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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
SS Question by SS on Nov 08, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

We both work in IT company and she earns a very nice salary.
We were living happily without ANY major quarrels with my wife or mother.
After 6 years of marriage our child was born and since Day One she started behaving differently and went to stay back with her parents.
It’s almost about 3 years and she is neither returning nor allowing me to speak to the child and insists that she will play with him at her place.
We tried different ways to convince her but she doesn’t want to return nor shares the reason for this behaviour.
When I asked recently she said she wants to live away from my family and not together and that too on her terms and conditions.
If not, she wants to separate but I don’t want to. I have not done any mistakes then why should I suffer?

What should I do? What is running on her mind? It’s really difficult for me to understand.
No elders are eager to resolve the matter. Awaiting your earliest suggestions.

Ans:

Dear SS,

Something has happened which you might not be aware of that has triggered this behaviour from her.

To not let you be with the child suggests that there is something else that is going on. It requires an intervention.

Speak with her parents who can talk to her sensibly about the requirement of the child being with both parents at this time.

It is highly likely that there have been some disagreements with your family that is preventing her from coming back.

So, you possibly have been naïve to believe that nothing happened. There is a reason for every action, so something so extreme from her certainly warrants a strong reason.

Why exactly did you wait for three years is something that I cannot understand as matters like these get worse with each passing day with room for disappointments.

Well, let’s keep the past right where it belongs in.

Initiate a conversation with her and take things slow and patient.

After three long years, much has changed and to expect things to be as they were is bordering on being very gullible.

State clearly what you expect within the marriage and please be an excellent listener as you encourage her to share her version of the story, her expectations, her complaints and so on…a patient, listening and compassionate ear can go a long way in rebuilding lost relationships only when you don’t go on the defense and she feels pushed again.

I do believe that it takes two people to create or destroy a relationship but since I heard from you, this is my suggestion to you.

Please be the bigger person and keep the larger picture in mind of the marriage and the child, and swallow pride and ego and simply focus on rebuilding if that is eventually a possibility.

All the best!

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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
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We got married in 2011 our marriage was not love but also not arranged... it was our both second marriage... I was very much clear about my past marriage & my life with my wife. I hoped that she was clear about hers, we shifted to our own house after 3 years of marriage along with our son. But within 6 months of shifting her friend visited her & she went to other city for vacation with our son for 15 days. Till now everything was fine, but then everything changed she decided for further studies & build her career accordingly to which I welcomed her decision. But when she completed her further studies she started seeing or treating me lowly on various issues. I came to know that she had some past with her friend who came to visit her. First she started telling everyone as I am not highly educated we are having Financial Crisis & she has to leave home & stay in other city to earn. I work in a reputed firm & I am financially stable. After year or so she started accusing me that I am not a good father & irresponsible towards my duties towards my son. After some years she cam back to the city where we lived but shifted to other residence with the support her friend who was with her from the time she went to study. Now my son is 12 years old & I am supporting her with all financial needs, she has left me alone to stay & have cleared me that she will not come back to stay with me as everything is over. I feel cheated what can I do.
Ans: Your marriage, being both your second, likely carried with it hopes for stability and mutual support. It's commendable that you supported your wife in her decision to further her education and build her career. However, it seems that her behavior and treatment towards you changed significantly after she reconnected with her friend and pursued her studies.

The shift in her attitude, accusations, and decision to live separately must be incredibly hurtful and confusing. Feeling accused of being an inadequate father and being told you are financially unstable, despite your stable job, would naturally cause significant emotional distress. Additionally, her move to a different residence with the support of her friend and her declaration that everything is over must feel like a deep betrayal.

Given the current situation, it's important to focus on a few key areas: understanding your legal rights, seeking emotional support, and planning for the future.

First, it's crucial to understand your legal rights and responsibilities, particularly regarding your son and the financial support you're providing. Consulting with a family law attorney can help clarify your position and ensure that you're fulfilling your obligations while protecting your interests. An attorney can also provide guidance on potential steps if you choose to pursue a separation or divorce.

