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Ravi Mittal |485 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 20, 2023

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more

Question by Trilok on Feb 19, 2023Hindi

Relationship

My wife has said that she will keep no relation with my family and i should not keep any relation with her family. This happened as my mother on law always supporter her..She is late for everything and which triggers my anger. I have always supported her but in the past i had friends who used to make me drink and travel leaving her all alone.I have already left the past. She is working now but does not support in running the family expense. She is 41 & i am 47 now. Our marriage has been is now completed 19 years. I have to bear all the expenses of the family like Son's school fees etc. She sometimes incurs her medical expenses. I am not at all happy as she is does not disclose anything to me and always thinks that my family is after her and says that they do some black magic etc...I am planning to bring my father as he is 80 years old but he is fearing that if he comes then there will be a dispute in my family. Should i ask to share the family expenses as this is eating out all my savings. Please guide me ...I am very unhappy.

Ans: Dear Trilok,

An open discussion might help in your case. I am sure you have tried explaining your grievances to your wife, but try it one more time. But instead of making your statements like, "your actions make me so frustrated," try to make her your ally with I statements, for instance, "I feel so frustrated because of everything that's going on; I really need you in my corner." What this does is tickles the other person's ego by making them feel needed; it just might do the trick.

Express your thoughts politely, without ever losing control of your tongue, and make your wife understand that you are partners and equals, hence both are responsible for the wellbeing of your family, not just you alone.

Best Wishes!

RelationshipReply

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Kanchan Rai |463 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 31, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 29, 2023Hindi

Relationship

Hi Ma'am, I am 36 years old and got married in the year 2014. I wanted to be in a joint family but my wife does not like it from the starting days itself. My parents used to stay with me periodically but not continuously. We have 2 boy children now. During my 1st boy child naming ceremony, my wife's family created issues and threatened me and my mother with bad words and forced for a separate family which i never agreed. After that issue, my wife never returned to my matrimonial home. After lot of efforts from my relatives, we joined back again. But the personal vengeance of my wife on my parents still continued. She used to misbehave with them some times like not listening to my mother's words and she never used to help my mother on all the house hold activities. My mother used to take care of all the household works. In the mean time we are blessed with 2nd boy. She stayed in my house during her second pregnancy, her preganancy well assisted by my mother and me both financially and emotionally. But i used to tell my wife to do very small houshold activities to make her physically well fit for her normal delivery but she took that suggession in a wring way and considered it as a torcher. During her ninth month of her pregnancy she went to her parents house to write a competitive exam but never returned back instead she continued to stay there and returning back to my home. So it has been more than two years now that she left me. During this time, i visited for her birthday, her father died, me and my parents visited his funeral, i visited my sons birthday. So i almost did all my efforts to bring back her to my home but she refused all my chances. So I filed a divorce case since i dont have any hope in my marriage life anymore. But i wanted to live with her since we have two children. Any suggestions/advices please.

Ans: I understand the complex and challenging situation you're facing in your marriage. It's clear that there have been significant conflicts and misunderstandings between you and your wife, and you've made attempts to resolve them. Here are some thoughts and advice from a counseling perspective:

Open Communication: Effective and empathetic communication is crucial. Encourage both you and your wife to express your feelings and concerns in a safe and non-confrontational manner. A counselor can help facilitate these discussions and ensure that both parties have a chance to be heard.
Professional Counseling: Seeking the help of a qualified marriage counselor or therapist is highly recommended. A counselor can provide a neutral perspective, offer strategies for conflict resolution, and help you both explore the underlying issues in your relationship.
Child-Centered Approach: As you have children, it's vital to prioritize their well-being. Regardless of the outcome, work together on a co-parenting plan that focuses on their emotional and psychological needs. A counselor can assist in creating a plan that ensures your children's stability and happiness.
Understanding and Empathy: Try to understand each other's perspectives, feelings, and needs. There seems to be a lack of understanding between you and your wife, and it's important to build empathy and find common ground.
Legal Matters: Consult with a family lawyer to fully understand your rights, responsibilities, and potential outcomes regarding divorce, child custody, and financial matters. It's crucial to be well-informed about the legal implications of your decisions.
Reconciliation Efforts: If both you and your wife are open to the possibility of reconciliation, be prepared for a long and challenging process. It will require time, patience, and a willingness to address the root causes of your issues.
Understanding: Try to understand your wife's perspective and feelings, and encourage her to understand yours. Misunderstandings can often lead to conflicts, and gaining insight into each other's point of view can be a first step toward resolution.
Co-parenting: Regardless of the outcome of your marriage, your focus should be on the well-being of your children. It's essential to develop a co-parenting plan that prioritizes their needs and stability. Self-Care: Take care of your own well-being. Navigating these difficult circumstances can be emotionally and mentally taxing, so ensure you maintain your own emotional and mental health.
Reflect on Your Expectations: Take time to reflect on your expectations regarding family arrangements and what you're willing to compromise on. It may be necessary to find a middle ground between your desire for a joint family and your wife's preference for a separate one.

