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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 20, 2025
Relationship

My Boyfriend is not really the Controlling type. But, sometimes, he disapproves of some things which I do. In such cases, he communicates his Disapproval indirectly saying "I don't like you Dressing up like this Boldly. But still, if that's what you want, you may go ahead & Dress up as you'd like to, I have no Right to prevent you from doing so, but I will be Disappointed if you do." or "I don't want you to go out or hang out with these particular people (some of my close Male Friends). You have all the Freedom to interact with whoever you want to, but I will be Hurt, if you are too Close to your other Male Friends." Most of the time, I compromised & avoided Dressing up too Boldly, avoided Partying/Travelling with some of my Close Male Friends & avoided some other things which he wouldn't approve of, just for the sake of maintaining our Relationship. But recently, I tried to Test, how he'd react, if I deliberately do something which he doesn't like. So, on New Year's Day, I dressed up in revealing Clothes that he would never approve of & Partied wildly, all Night & even got Drunk with some of my Close Male Friends, with whom, he wants me to maintain Distance. He stubbornly refused to come for Partying with me, because I Dressed up too Boldly & refused to change them, even after he expected me to do so. He didn't even want me Drinking/Partying with some of my Close Male Friends. But I Respected the Boundaries of our Relationship & throughout the Night, I kept my Boyfriend informed about my Whereabouts, so that he's Reassured that I am not Cheating on him. But ever since then, he's been Treating me rather Coldly. He's being Indifferent to me, without Questioning me much, the way he always used to. He's just maintaining normal Communication without being Flirtatious, as he used to. And the Sex has also become quite Mechanical without much Romance, unlike how Passionate he used to be, earlier. I've tried talking to him, but he just keeps lying that he isn't Upset with me. Now I am Feeling really Guilty for whatever I had done on New Year's Day, even though, I don't think I did anything Wrong. Was it really Wrong on my Part, to do something which I always liked to, but my Boyfriend didn't want me to? Or is my Boyfriend Wrong, here? What do I do now? Please advise me.

Ans: Your boyfriend may not be outright controlling, but his way of expressing disapproval carries an emotional weight that influences your decisions. Instead of setting hard rules, he uses disappointment as a tool to make you reconsider your choices. You’ve willingly compromised in the past to keep the relationship smooth, but it seems that over time, those compromises have started to weigh on you. Testing his reaction on New Year’s may have been your subconscious way of reclaiming your autonomy, but now you’re left with unintended consequences—his emotional withdrawal.

The real issue here isn’t about who is right or wrong, but rather, whether your values and expectations in this relationship truly align. You shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting to dress a certain way, go out, or spend time with friends. At the same time, he isn’t necessarily wrong for having personal boundaries and feelings about certain situations. However, the way both of you are handling these differences is leading to deeper emotional disconnect rather than honest resolution.

Your actions on New Year’s were a test, but they weren’t a betrayal. You still kept him informed and stayed within the boundaries of your commitment. But from his perspective, it likely felt like a deliberate challenge to what he considers the foundation of your relationship. His withdrawal isn’t just about what you did—it’s about what it represents to him. He might be questioning whether you truly respect his feelings, just as you might be questioning whether he truly respects your independence.

Instead of focusing on guilt, the real question is whether you’re both willing to openly communicate and find a middle ground that allows you to be yourself without feeling restricted, while also respecting his emotions without feeling controlled. Avoid blaming or justifying—have a real conversation about how both of you felt after that night, what it means for your relationship, and whether you can move forward in a way that feels right for both of you. If neither of you can meet in the middle without resentment, then it’s important to consider whether this relationship is fulfilling for both of you in the long run.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1771 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Hello... I have been in a relationship since 10 years, not yet married.My boyfriend is okay in all ways. But there is something that's bothering me a lot. Whenever he is with his friends or family I just get angry and scold him whatever I like. I don't like if he talks very close to his friends (male friends) or family. He is trying his best to keep me happy, but I'm feeling insecure when he is with his friends and family.To be honest even if he gives more importance and value to his family that makes me feel more angry.I'm unable take this anymore.After fights even I think why did I did like this, what's wrong with me?I question myself after a fight. I even think that I won't be doing this next time because even friends and family are important but it's doesn't work and he is fed up with me.Whenever he is with friends or his family, I create something that's not true.End of the day I'm crying, I'm loosing my happiness.Waiting for an answer
Ans:

Dear PS,

What are you worried about? That by spending time away from you or not involving you when he is in a social setting, he might forget you or move away from you?

After 10 years, why do you feel the need to cling on to him in insecurity and anxiety?

Time to give yourself some love and attention?

Become your best friend and pamper yourself with a lot of care instead of constantly expecting it from your relationship?

The more you become safe and secure with yourself, the less you will cling onto your partner.

