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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |149 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Mar 21, 2024

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Hemantkumar Question by Hemantkumar on Mar 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

On a date, I discuss the topic of past relationships and personal baggage. I maintain my approach with sensitivity and tactfully after realising my date's comfort level and openness to discusse such topics. I share my experiences in a respectful and non-judgmental manner, emphasizing whatever I have learned and how it shaped me. As the conversation progresses, she actively listen and responded mindfully. In turn, she reciprocated by sharing her own stories, creating a space of mutual understanding and empathy between us. For example, when she recounted a difficult period of self-discovery after ending a long-term relationship, I listened intently, offering validation and support without judgment. Overall, our conversation about past relationships and personal baggage served foundation for a meaningful and authentic relationship built on mutual trust. How can I ensure that our connection continues to grow in a healthy and authentic manner, aligned with these goals?

Ans: Indeed, it's quite simple—respect each other and encourage each other's dreams and aspirations.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |579 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I (30M) have been in the process of Arranged Marriage, screening prospective matches. Out of all the Women I'd met, there's this one Woman (28F) with whom I'm able to get along quite well. She's quite good in almost all aspects such as Appearance, Personality, Education, Career, Social & Emotional Intelligence etc. and our Interests & aspirations for Future, also align to a great extent. It seems Feasible that we build a Life together. Even she seems to be interested in me. But there's one major problem. She doesn't seem to be Trusting me well enough to open up to me, completely. We've interacting with each other since a Few Months, over Social Media, WhatsApp Messages, Phone Calls & even met each other personally on several Dates & spent good time together, understanding each other. We've discussed almost all the important aspects required for leading a Fruitful Married Life, such as, Finances, Family Affairs, Children, Future Plans in terms of Career & Personal Life, Our Travelling Bucket Lists etc & we seem to be quite compatible on almost all these aspects. But there's one aspect that she's not willing to Share with me openly. That's about her Past Relationship(s) & Sexual History. I had brought up this topic for the first time on a Date, when we'd spent over a Month in Courtship & were meeting each other in person for the 5th time. I started off by telling her that I had not been involved in any Romantic Relationship(s) either Serious or Casual, during my College Years or in my Early to Mid 20's as I had been going through a lot struggles, during that Age and I had started meeting up with Ladies only since the past 2-3 Years, after I was settled well in a stable Career & got Serious about Marriage. And obviously, I am a Virgin. When I asked her to share about her Past, she excused herself & left, abruptly ending our Date. I understood that she might not be feeling comfortable with opening up at this stage. I profusely apologized if I'd crossed my Limits, unknowingly & asked her to meet up for another Date, after a week, wherein I Reassured her that whatever is discussed between the both of us regarding sensitive personal matters, shall only remain between the both of us & need not be shared with anyone else (including Parents). She agreed with me but still didn't open up about her Past. I waited Patiently giving her few more weeks' time to open up as per her Convenience, but she never did. Whenever I brought up this sensitive topic again, she'd either change the Topic or make some Excuse to Leave, ending our interaction abruptly. I still maintained Patience & kept Reassuring her gently, that I want to know about her Past, not to Judge her, but only to understand her better. Still she seemed reluctant to open up about her Past, but is actively conversing on any other Topic. The last time we'd met personally was on a Dinner Date, a week ago. When I gently raised the Topic again, she seemed to get somewhat irritated & asked me "How does my Past, really matter to you?" I Replied that it is very much important for me to know everything about her Past, to be able to Trust her completely & take the Relationship ahead and once again I reminded her of both my Promises that I would listen to her with empathy & understanding without Judgement and that I would maintain utmost Secrecy with Respect to her Sensitive Personal Matters. Still she seemed avoidant about the Uncomfortable Conversation & tried to Gaslight me as if I'm Disrespecting her Personal Boundaries. Our Date ended on an unpleasant note & since then our Interaction over WhatsApp has been just minimal. I don't understand what's the matter with her, she never Shied away from discussing any other Important topic & communicated her views, quite effectively, giving me the Impression that she's a Matured Person, but I don't understand why she's so reluctant to open up on this Important topic, in spite of repeated Reassurances from my side. Please advise me, how do I proceed with this Sensitive issue? I am very much into her & wouldn't want to throw away such a Wonderful prospect as we seem to be getting along, quite well, with each other. At the same time, I feel the need to know everything about her Past Relationship(s) including her Sexual History, so that I can be sure about certain things, which greatly matter to me. My Gut Instinct refuses to Trust & Accept her completely, without this missing piece of Jigsaw Puzzle. I'm in great Dilemma now, any Qualitative Advice from Experienced People would be greatly appreciated.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand your concerns but it might be nice if you understand her concerns as well. While most people promise to neither judge nor share sensitive details, they rarely keep their promise, especially when the experiences are coming from a woman. Her reluctance about sharing her past with you might be stemming from the same.
To be honest, the past should not matter as much as the present but since it is important to you, I would recommend you open up about it directly to her, expressing how her not opening up is stopping you from trusting her completely. If she still does not want to talk about it, I don't see any scenario where it would be the right choice to push her about it again. You have only met her and things are yet to be official. In that case, you should rethink this alliance. Secrecy might be important to her as much as knowing every detail is important to you. Neither is wrong here. Do not rush into any conclusion and speak to her first. Meet up exclusively for this discussion and see where things go from there.
Hope this helps