Emotionally, this is a very challenging time, and seeking support from a therapist or counselor can be incredibly beneficial. Professional support can help you process your feelings of betrayal, sadness, and confusion. Therapy can also provide a safe space to explore your emotions and develop strategies to cope with this difficult period.

Your son is another critical aspect of this situation. At 12 years old, he is at a sensitive age, and the changes in the family dynamic likely impact him as well. Ensuring that he feels supported and loved is crucial. Open, honest communication with him, tailored to his age and understanding, can help him navigate his feelings about the situation.

As you move forward, it's important to consider your own well-being and future. Reflect on what you need to feel supported and fulfilled. This might include setting boundaries with your wife, seeking more time with your son, or finding new ways to build your own happiness and stability.

Maintaining a focus on clear communication, legal clarity, and emotional support will help you navigate this difficult situation. It's understandable to feel cheated and hurt, but taking steps to understand your rights, seeking professional support, and planning for the future can provide a path forward. You deserve to find stability and happiness, even amidst these challenging circumstances.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 31, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hi Anu, this is Rajkiran here, I am 34 years old I have been married 4 years back to a girl through the relatives reference. My wife is govt worker and she only has one independent parent which is her mother. The marriage happened in a very short time during corona period and we had healthy few chats of how we expect our life's to be and we were both in common understanding and when I asked what is her expectations then she said she had no expectations at all and go by how life takes on. I was happy that I got right match and I am person not into any relationships and nothing and this marriage relationship was so new and started loving her more and she was also the same. She had also no relationships and not interested in marriage but due to her mother's pressure she got married to me. She also started liking the relationship and valuing it After 6 months she was pregnant and she went to her mom's house to stay as she was feeling comfortable there and I aslo let her stay as she wishes. Child was born in 2022 April and problem started here We had to name the child and it's usually dad who names the child because its family tree and decendent. But my wife got in middle and said she wants name as suggested by her mother, the first fight started and later i compromised for child sake and I agreed to her on the naming of child. After the naming ceremony done her mother acted differently to me and she was looking for fight, my wife was also on the same route they were allowing me see my child once in a month and she also did not bother to spend time and let child because with me. I love to be with child but unfortunately I am not able to spend time with him. This made me feel suffocating inside and was feeling bad, one day we planned to bring child to my home along with my wife and she also agreed to stay for 3days and for some reason child was crying as it was new to adapt and new people. My wife used the situation to pull a fight with me and she said I want to go home saying child is crying and he will fall sick. I requested to wait for another few hours if he calms down and we will see but she didn't listen and got very pissed off and had cold war with her for week. She stopped talking and she stopped everything. I had no idea what was so wrong that I did and it so bad. I tired always to talk to her and she didn't give space to me and my feelings. From September 2022 we were not together till now. I December 2022 I approached marriage counselling for her and me to unite with her, she also had come for counseling as it was religious institution and she had no option to opt out. Counselling was done and she told that she will be coming my house in a Weeks time. After a week again same story she didnt turn back and she didnt even want to put one step to solve issue, adament nature and influence of her mother. I waited for a year and approached legally by filing petition on restitution of conjugal rights. I went through 2 hearings she is not turning back. I am left no where and for this sake why I should have married. I don't want another marriage or any i have great love for my child and even my wife whatso ever she does i just love her.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There are a few individuals on Earth who sadly fail to see the larger picture; in your case your wife fails to see how marriage can bring stability to life and the child's growth.
Now why she wants to run back to her parents' place is something I don't understand BUT she surely has forgotten that making a marriage work means staying together and even if the two of you need to stay apart, it has to be due to work or other commitments that require that kind of an adjustment.
Do you know why she is so quick to run back to her family home? Even if she was pressured in marrying you, what's the point running away from what is obvious.
If you are sure about not wanting the marriage, kindly factor in that you have a child. Make an attempt to get back together, so that your child has a stable home. Request an elder member from your family to intervene and talk some sense into her mother who seems to be ignorant to the fact of ruining her daughter's life. Is her mother going to take on the responsibility of her daughter and her child? See where this line of action leads you to and then step in and appeal with your wife...This is all that you can do...Hope for the best thing to happen...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Dr Nagarajan Jsk