Remember that the decision to reconcile or proceed with the divorce should be made with the well-being of both you and your wife, as well as your children, in mind. Professional counseling and mediation can provide the support and tools you need to navigate this challenging situation. Whether the ultimate goal is reconciliation or an amicable separation, the involvement of a qualified therapist can be instrumental in moving forward in a healthy and constructive way.

Anu Krishna |1424 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 27, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi Anu, I am married for 3 years and having 1 year baby boy. My marriage was fixed at matrimony site. After registration my wife used to tell me that she will spent most of her time at her home with her father and mother which is only 5 km within my home. After marriage she used to stay at her father's house almost 9 months in a year and only 2-3 months intermittent break she used to visit my house. She used to made me buy expensive washing machine and other house hold items inspite of having one already there, keep Cooking maid etc. When most of the time she is not staying with me I feel these are all my money wastage. Now she is forcing me to keep all time maid. My salary is only 50k , how can I manage all these expenses and her demand and even after meeting all these she is not staying with me and used to spent all the time at her father's flat. When I say to stay with me she used to give lot of excuses, She and both her parents had visited multiple times in my house before marriage and well aware that my kitchen setup is at first floor and not on second floor and other house hold arrangement. She used to take my baby boy with her for long period of time like 5-6 months and then come for 2-3 weeks and then again went away. We feel we are going distant apart and thinking to drag her and family in Magistrate court to seek right to conjugal life and her directly in court whether she would like to stay with me in my house or at father's place. Needless to say I used to bear all her expenses even she is staying at her father's house and I am staying alone and leading batchelor life. Please suggest.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Clearly your wife and her parents have not understood that marriage means staying together under the same roof as a couple and going through the highs and lows that come along the way.
If your wife intends to come to live in your home like it's a PG, then ask her to bear half the cost of all that is being bought. Maybe then that will drive sense inside of her.
On the other hand, what is the reason that she is so unwilling to stay longer periods with you? Have you tried to ask her this? I can only suggest:
- ask a two elder family members from both sides to step in and intervene
- go for couples therapy which will help both of you focus on the marriage as husband and wife

