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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |581 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 20, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am finding it hard to talk with strangers/random people whom I've known in the past but not in contact for a while and finding it hard to recognize some which makes them feel awkward. What should I do, are there exercises I could do/should I accept that about me, maybe be upfront about it but that will be awkward too? Age 24

Ans: It's entirely normal to feel uncomfortable or awkward when reconnecting with people you haven't been in contact with for a while or struggling to recognize them. Here are some tips that might help you navigate these situations more comfortably:

Focus on listening attentively to what the other person is saying rather than worrying about recognizing them or feeling awkward. Engage in the conversation by asking questions and showing genuine interest in their experiences.
If you're struggling to remember someone's name or recognize them, it's okay to be honest about it. You can say something like, "I'm sorry, it's been a while since we last met, and I'm having trouble placing you. Could you remind me of your name?" Most people will understand and appreciate your honesty.
Try to recall any shared experiences or details that might help jog your memory about the person you're reconnecting with. Ask about mutual friends, past events, or shared interests to facilitate the conversation.
Stay present in the moment and focus on the conversation rather than letting your mind wander or dwell on feelings of awkwardness. Mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing or grounding exercises, can help you stay centered and calm.
Approach the situation with a positive attitude and be open to reconnecting with old acquaintances. Remember that it's natural for people to change and evolve over time, and your past interactions may have shaped who they are today.
It's okay to make mistakes or feel uncomfortable in social situations. Be kind to yourself and recognize that everyone experiences moments of awkwardness from time to time. Focus on learning and growing from each interaction rather than dwelling on perceived shortcomings.
If you're feeling particularly anxious about reconnecting with people, consider practicing social skills in low-pressure situations. Role-play conversations with a friend or family member, or join social groups or activities where you can gradually build confidence in interacting with others.
Remember that social interactions can be challenging for many people, and you're not alone in feeling this way. By approaching these situations with patience, honesty, and a willingness to learn, you can navigate them more comfortably over time.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 12, 2020

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Hi Anu, I'm 39 years old. Ever since my childhood, I was always afraid of facing people. Was reading in front of class or reciting a poem, I always felt running away and avoiding it. The problem further worsened as I grew up, as I started feeling difficult making friends. I get a feeling that people don't like me, and it’s evident whenever I'm part of a gathering usually peopleignore me. Hence I tend to avoid interacting with people. I don't know how to handle this situation. I don't have this issue while interacting with people whom I know, and am pretty confident with familiar people whom I interact with on day to day basis. In front of people, or when I put on a spot I really feel awkward and anxious. The thought keeps on bothering me and I don't get sleep at times. Please provide me suggestions/inputs on how I can get rid of this problem.
Ans: Dear S, You face what is called performance related stress as you are worried about failure and being embarrassed in front of a crowd.

Firstly, know why you are having to be in front of a crowd; office presentations, meetings and thinks like that. If it is necessary for your job and in life in general, let’s work at this.

Start watching videos of people who are orators, great speakers and who enthrall others on stage

Next, observe every movement of theirs and how they walk, talk, their voice etc.

Then, simply take on the same role imagining yourself to be them and do the same. Live this role. Try doing this many times over till it becomes second nature to you.

Finally, imagine a situation where you want to feel confident. And imagine doing your new learning from Step 3 and living it. Do this a couple of times till you think you are ready.

The next time, with the same situation, things should definitely go your way and you will be in charge for sure.

Be confident and happy new learning!

Anu Krishna is a Mind Coach, NLP Trainer, Zen Lifestyle Expert and has recently released her book The Secret of Life – Decoding Happiness.
She is also the Founder of Soulful Exploration LLP and Unfear Changemakers LLP.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 21, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 20, 2023Hindi
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hi , I am a 40 year old man with 2 kids and wife , aged parents .Financially and health wise i am doing good and working in a reputed mnc. My relationship with parents , wife ,kids and siblings is in good spirits . however i am an introvert and don't have many friends .while i had friends in childhood and youth however they have moved in there life .i want to have an improved social life and also have joined a course to improve social skills and more strong relationship socially and at work . As course suggest to approach people , however i still don't approach/talk to people when opportunity is there .i also tried to have more positive attitude towards other people ..however still sometimes i start criticizing them in my mind...and sometimes i feel that approaching /talking may belittle me in front of them,,,, and talking /approaching opposite sex is even more difficult ... any suggestion to improve on this part and how i can improve my social life and get/find company of like minded people .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Two things to understand here:
1. You are an introvert and you are happy being one
2. You are a forced introvert as you are unable to break the walls that you have put around you.

