and do the same. Live this role. Try doing this many times over till it becomes second nature to you.

Finally, imagine a situation where you want to feel confident. And imagine doing your new learning from Step 3 and living it. Do this a couple of times till you think you are ready.

The next time, with the same situation, things should definitely go your way and you will be in charge for sure.

Be confident and happy new learning!

Anu Krishna is a Mind Coach, NLP Trainer, Zen Lifestyle Expert and has recently released her book The Secret of Life – Decoding Happiness.
She is also the Founder of Soulful Exploration LLP and Unfear Changemakers LLP.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1162 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 21, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 20, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
hi , I am a 40 year old man with 2 kids and wife , aged parents .Financially and health wise i am doing good and working in a reputed mnc. My relationship with parents , wife ,kids and siblings is in good spirits . however i am an introvert and don't have many friends .while i had friends in childhood and youth however they have moved in there life .i want to have an improved social life and also have joined a course to improve social skills and more strong relationship socially and at work . As course suggest to approach people , however i still don't approach/talk to people when opportunity is there .i also tried to have more positive attitude towards other people ..however still sometimes i start criticizing them in my mind...and sometimes i feel that approaching /talking may belittle me in front of them,,,, and talking /approaching opposite sex is even more difficult ... any suggestion to improve on this part and how i can improve my social life and get/find company of like minded people .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Two things to understand here:
1. You are an introvert and you are happy being one
2. You are a forced introvert as you are unable to break the walls that you have put around you.

If you belong to the first category, enjoy the state of bliss as is. But from what I gather, you seem to falling under the second category wherein you want to expand your social circle and be a part of activities etc.
Then you have to put yourself out there.
1. Do understand that as much you want to be engaged with like-minded people, even these people will at some point in time think different from you.
2. Do accept people for who they are and that way you will come from a non-judgemental space while engaging with them.
3. Do connect with people who are totally different from you and it will help you expand your mind to be curious about them.

If this is a difficult thing to do...think....What if one of your children came to you with the same problem that you have now? What would you tell them to do?
Also, get into circles on social media that discuss topics which interest you. Join a gym or a hobby class and that is an avenue to make new friends irrespective of gender.
To add more friends, you need to be friendly as well...so open your heart and mind...

All the best!

..Read more

Ashwini

Ashwini Dasgupta  |73 Answers  |Ask -

Personality Development Expert, Career Coach - Answered on Sep 25, 2023

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Career
Presently I am working as a General Manager Purchase and my age is 44, I find difficult in speaking without any agenda/specific question. Even in informal dinners or just casual talks I become blank. This is same in my personal life also. Like introvert type, but this is taking a toll on my professional as well as personal. I try very hard to be fluent with people but I am not able to do it. If somebody speaks 20 line and I convey the same in 1 line. But it is boring for others. How do I improve it.... like storytelling type.
Ans: Dear Balaji,

Thank you for writing in.

First of all, stop labelling yourself (like you have mentioned in the above question "I am an Introvert type"). As humans our brains are wired to believe what information we feed to ourselves.

Second, acceptance. Accepting the way, you are. That is your strength.

Certain steps that can be considered -
- Know the agenda you are entering into. This will help you prepare in advance on the conversations you need to engage in.
If there are no agendas then you can -
- Initiate small talks. For example- talk about current affairs in the industry (avoid talking about religion or politics) as this can get sensitive. Conversation should be general in nature. This will help you break the ice with the individual.
- Asking open ended questions- such questions help you encourage others to share more information. Instead of asking yes/no questions, ask questions that require a more detailed response, such as "What was that experience like for you?" or "Tell me more about..."
- Focus on your observation- Observe your surroundings and what's happening in the environment. You can use these observations as conversation starters. For example, if you're at a restaurant, you can comment on the decor, the food, or the atmosphere.
- Share Personal Stories- Personal anecdotes can make your conversations more relatable and engaging.
-Use Body Language- Your body language can enhance your communication. Maintain eye contact, use gestures to emphasize points, and smile when appropriate to convey warmth and engagement.
-Don’t hesitate to seek for professional help- If you feel that your difficulty in engaging in conversations is causing significant distress or impacting your personal and professional life, consider seeking professional help. This should help you navigate with the tips and tricks.

Hope this helps.

All the best

Ashwini Dasgupta
To your Success. Be You. Be Confident
Author of Confidence Decoded- Is it a Skill or Attitude?

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I sometimes avoid people, for no reason and I never approach others, this has led me to not know many people, what can I do to break this cycle? I want to know more people
Ans: It’s perfectly natural to feel hesitant about social interactions, and it’s great that you’re looking to change this pattern.

Start with small steps. Try brief interactions in your daily routine, like greeting a barista or chatting with a neighbor. These casual conversations can help build your confidence.

Find spaces where you already feel comfortable, such as your favorite café or a local park. Familiar environments make it easier to start conversations.

Engage in activities or groups that interest you. Shared hobbies or volunteer work can naturally connect you with like-minded people, providing easy conversation starters.