This can be a start point and then you can evaluate based on how things turn out...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Anu Krishna |1424 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 14, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi dear Anu Krishna Madam, I am a regular reader of your suggestions and answers on the questions of relationships since long. You are doing a great work to solve the complications of people's life. I have a long story actually, thanks to you in advance for your patience in reading this. I am male 36 YO, married and having a 4 YO daughter. Mandatory to mention here that I have mother who is dependent on me financially as my father passed away years ago. My relationship with my not been since starting as we got married in 2015. She is having serious anger issues and starts fighting on even little things. She is not very inclined to my mother and my younger sister who got married in 2018 and staying in UK with her husband. My wife is always complaining for one thing or the other. I am working for Central Government and earning well but she is never satisfied and keeps on complaining that my brother in law (sister's husband) is better husband or sometimes compare with other men. I always to fulfil all the requirements financially as well as taking care of baby, helping in household chores but she is never a happy woman. I send my mother and amount of Rs 10000 per month as no one is there to take care of her, mother stays at our hometown and I along with my wife and daughter stays at my work place city. I had to finance the marriage of my younger sister also as my father passed away when the both of us siblings were of age 7 and 3, this was told before my marriage to the family of wife as well as her that this will be required to be managed by me financially. But she complains of this also that I have spent this much money on my sister and mother. I am earning from a young age of 18 years but I don't find any peace at home. I am working like a machine, earning and then she is saying bad things to me all the time. She shouts loudly when fighting so that neighbours also listen and I find it very shameful. Her behaviour towards our daughter also changes frequently and she treats her according to her mood. My mother is not staying with us as when she stayed here for 6-8 months due to her health related issues, she started fighting with my mother also and created huge scenes every now and then. My wife's only attachment is with her own family, her mother, father, unmarried elder sister and unmarried elder brother. Her both the siblings couldn't find suitable matches for themselves, this is also creating a stress for my wife and she in the end throws her frustration on me. She and my self have both tried to commit suicide 2-3 times in the fight on different occasions. Last year she met a younger boy of age 26-27 and they both got attracted to each other. I was along with her and I noticed them smiling at each other at a function. I asked my wife and said to her that if you want to you can ask and talk to that boy. Means I told her to have an open marriage, in the hope that this will atleast make her realise that my husband is happy in my happiness. They both started talking and even met on 3-4 occasions and 2-3 of them secret meetings at our home (only i knew that I didn't pointed out) with physical intimacy. Now due to some unknown reason both my wife and that boy are not talking to each other. Her behaviour had been very rude since that boy came to her life and she never realised that my husband is not pointing out this infidelity also. Now, when that boy is also not there, her disrespect towards me is increasing day by day. She starts fighting even at streets and shouting loudly. I have also given a thought for legal separation but due to my daughter I am not going ahead. I am in a very complex situation and don't understand what to do. How i can make her understand that relationship runs on two people. Please guide me further. One more thing to mention here she is not interested to go for councelling or anything like that. Thanks in advance. Regards.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your wife is perhaps one of those people who choose to see what's not happening rather than what good is actually happening. It's just a habit that can destroy their peace of mind and of those around them.
You are caught around her drama where she tries to find her happiness all around her when she can perfectly find it within the marriage. So, if there's something small that upsets her at home or does not go according to the way she thinks it should, instead of talking about it to you, she is someone who will find a way out outside and in things that can instantly make her feel better. That 27-year-old has ended up becoming some sort of a distraction and by you allowing it to go further whatever happens or doesn't will be blamed on you.
She's acting like a child in need of attention, incapable of addressing her own emotions, distracting herself with a new toy and then crying out creating drama around it all and oh, blaming you when things go wrong.
Got the picture, here? So, the way out is to actually take her to a professional who can guide her to regulate her thoughts an =d actually infuse her back into a family system. It's possible that her maternal home did not provide a great example in this regard...you might know better...
You can try and get through to her by requesting her to step in for your child's sake else the marriage can deteriorate further...So, give it a try.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Latest Questions

Radheshyam Zanwar |1120 Answers |Ask -Follow

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Jan 03, 2025

Question by Yug - Jan 02, 2025Hindi

Career

So sir if I have to go through AIQ in Maharashtra do I have to convert the telangana caste certificate to central to get into AIQ??

Ans: Hello Yug,
The reply is given to you in a follow-up question. Please copy and paste the following link to view the reply: https://gurus.rediff.com/question/qdtl/career/telangana-state-caste-certificate-sc-live-maharashtra-mbbs-college-maharashtra/5190732

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

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Anu Krishna |1424 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 03, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 02, 2025Hindi

Relationship

Hi Sir/Ma'am, I am here to know if there is a problem with my mind or body as I am having a strong sense of demotivation to work towards the upcoming exams. I had taken a 3 months study leave from my work for the upcoming exams to be held in January . The first month was excellent but the next was not good and last month was pathetic. For the past 2 months I have been trying to work hard sincerely but failed. I sat at the study table, but could not achieve my targets. I wrote the targets , but still failed to complete them. I tried watching self help videos and read self help books but nothing is helping me. Today, it is like my brain signals not to work towards any of my targets. I am a CA aspirant and I tried all these ways but nothing worked for me. My exams are in 9 days and my family is not ready to give me any more chances because this is my 7th attempt. Even if I talk about this problem with my family, they become extremely negative and say harsh words about my future. Since I do not have family or friends to talk about it , could you please provide me sincere help in this ?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Kindly work with someone who can get you out of this mindset and into a mindset that is not motivating but also inspiring. Right now what you face is lack of inspiration which is understandable given the many attempts. But you are aware that some professional exams are like this; so persevere...
If it makes sense, take a break from it all...Breaks can refresh the mind and also help you realign yourself back to your goal. But make sure it's a short break and not something that will get you to a place of procrastinating. The break is to help you slow down the mind so that you can bring yourself back to your goal and take necessary steps to achieve it.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Anu Krishna |1424 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 03, 2025

Question by Geetasri - Dec 31, 2024

Relationship

My ex is blackmailing me with someone screenshot and screen recording

Ans: Dear Geetasri,
You might want to involve the police if the situation is getting worse.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ramalingam Kalirajan |7410 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 03, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 03, 2025Hindi

Money

I am 57 yrs , I have monthly income is 8.0 lakhs & want to retire at 60. I have 2.5 cr in MF and 50 lakhs in stock how much should I invest in MF & stocks

Ans: At 57, with a monthly income of Rs. 8 lakhs, you are in a strong financial position. You already have Rs. 2.5 crore in mutual funds and Rs. 50 lakhs in stocks. Retiring at 60 is achievable with proper planning. Let’s focus on enhancing your investments to secure a comfortable retirement.

