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Anu

Anu Krishna  |957 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
PS Question by PS on Jun 24, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Hello... I have been in a relationship since 10 years, not yet married.
My boyfriend is okay in all ways. But there is something that's bothering me a lot.
Whenever he is with his friends or family I just get angry and scold him whatever I like.
I don't like if he talks very close to his friends (male friends) or family.
He is trying his best to keep me happy, but I'm feeling insecure when he is with his friends and family.
To be honest even if he gives more importance and value to his family that makes me feel more angry.
I'm unable take this anymore.
After fights even I think why did I did like this, what's wrong with me?
I question myself after a fight.
I even think that I won't be doing this next time because even friends and family are important but it's doesn't work and he is fed up with me.
Whenever he is with friends or his family, I create something that's not true.
End of the day I'm crying, I'm loosing my happiness.
Waiting for an answer

Ans:

Dear PS,

What are you worried about? That by spending time away from you or not involving you when he is in a social setting, he might forget you or move away from you?

After 10 years, why do you feel the need to cling on to him in insecurity and anxiety?

Time to give yourself some love and attention?

Become your best friend and pamper yourself with a lot of care instead of constantly expecting it from your relationship?

The more you become safe and secure with yourself, the less you will cling onto your partner.

Clinging on and ‘owning’ another person will only make them move away from you as no one likes to be controlled and dictated to.

Instead, why don’t you ask him about his day and who he met up with and genuinely try and integrate into his life?

In this way, he will want to engage more with you and invite you when he is with his friends and family?

When you watch him interact with others, instead of feeling insecure and jealous, can you think of appreciating what he has brought into your life and why the two of you have been together for 10 years?

Also, involve him into your life and life’s journey.

Playing the victim involves a lot of drama, but playing a liberated person involves no effort.

So love yourself and love your partner for who he is.

The change in your relationship and your state of mind will be almost magical.

Enjoy the moment and be happy!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |957 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 06, 2022

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Relationship
Hello mam. I am in a relationship with a boy and we both love each other and also want to get married but he doesn’t trust me at all.I tell him everything, yet he thinks I am a liar and alleges that am cheating on him. He doubts me in every single thing even he don't allow me to talk to any guy or girl not even my friends and he doesn't like when I step out from my home.  He gets scared when I step out or get to my college. He keeps reminding me to not to cheat or not to talk with anybody. All these things got me into stress and frustration and I feel so bad that the person I love doesn't trust me.We had lot of fights because of this. He abuses me and makes me angry. As I am a college going student, I can't manage my studies because of fights and his bad behaviour.He always tries to prove me wrong and make me feel guilty. He thinks very bad about me and makes his own stories adding fake stories and allegations.  In the past 2 years there is not a single day when I didn't have to explain him. But he is not ready to accept. He only wants to hear what he thinks not the real truth if I say that u are misunderstanding me he says no he is 100% right and you are wrong. One of his friends put one story 2 years ago with a girl hiding her face and the top she is wearing on that picture. I have the same top and he knows it. He doubted that the girl is me. I am tired answering his doubts. I got so much anger and feel disrespectful.I love him; he is my first and one and only boyfriend.  I do everything for him. But he treats me rudely he always starts his conversation with doubt like: where are you coming from? even if I didn't go anywhere he thinks that I went somewhere to meet someone. He tortures and abuses me like this. Every time I forgive him but he kept repeating that behaviour.  I can't even live without him. I give him my love, time...my everything.  But I didn't get anything. He thinks that I always do things by planning but I don't. He thinks that I always want to ruin his life, break his heart or cheat him but that's all wrong. He is making his mind so negative he thinks so negative about me. Because of his doubts problem I don't talk to anybody -- no friends, no guys but he thinks that I am talking to any guy and I'm lying that I don't I give every possible proof but he didn't trust me at all.He thinks that I tell people about him I gossip about him but I didn't do that I didn't even talk to anybody. He doesn't even want to breakup with me. I explained him that for our peace we have to separate he didn't want that also. He put such bad allegations on me about my character, my sexual status. I am a virgin but I didn't accept that. He makes me feel so sad and helpless I don't know what to do I’m helpless I didn't even share these things with anyone. Sometimes I feel suicidal also.  He has just all control over my life my mind but also he didn't give me respect, love or value. Plzzz help me mam what should I do with his doubts and trust issue. I am so depressed, plzzzz help me out. I’m stuck in it.
Ans:

Dear BM,

Have you heard of emotional abuse? That is exactly what you have been facing.

