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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |80 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Apr 11, 2023

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Ritu Question by Ritu on Apr 10, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

We broke up in January. In Feb he let me know that he wants some space and time to get healed. When I stop respond his calls in March he asked for a discussion over the issues we had. In those days I was a bit busy with official works so couldn’t meet for discussion. Then he was angry that I am not showing interest in discussion. Then we meet to talk but he become angry recalling the fight at the time of our break up. I want to reconcile the relationship. At some point from his messages I think he want but sometime I think he doesn’t. How should I proceed.

Ans: if the relationship is important to you - then both need to give it priority for now - which means focus on the relationship - even if it requires to take off from work. Do keep in mind, to keep your cool, atleast one has to be calm... Do also be prepared for angst too - having said this, if you decide to get back - then it is important that you will need to forget and forgive and look forward to building your life again. ps: just know you are not unique - 90% of best relationships face challenges as you are facing and overcome them because they wish to. All the best.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |952 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 06, 2022

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Hi I am 23 years old and had a first relationship with 4 years younger boy. Everything between us was picture perfect. He was everything I ever dreamt of, but after 1 year our relationship turned toxic.He's acting like he wasn’t aware that ups and downs come but we should stick to each other. He asked to break up twice and we again came together but now it’s been months we aren’t together anymore. I’m emotionally attached to him but tired of bearing this pain and constantly fearing he will leave me when conditions aren’t favourable. But after break up he still wants to be friends. I even agreed that. Even in friendship he's talking and roaming as per only his convenience. Guide me how to come out of pain as I’m pursuing one of the renowned career course and also this also is affecting my mental health.
Ans:

Dear D,

Emotional maturity is what is in question here. He still is at an age where commitment is not something he is aware of.

It’s like try this relationship, if it doesn’t work, try another one and so on….

Give him time to settle his emotions till he is ready for a committed relationship; which does not mean, you wait around for ever.

Now that you are ‘friends’ or not, please surround yourself with people your age and if an interesting person comes along, see where that goes.

As far as being attached to him goes, do you really want to continue to inflict pain on yourself by basing your entire emotional world with him?

The world is huge and so are your sights…. Focus on yourself and what you love and be in that space to find yourself again.

Be kind to yourself, all the best! 

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |952 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 05, 2022

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Relationship
Dear Anu, I started a relationship with this guy, who I met on a dating app like a year back. I started to like him and everything was going fine. We started talking and soon our conversations steered towards talking about our future. However, he suddenly told me out of nowhere that he is a divorcee. His marriage was called off at the altar due to dowry issues. He and his family are embroiled in a dowry case which is going on. I was shocked and wanted to know the entire truth but he never came clear about what exactly happened. He told me that he cannot think of marriage and the future and wants to keep it casual. I was heartbroken and we fought a lot after which he suddenly stopped talking. After sometime he started talking again and said that he wants me back. He always makes plans to meet in hotels and spend nights with him. I started to grow distant, stopped taking his calls and tried to push him out. I also started to look out for matches, based on my age. I am 32, but nothing is materialising there. I started missing him and recently messaged him again. I lied to him that I am getting hitched and he said ‘okay let’s meet and spend a night together.’ I really don't know. I am amused that all he is really interested in is getting into my pants all the time. I am genuinely in love with him and he says it again now also he loves me. But his thoughts and words are not in sync. I am just not able to get over him. I have been trying hard since I decided to move on. Some thing or the other brings me back to him again and again. I am becoming more lonely, depressed all the more coz the marriage thing is also not picking up and I have no one.Please help.
Ans:

Dear BG,
What does it tell you about a person when he chooses to hide the fact that he is a divorcee and that too with a reason like dowry?

Doesn’t this ring any bell for you as a sign to the fact that he possibly can never be trusted when he can’t come clean with his life story?

And now the complication of being physically involved has added a dimension that makes you want to be around him even more?

The very fact that you have written to me is because you are revaluating your thoughts about him and GOOD, you must and ask yourself:

Is he really worth my love, time and energy?

Has he done anything to earn my trust?

If it’s a big NO, you know that this guy isn’t the last man on the planet and that just because you are unable to find a suitable life partner, you need to settle for this man.