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NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

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Hello! Sir This is Sravani.I am a M.Pharmacy postgraduate and has a work experience of 6 years in Quality control department in pharma industry.At present i am working in the same department. But i want to go for work from home job.so that i can spend time with my kids. Both my kids are in kindergarten. It's becoming tough for me to manage both job & kids as my working hours are too long. Please do suggest me any kind of work from home job which suits my profile. Regards Sravani
Ans: Hi Sravanthi,

It's great to hear that you have six years of experience in Quality Control (QC). As you know, QC roles are generally onsite, unlike IT roles that can often be done remotely. Given your expertise in QC, you have the option to transition to Quality Assurance (QA), Regulatory Affairs (RA), or the Validation team, but we need to assess the feasibility of such a shift. While it is uncommon, it is possible to find roles in RA, such as preparing and submitting documents, pharmacovigilance, or medical scribing. However, since these are not your areas of expertise, if you choose to pursue them, you may be considered a fresher in those fields.

You also mentioned that need to work long hours. Even with work from home (WFH), you will likely face similar challenges; once you log in, you cannot skip the tasks assigned to you. Being at home may hinder your ability to care for your children, creating additional difficulties.

If you are financially stable, you might consider quitting your current job to find other opportunities or to take care of your family. If not, you will need to weigh your options carefully.

My recommendation is to prefer onsite work rather than WFH.

On a lighter note, there are many advantages to onsite work that can actually save you money—such as reduced electricity bills, food expenses, and travel costs. Compared to WFH, where you may incur higher electricity costs due to using AC and your computer, along with food expenses for snacks and meals.

Logically speaking, as a working woman, if your maid were asking for a WFH arrangement, how would you respond?

As an additional suggestion, you might consider applying for government jobs as a Junior or Senior Analyst in your state’s Drug Testing Lab within the Drugs Control Department.

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All the best.

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Knee Replacement- My doctor has advised me total knee replacement in right knee after examining X ray, as I am suffering from pain in right knee for last 12 months. Whether I have any options to avoid it or better to do to live pain free life after operation. I am worried about side effects, if any. Thanks Ganesh Surana
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Thank you for your query. If your doctor has recommended a total knee replacement, it is likely based on the severity of your condition as indicated by the X-ray and your ongoing pain. However, you may still explore conservative options before deciding on surgery. I suggest consulting a physiotherapist for a comprehensive rehabilitation program. Physiotherapy can help strengthen the muscles around the knee, improve joint stability, and potentially reduce pain.
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If conservative measures don’t provide sufficient relief, total knee replacement may be the best option for living a pain-free life. It’s natural to be concerned about side effects, but modern surgical techniques and post-operative care have made the procedure highly effective and safe. Discuss all your concerns with your doctor and physiotherapist to make an informed decision.
Wishing you the best,

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Dr Shakeeb Ahmed

Dr Shakeeb Ahmed Khan  |132 Answers  |Ask -

Physiotherapist - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

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I AM HAVING UMBLICAL HERNEA PROBLEM.DOCOTR SUGGESTED ME TO BRING DOWN MY WEIGHT AND REDUCE FATTY BELLY BEFORE SURGERY.HE SUGGESTED ME TO WAIT FOR SURGERY TILL MY WEIGHT COMES DOWN FROM 92 KGS TO A REASONABLE LEVEL.PLEASE SUGGST ME WHAT EXERCISES i CAN DO TO ELIMINATE THE FAR BELLY WITHOUT DETERIORATING MY UMBLICAL HERNEA PROBLEM.PLEASE SUGGEST ME EXERCISES TO BRING DOWN MY BELLY. THANKS AND REGARDS. NVRSRINIVAS
Ans: Dear Mr. Srinivas,

Thank you for your query. Weight reduction is a gradual process that requires consistent effort and a balanced approach. It is advisable to consult a physiotherapist and a nutritionist to guide you through this journey. Focus on a high-protein, low-carbohydrate diet to support weight loss while maintaining muscle mass. Ensure your meals are nutritious and create a calorie deficit.