If you belong to the first category, enjoy the state of bliss as is. But from what I gather, you seem to falling under the second category wherein you want to expand your social circle and be a part of activities etc.
Then you have to put yourself out there.
1. Do understand that as much you want to be engaged with like-minded people, even these people will at some point in time think different from you.
2. Do accept people for who they are and that way you will come from a non-judgemental space while engaging with them.
3. Do connect with people who are totally different from you and it will help you expand your mind to be curious about them.

If this is a difficult thing to do...think....What if one of your children came to you with the same problem that you have now? What would you tell them to do?
Also, get into circles on social media that discuss topics which interest you. Join a gym or a hobby class and that is an avenue to make new friends irrespective of gender.
To add more friends, you need to be friendly as well...so open your heart and mind...

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |581 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2024Hindi
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I sometimes avoid people, for no reason and I never approach others, this has led me to not know many people, what can I do to break this cycle? I want to know more people
Ans: It’s perfectly natural to feel hesitant about social interactions, and it’s great that you’re looking to change this pattern.

Start with small steps. Try brief interactions in your daily routine, like greeting a barista or chatting with a neighbor. These casual conversations can help build your confidence.

Find spaces where you already feel comfortable, such as your favorite café or a local park. Familiar environments make it easier to start conversations.

Engage in activities or groups that interest you. Shared hobbies or volunteer work can naturally connect you with like-minded people, providing easy conversation starters.

Be kind to yourself during this process. Recognize and celebrate each effort you make, no matter how small. Understanding your feelings about social situations can guide you in finding what works best for you.

Consider using online communities as a starting point. They can be less intimidating and can eventually lead to in-person interactions.

Leverage your existing network to meet new people. Attending events with friends or asking for introductions can make socializing feel more manageable.

If you find these steps challenging, seeking support from a coach or therapist can be helpful. They can offer tailored strategies and guidance to build your social confidence.

Remember, it’s okay to take things at your own pace. Each small step is progress.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8315 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2025

Money
Hi Sir, My name is Abhishek, and i am 40 years old, I have 12 lakhs in FD, 6 lakhs in MF and stocks(5+1), and 10 lakhs cash, also, i have a flat in Delhi with 15 lakhs home loan, A car loan of 8 lakhs. and i am a software engr. In an MNC, having salary of 1.5 lakhs in a month. ABOVE IS ALL my asset. But i want to be financially free. Is it possible? Please suggest any best practical idea for me. Currently, WFH in ranchi.
Ans: At 40, with your current income and asset base, the goal of financial freedom is definitely achievable. Let’s work towards a 360-degree financial strategy to help you build a solid and practical roadmap.

Below is a complete evaluation and guidance to align your financial life with your freedom goal.

Current Financial Position – Snapshot and Assessment
You have Rs. 12 lakhs in Fixed Deposit.

You hold Rs. 6 lakhs in mutual funds and stocks.

You are keeping Rs. 10 lakhs in cash.

You have a flat in Delhi. You have Rs. 15 lakhs home loan on it.

You also have a car loan of Rs. 8 lakhs.

Your monthly salary is Rs. 1.5 lakhs from an MNC job. You are working from Ranchi now.

You are 40 years old and working in a stable job.

This is a very decent starting point. You are earning well, and you have good savings. But to reach financial freedom, we need better alignment.

Let’s move step-by-step.

Step 1 – Clarify What Financial Freedom Means to You
Financial freedom is not only about quitting your job.

It means you have enough income from investments to cover your monthly needs.

You should be able to choose to work or not, without worrying about money.

So first, we need to estimate your monthly future expenses post-retirement.

Let’s assume Rs. 60,000 to Rs. 80,000 per month today, adjusted for inflation later.

That means you need to create income sources to support at least Rs. 1 crore to Rs. 2 crore in future corpus.

This is not impossible. You have time and income to build this.

Step 2 – Improve the Quality of Your Assets
Let us now improve your asset quality to suit your freedom goal.

Rs. 12 lakhs in Fixed Deposit is very conservative.

FD earns low returns, and interest is fully taxable.

Keep only 4 to 5 lakhs in FD for emergency use.

Move the rest (7 to 8 lakhs) to good quality mutual funds through SIP.

Your Rs. 10 lakhs in cash is too much to keep idle.

Keep Rs. 1.5 to 2 lakhs in savings for short-term needs.

