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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |151 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Mar 21, 2024

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Hemantkumar Question by Hemantkumar on Mar 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

On a date, I discuss the topic of past relationships and personal baggage. I maintain my approach with sensitivity and tactfully after realising my date's comfort level and openness to discusse such topics. I share my experiences in a respectful and non-judgmental manner, emphasizing whatever I have learned and how it shaped me. As the conversation progresses, she actively listen and responded mindfully. In turn, she reciprocated by sharing her own stories, creating a space of mutual understanding and empathy between us. For example, when she recounted a difficult period of self-discovery after ending a long-term relationship, I listened intently, offering validation and support without judgment. Overall, our conversation about past relationships and personal baggage served foundation for a meaningful and authentic relationship built on mutual trust. How can I ensure that our connection continues to grow in a healthy and authentic manner, aligned with these goals?

Ans: Indeed, it's quite simple—respect each other and encourage each other's dreams and aspirations.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |584 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I (30M) have been in the process of Arranged Marriage, screening prospective matches. Out of all the Women I'd met, there's this one Woman (28F) with whom I'm able to get along quite well. She's quite good in almost all aspects such as Appearance, Personality, Education, Career, Social & Emotional Intelligence etc. and our Interests & aspirations for Future, also align to a great extent. It seems Feasible that we build a Life together. Even she seems to be interested in me. But there's one major problem. She doesn't seem to be Trusting me well enough to open up to me, completely. We've interacting with each other since a Few Months, over Social Media, WhatsApp Messages, Phone Calls & even met each other personally on several Dates & spent good time together, understanding each other. We've discussed almost all the important aspects required for leading a Fruitful Married Life, such as, Finances, Family Affairs, Children, Future Plans in terms of Career & Personal Life, Our Travelling Bucket Lists etc & we seem to be quite compatible on almost all these aspects. But there's one aspect that she's not willing to Share with me openly. That's about her Past Relationship(s) & Sexual History. I had brought up this topic for the first time on a Date, when we'd spent over a Month in Courtship & were meeting each other in person for the 5th time. I started off by telling her that I had not been involved in any Romantic Relationship(s) either Serious or Casual, during my College Years or in my Early to Mid 20's as I had been going through a lot struggles, during that Age and I had started meeting up with Ladies only since the past 2-3 Years, after I was settled well in a stable Career & got Serious about Marriage. And obviously, I am a Virgin. When I asked her to share about her Past, she excused herself & left, abruptly ending our Date. I understood that she might not be feeling comfortable with opening up at this stage. I profusely apologized if I'd crossed my Limits, unknowingly & asked her to meet up for another Date, after a week, wherein I Reassured her that whatever is discussed between the both of us regarding sensitive personal matters, shall only remain between the both of us & need not be shared with anyone else (including Parents). She agreed with me but still didn't open up about her Past. I waited Patiently giving her few more weeks' time to open up as per her Convenience, but she never did. Whenever I brought up this sensitive topic again, she'd either change the Topic or make some Excuse to Leave, ending our interaction abruptly. I still maintained Patience & kept Reassuring her gently, that I want to know about her Past, not to Judge her, but only to understand her better. Still she seemed reluctant to open up about her Past, but is actively conversing on any other Topic. The last time we'd met personally was on a Dinner Date, a week ago. When I gently raised the Topic again, she seemed to get somewhat irritated & asked me "How does my Past, really matter to you?" I Replied that it is very much important for me to know everything about her Past, to be able to Trust her completely & take the Relationship ahead and once again I reminded her of both my Promises that I would listen to her with empathy & understanding without Judgement and that I would maintain utmost Secrecy with Respect to her Sensitive Personal Matters. Still she seemed avoidant about the Uncomfortable Conversation & tried to Gaslight me as if I'm Disrespecting her Personal Boundaries. Our Date ended on an unpleasant note & since then our Interaction over WhatsApp has been just minimal. I don't understand what's the matter with her, she never Shied away from discussing any other Important topic & communicated her views, quite effectively, giving me the Impression that she's a Matured Person, but I don't understand why she's so reluctant to open up on this Important topic, in spite of repeated Reassurances from my side. Please advise me, how do I proceed with this Sensitive issue? I am very much into her & wouldn't want to throw away such a Wonderful prospect as we seem to be getting along, quite well, with each other. At the same time, I feel the need to know everything about her Past Relationship(s) including her Sexual History, so that I can be sure about certain things, which greatly matter to me. My Gut Instinct refuses to Trust & Accept her completely, without this missing piece of Jigsaw Puzzle. I'm in great Dilemma now, any Qualitative Advice from Experienced People would be greatly appreciated.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand your concerns but it might be nice if you understand her concerns as well. While most people promise to neither judge nor share sensitive details, they rarely keep their promise, especially when the experiences are coming from a woman. Her reluctance about sharing her past with you might be stemming from the same.
To be honest, the past should not matter as much as the present but since it is important to you, I would recommend you open up about it directly to her, expressing how her not opening up is stopping you from trusting her completely. If she still does not want to talk about it, I don't see any scenario where it would be the right choice to push her about it again. You have only met her and things are yet to be official. In that case, you should rethink this alliance. Secrecy might be important to her as much as knowing every detail is important to you. Neither is wrong here. Do not rush into any conclusion and speak to her first. Meet up exclusively for this discussion and see where things go from there.
Hope this helps

