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Anu Krishna |884 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Question by Brijesh on Apr 23, 2024Hindi

We don't stay with each other since 17+yrs my wife stays with her mother right from the beginning and also my daughter schooling is in the same place were her brother studied and we are living like a seperated couple on mutual discussion I pay 20,000 every month + take them on holiday + she visits my place whenever she feels God knows when such kind of relation will come to an end

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
My question was about whether you still live with your parents or not? That could be a definitive way out to put your marriage back together. Please read this with the previous answer given and again I find a lot of gaps in what you have shared for me to suggest much.
I still will say: The first attempt would be you and your wife wanting this marriage. If you two do not want this relationship based on what you have mentioned, then take appropriate steps towards that. You need to be clear about what you want for anyone to guide you or even you to guide yourself. Writing it down in paper actually helps the process. Ask yourself: What do I want?

All the best!

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Anu Krishna |884 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2022

Question by SS - Nov 08, 2022Hindi

We both work in IT company and she earns a very nice salary. We were living happily without ANY major quarrels with my wife or mother. After 6 years of marriage our child was born and since Day One she started behaving differently and went to stay back with her parents. It’s almost about 3 years and she is neither returning nor allowing me to speak to the child and insists that she will play with him at her place.We tried different ways to convince her but she doesn’t want to return nor shares the reason for this behaviour. When I asked recently she said she wants to live away from my family and not together and that too on her terms and conditions. If not, she wants to separate but I don’t want to. I have not done any mistakes then why should I suffer?What should I do? What is running on her mind? It’s really difficult for me to understand. No elders are eager to resolve the matter. Awaiting your earliest suggestions.

Ans:

Dear SS,

Something has happened which you might not be aware of that has triggered this behaviour from her.

To not let you be with the child suggests that there is something else that is going on. It requires an intervention.

Speak with her parents who can talk to her sensibly about the requirement of the child being with both parents at this time.

It is highly likely that there have been some disagreements with your family that is preventing her from coming back.

So, you possibly have been naïve to believe that nothing happened. There is a reason for every action, so something so extreme from her certainly warrants a strong reason.

Why exactly did you wait for three years is something that I cannot understand as matters like these get worse with each passing day with room for disappointments.

Well, let’s keep the past right where it belongs in.

Initiate a conversation with her and take things slow and patient.

After three long years, much has changed and to expect things to be as they were is bordering on being very gullible.

State clearly what you expect within the marriage and please be an excellent listener as you encourage her to share her version of the story, her expectations, her complaints and so on…a patient, listening and compassionate ear can go a long way in rebuilding lost relationships only when you don’t go on the defense and she feels pushed again.

I do believe that it takes two people to create or destroy a relationship but since I heard from you, this is my suggestion to you.

Please be the bigger person and keep the larger picture in mind of the marriage and the child, and swallow pride and ego and simply focus on rebuilding if that is eventually a possibility.

All the best!

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