No, you don’t need to settle and pine for someone who has not bothered to take your feelings into considerations and not much of thought as to: if she finds out about my past, how will she react?

So let me be the one to tell her rather than she hear it from someone else.

Instead, he chooses to defend his decision of hiding this and to top it all stops talking to you.

Why exactly is he playing the victim when he isn’t? Because, he feels that it isn’t his problem and that it is yours and that you need to be making all the adjustments IF you want a future with him.

Did all this give you a good perspective?

Do the right thing and Love yourself. All the best.

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on May 30, 2022

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Relationship
Hello Love Guru. I want to ask about my ex. We had relationship for past two years but kind of on and off. During initial stages we both acted immaturely and broke up but still one of us patch up. Last time, last year in September, my ex broke up saying he doesn't like my personality and our relationship is unmotivating. Even the previous breakup was by him saying he needs time and space. Although he had introduced me to his sister and friends, I think he is just been in relationship for TP. When he broke up last time, he got promoted at work maybe that’s why. Currently he said he has quit his job IDK reason and suddenly he realised he took wrong decisions. I was sure I don't want to give any more chance. So I told him that introduce me to your parents as your GF, not for marriage now. He said he will try but not sure. I have decided he is free and hence he wants relationship so not moving forward with him. Please tell me what you think. Although, after our patch-up, I do see small efforts from his side but I was always one who was on giving end.
Ans:

Your mail is quite confusing in the sense that I don’t know whether you’re currently with him or not; you refer to him as your ex and then say that after your patch-up you’re seeing that he’s making an effort.

Anyway, whether you’re on or off at present, this guy seems rather whimsical. And yes, I think your instinct is right in that he’s at loose ends right now without a job, etc, and wants some emotional support maybe, which is why he wants to get back with you.

I’m not saying don’t give him a chance; you can, if you think he’s genuinely realised that he wants to be with you. But, yes, he should make it official.

And if I were you, I’d be sure of things before getting too involved too fast this time around.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |952 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 19, 2022

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Relationship
Ma'am, I'm in a relationship for three years now. Everything was normal in the beginning. But the past year has been extremely tumultuous for us as I've been expressing unnecessary anger towards my significant other.I never used to yell at him or push him to the point where he'd get annoyed of me and stops talking to me. While I'm the kind of person who likes to talk things out after a few hours of the argument but he's the opposite. He takes his own sweet time which is not wrong. I realise I treat him differently from my friends as I know subconsciously he won't break up with me. The last fight we had over something trivial made me feel like I pulled the last straw and I'm very guilty about it. Even I've started to realise now that somewhere along the way I took him for granted and kept hurting him as he gave me a lot of chances to improve. He is a very sweet person but I feel like I've turned him into an egoistic monster who doesn't want to see or talk to me anymore. I don't know how to save this relationship. I don't know if I should kill my hopes of continuing this relationship. We haven't spoken to each other for more than 2 weeks now and I am using this time to change myself and learn to control my anger and to speak with everyone with respect and understand them better. I want to tell him that I'm genuinely improving this time but he doesn't seem interested in listening to me as I've misused the prior chances so obviously he feels like he's being deceived this time to. So I made my mind to speak to him after a month until I feel like I've changed at least a little so I'm worthy of his love. Also I don't let my short temper and rudeness affect our relationship. But I'm afraid he might hate me even more for not trying to talk to him. I'm confused wondering if he'll move on and not realise in trying to change. What should I do?AM
Ans:

Dear AM,

Oh my dear, why are you being so unkind to yourself? It takes two to tango!

Maybe, you realize that you have been taking him for granted, but hey, there’s an expiry date to punishing yourself over it.

Once you know, it’s time to work on your relationship and that certainly doesn’t mean being harsh.

This could also lead you to feel victimised and not be a very favourable mindset. Instead, what if you get to the root of the challenge at hand?

Here’s a few reality check questions. It might give you a chance to go back to the drawing board and reevaluate your relationship with a fresh pair of eyes.

What is causing me to have that temper?

What usually triggers the arguments?

What did I see in my partner when I chose him to be my significant half?

