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Anu Krishna1033 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2022

Asked on - Jun 24, 2022Hindi

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Relationship
Hi Anu ma'am,
I'm a class 12th JEE aspirant. Right now my life is actually seeming to be over. I have my board exams going on and JEE mains on head.
The exams are not a problem but those expectations of performing good are.
I've been a good student till now. Scored 96.6% in 10th and was always a sincere and obedient child.

My father is an alcoholic and mother, a typical Indian housewife who is all nice, hardworking, busy with house chores, frustrated and tired all day.
Before the pandemic life was much easier to me. I would go to school and forget all these problems with my family.
Oh I didn't mention that my father sometimes turns abusive and beats my mother. I don't know how safe it is to share here but I wish to confide in you. So this pandemic ruined it all.
I had to face the reality of my life at home. I couldn't join any coaching or tuitions as this is not that developed place.
I had to manage my studies with all this stress. I kind of ruined all my progress and image as a decent performer in school.
I would never in a million years blame my environment for this.
My parents love me and always wish the best for me. But right now I'm scoring really low in boards as well as JEE mock tests.

All this is breaking me. I always wished to study hard and explore a world outside this little, not so happy house. I don't know what I'll do if I don't get a good government school. I want to make things happy between my parents and maybe if I earn well, I can do something...I don't know what but seems like money can fix a lot of things.
I'm really so depressed...I was on anti-depression pills but felt like not to continue them as they made me overthink more...I don't know why.
Nowadays I would just go on and sit uselessly or sleep for the entire day as I just want it to get over.
Nobody sees how sad I'm.
My father is busy with his office work and mother is depressed and traumatized to some levels.
I feel like I can't burden them with all this anymore.
I talked to my father to get things healthy but he gets all angry and aggressive.... and I'm really weak to face that both mentally and physically.

I really wish that you get time to write back to me. I really need some help.
I read an article where you answered some queries and couldn't stop myself. I just want to see if it's actually over or I have anything still left in this world for me :(
Thank you

Ans:

Dear A,

Thank you for reaching out.

My response will be out here and shared online but your name does not appear, so it will be strictly confidential.

Sometimes we get into situations that we obviously don’t want to be in; like I am sure you didn’t want to be in a place filled with doubts and anxiety.

But hey, do you realise what’s nice about you?

You have a trait that doesn’t believe in blaming her parents and indulging in self-pity. And that’s wonderful and you know why?

Because when you shift focus onto yourself, you start to step up and do something more useful like value and respect your own life.

So, why don’t you start with listing down all the things that you are good at.

Next, the way you used to study earlier was effective; bring that schedule and pattern of studying back.

Write down the goal/outcome clearly and put down steps to achieving it. Exams are just one part of your life and not your entire life.

As for improving your environment, all that you can do now is, fortify yourself from the heated debates and sadness and how?

By spending time with friends who support and care for you, listening to music, indulging in things that you love doing.

And lastly, smile a lot! It will make you feel wonderful from within.

Celebrate what you have and live that moment! And most importantly, love yourself and the rest will follow…

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna1033 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2022

Asked on - Jun 24, 2022Hindi

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Anu

Anu Krishna1033 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 19, 2022

Asked on - Jan 19, 2022Hindi

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Relationship

Ma'am, I'm in a relationship for three years now.
Everything was normal in the beginning. But the past year has been extremely tumultuous for us as I've been expressing unnecessary anger towards my significant other.
I never used to yell at him or push him to the point where he'd get annoyed of me and stops talking to me.
While I'm the kind of person who likes to talk things out after a few hours of the argument but he's the opposite. He takes his own sweet time which is not wrong.

I realise I treat him differently from my friends as I know subconsciously he won't break up with me.
The last fight we had over something trivial made me feel like I pulled the last straw and I'm very guilty about it.

Even I've started to realise now that somewhere along the way I took him for granted and kept hurting him as he gave me a lot of chances to improve.
He is a very sweet person but I feel like I've turned him into an egoistic monster who doesn't want to see or talk to me anymore.
I don't know how to save this relationship. I don't know if I should kill my hopes of continuing this relationship.

We haven't spoken to each other for more than 2 weeks now and I am using this time to change myself and learn to control my anger and to speak with everyone with respect and understand them better.
I want to tell him that I'm genuinely improving this time but he doesn't seem interested in listening to me as I've misused the prior chances so obviously he feels like he's being deceived this time to.
So I made my mind to speak to him after a month until I feel like I've changed at least a little so I'm worthy of his love. Also I don't let my short temper and rudeness affect our relationship.
But I'm afraid he might hate me even more for not trying to talk to him.
I'm confused wondering if he'll move on and not realise in trying to change. What should I do?

AM

Ans:

Dear AM,

Oh my dear, why are you being so unkind to yourself? It takes two to tango!

Maybe, you realize that you have been taking him for granted, but hey, there’s an expiry date to punishing yourself over it.

Once you know, it’s time to work on your relationship and that certainly doesn’t mean being harsh.

This could also lead you to feel victimised and not be a very favourable mindset. Instead, what if you get to the root of the challenge at hand?

Here’s a few reality check questions. It might give you a chance to go back to the drawing board and reevaluate your relationship with a fresh pair of eyes.

What is causing me to have that temper?

What usually triggers the arguments?

What did I see in my partner when I chose him to be my significant half?

Do I still see the same in him even now or has it changed? If yes, what has changed? Am I willing to adapt to the change?

What causes me to be afraid of him moving on? Am I in a co-dependent relationship?

What will happen to me if he moves on?

Why is important for me to put so much energy into changing myself? Is it for myself or to keep him from moving on?

You get the drift?

You can add to these questions and give your mind an alternate way of processing things into a solution space.

Having said this; it’s time to give yourself some love too, no matter what, prioritize yourself and create some mind space to reevaluate where you are to where you want to be.

Happy 2022 and best wishes!

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