For exercise, start with low-impact aerobic activities such as walking, cycling, or swimming, as these can burn calories without putting pressure on your hernia. Incorporate gentle core-strengthening exercises like pelvic tilts and side planks to build core stability without straining the affected area. If suitable, include short bursts of high-intensity workouts or moderate-intensity, long-duration activities such as brisk walking or light jogging to enhance endurance and fat loss. Additionally, light resistance training can help maintain muscle mass, but avoid exercises that strain your abdominal muscles or involve heavy lifting.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7363 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 22, 2024Hindi
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I have lost money around 8 lakhs in gambling now i want to restart my life fresh i need to settle my debts and loan with bank and NBFCs is it possible to settle money at 70 percent waived off
Ans: Restarting your life after financial setbacks is possible with a disciplined approach. Settling your debts with banks and NBFCs requires a strategic plan, negotiation, and commitment. Here's a 360-degree approach to help you resolve your situation:

Assess Your Current Financial Position
List All Debts: Create a detailed list of all outstanding loans and debts, including principal, interest, and penalties.

Identify Income Sources: Calculate your monthly income and any other sources of funds.

Evaluate Essential Expenses: Identify non-negotiable expenses such as rent, food, utilities, and transport.

Determine Negotiable Debts: Focus on debts with higher interest rates or legal implications.

Negotiating with Lenders
Possibility of Settling at 70% Waiver
Banks and NBFCs Are Open to Negotiation: They prefer recovering some amount rather than declaring a loan as non-performing.

Settlement Terms Vary: Each lender may have unique policies. Some might agree to 70% waiver, but others may not.

Present Your Case Transparently: Show proof of your financial hardship. Explain your inability to pay in full.

Request a One-Time Settlement (OTS): Offer to pay a lump sum of the waived-off amount to close the debt.

Steps to Negotiate Effectively
Reach Out to the Right Department: Contact the collections or recovery department of your lender.

Seek Professional Help: A certified financial planner or debt resolution expert can negotiate on your behalf.

Prepare a Settlement Plan: Propose a realistic amount you can pay. Mention the sources for this payment.

Ask for Written Confirmation: Ensure the lender provides a formal agreement on the waived-off amount.

Negotiate for Reduced Interest and Penalties: Request removal of penalties and reduction of interest rates.

Managing Your Financial Obligations
Repayment Strategy
Prioritise High-Interest Loans: Focus on clearing loans with higher interest rates first.

Consolidate Debts: Consider consolidating multiple loans into one with a lower interest rate.

Use Liquid Assets Wisely: If you have savings or assets, use them to reduce your debt burden.

Building a Fresh Financial Foundation
Avoid Gambling and High-Risk Activities
Adopt Healthy Habits: Seek professional help if gambling is an addiction. Join support groups like Gamblers Anonymous.

Focus on Financial Literacy: Learn to manage your money effectively through courses or books.

Create a Budget and Emergency Fund
Track Income and Expenses: Use apps or spreadsheets to monitor your financial activity.

Save for Emergencies: Set aside 3–6 months of expenses as a safety net.

Restart Investments Gradually
Start with SIPs: Begin investing small amounts in mutual funds. Avoid direct stock trading initially.

Build a Retirement Corpus: Plan for long-term financial security systematically.

Final Insights
Rebuilding your life after a financial setback takes effort but is achievable. Focus on negotiating your debts transparently and settling them systematically. Learn from past mistakes and adopt disciplined financial habits. Restart your journey with renewed confidence and a commitment to avoid risky behaviours. Seek professional guidance when needed to make informed decisions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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