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8327 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 09, 2025
Money
Dear Sir, I am 55 and I am a stage 4 cancer patient for the past 5 years. Presently working with a salary of Rs.30 LPA. I have Rs.75 L in SB account. Rs.25 L in shares out of which Rs.12 L is loss. Rs.12 L in mutual funds. Rs.3 L in EPF. No commitments or liabilities. I need to know how I can get Rs. 70 K per month in case I lose my job. Kindly advise.
Ans: I truly appreciate your courage and clarity even in the face of health challenges. With your current financial resources and the need to secure a monthly income of Rs. 70,000, a detailed and careful plan is very much possible.

Let me give you a full 360-degree solution below, step-by-step.

Understanding Your Present Financial Picture
You are 55 years old and have been living with stage 4 cancer for 5 years.

You are still employed and drawing a salary of Rs. 30 lakhs per year.

You have Rs. 75 lakhs in your savings bank account.

You hold Rs. 25 lakhs in shares, with Rs. 12 lakhs in losses.

You have Rs. 12 lakhs in mutual funds.

Rs. 3 lakhs is in your EPF account.

You have no loans or financial commitments.

Your main concern is to receive Rs. 70,000 every month if the job stops.

You are not looking to take risks.

You want regular, reliable income without physical involvement.

Step 1: Emergency Medical and Health Fund
Health comes first. Keep money aside just for medical needs.

This fund should cover two years of your full household and medical costs.

Keep Rs. 15 to 20 lakhs aside for this purpose.

This money should be in ultra-safe places.

Prefer a savings bank account and liquid mutual funds.

This should remain untouched unless truly needed.

This emergency buffer gives peace and avoids panic in tough times.

Step 2: Generate Rs. 70,000 Monthly Income
Rs. 70,000 monthly means Rs. 8.4 lakhs needed per year.

Aim for post-tax cash flow from your investments.

Break your funds into income generation buckets.

Use your Rs. 75 lakhs from savings bank as the core capital.

Avoid keeping the full amount idle in SB account.

Allocate funds into low-risk, stable return instruments.

Prefer investment avenues offering quarterly or monthly payouts.

Choose options where you can withdraw in parts if needed.

Step 3: Structured Investment Allocation
Short-Term Bucket: 1 to 2 Years

Set aside Rs. 18 to 20 lakhs for short-term needs.

Put this money into highly liquid options.

Use only those that protect capital and give fixed income.

These funds will generate stable income for the next two years.

Prefer options offering monthly or quarterly payouts.

This will help replace your salary if job stops.

You don’t need to sell any shares or mutual funds right away.