Assessing Your Current Investments
Mutual Funds: Rs. 2.5 crore in mutual funds offers diversification and stability.

Stocks: Rs. 50 lakhs in stocks adds growth potential but comes with higher risk.

Retirement Target: Estimate your post-retirement expenses to calculate the required corpus. Include inflation-adjusted costs.

Recommended Mutual Fund Allocation
Increase SIP Contributions: With high income, raise your monthly SIPs in mutual funds.

Diversify Across Fund Categories: Allocate funds to large-cap, mid-cap, and hybrid funds. They balance risk and returns effectively.

Debt Mutual Funds: Add debt funds to maintain stability and liquidity in your portfolio.

Tax-Efficient Options: Choose equity-oriented hybrid funds for better post-tax returns.

Balancing Stock Investments
Reduce Exposure Gradually: Stocks can be volatile, especially closer to retirement. Shift some stock investments to mutual funds or safer options.

Invest in Quality Stocks: Retain investments in blue-chip or dividend-paying stocks for consistent returns.

Avoid Speculative Stocks: Focus on stable and established companies for reduced risk.

Tax Efficiency and Withdrawal Planning
Equity Fund Taxation: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Debt Fund Taxation: Gains from debt funds are taxed as per your income slab.

Plan Withdrawals Wisely: Spread withdrawals over financial years to minimise tax liability.

Building a Retirement Corpus
Target Corpus: Calculate the required retirement corpus for the next 25–30 years.

Inflation-Protected Income: Invest in funds that offer inflation-beating returns for financial security.

Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund covering at least two years of expenses.

Diversification and Risk Management
Asset Allocation: Maintain a 60:40 equity-to-debt ratio initially. Gradually reduce equity exposure closer to retirement.

Periodic Reviews: Review your portfolio semi-annually and rebalance as needed.

Risk Assessment: Avoid overexposure to volatile asset classes nearing retirement.

Planning for Healthcare and Contingencies
Health Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage for you and your family.

Contingency Funds: Allocate a portion of your portfolio to liquid assets for emergencies.

Minimise Unnecessary Risks: Avoid risky investments that could erode your wealth.

Final Insights
You are on the right track to achieve a secure retirement. Increase mutual fund SIPs, reduce stock exposure gradually, and maintain a balanced portfolio.

Focus on building an inflation-adjusted retirement corpus while ensuring tax efficiency. Periodic reviews and disciplined investing will help you achieve your financial goals.

Your high income and existing investments are commendable. With proper planning, you can enjoy a stress-free retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

Ramalingam Kalirajan |7410 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 03, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 02, 2025Hindi

Money

Im 40 years old with a corpus of 2cr consisting of 50% equity funds and 50% of FDs, PPF , PF . Combined income of 2 lakh and have a 10 year old daughter.Doing SIP of 1lakh in equity funds and no loans. Is it possible to accumlate corpus of 10 cr within next 10 years ? What should be done additionally to achieve that goal?

Ans: Your existing corpus of Rs. 2 crore is a strong foundation. Splitting it equally between equity and fixed-income instruments ensures diversification. A monthly SIP of Rs. 1 lakh in equity funds is commendable, showing disciplined investing. With your current financial habits, you are well-positioned for wealth creation. However, achieving Rs. 10 crore in 10 years requires strategic adjustments and focused planning.

Evaluating the Rs. 10 Crore Target
To reach Rs. 10 crore in 10 years, your investments need to grow significantly. This goal demands higher annualised returns and enhanced contributions. Relying solely on current SIPs and portfolio returns may not suffice. Let’s identify steps to bridge the gap.

Optimising Your Equity Allocation
Increase SIP Contributions: With a combined income of Rs. 2 lakh and no loans, increasing SIPs is feasible. Incrementally raise your monthly SIP by Rs. 50,000 or more.