Clinging on and ‘owning’ another person will only make them move away from you as no one likes to be controlled and dictated to.

Instead, why don’t you ask him about his day and who he met up with and genuinely try and integrate into his life?

In this way, he will want to engage more with you and invite you when he is with his friends and family?

When you watch him interact with others, instead of feeling insecure and jealous, can you think of appreciating what he has brought into your life and why the two of you have been together for 10 years?

Also, involve him into your life and life’s journey.

Playing the victim involves a lot of drama, but playing a liberated person involves no effort.

So love yourself and love your partner for who he is.

The change in your relationship and your state of mind will be almost magical.

Enjoy the moment and be happy!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |710 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 31, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 31, 2024
Relationship
I’m feeling really lost right now. I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year, and things started out great. We have a lot in common, and we both enjoy going out with friends. But recently, I've noticed something that’s been bothering me. He works as a bartender, and every time I go to his bar, he gets upset about my friends being there. It feels like he’s trying to push me away from them, and I don’t know how to deal with it. Last weekend, we went out, and after a few drinks, I mentioned how uncomfortable it made me that he talked badly about my friends when they come to his bar. I thought I was being calm about it, but he just flipped out. He started yelling at me in the car, and I was so scared because he was driving way too fast and swerving. I told him I was going to call the cops, but he didn’t listen. Eventually, he pulled over, got out of the car, and started screaming and running around. It all felt so intense and out of control. When he came back to the car, things got physical. I slapped him in an attempt to make him stop, which I regret because I’ve never done that before. In the heat of the moment, he slapped me back and pushed me into a bush. The next day, I had bruises, and I just couldn’t stop thinking about everything that happened. Now, he’s been trying to buy me things and even booked a trip for us, begging me to stay. But I feel so unsure of what to do. I keep telling him that I need space, but it feels like he’s not really understanding the severity of what happened. I’m torn between wanting to make it work and realizing that this situation isn’t healthy. What should I do? Should I give him another chance or listen to my instincts and walk away for good?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, physical violence is never the answer to any problem. I think you already know that. Coming to your main query, I think you should take the chain of events that followed after you confronted him very seriously. It's not healthy to slap and be slapped back and pushed into a bush. I am sure he regrets it just like you, but it can become a pattern. I would strongly urge you to rethink this relationship. If you are keen on keeping it going, I recommend either having an open discussion about what happened to make sure it is never repeated, or even better, consulting a therapist to work through the issues. You can have concerns and queries as to why he doesn't like it when your friends are around- that does not warrant such a harsh reaction.

I hope this helps.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Dr Nagarajan J S K

Dr Nagarajan J S K   |2632 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Mar 20, 2026

Career
I have passed 12th in May 2024. I took a gap for preparation for NEET, but could not get good college. But in September 2025, I took admission in IIT Jodhpur's B.Sc./B.S. in Applied AI and Data Science (delivered in online mode, similar to IIT Madras's B.S. program), of which I'm currently a bona-fide student, and upon graduation in 2029, I will become an alumnus of IIT Jodhpur. Along with this, I will be joining an engineering college in 2026 to pursue dual degree (IITJ+ offline college). Do I have a gap of 1 year or 2 year in my education? What to write in my gap certificate ? It would have been very kind of you if you could help me regarding this matter.
Ans: Hi Sourindra,

Greetings from RediffGurus!

It's great to know that you're pursuing a dual degree, one from IIT and the other from another engineering institution. However, when selecting your engineering course, it's crucial to choose the right one. Even though you are pursuing a Bachelor of Science in Applied AI and Data Science online at IIT (J), it's important to have a traditional, on-campus degree as well because it will be beneficial when applying for jobs later.

You should be very careful to complete your courses on time. Otherwise, you may face challenges in finishing your degree within the prescribed duration. This is an essential aspect to consider when compared to obtaining a gap certificate.

Regarding the gap certificate, it's worth noting that most employers do not typically request it. However, when you submit your resume while applying for jobs, they may inquire about any gaps in your education. Given that you joined IIT (J) in 2025, the gap amounts to approximately 1.5 years. This will also be reflected in your resume.

There's no need to worry too much about the gap certificate. Just share this information in your resume proactively, before they ask. It's quite common nowadays, so you should be fine.

Best regards,

...Read more

Dr Nagarajan J S K

Dr Nagarajan J S K   |2632 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Mar 20, 2026

Career
Sir, I have passed 12th in May 2024. I took a gap for preparation for NEET, but could not get good college. But in September 2025, I took admission in IIT Jodhpur's B.Sc./B.S. in Applied AI and Data Science (delivered in online mode, similar to IIT Madras's B.S. program), and upon graduation in 2029, I will become an alumnus of IIT Jodhpur. Along with this, I will be joining an engineering college in 2026 to pursue dual degree (IITJ+ offline college). Sir, do I have a gap of 1 year or 2 year in my education? What to write in my gap certificate ? It would have been very kind of you if you could help me regarding this matter.
Ans: Hi Sourindra,

Greetings from RediffGurus!