And why are you putting up with this? Because you maybe feel a sense of validation in this relationship.

What sort of a relationship demands constant proving and to the extent of having to prove that you are a virgin.

How is it any of anyone’s business whether you are a virgin or not? This relationship is toxic and has begun to alter your personality and who you are meant to be.

Take charge and NOW. Be YOU and what you always stood up for, because all this putting up with his idiosyncrasies, is causing you pain and moreover your inner self does not want to allow it.

Yet you are stuck to it giving yourself the story that he is the only boyfriend. BREATHE, take a step back and OBSERVE.

It’s time for you to draw out a beautiful life ahead of you and colour it as brightly as you intend.

What exactly are you waiting for? More abuses, more toxicity to hit and dampen your sprightly spirit?

Get a hold of yourself dear girl, be brave and do the right thing. Help yourself…Seek close friends who will hold space for you!

You can do this. Best wishes!

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 30, 2021

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Relationship
Hi. I am in a relationship since five years. My BF was very gentle and caring initially but after his financial downfall he became cold and restless. And I had to change cities due to work. I love him and he tells me he loves me too, which I feel he does. But he is very ambitious and struggling in his life and is busy planning most days. Which I understand, but it irritates me that we have zero conversations that he starts or takes interest in. We do discuss decisions and official things a lot, but I am talking about meaningful conversations and couple time. It’s been several years now and I have to wait for ages to discuss any simple, emotional thing with him. He is constantly on an unending chase. He lives in another city. I understand and wanna support him but it upsets me anyway because it’s been such long time of chasing simple conversations. I feel like I can’t hold on to the relation anymore because I tried to discuss this hundreds of time with him but he could never make time to even let me complete. In fact, he promises me time and conveniently forgets while I wait eagerly. He is always sleepy or tired by the time I begin anything and then it’s impossible for me to begin, which I feel is disgusting. We have started having ugly fights and I can’t resist being angry at things now. Now he has started acting rude and inconsiderate towards me. Though he is not mean to me, he always calls me impatient and kiddish to not understand his situation. He often tells me that he is not spending his time partying. He is making plans for both of us. He just has one answer that I should trust him and give him some time he will set everything. But I feel overly sensitive and depressed and in continuous chase which is very derogatory and bothers my self-worth. I always am ready for him in every way but here I am feeling choked and he is just not getting it. What should I do? How do I tell him that it is high time? Or am I overreacting? Please help. A person in need
Ans:

The problem you’re facing is very common in long-distance relationships.

You have a need for attention that you’re not getting from him and he’s so busy planning a future that he’s forgotten how to take care of the present.

I can tell you that until he is secure in a job and has stabilised his situation, his behaviour is not going to change significantly. And maybe not after either...Maybe this is who he is, and after the initial spark wore off, this is him.

That said, the distance is definitely playing a role in fuelling tensions between the two of you.

Explain to him that you need some quality time with him and that couples who live apart do set aside a little time for each other despite all the pressures of everyday life.

It’s not childish to expect attention and love from your partner, even from a thousand miles away.

At your end, you can try to be less demanding.

Maybe he isn’t at liberty to chitchat every single day or every couple of days also.

As long as you get what you want out of even a weekly or twice-weekly conversation with him, cut him a little slack. That is, provided this guy means enough to you.

If he doesn’t and you’re second-guessing the relationship, the person he is and your love for him, maybe the headache just isn’t worth it.