Choose Growth-Oriented Funds: Focus on funds with a proven track record in midcap and small-cap segments. These categories have the potential for higher returns over a 10-year horizon.

Monitor Fund Performance: Periodically review your equity funds. Replace underperforming schemes with actively managed funds showing consistent returns.

Leveraging Fixed-Income Investments
Enhance PF Contributions: If your PF contributions can increase through voluntary contributions, it will ensure stability while adding to long-term growth.

Review FDs: Fixed Deposits provide safety but may not match inflation-adjusted growth. Shift a portion to debt mutual funds for tax-efficient returns.

Continue PPF Investments: PPF is an excellent tax-free instrument. Ensure you maximise the Rs. 1.5 lakh annual limit.

Balancing Tax Efficiency
Equity Fund Taxation: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Plan withdrawals to minimise this tax impact.

Debt Fund Taxation: Gains from debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab. Select funds with low turnover to optimise post-tax returns.

Tax-Saving Opportunities: Invest in ELSS funds if you haven't exhausted the Rs. 1.5 lakh Section 80C limit.

Strategic Investment Adjustments
Goal-Linked Investments: Allocate investments specifically for this goal. Separate it from your child’s education or other financial goals.

Increase Equity Proportion: Consider a higher equity allocation, such as 70% equity and 30% fixed income. Equity delivers better inflation-adjusted returns over the long term.

Reinvest Returns: Do not withdraw returns. Reinvest them to compound the growth of your corpus.

Regular Reviews and Adjustments
Annual Financial Reviews: Assess progress toward your goal annually. Adjust contributions or allocations as needed.

Stay Updated: Keep track of changes in mutual fund performance, market trends, and tax regulations.

Seek Expertise: Engage with a Certified Financial Planner to tailor your strategy further.

Diversification and Risk Management
Balanced Portfolio: Ensure your portfolio is diversified across sectors and asset classes.

Emergency Fund: Maintain a separate emergency fund equal to six months’ expenses.

Risk Mitigation: Avoid overconcentration in a single asset class or fund category.

Child’s Education Planning
While focusing on Rs. 10 crore, don’t overlook your daughter’s education. Set aside a portion of your investments to meet this future expense.

Final Insights
Achieving Rs. 10 crore in 10 years is ambitious but achievable. With increased SIPs, strategic fund selection, and disciplined investing, you can reach your goal.

Reassess your portfolio annually and make necessary adjustments. Prioritise equity for higher returns and tax efficiency. Maintain focus and avoid unnecessary withdrawals.

Your financial habits and discipline are commendable. With focused efforts, you can build a significant corpus and secure your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

Samraat Jadhav |2135 Answers |Ask -Follow

Stock Market Expert - Answered on Jan 03, 2025

Question by VEDANTAM - Jan 02, 2025Hindi

Money

Happiest Mind Technologies has performed well for a god time. Now it's on terrible decline. Is the time up for now, for it?