Move the balance Rs. 8+ lakhs to a liquid mutual fund for better returns.

Over the next 3 to 6 months, you can start shifting this towards equity-oriented funds.

Rs. 6 lakhs in MF and stocks is a good beginning.

But if these include index funds or direct funds, you must evaluate them carefully.

Index funds only copy the market, and don’t actively manage risks.

They underperform in falling or flat markets.

A good actively managed mutual fund is better in Indian conditions.

Direct mutual funds look low-cost, but no expert advice is included.

When you invest through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) who is also a Certified Financial Planner, you get proper hand-holding.

Regular funds through a CFP-linked MFD provide portfolio monitoring, review, and behavioural coaching.

This helps avoid panic selling or greed-driven buying.

Step 3 – Work on Your Loans
You have Rs. 15 lakhs home loan.

This is acceptable if interest is below 8.5% per annum.

Home loan offers tax benefits also. So don’t rush to close it.

Continue paying EMIs without stress. Try to pre-pay 1 EMI every 6 months if possible.

This will reduce your loan term.

But do not use emergency cash or investments to close it.

Car loan of Rs. 8 lakhs is a liability without return.

Try to clear this in the next 1.5 years.

Use your bonus or incentives for that.

Avoid buying new cars or gadgets on EMI again.

Step 4 – Build a Systematic Investment Plan
You should be investing 30% to 40% of your monthly income.

That means Rs. 45,000 to Rs. 60,000 per month.

Start SIPs in diversified actively managed mutual funds.

Allocate more in equity-oriented funds for long-term growth.

Keep a small portion in hybrid or conservative hybrid funds for balance.

If you are supporting family, consider a term insurance plan (not ULIP or endowment).

Term insurance is cheaper and offers better coverage.

Also take health insurance for self and family, even if company gives cover.

Step 5 – Emergency Planning and Risk Management
You must keep an emergency fund equal to 6 months expenses.

You already have FD and cash, so earmark Rs. 3 to 4 lakhs for this.

Put this in a separate savings or liquid mutual fund account.

Don’t touch this unless there is an actual emergency.

Review your health and life insurance policies yearly.

Step 6 – Review and Improve Your Monthly Budgeting
Track your monthly expenses. Use simple mobile apps or Excel.

Avoid impulse expenses like gadgets, travel, or lifestyle items.

Stick to a monthly budget. Save before you spend.

Increase your SIPs every year by 10%.

This will match inflation and improve wealth creation.

Step 7 – Don’t Depend on Real Estate for Financial Freedom
Real estate has low liquidity and high maintenance.

Rental yield is only 2 to 3%.

Also, resale takes time and effort.

Don’t invest more in real estate. Focus on financial instruments instead.

Step 8 – Plan Your Retirement and Passive Income Sources
At age 40, you have 15–17 years to retire.

That’s enough time to build a retirement corpus.

If you invest Rs. 50,000 monthly for 15 years in mutual funds, wealth can be significant.

Once you retire, you can shift to monthly income plans from mutual funds.

These generate regular withdrawals with tax efficiency.

You must also reallocate to more conservative funds as you near retirement.

Avoid annuity products. They give low returns and poor liquidity.

Step 9 – Tax Planning and Filing
Use tax deductions wisely under Sec 80C, 80D and home loan benefits.

Keep your investments tax-efficient.

For example, equity fund gains up to Rs. 1.25 lakhs are tax-free annually.

Above this, LTCG is taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains from equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Debt fund gains are taxed as per your income slab.

You should do tax planning with a CFP who can review your total asset base.

Step 10 – Set Clear Milestones and Review Yearly
Set short, mid, and long-term goals.

For example: close car loan in 1 year, build Rs. 50 lakhs corpus in 5 years, etc.

Track these goals once every 6 months.

If you miss one goal, don’t panic. Adjust and continue.

Stay disciplined with SIPs and avoid timing the market.

Don’t follow tips or market trends blindly.

Final Insights
You are doing well for your age and income level.

But to reach financial freedom, you need more structured planning.

Convert your cash and FDs to wealth-generating assets.

Stop investing in real estate and focus on financial investments.

Eliminate loans step-by-step.

Increase your SIPs regularly and keep your portfolio reviewed by a Certified Financial Planner.

Review your goals, risks, and insurance every year.

Stay consistent and patient. Freedom will come earlier than expected.

You are on the right track. Just need direction, discipline, and dedication.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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