You’ve already invested five years, and if it’s not looking bright, you should cut your losses and move on.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |957 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2022

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Relationship
Dear Anu, I'm studying BTech final year. My love and I were in a relationship since 5 years. Things were fine till our diploma. I got a seat in another college which was far from our place. At the same time, he moved to his hometown for house construction. There he met a girl. She is 34. He used to talk a lot to her and got attached to her. He tells everything to me. He even said that people were spreading wrong rumours about them. I told him to stay away till things got better. Since then he has stopped telling me much. There was a recent fight in his hometown relating to both of them which annoyed him. He continues to say there is nothing wrong between both of us. He used to love me a lot. Whenever I felt insecure or if there was any mood swings he used to make me calm and relaxed. Now-a-days he always tells me ‘Wait. Don't call me.’ If I call him more, he just scolds me. There are no sweet talks or setting time aside for a call, and all. He even says ‘I promised that I'll be with her at any time in any problem and now because everyone is spreading rumours I can't break my promise to her.’ What about me? Didn't you promise to make me happy? I feel betrayed.I got angry and told him that my parents are seeing matches for me. His reply shook me. He said: 'Go, get married.’ I was like ‘you aren't the same.’ I don't understand what to do or how to set things right.My mental health is getting worse.
Ans:

Dear S,

Your letter is very confusing to me.

I hope your post is genuine and not just to have fun…despite that I will consider it real and try to suggest what I can though I find your facts very contradictory.

Keeping the age factor aside, what I can say is: if someone does not treat you well, what’s the point waiting for that person?

If he isn’t interested in you, why are you chasing him?

Please make your world better by being around people who respect and value you and watch how beautiful it all becomes rather than searching and begging for love. He clearly isn’t into you anymore. So, move on…

All the best!

..Read more

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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2024Hindi
Money
I want to invest in 10 L lumpsum for 3-5 years. What is the best strategy for getting good returns (at least 12-15 %)? I want to use this money further for my own business.
Ans: Understanding the Investment Landscape
Investing a lump sum of Rs 10 lakh with the goal of achieving good returns requires a thorough understanding of the investment landscape. Given your objective to use this money for your own business in 3-5 years, it's important to choose a strategy that balances potential returns with acceptable levels of risk.

The Importance of Time Horizon
Your investment time horizon significantly impacts the type of investment strategy you should adopt. While you are considering a 3-5 year period, achieving a 12-15% return may require a slightly longer horizon.

Investing for at least 7 years could better align with your return expectations and allow your investment to ride out market volatility.

Embracing Market Volatility
Investing in the market inherently involves dealing with volatility. Market fluctuations are natural and can impact short-term investment performance.

However, historically, equity markets have shown growth over longer periods, offering potential for substantial returns. Embracing this volatility is crucial to achieving your financial goals.

Benefits of Mutual Funds
Mutual funds offer a diversified investment option that can help mitigate risks while providing exposure to growth opportunities. Actively managed funds, in particular, are managed by professional fund managers who aim to outperform the market by making strategic investment decisions.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Professional Management: Skilled fund managers actively monitor and adjust the portfolio, aiming for higher returns.

Diversification: Mutual funds invest in a variety of assets, reducing the risk associated with individual investments.

Liquidity: Mutual funds offer liquidity, allowing you to redeem your investment when needed.

Transparency: Regular updates and reports keep investors informed about their investments.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Market Mimicry: Index funds aim to replicate the performance of a specific index, limiting their potential to outperform.

No Active Management: Lack of professional management can lead to missed opportunities in dynamic market conditions.

Limited Flexibility: Index funds follow a predetermined strategy, offering little flexibility in response to market changes.

Benefits of Investing Through Certified Financial Planners
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures that your investments are aligned with your financial goals.

CFPs offer personalised advice and can help navigate the complexities of the financial markets.

Advantages of Regular Funds
Expert Guidance: MFDs with CFP credentials provide valuable insights and strategic advice.

Tailored Solutions: Regular funds offer customised investment strategies based on individual goals and risk tolerance.

Support and Service: Professional support for investment decisions and portfolio management.

Holistic Planning: CFPs consider your overall financial situation, ensuring comprehensive financial planning.

Understanding Investment Risks
Every investment carries a certain level of risk. It's crucial to understand and accept these risks when aiming for higher returns.