Anu Krishna |1424 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 01, 2025

Relationship

Hello ma'am, Meri age 30 sal ki hai aur meri wife 26 saal ki hai 3 saal pehle meri shadi hui aur humara ek 2 saal ka beta bhi hai, Bachcha hone ke baad me meri wife sex se bilkul dur chali gayi hai, Mahine dedh mahine me ek baar badi hi mushkil se sex kar pate hai, Aur us doran bhi jo sex karte time dono partners me feelings hoti hai, wo feelings us me aati hi nahi hai, Usko bas ye ek kaam lagta hai ke bas ho gaya ab tum mujhse dur ho jao, Aur ab ek nayi hi sharat rakh di hai unhone mere samne ghar ki hi koi baat hai jo wo sab janti hai uske bare me aur mujhse bolti hai ke wo wali baat tum apne muh se mujhe btao, kehti hai ke mujhe pta hai us baat per tumhara muh kabhi bhi nahi khulega , To ab tum mujhse dur hi raho. Main bohot jyada stress me chla Gaya hun. Ek hi bed per Sona per main unko touch bhi nahi kar sakta hu, touch karte hi mere haath ko dur fenk dete hai. Please suggest me?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Yeh kaunsi baat hai joh woh jaanti hai ke aap jaante ho par aap iske baare mein muh nahin kholenge? Yeh baat toh bilkul mere palle nahin pad rahi!
Aur rahi baat sex ki...bahut baar bacche ke aane ke baad ek Maa bacche ki parvarish mein itna vyast ho jaati hain ki thakaan se sex nahin kar paati ya karna nahin chati...ghar ke baaki kaamon mein bhi uljahkar thakaawat mehsoos karti hongi.
Unka haat bataakar kuch bojh halka ho jaayega unka toh shaayad woh aapki taraf dhyaan bhi de paayegi. Shaadi ke shuruwaat ke dinon ko waapas le aane ke piye aap dono ko aur isse phir se ek romance ka mahaul banega. Koshish kijiye...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Anu Krishna |1424 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 31, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hello Coach Anu, I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed these days. I’m 32, working in a fast-paced tech job, and balancing a lot of responsibilities at home as well. The problem is, I find it so hard to focus. I keep thinking about everything — work deadlines, family matters, personal goals — and end up doing nothing properly. I’ve tried using to-do lists, setting reminders, but my mind keeps wandering. And before I know it, hours have passed and I’ve barely ticked off any tasks. Just last week, I had a big presentation at work, and I totally froze in the middle of it. It was embarrassing, and now I’m feeling like I’m stuck in a cycle of stress and procrastination. I’m really tired of feeling like this. I really need to get my act together, but I don’t know where to start.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are possibly burned out. Late working hours, lack of proper sleep and nutrition and constant chasing of deadlines with minimal time for self-care can leave you feeling purposeless. And you will have a tendency to put off things to a later date or never feel like doing them.
Take a break, re-evaluate your priorities and set goals that are inspiring. Any goal that punctures your well-being is never worth it. Go slow, enjoy what you choose to do by being in the present moment. So, re-evaluate...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Anu Krishna |1424 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 31, 2024Hindi

Relationship

after 11 years of courtship i married my boyfriend with parents permission after convincing them .We have been married for 1 year now and in this one year i saw many changes in him.he gives importance to his mother takes decisons without discussing with me but with his mother.To please his mother he talks about me like she dint do that particular thing.Now he went abroad for job and i am pregnant .I left my job and shifted to my parent's place.He doesnt even talk to me or message me.I only have to message him.If i tel any of my pregnancy complaints he either tells his mother or says i am overthinking.Now he said if I dont follow his house rule i better stay in my parents place only .I am so upset and devastated.What should I do

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What according to you have caused these changes in him and that too after 11 years of courtship? Did any instance cause him to act differently than before? And were there no indications of him acting different during your courtship days?
Why I ask this is that it is difficult for anyone to pretend for 11 long years! He would have displayed his current behavior sometime in the past and maybe you simply decided to overlook it?
Courtship days and marriage days are vastly different and what seemed okay during the courtship time becomes an issue after marriage. If this is not the case, it's quite possible that some incident which was seemingly small became a huge issue in his head causing him to act different?
Now, why am I going into this so much is because most often we overlook reasons that can be worked on. So, do think hard on this...
It is also time to involve your parents who can talk to his mother and figure out why her son is acting all weird. Surely, your mother-in-law needs to know that her interference the way it is, is going to destroy her son's marriage. So, get your parents to talk to her. And in the meantime, as hard as it may seem, do take care of your health for yourself and your baby.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ravi Mittal |485 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 24, 2024Hindi

Relationship

I am in a relationship with a girl since last 1.5 years, i told her everything regarding my financial status,my past ,everything.......she was also in a relationship for 5 years and she told me intially her ex mistreats her, abuse her , sexually force her and she hates him etc all this stuff.....but i found that she herself called her ex and then told me after 4 months...i forgive her but from last 2 months her behaviour is changed , now she is finding too many problems in how i look, my financial status and compare with other boys that they have car and they took their gf to long drives etc( her ex contacted her again and told her he got a job since then she starts all this stuff? She triggered my insecurities and i am feeling most useless and worst person... what should i do, does she really loves me? Please guide me ...i am started feeling depressed .......

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let's address the most important thing first, does she really love you? I am not sure about that. It's neither a solid yes or a solid no. But therein lies the challenge. If there is confusion, there is concern. Moreover, the habit of drawing comparisons with other people and how they treat their partners is an indication of a toxic relationship. I would urge you to rethink this relationship.

There will always be someone better out there- with a better car, a better-paying job, or even better looking, but that doesn't mean we stop loving our partner and leave them for that "better someone." Loving your partner is a choice you make every day. Having said that, it is okay if she wants someone "better." Let her. You deserve better too.

Please reconsider this relationship, especially if it is causing you so much sorrow.

Best wishes.

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