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8315 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2025

Money
Hi Sir, My name is Abhishek, and i am 40 years old, I have 12 lakhs in FD, 6 lakhs in MF and stocks(5+1), and 10 lakhs cash, also, i have a flat in Delhi with 15 lakhs home loan, A car loan of 8 lakhs. and i am a software engr. In an MNC, having salary of 1.5 lakhs in a month. ABOVE IS ALL my asset. But i want to be financially free. Is it possible? Please suggest any best practical idea for me. Currently, WFH in ranchi.
Ans: At 40, with your current income and asset base, the goal of financial freedom is definitely achievable. Let’s work towards a 360-degree financial strategy to help you build a solid and practical roadmap.

Below is a complete evaluation and guidance to align your financial life with your freedom goal.

Current Financial Position – Snapshot and Assessment
You have Rs. 12 lakhs in Fixed Deposit.

You hold Rs. 6 lakhs in mutual funds and stocks.

You are keeping Rs. 10 lakhs in cash.

You have a flat in Delhi. You have Rs. 15 lakhs home loan on it.

You also have a car loan of Rs. 8 lakhs.

Your monthly salary is Rs. 1.5 lakhs from an MNC job. You are working from Ranchi now.

You are 40 years old and working in a stable job.

This is a very decent starting point. You are earning well, and you have good savings. But to reach financial freedom, we need better alignment.

Let’s move step-by-step.

Step 1 – Clarify What Financial Freedom Means to You
Financial freedom is not only about quitting your job.

It means you have enough income from investments to cover your monthly needs.

You should be able to choose to work or not, without worrying about money.

So first, we need to estimate your monthly future expenses post-retirement.

Let’s assume Rs. 60,000 to Rs. 80,000 per month today, adjusted for inflation later.

That means you need to create income sources to support at least Rs. 1 crore to Rs. 2 crore in future corpus.

This is not impossible. You have time and income to build this.

Step 2 – Improve the Quality of Your Assets
Let us now improve your asset quality to suit your freedom goal.

Rs. 12 lakhs in Fixed Deposit is very conservative.

FD earns low returns, and interest is fully taxable.

Keep only 4 to 5 lakhs in FD for emergency use.

Move the rest (7 to 8 lakhs) to good quality mutual funds through SIP.

Your Rs. 10 lakhs in cash is too much to keep idle.

Keep Rs. 1.5 to 2 lakhs in savings for short-term needs.

Move the balance Rs. 8+ lakhs to a liquid mutual fund for better returns.

Over the next 3 to 6 months, you can start shifting this towards equity-oriented funds.

Rs. 6 lakhs in MF and stocks is a good beginning.

But if these include index funds or direct funds, you must evaluate them carefully.

Index funds only copy the market, and don’t actively manage risks.