It's great to know that you're pursuing a dual degree, one from IIT and the other from another engineering institution. However, when selecting your engineering course, it's crucial to choose the right one. Even though you are pursuing a Bachelor of Science in Applied AI and Data Science online at IIT (J), it's important to have a traditional, on-campus degree as well because it will be beneficial when applying for jobs later.

You should be very careful to complete your courses on time. Otherwise, you may face challenges in finishing your degree within the prescribed duration. This is an essential aspect to consider when compared to obtaining a gap certificate.

Regarding the gap certificate, it's worth noting that most employers do not typically request it. However, when you submit your resume while applying for jobs, they may inquire about any gaps in your education. Given that you joined IIT (J) in 2025, the gap amounts to approximately 1.5 years. This will also be reflected in your resume.

There's no need to worry too much about the gap certificate. Just share this information in your resume proactively, before they ask. It's quite common nowadays, so you should be fine.

Best regards,

...Read more

Dr Nagarajan J S K

Dr Nagarajan J S K   |2632 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Mar 20, 2026

Career
Sir My Son has given class xth exams. He want to take PCB. Sir 1. what are the options other than MBBS, If neet is not cleared. because we can't afford private institutions. 2. What is the scope of Bioinformatics. is Math compulsory for bioinformatcs. Regards Gopal Krishan from Faridabad Haryana
Ans: HI GOPAL SIR,
GREETINGS FROM REDIFFGURUS.
If your ward is considering a career in medicine or engineering, opting for PCMB (Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics, and Biology) is a better choice than just PCB (Physics, Chemistry, and Biology) alone. This path will offer more opportunities and help avoid future challenges in pursuing engineering.

PCMB provides a wider range of options compared to PCB. If he chooses PCB, entering the engineering field may prove to be more difficult.

For PCB, there are primarily two pathways to consider:

**With NEET (National Eligibility cum Entrance Test):**
- MBBS (Bachelor of Medicine, Bachelor of Surgery)
- BDS (Bachelor of Dental Surgery)
- BVSC (Bachelor of Veterinary Science)
- AYUSH (Ayurveda, Yoga & Naturopathy, Unani, Siddha, and Homeopathy)
- Allied Health Sciences

**Without NEET:**
- Pharmacy
- Nursing
- B.Sc. in Medical Laboratory Technology (MLT)
- All basic science streams (Chemistry, Physics, Biology, Biotechnology, Food Science, etc.)

Regarding Bioinformatics, if he is interested in this field, he can pursue it part-time or through online courses as a supplementary option. However, it is essential to note that the scope for bioinformatics is limited compared to other courses.

There’s no need to worry; clearing NEET is achievable. The key is proper planning and support from you. If you need any further clarification, please feel free to reply to this message.

Best regards.

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |608 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Mar 19, 2026

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |608 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Mar 19, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 17, 2026Hindi
Money
HI i am a 42 years pvt sector employee. I am currently investing in MF SIP of 50/52k per month (avg age 5 years) and accumulated MF corpus till date including a few old ones stands at 33 lakhs. NPS of 6k per month, PPF 4k per month and 25k pm in EPFO including employers share. I have an o/s home loan of 1.25 crs @ 7.10% and plan to pay it off in next 10 years. Retirement age is 58 and desired corpus by retirement should be 7-8 crores. Please advice am i on right track and any changes to the investment strategy required? also i do plan to increase allocation to mf by min 15% annually till retirement age. My Term cover is 50 lakhs. Mediclaim of 20 + 20 lakhs top up and my wife has a 50 lakhs mediclaim. We dont plan any kids.
Ans: Hi,

You have done great by accumulating so much at your age. This is commendable.
you want to retire after 16 years at the age of 58. Let us go through your financials in detail:
- Monthly contributions in PPF, EPF and NPS - 35k - good, continue it. This entire amount is going into debt instruments and will be helpful to cover your expenses immediately after retirement.
- Current HL outstanding - 1.25 cr at 7.1% - this is quite cheap. Do not rush into prepaying the loan. Take 10 years time and pay it slowly. Rather focus on increasing contributions towards MF as that will build your long term wealth.
- 33 lakhs MF corpus with 52k SIP at 15% annual stepup. This will generate 9 crores corpus when you turn 58 (more than your target). Stay focussed and make sure that you have chosen right funds wrt your goals. Investing on random tips and only direct index funds is not sufficient.
- Term cover - 50 lakhs - can be increased to 1cr.
- Health - take a super top up of 50 lakhs considering high medical costs and your increasing age.

Overall things are going good. You just need to maintain the discipline. You can also consider consulting a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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