Be kind to yourself during this process. Recognize and celebrate each effort you make, no matter how small. Understanding your feelings about social situations can guide you in finding what works best for you.

Consider using online communities as a starting point. They can be less intimidating and can eventually lead to in-person interactions.

Leverage your existing network to meet new people. Attending events with friends or asking for introductions can make socializing feel more manageable.

If you find these steps challenging, seeking support from a coach or therapist can be helpful. They can offer tailored strategies and guidance to build your social confidence.

Remember, it’s okay to take things at your own pace. Each small step is progress.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 18, 2024Hindi
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Money
Sir my son in 2009 invested in Mutual fund rs.5000/- and again rs.5000/- another in 2011 total rs.10,000/- with Reliance mutuval funds later this company changed in the name of Nippon India private limite. My son at the of investments he had Old PAN no. Later on job purpose gone abroad and settled. He came in 2019 and submitted redeem his units say 2250 units currenly valued rs. 50,000 above . His application was rejected at first Old PAN Card not surrendered so he surrendered same with original attached with NRE status PAN and submitted agiain who they says You have to link his Aadhar card. He is not in a position to obtain this because he may get citizenship. I referred to SEBI and RBI to intervene but no response from them Please guide me how to redeem and get my son’s investments which I require for my ailing age of 78. Thanks in advance If you require his PAN no surrendered and obtained new NRE status PAN no.
Ans: Since your son cannot link his Aadhaar due to his NRI status, the best approach would be to reach out directly to Nippon India Mutual Fund and explain the situation. You can request the redemption process based on his NRI PAN and KYC status without Aadhaar linking.

Here's what you can do:

Contact Nippon India: Explain that your son is an NRI and cannot obtain an Aadhaar card. Request guidance for an NRI-specific redemption process.

Submit an NRI KYC Update: Ensure that your son's new PAN and NRI status are updated in the KYC records with the fund house. This can be done via the KYC Registration Agency (KRA) or CAMS for mutual funds.

Alternative Contact: If there is no response from the fund house, consider contacting AMFI or SEBI again, providing all necessary documents.

These steps should help you resolve the issue and redeem the units without requiring Aadhaar linkage.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 19, 2024

Money
Hello sir, With your earlier suggestion to achieve 5Cr for retirement and my 3yr old son's education, I'm planning the following monthly investment ( apart from current Parag, Nippon and Mirae investment of 10L+ 10L in PPF): Son's Parag: 8 My Parag:10 Mirae nifty ev & new age:30 Quant Infra:15 Nifty500 Manufacturing:10 Small cap:10 Mid cap:10 NPS vatsalaya:5(giving 25L) Term plan of 3Cr:8K Monthly in-hand savings:15k Plz suggest if I'm over diversifying & suggestion for small and mid cap fund
Ans: You have a good balance between long-term goals, such as retirement and your son's education, with monthly investments across multiple funds.

Investing Rs 15,000 of monthly savings alongside current investments and having Rs 10 lakh each in Parag and PPF is commendable. This shows discipline in securing your financial future.

Portfolio Overview
Let’s assess the diversification of your portfolio:

Son's Parag: Rs 8,000/month
This could be a good long-term investment for your child's future.

Your Parag: Rs 10,000/month
This adds value to your retirement goal.

Mirae Nifty EV & New Age: Rs 30,000/month
Investing Rs 30,000 in a thematic fund is a bold move. However, ensure this is for the long-term, as sector-specific funds can be volatile.

Quant Infra: Rs 15,000/month
Infrastructure is a good bet for growth in India. However, similar to thematic funds, it can be cyclical.

Nifty500 Manufacturing: Rs 10,000/month
Manufacturing is an essential part of India’s growth story. Still, its performance can depend on broader economic factors.

Small Cap: Rs 10,000/month
Small caps provide high growth potential but come with higher volatility. Keep a horizon of at least 7-10 years.

Mid Cap: Rs 10,000/month
Mid-cap investments are good for growth, but they too require a longer horizon.

NPS Vatsalaya: Rs 5,000/month
A good addition for retirement, as it provides long-term benefits and pension security.

Term Plan of Rs 3 crore: Rs 8,000 premium
This is a necessary expense to ensure your family’s financial security in your absence.

Assessing Over-Diversification
While diversification reduces risk, too much of it can dilute returns. Your portfolio seems slightly over-diversified.

Consider reducing thematic exposure (Mirae Nifty EV & Quant Infra) as they make up a large portion of your investments.

It might be more beneficial to concentrate on core funds like small caps, mid caps, large caps, and a flexi-cap fund for diversification across market caps without the risks of being overly thematic.

Small Cap and Mid Cap Suggestions
For small cap funds, consider selecting ones with a consistent performance history and a good track record in handling market volatility.

For mid cap funds, those that have shown steady growth across different market conditions will be a safer bet for building long-term wealth.

Instead of focusing on individual scheme names, select funds with a solid investment team, strong processes, and consistent performance.