Types of Risks
Market Risk: The risk of investments declining due to market fluctuations.

Interest Rate Risk: The risk of interest rate changes affecting investment values.

Inflation Risk: The risk of inflation eroding purchasing power over time.

Importance of Staying the Course
Investing with a long-term perspective requires patience and discipline. Market volatility can be unsettling, but staying the course is essential for achieving your investment goals.

Strategies for Staying the Course
Avoid Emotional Decisions: Base your investment decisions on facts and long-term goals, not short-term market movements.

Regular Reviews: Periodically review your investment portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals and risk tolerance.

Rebalancing: Adjust your portfolio to maintain your desired asset allocation.

Reinvestment Strategies
If you hold LIC, ULIP, or investment-cum-insurance policies, consider evaluating their performance.

Surrendering underperforming policies and reinvesting in mutual funds can potentially yield better returns.

Benefits of Reinvestment
Higher Returns: Mutual funds typically offer higher returns compared to traditional insurance policies.

Flexibility: Reinvestment in mutual funds provides more flexibility and control over your investments.

Cost Efficiency: Mutual funds often have lower costs and fees compared to insurance policies.

Strategic Asset Allocation
Asset allocation is crucial for managing risk and achieving your desired returns. A well-balanced portfolio should include a mix of equity, debt, and other instruments.

Suggested Allocation
Equity Funds: Allocate a significant portion to equity funds for growth potential.

Debt Funds: Include debt funds for stability and regular income.

Hybrid Funds: Consider hybrid funds for a balanced approach to risk and return.

Regular Monitoring and Adjustments
Continuous monitoring and adjustments to your portfolio are necessary to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals.

Benefits of Regular Monitoring
Performance Tracking: Monitor the performance of your investments regularly.

Timely Adjustments: Make necessary adjustments to optimise returns and manage risks.

Goal Alignment: Ensure your investments remain aligned with your evolving financial goals.

Final Insights
Investing a lump sum of Rs 10 lakh requires careful planning and a strategic approach.

Understanding the investment landscape, embracing market volatility, and opting for actively managed mutual funds are key steps towards achieving your financial goals.

Staying the course, regularly reviewing your portfolio, and seeking professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner can enhance your investment experience and outcomes. By focusing on a balanced and diversified investment strategy, you can work towards achieving your desired returns while preparing for your business ventures.

Invest wisely, stay informed, and be patient to see your investments grow.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |390 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2024Hindi
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Career
Please include one more choice in the selection criteria 1. Vit Vellore CSE in 4th category 2. Pes ec campus CS 3. MIT BANGALORE CSE We are staying in Bangalore, which choice is better and please help with reasoning?
Ans: You have not mentioned in which-all Entrance Exams you appeared (COMEDK \ KCET etc.)? However, order of Preference (1) PES (Electronic City) (2) MIT-Bengaluru (here, however, please note, for some students this is not suitable due to its culture (non-academic / psychological factors). (3) VIT-Vellore (check the fee structure of all 4-years for affordability). If you have appeared in COMEDK & KCET also, find out 1-2 options even the colleges belong to Tier 2 category. Whatever Institute / University / Branch / Domain you choose, keep upgrading your skills from 1st year itself till your Campus Placement during your last year, from LinkedIn, NPTEL, Coursera, Internshala etc. and / or any other online platforms, recommended by your College Faculties, to be COMPETENT among other Students, for jobs.

All The BEST for your Bright Future.
To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs | Resume Writing | Profile Building | Salary Negotiation Skills | Building Professional LinkedIn Profile | Choosing Right School Board (State | Matriculation | CBSE | ICSE |International Board) | Student Psychological Counselling | Exam Preparation Techniques (Board | Entrance & Competitive)| Strategies to Attempt Exams | Job Interview Skills | Skill Upgrading | Parenting & Child Upbringing Skills | Career Transition | Abroad Education | Education Loan (India | Abroad) | Scholarship (India | Abroad) | SOP Writing Tips’, please FOLLOW me in RediffGURU here.

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