They underperform in falling or flat markets.

A good actively managed mutual fund is better in Indian conditions.

Direct mutual funds look low-cost, but no expert advice is included.

When you invest through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) who is also a Certified Financial Planner, you get proper hand-holding.

Regular funds through a CFP-linked MFD provide portfolio monitoring, review, and behavioural coaching.

This helps avoid panic selling or greed-driven buying.

Step 3 – Work on Your Loans
You have Rs. 15 lakhs home loan.

This is acceptable if interest is below 8.5% per annum.

Home loan offers tax benefits also. So don’t rush to close it.

Continue paying EMIs without stress. Try to pre-pay 1 EMI every 6 months if possible.

This will reduce your loan term.

But do not use emergency cash or investments to close it.

Car loan of Rs. 8 lakhs is a liability without return.

Try to clear this in the next 1.5 years.

Use your bonus or incentives for that.

Avoid buying new cars or gadgets on EMI again.

Step 4 – Build a Systematic Investment Plan
You should be investing 30% to 40% of your monthly income.

That means Rs. 45,000 to Rs. 60,000 per month.

Start SIPs in diversified actively managed mutual funds.

Allocate more in equity-oriented funds for long-term growth.

Keep a small portion in hybrid or conservative hybrid funds for balance.

If you are supporting family, consider a term insurance plan (not ULIP or endowment).

Term insurance is cheaper and offers better coverage.

Also take health insurance for self and family, even if company gives cover.

Step 5 – Emergency Planning and Risk Management
You must keep an emergency fund equal to 6 months expenses.

You already have FD and cash, so earmark Rs. 3 to 4 lakhs for this.

Put this in a separate savings or liquid mutual fund account.

Don’t touch this unless there is an actual emergency.

Review your health and life insurance policies yearly.

Step 6 – Review and Improve Your Monthly Budgeting
Track your monthly expenses. Use simple mobile apps or Excel.

Avoid impulse expenses like gadgets, travel, or lifestyle items.

Stick to a monthly budget. Save before you spend.

Increase your SIPs every year by 10%.

This will match inflation and improve wealth creation.

Step 7 – Don’t Depend on Real Estate for Financial Freedom
Real estate has low liquidity and high maintenance.

Rental yield is only 2 to 3%.

Also, resale takes time and effort.

Don’t invest more in real estate. Focus on financial instruments instead.

Step 8 – Plan Your Retirement and Passive Income Sources
At age 40, you have 15–17 years to retire.

That’s enough time to build a retirement corpus.

If you invest Rs. 50,000 monthly for 15 years in mutual funds, wealth can be significant.

Once you retire, you can shift to monthly income plans from mutual funds.

These generate regular withdrawals with tax efficiency.

You must also reallocate to more conservative funds as you near retirement.

Avoid annuity products. They give low returns and poor liquidity.

Step 9 – Tax Planning and Filing
Use tax deductions wisely under Sec 80C, 80D and home loan benefits.

Keep your investments tax-efficient.

For example, equity fund gains up to Rs. 1.25 lakhs are tax-free annually.

Above this, LTCG is taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains from equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Debt fund gains are taxed as per your income slab.

You should do tax planning with a CFP who can review your total asset base.

Step 10 – Set Clear Milestones and Review Yearly
Set short, mid, and long-term goals.

For example: close car loan in 1 year, build Rs. 50 lakhs corpus in 5 years, etc.

Track these goals once every 6 months.

If you miss one goal, don’t panic. Adjust and continue.

Stay disciplined with SIPs and avoid timing the market.

Don’t follow tips or market trends blindly.

Final Insights
You are doing well for your age and income level.

But to reach financial freedom, you need more structured planning.

Convert your cash and FDs to wealth-generating assets.

Stop investing in real estate and focus on financial investments.

Eliminate loans step-by-step.

Increase your SIPs regularly and keep your portfolio reviewed by a Certified Financial Planner.

Review your goals, risks, and insurance every year.

Stay consistent and patient. Freedom will come earlier than expected.

You are on the right track. Just need direction, discipline, and dedication.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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