Direct vs Regular Funds
Switching to Direct Funds might seem like a good idea due to the lower expense ratio. However, this shift means losing the valuable guidance of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) who can help you optimize your investments over time.

By sticking with Regular Funds through a professional MFD (Mutual Fund Distributor), you get personalized advice, monitoring of your investments, and support with tax-saving strategies. Regular funds also provide better handholding, which is crucial in volatile times.

Disadvantages of DIY Platforms
Platforms like MF Central or Zerodha may look attractive for their lower fees, but they have their drawbacks:

Complexity: Managing your portfolio without professional help can be complicated, especially when it comes to tracking performance, rebalancing, or adjusting investments based on changing goals.

Lack of Tax Optimization: Without professional guidance, you may not optimize for taxes, potentially losing out on gains.

No Personalized Advice: Unlike a Certified Financial Planner, DIY platforms will not provide you with tailored advice for your financial goals, leaving you to manage everything yourself.

Long-Term Return Expectations
Your current mutual funds are performing well, but you must be prepared for market volatility. While returns can be 20% in short-term spurts, a more realistic long-term average would be around 12-15%. This will help in planning more effectively for your goals like your son’s education and your retirement corpus of Rs 5 crore.

Final Insights
Your disciplined approach and allocation to mutual funds and NPS are excellent for long-term wealth building. However, fine-tuning your portfolio for better efficiency and consolidation will enhance your returns.

Review the Thematic Funds: Consider reducing your exposure to thematic funds like EV, infrastructure, and manufacturing. These sectors can be volatile and may require active monitoring.

Stick with Regular Funds through an MFD: While direct funds may seem appealing, sticking with regular funds and leveraging the expertise of a Certified Financial Planner ensures you won’t miss out on personalized advice and tax optimization.

Focus on Core Funds: Keep a balanced allocation towards small-cap, mid-cap, and large-cap funds to ensure you cover different market cycles and benefit from market growth.

Adjusting for Volatility: Remember that 20% returns might not be sustainable over the long term. It's safe to plan for 12-15% average returns for your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 19, 2024

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Money
I have ~40L in my portfolio and all my MF`s are Regular funds since I have been investing thru ICICIDirect. Now I want to start investing into Direct funds since I realize that Direct funds have lower Expense ratio. So I want to invest thru MFcentral or Zeroda. Now, my quesiton is: Is it a good idea to cancel my existing MF`s (not redeeming) in ICICIDirect and start new direct SIP`s ? Will I be loosing compounding effect of my existing regular MF`s? I dont want to redeem the SIP`s since it will incurr large LTCG taxes
Ans: It may seem tempting to switch to Direct Funds for the lower expense ratio, but there are key factors to consider before making the switch.

Here are a few points in favor of continuing with Regular Funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) or a professional Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD):

Value of Professional Advice
A professional MFD or CFP adds value by offering timely advice, portfolio reviews, and strategic changes based on market conditions and your financial goals. They help you stay focused on long-term plans and avoid emotional decisions.

Platforms like MF Central or Zerodha do not offer personalized advice. You’re left managing the complexities of your portfolio alone, which can be overwhelming and risky, especially during volatile markets.

Disadvantages of Direct Platforms
MF Central and Zerodha are DIY (Do-It-Yourself) platforms. While the lower expense ratio seems appealing, managing the portfolio on your own requires time, expertise, and market insight. Any wrong move could cost you more than you save in expense ratio.

MF Central is not user-friendly and does not offer real-time support for managing SIPs, rebalancing, or tracking your overall portfolio’s health.

Zerodha is a trading platform, but it doesn’t come with personalized advice. It lacks the long-term relationship benefits that an MFD or CFP provides, including goal-based planning and tax-efficient strategies.

Compounding Effect & Tax Implications
Cancelling your existing SIPs and switching to direct funds will not directly affect the compounding of your current investments. However, starting new SIPs in Direct Plans could lead to a disjointed investment strategy. You may also lose out on expert guidance that helps optimize the compounding effect through proper fund selection and market timing.

Switching to direct funds might seem cost-effective in the short run but could result in higher LTCG (Long Term Capital Gains) taxes if you later decide to rebalance your portfolio on your own without professional help.

Avoid Disruption
Switching platforms might disrupt your current portfolio management process like consolidated reports and capital gains tracking, which helps during tax filings. On DIY platforms, you will have to manage all of this yourself.

If you are not satisfied with ICICIDirect's services, you can always switch to another professional MFD or Certified Financial Planner (CFP). A good MFD will still provide the benefits of seamless portfolio management, including consolidated reports, capital gains tracking, and regular reviews, which are critical during tax filings and for keeping your investments aligned with your goals.

Final Thought
Instead of switching to direct plans, continue with Regular Plans through a professional MFD or CFP. The personalized advice you receive will often outweigh the slight difference in expense ratio. Regular reviews, goal setting, and rebalancing help ensure your portfolio remains aligned with your long-term objectives.

Making hasty decisions based on expense ratio alone can lead to missed opportunities and higher risks in the long run.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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