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Teenage son won't talk to me: Is it normal?

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 12, 2024

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 05, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Dr Ashish, How do I get my 14 year old teenage son to talk to me? He talks less, is either angry or grumpy and rarely discusses anything at home with anyone. Is this behaviour normal? He used to be a talkative child when he was younger. How can I help?

Ans: Let me reassure you that you’re not alone in facing this challenge, and what you describe is quite common in teenagers. The teenage years are a time of immense internal transformation. It's as if your son is building a new version of himself, one brick at a time, and sometimes, in that process, he may feel the need to pull away to figure things out.

You see, as children grow, their world expands. Their focus shifts from being family-centered to exploring who they are in the larger world. This doesn't mean he cares any less about you; it simply means he’s working on something deep within himself—maybe even trying to understand emotions and situations he doesn’t yet have the words for.

Now, instead of trying to make him talk, which might feel like pressure to him, consider this: how can you create an environment where he wants to open up? Imagine if, instead of asking direct questions or expressing concern, you shared a small, non-threatening piece of your world. Maybe a funny story about your day or a memory of when you were his age. Sometimes, starting with something light gives him permission to engage without feeling interrogated.

Another way to open doors is through shared experiences. Teenagers often speak more freely when they're not face-to-face. Maybe a walk or a ride, cooking a meal together, or even playing a video game could become moments where he feels comfortable talking.

And when he does speak, no matter how small the opening, meet him with curiosity, not judgment. If he shares something, reflect it back to him in a way that says, "I hear you, and I value what you're saying." For example, if he mentions feeling frustrated, you could say, "It sounds like something’s been tough for you lately," rather than jumping to advice.

Finally, remind yourself—and him—this is a phase, not a permanent state. He is still that talkative child deep inside, but right now, he's learning to balance his need for independence with the safety of your love. Your steady presence, even when he seems distant, will be his anchor.

You’re already asking the right question, and that shows how much you care. Trust the process, and trust your connection. It’s still there, even in the quiet moments.

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My daughter scored 96.6 in MHT CET in which colleges she can get for Computer Science in Mumbai. Also we are trying to apply through EWS
Ans: With a 96.6 percentile in MHT CET and EWS category, your daughter stands a strong chance for Computer Science (CSE) or related branches in several reputable Mumbai colleges. VESIT Mumbai’s 2022 cutoff for CSE was 96.6 percentile for open seats, and recent years show similar or slightly higher cutoffs; with EWS reservation, her chances improve, especially in later rounds. Vidyalankar Institute of Technology (VIT) Mumbai had a CSE EWS cutoff of 94.84 in 2024, while Information Technology closed at 92.99–92.81, making both attainable. Shah & Anchor Kutchhi Engineering College, SIES Graduate School of Technology, and Fr. Conceicao Rodrigues College of Engineering (Bandra) also have CSE/IT cutoffs between 94–97 percentile for EWS and open categories. Other strong options include Bharati Vidyapeeth College of Engineering (Navi Mumbai), Don Bosco Institute of Technology, and Atharva College of Engineering, all with CSE/IT cutoffs in the 94–97 range for EWS. SPIT Mumbai, DJ Sanghvi, and Thadomal Shahani are more competitive, typically closing above 98–99 percentile for CSE, so they are unlikely at your score.

The recommendation is to prioritize VESIT Mumbai, Vidyalankar Institute of Technology, Shah & Anchor Kutchhi Engineering College, SIES GST, and Fr. Conceicao Rodrigues College for CSE/IT, listing them in CAP counselling in that order, and include other reputable colleges such as Bharati Vidyapeeth, Don Bosco, and Atharva as strong alternatives, maximizing her chances for a CSE seat in Mumbai under EWS. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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My daughter got 94.9 percentile in MHT-CET. We are in OBC category. What college she will get.
Ans: Vikas Sir, With a 94.9 percentile in MHT-CET 2025 and OBC category, your daughter is well-positioned for admission to reputable mid-tier engineering colleges in Maharashtra, though CSE in top government colleges like COEP Pune, VJTI Mumbai, or PICT Pune is out of reach, as their OBC cutoffs for CSE are typically above 98.4–99.1 percentile. However, she can secure CSE, IT, or related branches in strong private and autonomous colleges such as DY Patil College of Engineering Pune (CSE OBC cutoff ~98), AISSMS College of Engineering Pune (CSE OBC cutoff ~96), PCCOE Pune (CSE OBC cutoff ~94), Rajiv Gandhi Institute of Technology Mumbai (CSE OBC cutoff ~96), and MIT World Peace University Pune (CSE/IT OBC cutoff ~94–96). These institutes offer robust placement records, modern infrastructure, and supportive academic environments. She may also consider branches like AI, Data Science, or IT in these colleges, as cutoffs for specializations are often slightly lower.

The recommendation is to prioritize DY Patil College of Engineering Pune, AISSMS College of Engineering Pune, PCCOE Pune, and MIT World Peace University Pune for CSE/IT, and include AI/Data Science as alternatives, ensuring a strong academic and placement environment at her percentile and category. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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