You get time to think clearly, plan calmly.

Medium-Term Bucket: 3 to 5 Years

Keep around Rs. 25 to 30 lakhs here.

Invest in actively managed hybrid mutual funds.

Choose regular plans through a mutual fund distributor with CFP credentials.

Do not go for direct funds.

Direct plans do not come with personalised guidance.

There is no one to help you rebalance, switch or review.

Regular plans through a Certified Financial Planner offer ongoing support.

With hybrid funds, risk is moderate and returns are better than FDs.

Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) to get monthly income.

You can set up SWP of Rs. 40,000 to 50,000 from this bucket.

These funds will last for years while also growing gradually.

Long-Term Bucket: 5+ Years

Keep Rs. 10 to 15 lakhs for the long-term.

This is not for current income, but for inflation beating growth.

Invest in actively managed large cap or balanced advantage funds.

Again, use regular plans with Certified Financial Planner.

These funds will build wealth for later stages.

You can shift gains to the medium bucket after 5 years.

Step 4: Shareholding Review and Action Plan
You have Rs. 25 lakhs in shares.

Out of this, Rs. 12 lakhs are in losses.

Do not sell them in a hurry.

Some may recover if you wait patiently.

First, make a list of all companies and their quality.

Exit poor-quality stocks even at a loss.

Retain good quality stocks with strong future.

If the whole portfolio is confusing, take help from a Certified Financial Planner.

You can harvest the loss now to set off gains later.

Book losses smartly to reduce future capital gains tax.

After cleaning up, move the proceeds to your medium bucket.

Step 5: Mutual Fund Review
You hold Rs. 12 lakhs in mutual funds.

Find out the type of each fund.

If these are equity funds, hold them long-term.

If returns are low or risk is high, shift to hybrid funds.

Avoid investing in index funds.

Index funds cannot protect capital in falling markets.

They simply copy the market blindly.

Actively managed funds are safer.

Professional fund managers take timely actions.

They reduce your risk and improve consistency.

Step 6: EPF Strategy
You have Rs. 3 lakhs in EPF.

EPF earns stable tax-free interest.

Do not withdraw unless it’s urgent.

Keep it as part of your long-term reserve.

Step 7: Monthly Income Setup
Use short-term and medium-term buckets to get income.

Start SWP from mutual funds for Rs. 40,000 monthly.

Use fixed income tools for Rs. 30,000 more.

Review this every year with a Certified Financial Planner.

Adjust amounts if needed based on inflation.

Step 8: Tax Planning and Awareness
Income from mutual funds is taxable.

Long-term capital gains above Rs. 1.25 lakhs taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term gains taxed at 20%.

Debt fund gains taxed as per your slab.

Plan redemptions to avoid tax shocks.

Harvest profits in a planned manner.

Step 9: Avoid These Common Mistakes
Do not invest in real estate.

It is illiquid and needs physical handling.

Do not buy annuities.

They give poor returns and lock your money.

Do not fall for insurance + investment combos.

If you already hold such policies, review them.

Consider surrender if return is poor.

Reinvest the proceeds into mutual funds.

Step 10: Use a Certified Financial Planner
A Certified Financial Planner gives structured and unbiased advice.

They help you with fund selection, SWP setup, rebalancing.

They guide you with tax-saving and risk control.

Their ongoing service is crucial at your life stage.

Choose someone with experience and clear credentials.

Finally
You are in a better financial position than many.

You have no loans, no dependents, and have built good savings.

With a calm and simple plan, you can replace your income safely.

You do not need to take risky steps now.

You have already shown strength by managing your life and job for 5 years.

Now your money should serve you with peace and stability.

Break your capital into buckets.

Get monthly income through safe withdrawals.

Review regularly with a Certified Financial Planner.

Avoid unnecessary complexity or noise.

You deserve a peaceful financial life.

Your health is precious. Let money be your quiet support.

Invest safe. Withdraw smart. Sleep well.

You are already doing well. Just add clarity and structure.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4496 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 09, 2025

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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