Do I still see the same in him even now or has it changed? If yes, what has changed? Am I willing to adapt to the change?

What causes me to be afraid of him moving on? Am I in a co-dependent relationship?

What will happen to me if he moves on?

Why is important for me to put so much energy into changing myself? Is it for myself or to keep him from moving on?

You get the drift?

You can add to these questions and give your mind an alternate way of processing things into a solution space.

Having said this; it’s time to give yourself some love too, no matter what, prioritize yourself and create some mind space to reevaluate where you are to where you want to be.

Happy 2022 and best wishes!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |224 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I am a 35-year-old woman and my husband is 45. we are made for each other couple. we love each other and we do not have any compatibility issues except in romance. he is not very romantic and even throughout my younger years I was also not very romantic and immersed myself in studies and career. He is not very active in sex also. A few years back I told him that I wanted to be romantic after marriage and now we are not, so I missed my college and early office days when I was in my prime and could have been romantically involved with guys. Since I look very young even at 35, he suggested that I still can move around with guys and get romantic and I need not miss anything even now. though initially declining the offer, I moved a little freely toward men, mostly colleagues, and a few social club members. I encouraged late-night messages, coffee meets, movies, etc. I update my husband on every single event that happens. ex, if I went to a movie with a colleague, I will message my hubby " We kissed", if that happened. he encourages me so much and is happy with whatever is happening, cutting a long story short. though I didn't think it would go so far, I am now romantically very active. soft romance-like messages I do with many. Dating I don't say no to my known circle like colleagues, ex-colleagues, college mates, etc and almost 2-3 times a week I end up dating someone in a coffee shop, pub, or a long drive. A few times I initiate a date too. and I must confess that I have regular intimacy with four young men, all from the same office where I work. I have never hidden anything from my hubby and give a complete account every day. I offered to stop everything any moment he said. but he told me till age is there enjoy life!. I am emotionally connected to my husband only and I do all my responsibilities as a woman. Our relationship has grown manifold. My only question is, am I exploiting my husband's innocence or does he have a cuckold fantasy? If I continue the way I continue with no harm to anyone, can I keep doing it ( I love to). or I should stop at once?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

After reading your question I understood that your partner and you have, what we call, an open relationship. As long as both partners are okay with the dynamics of it, and no one is emotionally hurt, or resisting, it should be okay. It isn't exploitation if your husband himself encourages you. You are both consenting adults and not harming each other or anyone else. As for your question, if he has a cuckold fantasy, that is something you should discuss with your husband. An open discussion is better than speculation. Also, at any time if you suspect that your husband is growing concerned about the nature of your relationship, ask him directly. It can help avoid misunderstandings.


Best Wishes

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |224 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello sir mai 28 year ki hoo mai abhi llb kar rahi hoo mai last 7 year se relationship mai hoo vo mujse 25 year bade hai saruaat 1 to 2 year inhone muje bhot priorities di ab hum 3 to 4 month mai kabhi milte hai hum dono alag alag city mai hai unki bhot badi family hai or finincially bhi problem chal rahi hai last 3 yaer se vo.muje priority nai de rahe hum.roj bat karte hai vo mera khyal bhi rakhte hai lekin muje unse ab dur nai hona mene sadi na karne ka decisions Liya hai lekin kitni bar bhot akela feel karti hoo vo muje itna time nai dete phele jaisa nai hai aisa lagta hai.fir vo ku6 help kar de ya pyar se bat bhi kar le.to.lagta hai sab theek hai mai.bhot confused hoo mai.kya karu muje kya karna chahiye ..
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Dating someone older than you is not the problem, but the fact that you are making major life decisions based on what he wants and doesn't want is concerning. I am guessing that you decided to not get married because he doesn't want it either. Is that fair to you? You yourself mentioned that you often feel lonely. Don't you think you deserve better? Don't you deserve someone who would love you and would like to spend the rest of their life with you? Please reconsider this relationship. Speak to your partner and ask him what his plans are for the future. Does he want to settle down with you? How will you two continue this relationship in the future? There are many important questions that need answering. Sort them out and you will have the solution to your dilemma.


Best Wishes.

...Read more

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